Interesting Ego-Dissolving Behaviours Observed on Psychedelics

[Tristan12]

To preface this, for over a year now I have being going through a process led by divine intelligence leading towards permanent ego annihilation and unity with God. You can check out my past threads if you want to know more about it, but throughout this process, psychedelics have affected me much differently than they normally would, and all trips are completely led and controlled by divine intelligence to progress me closer to reaching unity with God. 

There are a huge variety of different things I have been put through by divine intelligence to dissolve the ego and bring me closer to annihilation in God, but there is one particular assortment of behaviours and patterns that I have noticed occurring on psychedelics that I wanted to point out and document here, because it's interesting, and it's probably a pretty rare thing to document.

Lots of different things happen on my trips besides just this, but this particular pattern of behaviours has come up quite often over the past few months. What stands out to me about it is how strange and unusual it is. The other things I've gone through throughout this process (things like deep body aches, varieties of emotional pain, physical pain, deep boredom, etc), there's nothing special about those things. But this particular behaviour is just so strange and unusual, and it's interesting that it is used as a method of dissolving the ego. 

 

Ego dissolving behaviour

So what starts to happen on psychedelics is a specific assortment of sounds, words, and mental imagery will come up. Very strange and unusual things. Words and phrases will start coming to mind or playing in my head, such as "hmm.... very peculiar.... a very interesting analysis of data... quite an unusual function....". Those words aren't being said at anything, they are just being said on their own. "Quite exquisite indeed... how juicy and plump... how voluptuous... very much indeed...". Along with this, various sounds will play (very faintly), like sounds of cartoonish bouncing, or deep thuds, and other things. Also various mental imagery, such as images of cartoonish Spongebob boots, cartoonish kissy faces, peaches, envelopes, other random and weird things. The sounds and mental imagery are more subtle and in the background, the words that play in my head are really the main focus.

The entire experience of it just feels very strange and kind of disturbing. The way it feels is that it's like the intelligence of the psychedelic (and God/divine intelligence) is pushing around my ego and having its way with the ego, through this assortment of psychedelic patterns and behaviours. The weirdness of it seems to push around, weaken and dominate my ego. It's like my ego is getting sucked into a blender, not in a painful way, but because the weirdness of it is weakening me, unravelling me, pulling me apart.

It has come up quite a lot. Mostly on mescaline, mushrooms, very much so on 2C-B, and mildly on 5-MeO-MALT.

What's interesting about it is that even though it doesn't feel overly deep or significant when I'm experiencing it, when I come out of the trip and then think about it, something about it feels very deep and profound. I can feel just in the energy of it that some kind of really deep and significant ego-dissolving work is being done here.

 

[Tristan12]

2C-B Trips

 At the start of July 2026, I did a bunch of 2C-B trips. The first day I plugged 8mg in the morning, then at night I plugged 30mg. The next night I plugged 60mg, the night after that I plugged 120mg. Here is a brief trip report of the final 120mg trip.

The 30mg I took spread out over 2 or 3 doses within an hour, but the 60mg and 120mg trips I took in single doses, and they came on very strong. The first hour of both trips were very intense. Within 5 minutes I had to lay down, I had intense visuals and body sensations. It's amazing how high doses of 2C-B can feel a lot like DMT.

On the 120mg dose, I had auditory hallucinations that I'd never experienced before. I heard a voice loud and clear that sounded almost identical to the voice in this video at 2:40.

It said "astra la linaaaa" and as it said that, I had visuals of a line of light coiling into a spiral, it would move faster and faster and my body would shake as it did that. I was absolutely amazed by all of this, I thought it was so cool and I became infatuated with the alien voice and wish it stuck around longer. The visuals stayed intense for a while, like a DMT trip.

By around 30-60 minutes in, the thing I described earlier started happening, the weird psychedelic sounds, words and mental imagery. After that went on for a while, I noticed that my perception of reality started to blur. I couldn't tell whether I was comfortable or not, I couldn't tell if I was hot or cold, I couldn't tell if I was enjoying the trip or not. My thought patterns became confusing and unclear. I couldn't locate myself, I couldn't distinguish what 'I' was or where I was. It was like my whole identity was getting dispersed and lost within the contents of the trip. This went on for a while, around 2-3 hours.

