intention or approach anxiety

[Olaf]

I am thinking about whether I have approach anxiety or if I have the wrong or too strong of an intention. For example, as a warm-up, I talk to some guys and don't really have approach anxiety. Then I am tricking my brain by approaching a woman in between what are supposed to be my warm-up sets. When I do that, I am more logical and come off as a bit more asexual, lol, but I am also not having almost any approach anxiety when doing it that way.

That's compared to having this idea that I'm going to approach her and it's going to lead to something more, yada yada. I am putting it on a pedestal, like something must come out of it. Being outcome-focused is one thing, but it's more about intention. The intention is to have a longer conversation leading to something potentially more. Like, imagine opening someone with the intention of them becoming your next partner. That is kind of fucked up. It's probably coming off way too strong. So I'm thinking that maybe it's my intention more so than the approach anxiety. Meaning that my intention creates this pedestalisation, which leads to being nervous.

Edited 21 hours ago by Olaf

[Joseph Maynor]

One tip for dating I want to share is it functions like the opposite of pick up artistry.  Women approach you and you decline.

[Olaf]

@Joseph Maynor I have been approached by woman a few times and none of them were attractive to me.

[LordFall]

How good do you feel about yourself /10? I've found that the better I feel the less approach anxiety I have. If I feel bummed out that week then it becomes much harder to socialize as I feel more in my head. If I've had a good week then it's much easier to be charismatic and keep my energy going for hours when out.

Ideally one should be able to regulate their mood most the time and use discipline over motivation as well but easier said then done. 

[Olaf]

@LordFall yeah energy matters allot, when you feel out of flow state it kinda sucks. I think the intention should just be to chat and to get into flow state rather than to get a girlfriend. Like if you chat to get into flow state, you are gonna have fun and anyways if it then works out or not feels of little importance. Too much pressure on getting a number or getting a relationship or getting laid or whatever isn´t healthy. I think today I realised that when I was out approaching that I am literally like `oh cute girl, okay go` and then just directly approaching to get into state and 10 mins in the conversation you can be reminding yourself of like, oh yeah I could ask for a number of course. The less of a big deal it is, the better I think. If it is really a big deal, then it doesn´t work well. Even to chat should probably be not a big deal, like okay, girl, I want to talk to girl, go. I don´t think more should be going on in your head.