Beans & Joy’s Journal 🐯🌈

[Yimpa]

ego backlash from transitioning

 

[Beans]

Back then I was under the wrong assumption that if I take testosterone that I would grow a penis

 

I don’t even remember where I got this information from, but it wasn’t until I met you that they explained to me that’s not accurate 

[Yimpa]

Wisdom growing by allowing paradoxes to enter into my sphere. Things not turning out as I expected. Not jumping to “this is bad or wrong”. Not everything needs to be resolved. Some things just need to be held - gently, like water in cupped hands. Not gripped, not solved, just carried with grace.

in short, wisdom in the willingness to stay open in uncertainty, attending to what’s unresolved or confusing without rushing to fix or judge it

 

letting go of THINGS SHOULD BE THIS WAY OR ELSE

[Yimpa]

1 hour ago, Oeaohoo said:

Here’s a joke for you:

A man goes running to his psychiatrist and says: “Doctor, doctor! Please help me… My whole life is a joke!”

 

[Yimpa]

“…You’re chasing perfection again.
Let it go. 😊” -AI

[Yimpa]

Freedom, Sovereignty, Truth

What else could you ask for?

[Yimpa]

16 minutes ago, Yimpa said:

https://www.actualized.org/insights/where-is-the-promised-integrity-episode

 

 

[Yimpa]

private journal entry from 12/26/23:

Quote

I refuse to speak to you for now. Dad’s assessment saying that you changed a lot, from my perspective, is a bunch of BS. You’re still the same confused and ignorance person.

 

[Yimpa]

Quote

Trump is temporary, he’ll be gone in 3 years

 

[Yimpa]

4 weeks since i quit the medication and somehow a cough i was dealing with for 4 months straight is nearly gone? Gonna wait another couple weeks before reporting my findings to my doctor, just to make sure it’s not placebo. 

[Yimpa]

The stage blue in me hates that I’m in the women’s restroom. Good thing i have a stage green and yellow person in here supporting me.

[Yimpa]

Yes, i still have internalized misogyny in working thru

I hate  myself 

[Yimpa]

Forgot to wash my hands. Went back in there by myself to wash them of my corruption and bullshit

[Yimpa]

It’s called exposure therapy. Don’t be a creep and pervert what I’m doing.

[Yimpa]

https://www.instagram.com/p/DU3Or8lDsYX/?igsh=ODZqanEwanZ5MDVh

Damn, journalists are taking lots of pics of us here.

For the record, I do use AI a ton. A good reminder to not be so damn reliant on it.

Edited 14 hours ago by Yimpa

[Yimpa]

I am doing science on the fly and am the model itself.

[Yimpa]

 

[Yimpa]

 

[Yimpa]

I cannot afford Burning Man.

At least I’ve got Axolotl Man.

[Yimpa]

Human identity is illusory.

My entire identity is built on corruption.

 The end goal is complete annihilation of self, until I don’t recognize anything anymore.

I have tools that reliably destroy my sense of self. And I don’t use them. At least not to their full potential.

The unknown frightens me. I want certainty. I need to know I’m safe. But all the defense mechanisms are just short-term relief — I know this.

I want to reach a place where no one can shake me, influence me, demand submission from me. I’ve been there before.

Yet, I’m still under the control of a self that needs to be seen, understood, accepted. And the cruelest part: I’m seeking that validation from people who are just as lost, just as afraid, just as deceived.

Who do I trust? Who do I look up to? Of course, Only myself — as God. That’s the only honest answer.

As long as I keep scanning for approval, I’ve made myself a prisoner of survival mode and false certainty. The clinging has to end. The delusions are infinite.

No one is coming to save me. Only I can do it. Period.