Death and Staring Into The Mystery

[Bruins8000]

I recently visited a dear friend who is dying of a terminal disease. Way too young- not even to 45 years yet. I recall sitting by their bed as they struggled to breathe then turned to look outside the window- birds were flying and landing on the lawn right outside eating seeds and whatever else. Further down cars drove by in both directions- people going home from work, maybe a person driving home super happy after finally asking the woman he likes out on a date for the first time, maybe a guy driving home bored and questioning the career he’s in burned out from another long day. The moment really made me pause and shook me to the core in some way. One life fading away, moving into the everlasting mystery beyond the last breath. Outside birds doing their thing and humans driving back home none the wiser to the sadness behind the windows of the room. Why does it happen? I know the universe and all that is is far beyond our comprehension and understanding. Maybe it all happens in some small way for some big reason, maybe we’re all in an infinite holon type universe and each life is just a small brain wave in a much larger being and they have no idea what we even are- similar to how we have no idea what our cells or the bacteria in us are doing. Can immortal beings exist in some dimension? I imagine there are infinite dimensions- can there be one where a form exists outside of time and forever is in some way? Maybe even a way we can’t even fathom. I think back to that moment where my friend was struggling to hang on and at one moment they briefly woke up and we locked eyes. In some way I can’t describe we communicated to each other everything is going to be alright. As they fell back asleep I looked back outside and I felt confused- in an infinite beautiful universe why did we have forms come into being that had to die? And if they had to die why did we evolve to be so crushed by them passing away? I know deep down there is no real answer and this moment looking outside made me feel sad and alone. Deep down I know it was a profound moment and something important was there to be embraced- even as the tears started flowing.

Edited 16 hours ago by Bruins8000