My heart is breaking for that child that was killed in UK

[Will2gain]

There’s a video circulating that shows a baby smiling and laughing with caretakers at first. It then cuts to the same child with his two male foster parents. You can see the baby looking sleep-deprived, with very loud music playing. They startle him awake, and there’s a heartbreaking moment where the little boy tries to connect with one of the men by giving an awkward smile. Those same men later brutally raped and murdered this 13-month-old child.
I can’t get the images out of my head. It’s breaking my heart, this was by far the worst shit i ever saw in my 40 years. Can someone help me process these overwhelming feelings of empathy and sadness?

[Elliott]

Seems like it's just triggering something deeper in you, what else has been bothering you? Did you have a traumatic early childhood yourself?

Edited 1 hour ago by Elliott

[Will2gain]

@Elliott 
Thanks for reaching out.
Yes, I believe I went through trauma, as so many others have. I also think my father did. As I became a parent myself, I realized how unable he was to relate to the emotional needs of small children, including my own when they were babies. That made me wonder what my own experience with him must have been like as an infant, especially when my mother wasn't around. She later lost custody of me and my siblings when we were about five or six years old.
I don't remember much from that time, and I don't believe I was physically brutalized or exploited in any way. But the emotional disconnect and the way my father interacted with children make me question what I experienced. I honestly don't know.
When my own children fell and cried, he would pick them up and play with them, laughing, seemingly unable to recognize or respond to their actual emotional needs.
Watching this child in the video, I felt like I could see that he had already been through hell. You could see it in the way he tried to relate and seek empathy, even through an awkward smile. Jesus Christ, it was absolutely heartbreaking to witness.

I corrected and revises my  text with ai