How to stop falling into the limerence trap ?

[Rishabh R]

I am a 25 year old single male who has never been in a relationship. I have been fallen into the trap unrequited feelings for women over and over again. I have read Models by Mark Manson , Dating essentials for men by Dr. Robert Glover which were helpful. However, I have approached those women in real life but was rejected by them - some actively ignored me while for some others I found that they had a boyfriend. From the place that I am coming I think that I am not the only one who has been here as my Dating journey hasn't even begun. Leo's blog post on - Women can't satisfy men makes perfect sense here but I haven't broken out of that fantasy practically but intellectually yes. As a matter of fact I need to take personal responsibility for moving on from those rejections and finding someone as well as satisfying myself on my own. However, the question remains that how can I distinguish between mature form of love and one-sided/unrequited or limerent love and not fall in the later ?

Also, I have been inactive from posting on the forum from a while and I have learned the following about women,dating :-

.Women value assertiveness ,emotional connection more than looks which is non-obvious for us men since we value good looks a lot

.Pickup as well as naturals who teach you confidence are a good source of learning since confidence not only helps you in dating but also in other areas of life

.Getting to know a woman no matter how beautiful or less beautiful she is far more important than physical attraction since relationships are influenced by personality more than just purely physical traits

.No matter how many women reject you there will still be another one out there who will like you so prioritising those women who treat you decently is a sign of mental stability and longer term happiness rather than chasing those who seem attractive but treat you rudely

 

 

[LastThursday]

Limerence is just one of the stages of romantic love: infatuation. The only difference is that there isn't reciprocation with limerence. Helen Fisher explained it (infatuation) in terms of hormones and biological drives:

In my experience the only way out of limerence is to de-escalate the importance of the person in your life and in your thoughts: cut all contact, remove all triggers. But with social media and easy access this is a lot harder nowadays. It's similar to addiction.

Edited 5 minutes ago by LastThursday