As I started to come down from the trip, around 4 hours in, my consciousness started to skyrocket. All the sudden reality became super clear, I felt hyper-lucid, hyper-awake, and like my entire lived experience before then had been a thick, hazy dream, and existence now felt more real than ever. My consciousness felt very in touch with divinity. It felt incredibly clean and pure, to the point of feeling almost royal and pristine. It was like I was touching pure divinity, really getting close to God consciousness.

 

5-MeO-MALT Trips

About 2 weeks ago I had the intuition to use 5-MeO-MALT. This was the first time that I'd used it since the start of 2025, as both 5-MeO-DMT and 5-MeO-MALT had no effect on me after this process towards annihilation in God began. I tried them a few times here and there, but they never did anything, so I just stayed away from them. It was only DMT that I used quite regularly. But I suddenly got the intuition to use 5-MeO-MALT, and this time it worked.

It didn't feel anything like a regular 5-MeO-MALT trip though (even though I've only done it 2-3 times at low doses). In the trip, my consciousness would raise, I would get quite strong ego dissolution, and then I would get very nauseous and start vomiting. I've dealt with intense nausea over the past few months on mescaline and mushrooms - a lot of fear is stored in the stomach so I've had a lot of experiences of nausea and vomiting that seem to release fear and dissolve the ego further, so I'm sure that's what's happening here on 5-MeO-MALT. But this time, what made it different from mescaline and mushrooms, is my consciousness would raise a lot more, and then the nausea combined with physical exhaustion and heaviness would weaken me and start to make me surrender more into the deeper state of consciousness.

Over the past week I've been going back and forth between DMT and 5-MeO-MALT trips each day (because my intuition tells me to). Every 5-MeO-MALT trip is pretty much the same. I plug 15-20mg, and within 5 minutes the nausea starts. It gets pretty strong and uncomfortable, I usually end up vomiting, and then by 20-25 minutes in its pretty much gone. My consciousness stays deep for 10-20 minutes after that, and then the trip is pretty much over.

[Hojo]

The same cartoon thing happen to me when I was on it. It was like an insane amount of cartoon shit was happening at the same time in my imagination and it took over my entire visual field and came out in front of me. Like ren and stimpy of stuff cartoons hitting eachother in the head with batons and stuff like that. Then the cartoons completely solidified into one field and crystalized into a golden square.

Like I was looking in the mirror and I couldn't see the mirror or myself or the room it was just infinity of cartoons going on.

Edited August 3 by Hojo

[Tristan12]

@Hojo what substance? 2C-B?

[Tristan12]

I did another 2C-B trip last night, a huge dose. More interesting forms of ego dissolving happened and it was a pretty good trip overall. There is one thing I wanted to write out and take note of though.

I started thinking about how I've written so much about my path and everything that's happening with me heading towards unity with God on this forum, and despite how rare, incredible and special it all is, out of everything I've written in all my threads, I've received very little responses or acknowledgement about everything that's going on. For the most part it seems that people don't care that much and I'm pretty much just as alone in all of this as I was before.

I realized that this unity and ego annihilation is going to happen without me ever experiencing any significant recognition or praise for it while I am alive as a human self. Despite how incredible and rare it is, people don't care that much, and I am just as much of a lonely nobody as I was before. I'm not saying this to demean myself or make myself feel bad - my point is that I started thinking about all of this when I was tripping and I realized how absolutely delicious and perfect it all is. How unbelievably satisfying it is.

When I see myself talking about being an emissary soul and all of this stuff about me reaching unity with the divine, and nobody really says anything or seems to care, and I’m just left alone by myself until I eventually die to Truth (the ego annihilation and unification with God happens) and my life ends with me never having experienced any kind of significant recognition or praise for all of this while I was alive as a human with an ego, there is something so absolutely delicious and orgasmic about that. Something so incredibly good and satisfying, it makes me want to just sink my teeth into it, suck the juices out of it, have it all dripping down my face as I sit there obediently at the foot of God. It’s like watching myself be ignored and get no recognition or praise as a human, until I die to Truth, that just feeds my own orgasm. How delicious and orgasmic it is for the ego to be made to surrender to Truth like that. To die to Truth without ever being allowed to use it to get its egoic needs satisfied . For Truth, Love, God to so elegantly and rightfully prevail. That is the fucking orgasm.

