Tapering off my antidepressants.

[Rishabh R]

It's been a while since I have made a post.Trying to be honest here.I have been on mental health medications since 6 years. It's been 3 months since tapering has started under the supervision of my psychiatrist. What disturbs me mentally is that I have occasional revenge fantasies against females who rejected me, hurted me. But since my top value is Growth - I question those fantasies using questions that I once read in the book Subtle Art of not giving a F---. For example - My mind imagined hurting a girl who didn't date me but dated a guy who was much more insecure than me( I'm sorry I wrote this but I'm being honest here).I would ask myself mentally- What of I'm wrong ?

Then- What would it mean if I were wrong ?

Further- Would being wrong create a better problem or worse problem than my current problems for both myself and others ?

After answering those questions I would conclude that I am not hurting that girl. 

This leads me to feel good again.

Also, I remembered when I went to collect my graduation degree certificate to my college I was worried about my future job.

I did the same questioning mentally against my belief - I would stay unemployed and couple of months after that I got into a job training program with a stipend.

I am about to turn 25 during this December and I realized that everything can be questioned including our assumptions,thoughts and beliefs about future.

Thank you.

 

[Natasha Tori Maru]

I don't have much to add - but I will say - I think these revenge thoughts are very normal to experience

For example, I am a very calm, collected and solution focussed person at work. Even when difficult issues show up, that mean I have to have hard conversations, breaking bad news.

But when someone disregards my concerns, or mocks me raising an issue because they do not see it, I become very internally angry. This happens a lot because I am naturally very good at future forecasting outcomes that will happen or have high potential. 

That anger is very difficult for me to deal with without an outlet. So I often resort to fantasies of breaking the person's legs with a sledgehammer, and spitting/yelling at them for their ignorance. Sounds extreme huh? And I suppose, it is! But the fantasy and walking my brain through the imaginary scenario makes me feel like I resolved the issue

Not everyone works like this though. For some, thinking on scenarios like this won't assist with allowing the anger and dissipating. Sometimes it enhances the anger and works against us. Do you know if you feel better after these thoughts? 

I always laugh at myself after and recognise and I am being silly. It is just a bunch of crazy thoughts my brain has. I have always had a powerful imagination.

Thankfully, as life progressed, the anger/revenge triggers just naturally happened way less. 

Around 35/36 much of these feelings begun to naturally go.

Edited 14 hours ago by Natasha Tori Maru

[Rishabh R]

4 hours ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

Do you know if you feel better after these thoughts? 

I feel worse after it and it becomes a spiral until I question it to break the never ending rage.

[Natasha Tori Maru]

1 minute ago, Rishabh R said:

I feel worse after it and it becomes a spiral until I question it to break the never ending rage.

That is an issue - but your process of enquiring onto the thoughts seems to be beneficial. Perhaps it is revealing where you are attaching to the event? Aversion/desire 

Maybe someone else may have advice - one of my ex partners had issues such as these. Imagining scenarios didn't help him like it did me - that process made it much worse. Which is why I thought to ask how you feel after 🙏

Overall I do think it is natural to have these thoughts and strange impulses. Provided we do not act on them. Part of being human. Maybe this might assist you not being too hard on yourself or judging. Tapering off anti-depressants, especially after so prolonged a use, is very challenging. My sister was crying and hysterical, almost mad, when she came of them (7 years on them). It took her a year to stabilise.

[Rishabh R]

 

1 hour ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

My sister was crying and hysterical, almost mad, when she came of them (7 years on them). It took her a year to stabilise.

Was it an abrupt taper or a gradual dose reduction. I am asking you because looking at this a bit of worry and fear is induced in me.

Edited 8 hours ago by Rishabh R

[Natasha Tori Maru]

1 hour ago, Rishabh R said:

 

Was it an abrupt taper or a gradual dose reduction. I am asking you because looking at this a bit of worry and fear is induced in me.

It was gradual, but she disregarded her doctor and tapered much quicker than was advised. 

If you go slowly as your doc advises I think you will not encounter as much emotional distress as her.

Very important to note women also have their monthly cycle to work with during this sort of process - and my sister has a bad time with it in general ❤️

[Rishabh R]

@Natasha Tori Maru Ok but I am not disregarding the advice and supervision of my doctor.It's a gradual taper.

Edited 6 hours ago by Rishabh R

[Natasha Tori Maru]

Just now, Rishabh R said:

@Natasha Tori Maru Ok but I am not disregarding the advice and supervision of my doctor.

Then I think you will be a-okay 😊❤️

[Rishabh R]

1 minute ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

Then I think you will be a-okay 😊❤️

👍.By the way what's a-okay 😂. I assume you were trying to write ok.

Edited 6 hours ago by Rishabh R

[UnbornTao]

4 hours ago, Rishabh R said:

👍.By the way what's a-okay 😂. I assume you were trying to write ok.

Same thing, like okey doke.