Modern Dating Dynamics

[bazera]

4 hours ago, BlessedLion said:

Good question, I've have been considering this for a while, and i think becoming a father is a beautiful part of life for many. But i also have to be honest with myself and my personality type. I thrive in solitude, i love peaceful, predictable days where i can read, meditate, write, relax, nap, have sex or spontaneously travel. I don't want to introduce unnecesary stress and potential hardship into my life, I live completely on my terms and am free financially. 

 

If i had kids all that would likely go away. Money would become a source of stress and i would have to get some lame job probably, sex would go down with a wife and kids, i wouldn't have time to read and rest or contemplate. I see myself as a bit of a Tantric Yogi who will be a master one day like a Ralston or Wilber (hopefully), so i see myself taking on the archtype of wise sage, I also want to take my time with what interests me in life which is consciousness, discipline and habits, understanding of many aspects of reality, sexuality and dating dynamics, and kids don't really fit there. I just don't find it very profound and the day to day grind of it seems like hell for someone like me. 

 

Luckily my brothers will have kids so i can be cool crazy uncle who lives in Bali and Mexico hahah.

 

You? 

Exactly the same for me man, having family and kids will be such a survival pressure for me that I know I won't be able to do all the stuff you mentioned which I'm also passionate about. Maybe some people can, or even don't care about those things but I do to the point that I will be very miserable if I didn't have alone-time for extended periods of time. 

The best thing I did for myself is I started living alone at 22 and I wouldn't trade that for anything. I don't think that's because of some insecurity or that it's some coping mechanism or avoidance, I think it's just my personality, I've always been this way since childhood. So yeah, having family and kids would disrupt that.

I have friends that can't stomach being in solitude. I have a friend who I was talking to about the lifestyle in general the other day and he told me that he isn't alone 98% of the times, either his wife is with him, his coworkers, etc. And he is happy about it. For me personally, that would be like hell, thinking about that gives me the same feeling I get when I look at videos of cave explorers stuck in super tight caves  suffocating.

So yeah, maybe family and kids it's not for some of us. I already have a nephew so I'm also on the path of becoming a cool uncle, lol.

Edited 23 hours ago by bazera

[BlessedLion]

20 hours ago, bazera said:

Maybe some people can, or even don't care about those things but I do to the point that I will be very miserable if I didn't have alone-time for extended periods of time. 

Exactly, and i think that's the key difference. I think for most people, honestly, reading meditating contemplating etc sounds like a sort of hell and is extremely boring for them. It just doesn't fit, which is totally fine. But I do believe that some people are just born with a more "mystic/wisdom" archetype and that when those people don't honor that, they are miserable. 

20 hours ago, bazera said:

The best thing I did for myself is I started living alone at 22 and I wouldn't trade that for anything. I don't think that's because of some insecurity or that it's some coping mechanism or avoidance, I think it's just my personality, I've always been this way since childhood. So yeah, having family and kids would disrupt that.

How freeing is it to just own who you are without gaslighting yourself because it doesn't fit societies mold of "normal". I'm the same way, i fucking love living alone, only like 3-5% of my day is social. 

 

20 hours ago, bazera said:

I have friends that can't stomach being in solitude. I have a friend who I was talking to about the lifestyle in general the other day and he told me that he isn't alone 98% of the times, either his wife is with him, his coworkers, etc. And he is happy about it. For me personally, that would be like hell, thinking about that gives me the same feeling I get when I look at videos of cave explorers stuck in super tight caves  suffocating.

 

Great analogy. And i think the beauty here is that we can still love and celebrate the people in our lives who aren't like that. I love the shit out of my brothers but i don't want their lifestyle and they likely don't want mine. It's not a better than/ worse than thing. But i must admit, i really fucking love being a mystic and pursuing wisdom without being tied down. Even romantic relationships or mariage, i question if that will happen for me

[bazera]

53 minutes ago, BlessedLion said:

Great analogy. And i think the beauty here is that we can still love and celebrate the people in our lives who aren't like that. I love the shit out of my brothers but i don't want their lifestyle and they likely don't want mine. It's not a better than/ worse than thing.

Yes it's a matter of preference for the lifestyle. Figuring out what kind of lifestyle you want and then working your ass towards having it is one of the best things one can do him/herself. And there are things that radically alter that lifestyle that needs a very careful consideration, like having kids for example. 

53 minutes ago, BlessedLion said:

But i must admit, i really fucking love being a mystic and pursuing wisdom without being tied down. Even romantic relationships or mariage, i question if that will happen for me

That's awesome, you seem to be in a perfect position, and the core pillar (other than your innate interests and leaning towards developing wisdom) for that is financial independence that you mentioned you have. I have a full time job which pays good and isn't that exhausting but still, it robs me of many hours and physical energy daily that I would gladly devote to some other things. 

Also in regards to relationships, I sometimes crave it, but since I don't see a lot of value in being a social person, the cost of entering into the intimate relationship is too much. I would have to do a lot of things that I don't care about, but at the same time there are things I care about in a romantic relationship (based on the last long term relationship experience) like more development posibility, more opportunities to observe ego games and personal triggers, sex and physical intimacy, etc that I'd like to have but all that comes with drama, more social life, more social obligations, and in most cases expectation of marriage or children which I'm not interested in. 

 

Edited 3 hours ago by bazera