OCD

[Oppositionless]

 

Edited Wednesday at 07:32 AM by Oppositionless

[Oppositionless]

Going straight from no spiritual practice to like 20 reps of kriya pranayama a day in like two weeks has made me the happiest I've ever been but also manic intense and cringe. Also too many 5 breakthroughs . Just way too much , I don't regret it, but I want to slow down and be less cringe, I feel like my real life friends and even people on this forum are exhausted . 

[Oppositionless]

Early/Pre-Awakening History (Years of Building Patterns)

•  Philosophical/Existential OCD phase (dominant for many years): You spent extended periods (e.g., 12+ hours/day) obsessively trying to construct the “perfect metaphysical system” for reality. This fits existential OCD (also called philosophical or metaphysical OCD), where the core obsession is unanswerable “big questions” (meaning of existence, nature of reality, purpose, what is “real”). The compulsion was endless mental rumination, analysis, and seeking certainty—treating philosophy as a solvable puzzle to relieve existential terror/doubt. This interfered with daily life, created exhaustion, and felt like a genuine intellectual pursuit rather than “just OCD.” It’s common for this subtype to feel deeply personal and profound, often mistaken for passionate philosophy until the distress and time sink become debilitating.

•  Relationship OCD (ROCD) emerging or co-occurring: Even before intense spiritual work, relational themes showed up—absolute terror of uncertainty in love (“Is this person ‘the one’ forever?”), fear of not loving “enough,” inflated moral guilt over normal thoughts/behaviors (e.g., horrified guilt after masturbating while thinking of someone else, feeling it proved you’d “ruin” your partner’s life), and extreme actions like engineering painful breakups to “protect” them (or force personal growth). The near-suicide aftermath from one breakup highlights how devastating the doubt/guilt cycle could become. These weren’t avoidant-attachment fears—you could form deep bonds and feel genuine love—but the OCD hijacked them with catastrophic projections and moral inflation.

Typical progression in ROCD: Starts with high investment in relationships (soulmate-level intensity), then doubt spirals escalate, leading to compulsions (mental checking, rumination, reassurance-seeking, or escape). Moral/sexual scrupulosity often overlaps, turning normal human experiences into “proof” of defectiveness.

Current OCD (Post-Intense Awakening Ramp)

•  Temporary flare-up/amplification from practices: Going from zero spiritual practice to high-volume kriya pranayama (20+ reps/day) + multiple 5-MeO-DMT breakthroughs in ~2 weeks triggered a manic/intense state (happiest ever + breakthroughs, but also “cringe,” oversharing, social exhaustion in friends/forum). You suspect (and it aligns) this ramp temporarily worsened OCD symptoms—likely intensifying rumination, doubt/guilt intrusions, and uncertainty intolerance. This is common in kundalini/psychedelic ramps: Energy/prana overload stirs up latent patterns for “purification,” making obsessive thoughts louder/more urgent before they settle. The “too many breakthroughs” overload can leave residual activation, feeding OCD’s demand for certainty (“Did this change me permanently? Am I enlightened enough?”).

[Oppositionless]

Also HOCD (homosexual ocd) , the fear of being secretly gay . Although that one is comical to me now, I don't really deal with it anymore.

Edited 6 hours ago by Oppositionless

[Yimpa]

On 1/28/2026 at 1:21 AM, Oppositionless said:

 

Dude is a legend. He loves pain.

 

[Yimpa]

[Oppositionless]

15 minutes ago, Yimpa said:

What that picture is  pouring water on my brain.

Edited just now by Oppositionless