They/Them: Help me find a higher level understanding

[Basman]

On 7/26/2026 at 2:01 PM, Yimpa said:

Time to come out more… yolo.

I came out as a girl in 7th grade, in a private school. Wore a beautiful dress in front of the whole school. My mom’s wedding dress that actually fit me perfectly.

BAD IDEA. I got hella mocked and shamed for it, and the teachers were also in on the joke. They thought I was joking, but I wasn’t. That’s why I have built up this stupid character always making crude and shameless jokes a lot of the times - it’s a projection of unresolved trauma and shame that I absorbed. If something is uncomfortable, just make a mockery out of it so I can avoid doing the hard work of deep introspection. Jesus, that childhood experience scarred me for a very long time! I am glad I am putting 2 and 2 together now. 

Crazy to think I was pushing stage green values, in the year 2009, before they/them was even a thing, at age 12, without any gender education, not lgbtqiabcdefhxyz language. but i had no idea the backlash would be severe. like being burned at the stake. i didnt know how to read the room, but Fuck i was ahead of my time! 

Plot twist: shoutout to my 7th grade SCIENCE teacher for helping me come out. She was the one that encouraged me to wear the dress. I’m not kidding.

You wore the whole birthday cake at school?

On 7/26/2026 at 2:01 PM, Yimpa said:

Plot twist: shoutout to my 7th grade SCIENCE teacher for helping me come out. She was the one that encouraged me to wear the dress. I’m not kidding.

Huh?

[Yimpa]

4 hours ago, Basman said:

You wore the whole birthday cake at school?

Yes, it was for a talent show. We usually wore uniforms to school, and I finally had enough being a prisoner in boy’s attire, so the talent show was a moment I could break free from the chains for a day. I stole the show, but in the worst way possible. That’s why it felt like being burned at the stake, I had humiliated myself in front of every single kid and adult in the room, even though I was being dead serious.

Honestly, if I had a better support system, they (the adults) would have encouraged me take it further, but they intentionally kept me looking like a boy in a dress for the talent show. They were likely afraid to take it all the way. That is, makeup, wig, nail polish…. nobody encouraged me that that was OK to do and not wrong/a joke. Of course, no adult could truly guide me cus it’s completely out of their worldview. They were all Roman Catholic. Stage Blue folk.

That’s what they call “socially transitioning” these days, those early years were an important stage for exploring the opposite gender. But, unfortunately. I really did just looked like a boy in a dress. And the consequences of not being able to socially transition openly and affirmatively were extremely brutal and consequential for the rest of my life.

Had I pulled off being a girl for the talent show, I would have likely transitioned a lot earlier than when I did (age 12 instead of age 27) But my environment was not suitable for that. So all that shame was instilled in me and set me up for denial and avoidance of being with anything female (again, even though I desperately needed to deep down). My mental health would increasingly deteriorate the years to come, as I would continue playing the boy/man role. Mental hospitalizations, severe anger issues in private, school dropout multiple times (i eventually got my GED), etc. I stayed at home 99% of the time because of how severely depressed I was. All my close friends and influences would turn out to be toxic masculinity and my abusers/bullies. Even my fucking therapists. I looked at girls and women in severely twisted and perverted ways. I transitioned into a monster. It truly stunted my development.

I didn’t break free from that nightmare until I started psychedelics in 2018. Still, it would still take me many years to deconstruct the horseshit and relearn what I intuitively knew about myself at age 12. 

The private school I went to was named “OLP/Our Lady of Peace”. Kids would jokingly call it “Our Little Prison”. They were right.

The school shut down a few years later after I had left. 

4 hours ago, Basman said:

Huh?

science & religion

they both suck.

 

Edited 19 hours ago by Yimpa