how would a mature/wise person talk about their mental illness and symptoms?

[Judy2]

i think a wise person (or person in the process of becoming wiser) can still struggle, and their wisdom cannot hinge upon the absence of disadvantageous circumstances or challenges in their life.

for this reason, i wonder how i would - in an ideal world, as a wise woman - respond to the presence of certain harmful behaviours in my life. 

for example - would i keep them to myself? would i talk about them? would i annoy people by talking about them...cause that doesn't seem wise, but then not talking and keeping struggles a secret doesn't seem wise, either.

is it okay that i don't want to feel alone and lonely with certain struggles, or is it weak and unwise of me to look for people to share them with? they need to be the right people, of course, but still.

 

 

sorry if this is weird.

Edited Thursday at 07:02 PM by Judy2

[theleelajoker]

Don't think it's weird at all. 

Also believe it's human to share, to connect and to relate to people, especially the ones with similar life situations. 

Keeping them to yourself all the time, every time - I think that will turn out to be harmful. 

Talking too much about it puts might give it too much attention, talking it into existence.

I believe a "wise" person is able to decide and act moment for moment, case for case and can choose when to express and when to not.

[Judy2]

@theleelajoker thank you, that makes sense.

[Ramasta9]

Each moment in your life is unique, so you have to take life from a moment by moment basis and respond accordingly / intuitively.

If it feels right, follow that, if it doesn't, honor that. 

[Judy2]

5 minutes ago, Ramasta9 said:

Each moment in your life is unique, so you have to take life from a moment by moment basis and respond accordingly / intuitively.

If it feels right, follow that, if it doesn't, honor that. 

yes, absolutely.

i was asking about it because i've already shared a lot on here and been thinking that i should be more conscious about it.

[theleelajoker]

7 hours ago, Judy2 said:

yes, absolutely.

i was asking about it because i've already shared a lot on here and been thinking that i should be more conscious about it.

You can look at it from two perspectives:

1. It's not good to give strangers too much insight into your life. You want to protect your privacy and not give people a chance to use information against you. 
2. By sharing information voluntarily, you already take away the power to harm you with this information. You accept it, so you can't be hurt by it. People accept you or not. People understand you or not. First group you connect with, second group who gives a fuck? You free yourself from shame by sharing information and allow yourself to be who you want to be. No shame, just you being you.

Both perspectives have their up and downside, I guess it's how you want to live and how it feels for you doing the one or the other. 

I guess that all in all, your (or my) life is not as interesting for others as you (or I) often think. 

 

 

[Judy2]

16 minutes ago, theleelajoker said:

I guess that all in all, your (or my) life is not as interesting for others as you (or I) often think. 

yes, i agree.

17 minutes ago, theleelajoker said:

By sharing information voluntarily, you already take away the power to harm you with this information. You accept it, so you can't be hurt by it. People accept you or not. People understand you or not. First group you connect with, second group who gives a fuck? You free yourself from shame by sharing information and allow yourself to be who you want to be. No shame, just you being you.

in theory, that is true. in practice, when you share something vulnerable, even voluntarily, people can still react in hurtful ways.

[Judy2]

i think when i wrote this post i didn't even think about sharing on the forum specifically (that's more of what i meant in the other thread i started).

i thought of this question after experiencing some symptoms/behaviours that felt extreme, abnormal, not okay, and i felt conflicted about reaching out to a friend because i tend to be annoying, but there was no one else to call and it got me wondering if i'd just keep all this to myself if i was wiser (since the sharing seems annoying to people). but i guess in terms of self-love and when i think about what i need, i think it's also true that i don't want to be lonely after experiencing a particular behaviour/crisis-reaction....just don't know who to reasonably reach out to in those moments. mental health hotlines in germany are either blocked all day or when you get the chance to talk to someone, it's really awkward and usually not helpful.

[Ulax]

@Judy2 I'd say a mature person would seek mentorship from the top tier of the list in the following short.

Then if top tier mentor not available, then seek mentorship from 2nd top tier. And so on.

So, in your case, this would mean prioritising finding someone who has had issues with talking about their mental illness and symptoms. Then overcome that. And then they have also helped many others with their issues around talking about their mental illness.

So, i would look for books, or videos, or coaching/ therapy from people who fit that criteria. Patrick Teahan on Youtube comes to mind.

Edited 2 hours ago by Ulax

[Judy2]

@Ulax yeah, that makes sense.

i guess if i were to rephrase the question, it would be if this immediate urge to talk about it and not be alone with it after a certain extreme behaviour has occurred is healthy or not? cause it might just be part of the behaviour to act all needy afterwards. i have a history of being too needy and wanting to be saved, and i can't quite strike the right middle ground when it comes to that.

guess it also makes sense to distinguish between the kind of mentorship/coaching/therapy that you mentioned above - which makes absolute sense and would be helpful (it's hard to find rn, which is besides the point) - and simply being heard out by friends. idk if i'm too much for my friends when i tell them some of the things that are going on for me, but if i don't tell them, it feels worse to be keeping it all to myself.

[Ulax]

13 minutes ago, Judy2 said:

@Ulax yeah, that makes sense.

i guess if i were to rephrase the question, it would be if this immediate urge to talk about it and not be alone with it after a certain extreme behaviour has occurred is healthy or not? cause it might just be part of the behaviour to act all needy afterwards. i have a history of being too needy and wanting to be saved, and i can't quite strike the right middle ground when it comes to that.

guess it also makes sense to distinguish between the kind of mentorship/coaching/therapy that you mentioned above - which makes absolute sense and would be helpful (it's hard to find rn, which is besides the point) - and simply being heard out by friends. idk if i'm too much for my friends when i tell them some of the things that are going on for me, but if i don't tell them, it feels worse to be keeping it all to myself.

I get you for sure.

I see so your issue here is that you aren't sure about how to strike the right balance regarding being heard out by friends, and dealing with things on your own. And what even the healthy balance is.

I wish I had more to say on this but I'm not so sure of what to recommend myself. I struggle with emotional regulation myself.

Perhaps you could experiment with talking to your friends about it. Maybe they will be honest with you about what their preferences and limits are. 

Btw, I think its great that you have friends who you are able to be open with and who help you deal with emotions! I would like to have more friendships like that! And even if you choose to lessen how much you lean on friends for emotional support, you don't have to stop completely.

[Judy2]

@Ulax 🙏🏻😇