Is maturity/compatibility real?

[integral]

I find every relationship regardless of people's level of development still have that issue where you're adapting to the other person and you have to coexist and coordinate together.

And all of this coordination just doesn't make any sense to me.

My lifestyle it never going to be compatible with someone else's and I always have to compromise it.

I enjoy isolation more than I would ever enjoy coordinating with someone.

My lifestyle is just not compatible with 99.99% of the population, and in my experience anyone I'm living with has so many absurd rules and they take so many things seriously that just don't matter.

 and it's exhausting dealing with this nonsense of people taking all of this stuff seriously and it's completely pointless

Edited 4 hours ago by integral

[aurum]

It's a tradeoff.

If you're literally not willing to budge at all, then of course you cannot be in a relationship.

It's just a question of what do you actually want.

Also, consider if your standards are actually legitmate or just self-imposed absurdities. I could make a standard that no one I live with is allowed to breathe within five feet of me, and this would immediately ensure I just cut out 99.99% of people.

Edited 3 hours ago by aurum

[integral]

19 minutes ago, aurum said:

Also, consider if your standards are actually legitmate or just self-imposed absurdities

That's the thing I don't have any, I have very few regulations.

If someone took a shit on the floor next to me, I would just accept it and say "oh is this something you need" no problem.

I do have some issues with allergies but that's about all.

While in my experience everyone I live with are off the rails with everything has to be done in a very specific way and these are the detailed exact ways to do it and this is how you cook and this is how you clean and this is how you get into the bed and this is how... and it's just nonstop.

And all of it is "the way it has to be done" that Society taught them, and they have long rationalizations of why it's true, it's just them rationalizing it. And then when I explain to them that these don't have to be done that way they accuse me of rationalizing it 😂

Edited 2 hours ago by integral

[aurum]

7 minutes ago, integral said:

That's the thing I don't have any, I have very few regulations.

If someone took a shit on the floor next to me, I would just accept it and say "oh is this something you need" no problem.

I do have some issues with allergies but that's about all.

While in my experience everyone I live with are off the rails with everything has to be done in a very specific way and these are the detailed exact ways to do it and this is how you cook and this is how you clean and this is how you get into the bed and this is how... and it's just nonstop.

And all of it is "the way it has to be done" that Society taught them, and they have long rationalizations of why it's true, it's just them rationalizing it. And then when I explain to them that these don't have to be done that way they accuse me of rationalizing it 😂

Okay, then it sounds like your standard is you don't like when people have particular ways they want things.

Is that reasonable?

[integral]

15 minutes ago, aurum said:

Okay, then it sounds like your standard is you don't like when people have particular ways they want things.

Is that reasonable?

lmao its when they enforce it onto me when im doing it my way.

If I cook I'll do it my way and when you cook you do it your way. Simple.

Do not enforce it on to me. We have two separate Lifestyles. 

Edited 2 hours ago by integral

[Lyubov]

I get the sense you kind of know you already know the answer to your own question 

All relationships come with boundaries

It’s not about being perfect in relationships but finding a harmony where both can flourish together. We have to be honest with ourselves. Relationships rarely match the ideas and aspirations we have about them in our heads, they change, they are prone to end for any number of reasons. 

They also are their own important aspect of life where you can create love and build something stable with other people. There is a lot of joy and wonder and surprises in that. 

[aurum]

33 minutes ago, integral said:

lmao its when they enforce it onto me when im doing it my way.

If I cook I'll do it my way and when you cook you do it your way. Simple.

Do not enforce it on to me. We have two separate Lifestyles. 

Bro that cannot work in a real relationship.

Your lifestyles are going to clash, it's inevitable. The question is how benign it is and whether it should be considered a dealbreaker.

Assuming a decent partner, most lifestyle quirks people have are pretty benign and can be easily compromised on. The idea that you will never have to compromise in a relationship is absurd.

Decide what you want. Do you want relationship and compromise, or zero compromise and isolation?

Edited 1 hour ago by aurum

[integral]

17 minutes ago, aurum said:

Bro that cannot work in a real relationship.

Your lifestyles are going to clash, it's inevitable. The question is how benign it is and whether it should be considered a dealbreaker.

Assuming a decent partner, most lifestyle quirks people have are pretty benign and can be easily compromised on. The idea that you will never have to compromise in a relationship is absurd.

Decide what you want. Do you want relationship and compromise, or zero compromise and isolation?

It depends right. If it comes to cooking like if I'm doing the cooking then I'll just do it my way. Coordination is a massive waste of time.

The problem is the partner is not adapting, and demands absolutely one way of doing things, and any mistake is a fight and an attempt to reinforce the one-way correct way to do things from their perspective.

It's not as simple as, that I don't want to adapt.

I am adapting but they want perfection, because they're going to nitpick every little detail.

[Lyubov]

It's not about lifestyle. It's about control.