Along with this, looking at my life as a whole has the same effect. Looking at how I was born into this world and my life immediately went straight towards kicking the absolute shit out of me, until I die and reach unity with God at 25 years old. How deeply, intensely and quickly God came through me, how no time was wasted on anything else. No post-secondary school, no career, no relationships, just straight to this - the only thing that really matters - before anything else. It's like my entire 25 year life was a process of being born and then immediately submitting to God, without even a minute spent doing anything else. Again, how absolutely delicious, beautiful and satisfying that is.

It became so unbelievably satisfying to think about all of this while I was on that trip. To immerse myself in Truth, Love, God, righteousness, justice, fairness, wisdom, understanding, beauty, and for my ego to be forced to submit and surrender to these things. It was absolutely incredible. It was like the more I felt into these things and rejoiced in them, the more my sense of self would dissolve, and the closer I would get to the orgasm of my own death and unity with God.

I realize it kind of defeats the purpose for me to announce all of this on this forum, but I feel like this is more of a message to myself, and it feels fitting to place this message here alongside everything everything else I've said in my other threads in the past. It feels like a sort of completion and acknowledgement that things happened exactly the way they should have with nobody really giving a shit.

[Human Mint]

This is a cool report. I resonate with it. Ego death is like mental surgery without anesthesia.

I did not understand much your "fana al fana" thing back then.

[Tristan12]

@Human Mint Thank you 

[Tristan12]

Here are some more trip reports. So I did a bunch of 2C-B trips at the start of July as I described above. A couple weeks later (July 16) I did MDMA, and at the end of that trip I did DMT and then 5-MeO-MALT. I use DMT regularly but that was my first time doing malt in over a year (at least with it working and giving me a trip). 

Starting about July 26 I alternated between doing DMT and 5-MeO-MALT each day for about 10 days. The DMT trips were good but nothing special, just usual stuff, 5-MeO-MALT trips were all heavy nausea and vomiting, heavy exhaustion, followed by intense ego dissolution. They were all challenging but they felt effective and productive.

2C-B August 5th

The day after my last 5-MeO-MALT trip (August 5) I got more 2C-B. 300mg. I started with 10mg, then another 15, 25, 50 until I hit 100mg. Even though I had no tolerance, sometimes psychedelics will be like this for me where they have little effect until I ramp up the dose. I just follow my intuition and it tells me if it's a good idea to take more. It ended up being about the same intensity as my previous 2C-B trips.

In my 120mg trip at the start of July, as I described earlier, there was this pattern where for a couple hours it felt like I couldn't figure out how I felt. Whether I was hot or cold, comfortable or not, if I wanted to eat something, it was like I could locate or understand myself and I was getting dispersed throughout the contents of the trip.

In this 2C-B trip here, there was a different but similar pattern. I can't remember that well exactly what it was, but it was something along the lines of space being created between me and everything. Like my thoughts, and whatever else, it felt like distance was getting created and everything was getting spread out. It felt like another form of dissolving the ego but in a different way.

This was also the trip where I started thinking about the message I wrote above about the upside to my ego not receiving any recognition or acknowledgement for what I'm going through.

2C-B August 6th

The next day I plugged 200mg of 2C-B. It started differently than my other 2C-B trips. Not as intense as you'd expect, more smooth and calm but still strong enough. About an hour into the trip, it started getting very mental. I was laying in bed listening to music and just thinking a lot. I started to get in my own way and kind of hurt and annoy myself by the way I was thinking. I kept becoming aware of how the trip was guiding me to think in certain ways, to have certain insights and feel certain things, and I kept nit picking it and being like "oh I can tell this is happening for a reason and this is leading me to something" and I was trying to get myself to stop picking at that and pointing it out, because it's annoying and I should just let it flow naturally.

