How to Move Foward in Life After First Panic Attack?

[Oso]

It happened about two and a half weeks ago. I came home from college to visit family, and one night, deep in research about my future, a very unpleasent wave washed over me. My first ever panic / anxiety attack. 

 

That wave continued lesser and lesser for the rest of that night. My nervous system had just broke down. It was profoundly scary and unnerving.

 

I didn't want to wake family so I was texting with AI that night, the source which helped me figure out what was going on.

 

Waves of panic, tight chest and harder breathing, genuine fear and dread, feelings of being alone, hypersensitivity emotions, etc...

 

Well, it has been two and a half-ish weeks since. Just two nights ago I re-triggered a small episode by digging into research on myself and stuff. It wasn't as bad as the first one, but it still took me a while to fall asleep and I'm still dealing with very strong emotions, sadness right now, and very vulnerable / sensitive.

 

It seems triggering it easy, and what triggered it was a similar event to the first. Existing deeply in my head and hitting a point of overwhelm where my system had to step in.

 

I should mention that I quit school because of the first event. It was clear that such a school was not for me. I was already planning on it, but instead this experience forced it. Life also opened up a new path for me to follow the night of the event, but it still doesn't feel like sunshine and rainbows.

 

It is so hard moving foward. I'm forced to sit with the healing. It is like an injury I can't rush, and something that I can easily "re-injure" if I push too hard or trigger it. 

 

I feel like I should be better by now. I've never had one of this panic attacks before. I feel like my consciousness and spiritual studies would have prevented something like this from happening. I was wrong. Now I feel like my whole life is doomed. It probably isn't, but it feels that way, overwhelmingly sometimes, and it is really hard and scary to sit with. 

 

How long does such a healing last? 

 

I can't sit and ignore it so I find it very rough. Tonight a deep sadness provoked me to write thisit wasn't even depressive, just a deep sad and alone feeling. Other times I can feel disoriented or genuienly scared on a level I've never felt before. Even though I'm around family and have their support, it can still feel so hard and sad. Is this normal?

 

I feel like the whole notion of who I am broke that night. Not like an ego death, but also kinda like it. I don't know. It's like some sort of illusion just all fell apart. 

 

It's just really hard. It makes me feel like a lost and scared child and I just want to be held and guided. Supported. I want to feel like it's going to be okay. I wish my feelings weren't so strong and overwhelming. 

 

Any advice would be appreciated, though I'm not necessarily seeking it. Instead I think I'm just seeking company and people to talk with. People who have been through such things or have wisdom and experience.

 

I don't want to dig into the wound and make it worse. I'm looking for help healing. Reaching out. Not in some I'm gonna hurt myself way. No. Just that I need people. 

[Hojo]

I had terrible panic attack my whole life. Probably thousands of them. They never went away until I awakened.

Panic attack is higher self awaking up imo. Your ego says oh my God Im dying.

Its like a massive burst of gamma waves coming into your brain.

Its a good thing.

If you are to slingshot yourself to heaven panic attack is like pulling back the slingshot.

Edited 15 hours ago by Hojo

[Deziree]

I used to get panic attacks in childhood. After a long journey of panic attacks, the parasympathetic system kicks in and takes control, slows down the heart rate and the brain registers it as a false flag. It can be intense in the moment but our memory systems keep all the checks and balances in place. So hopefully they will taper off.

 

[Judy2]

if you allow yourself to feel your emotions more consciously, they won't build up as much and won't  overwhelm you in the moment.

so the task is to register and deal with the subtle anxiety that starts building up before it completely overwhelms you.

you can also start introspecting in a quiet moment what fear is and what it is that you are generally afraid of in life. and sometimes the best way to defeat fear is to run toward the monsters and give them a big hug.

 

when i had a panic attack earlier this year and a psychologist talked to me, he had a very strict tone and wanted me to recite what exactly had happened in the moments leading up to the attack. i didn't find it helpful at the time, but maybe there is something to this strategy. 

other than that (shocker, i know): have you considered getting therapy/counselling? if it's not accessible to you, there are also many resources online to help you learn about your nervous system and how to calm it down. you can google the butterfly hug and other vagus nerve stimulation exercises.

other things that might help are grounding yourself through hot and cold showers, running up and down the stairs, looking for 5 blue things in the room, then 4 orange ones, 3 red ones, 2 yellow ones, 1 black one (or any other colour and you could also include other senses, like saying 5 things you see, 4 that you hear, 3 that you feel, 2 that you smell, 1 that you taste).

ground yourself through your senses (strong smells like coffee beans, vinegar; intense flavours like chilli, lemon, or sour candy; the visual exercise i described above; or physical stuff like running, squats, hot and cold showers, sucking on ice cubes or running ice cubes across your skin until they melt - the physical stuff probably works best for states of anxiety, the others might not work for you). 

i've also had a handful of panic attacks due to excessive caffeine consumption lol. in case this is you, you know what to change:)

 

sorry for the advice:)

Edited 4 hours ago by Judy2