I'm actually

[TruthFreedom]

I'm actually just getting drunk every day, and so deep into this solipsism nonsense that nothing makes sense any more. Arguing with my neighbour who's Schizophrenic, and wondering so deeply about life, then waking up and realising that this is all there is, then wondering why I didn't just get a job like everyone else, then thinking what an arsehole I am for sitting on my ass every day, when there's so many people contributing, and what the fuck am I doing, I'm a nobody who's identity is tied around their problems, and then I think there's no free will anyway, so why bother, then I think about having a big mac or something, then I realise how insignificant I am, then...then I wonder what my neighbour is doing, and it seems she wants to abuse me again...for no reason. I'm 

[caspex]

Your problem doesn't seem to stem from spirituality, I think you are using it to justify your behavior. It seems like from your post that you need a lot of normal self-help with developing motivation and discipline in life. Take a break from spirituality not because it is bullshit but because your ego is using genuine insights to spin its bullshit. 

This is quite common and I have gone through the same shit. For me it was the fear of failure, bad relationships, attachment to the past and other such issues which kept me down. Addiction and an unfit body also contributed massively to my depression. I used to believe that if I could just get one more insight that's just one degree deeper I would miraculously escape my depression. That's just not how it works.

You probably need genuine shadow work, emotional healing, and discovering yourself(not in the spiritual sense). Trust me when I say this.

If I striped you of all the spiritual insights you'd still be just as miserable because the real problem is a lack of development. This is why many traditions across the world have had practices to build and purify one's body and mind before attempting deep spiritual awakenings.

 

Edited 41 minutes ago by caspex