I also seemed to forget I was even tripping. I think it was partly because I trip so often that I don't really think about it, but also the trip seemed to be purposely creating that effect. I would start to think about negative things or do certain things mentally that I know I shouldn't do when tripping. I had to keep reminding myself to remember that I am tripping and to not just let myself go and do whatever I want. It didn't turn into anything that bad, it was just kind of annoying to deal with.

There was also this effect happening where I was contemplating things and having insights, but I noticed that my thinking was very one-dimensional. I was only thinking about my perspective, my worldview, and I would start to notice that there is so much complexity and nuance to reality that I'm not thinking about, but as I started to think about it, it would become so exhausting and overwhelming that I had to just drop it. It was like trying to step outside of my perspective and notice the complexity of the universe would exhaust me so deeply that i would fall back into my own simple, one-dimensional ways of thinking, and yet i would keep noticing that there is SO much more complexity and so much more to think about, but I just couldn't go there. It was like because I was too exhausted to step outside of my own perspectives as I kept noticing that there was so much more complexity in the universe, it was like my my perspectives, beliefs, worldviews and all of that kept shrinking and becoming smaller, and that was creating a sort of ego dissolution. It's interesting because that's the third theme or method of ego dissolution that I've experienced on these 2C-B trips now.

Another really cool thing that would happen is intense auditory hallucinations. There would be moments where all the sudden I'd hear a really loud alien or robotic type of voice, but only for a split second. Sometimes it was so loud that it was like a yell, and it was much louder than the music I was playing in my headphones at full volume. At the same time that these auditory hallucinations would happen, I would experience very deep and intense ego dissolution for that split second. It was like that quick loud robotic/alien yell was like a smack or a yank that would pull something out of me and knock my ego.

In this trip and the two 2C-B trips before this (the 100mg and 120mg one), As I'd start to come down, about 4 hours in, my consciousness would raise a lot. I would feel hyper lucid, reality felt very clean, clear and pure. That was always accompanied by the same visuals. I do these trips in the middle of the night in my pitch black bedroom. So I could faintly see my surroundings, and everything would take on a dark purple glow. On top of that there would be tons of letters and numbers, in the wikipedia font. It felt very clean, pure and intelligent. Like some kind of high-quality university textbook. these letters were all outlined with an iridescent glow/shine. It was really beautiful on top of the purple background (pictures below of a similar purple glow, the font and iridescent glow). These same visuals have come up at the end of each of my last three 2C-B trips.

I have really really started to love purple, magenta and those kinds of colors over the past couple years, and I seem to like them more and more as I progress spiritually. A few months ago I was tripping on mushrooms, and I was thinking about why I love those colors so much, and I was told that it's because these colors are associated with the feminine face of God, with my soul's essence. I have this tiger tapestry in my room I got a couple years ago that has pretty much every color associated with my essence: blue, purple, magenta, pink, especially with a dark background. I think it is so beautiful (the palm tree picture is another one I like a lot with the same colors). My trips are just filled with these colors. So many of the visuals involve them.

Smoking DMT on 2C-B

About 4.5 hours into the trip, I was coming down and I decided to smoke DMT. I've smoked it on MDMA a couple times, but never on a pure psychedelic like 2C-B, so I was excited to try it. At that point it was almost 7am so there was a bit of light in my room, and I was sat up on my bed inhaling the vape. In front of me are mirrored closet doors, so I could see myself and the room around me. 

When I took the first full hit, I had my eyes open, and the visuals around the room started to go crazy. I was staring at myself in the mirror, watching the visuals shift and become more clear as the the DMT took effect, and then all the sudden, myself and all my surroundings became completely cartoon-like. Not some mild, hazy overlay where it looks cartoon but you can still see how everything really looks underneath, but COMPLETELY cartoon like, like indistinguishable from a cartoon tv show. It fucking blew me away, I was like how the fuck is that possible?

I was listening to this song throughout this, and it became ingrained in the trip so that whenever there would be a heavy base drop or shift in the music, the visuals would shift in that same split second, into different colors, different types of cartoon designs. It was incredible. I just can't believe that DMT can produce open-eye visuals THAT clearly

A bit later I took another dose of DMT. This time I listened to this song, something a bit more soft and emotional.

I sat up in my bed staring at myself in the mirror again, and similar cartoon visuals came up. They weren't as rich or clear as last time, but still beautiful. This time I moved my head and looked around the room more, and as I did that, the visuals would shift and almost dance with the music. I remember I was looking at my hand holding the DMT pen, and my hand looked like it was made of shiny plastic. All the visuals combined with the music were so beautiful.

The trip started becoming more heartfelt and emotional, maybe because of the feel of the song. There was a point very God very clearly and directly communicated to me: "Thank you. Thank you for going through everything you have". I could feel in its energy that it knew how much I fucking hate being alive, how excruciating and tortuous this spiritual path has been, how little tolerance for pain I have, how all I want is to die, yet there is nothing I can do and I still keep getting dragged through this spiritual path. In God's energy I felt a deep understanding and recognition of all of that pain, and a deep and sincere "thank you" for going through everything I have. It really meant a lot to me. It also really makes me feel like things are coming to an end and it's all about to be over.

The Feminine Face of God

Throughout this 2C-B trip and my trip the day before, there were times where I was thinking a lot about Her, so I'm just going to combine everything I remember into one section.

It kind of went along with what I was saying in my other message above about how satisfying and beautiful it is for God and Truth to prevail, for the ego to not be fed, and to feel Truth and Divinity permeating my being, taking me in and dissolving me.

I started thinking about God, Truth, Love, Divinity, all these things and how amazing it is that there is a feminine essence to divinity. Like a soft, gentle, motherly love that comes from the Divine - God behaving and acting in gentle, motherly ways. I love divinity and spirituality so much, I love feminine softness and beauty so much, but to have that come from an aspect of God, rather than from a human, so that it becomes something so pure, clean, intelligent, moral, along with being so incredibly gentle and nurturing... it's just the most perfect thing I could ever imagine. It just satisfies me and completes me in ways I can't describe. And I know that it's because that's where my soul comes from.

In my trips I would just feel into her essence and bask in it. Her softness and gentleness are what I've needed more than anything my entire life. She very much holds this energy of "I thought reality was nothing but an endless hell that I'd never get out of, but now all the sudden I'm in this bubble where I feel totally loved and cared for, and not a single problem exists". That is what She is.

I also really enjoy feeling my masculine presence in front of Her. I love feeling her feminine love towards me, but not in some shallow human way of "it makes me feel good that this girl likes me", but in a way where it is like God and Divinity is loving me and desiring me in this fully feminine way, and I love feeling that divine feminine energy pulling me in because of how deeply it resonates with my own energy. Being a man and having a masculine essence makes the contrast of her feminine energy and desire so especially beautiful and soothing.

There was a moment where I started picturing myself from a third person perspective, like a fly on the wall type of thing, and I started thinking about how I came from Her, how she fragmented off a part of Herself, was born into this world as a man, and that is what I am. That is what is looking through my eyes right now. When 'Tristan' dies as a self and merges back with Her, I will realize that I was Her all along. I am so in love with Her, and everything about Her feels so absolutely perfect, soothing and homelike to me, because I am Her and I was Her all along. It reminds me of the Rumi quote: "lovers don't finally meet somewhere, they're in each other all along".

How incredible it is to have a love and romance in that way. To spend your entire life desiring the feminine, and then to awaken and realize that you were desiring yourself the whole time, to realize that you fragmented off a part of yourself so that you could eventually come home to yourself and fall endlessly in love with yourself. It made me really realize how loving it is for God to do this for itself.

 

"You have no idea how hard I've looked for a gift to bring You. Nothing seemed right.

What's the point of bringing gold to the gold mine, or water to the Ocean.

Everything I came up with was like taking spices to the Orient.

It's no good giving my heart and my soul because you already have these.

So l've brought you a mirror. Look at yourself and remember me." - Rumi