Horrible childhood blessing or curse?

[Revolutionary Think]

I think my childhood was horrible despite not having to deal with poverty. It was the poverty of belonging that really hurt me growing up. Yet, I can't help but think that this is why I felt that @Leo Gura generalises a lot about the audience so it's funny when I feel like when he does the audience generalising and the audience scolding thing he's not talking to me. Of course it's not possible to address every individual viewer so I'm sure he's going for the LCD. It's amazing because when he was talking about rich people and their gala's and how they like wine I related to it so much because when I was young I saw it and I couldn't stand it. 

As a child I was very quiet and HATED small talk. I just wanted to be left alone to play my video games. I think the reason I enjoyed video games so much is because there was a reason to it. Like a task / level needed to be completed and you could to a lot of exploring. There was a mission and there was fun. Then I just thought real life wasn't as interesting and exciting because it just seemed so boring. Yet, my life was OK it wasn't amazing and it wasn't terrible. Then BAM my parents divorced leaving me in this state of shock and frustration. We lived in the city and I enjoyed seeing the city lights outside my window and I can remember being the happiest when I looked out the window at the city lights. My mom said ok so me and your dad aren't going to live together and you and me are living with grandma and grandpa. My heart sank to my stomach because grandma and grandpa's house was a place to visit not to live. They lived in Bel Air and Bel Air SUCKED! Yet, it was in a very rich area up in the hills with houses as far as the eye could see. No stores, no shops, no gyms, no nothing. You had to drive a couple blocks just for human connection that wasn't your immediate family. I couldn't stand it. Yet, most people I talked to told me I had no right to say anything because since I lived in an area that only rich people have access too I should just shut up and consider myself priveledged. That just made me feel worse. School was no better I felt bored, frustrated, and misunderstood. 

I started noticing things about myself. I hated loud parties, I never got the point of why people liked alcohol, and everytime people would talk about pop culture I felt like it was nails on a chalkboard. I was labeled in school as ADD ADHD Aspergers now what they call autism spectrum disorder etc. the world just saw me as something to be fixed never as a person to be understood and it stung a lot and I spent so much of my childhood brooding in anger and hate because of the lack of help and truly being seen. I honestly couldn't stand it when celebrities were interviewed for their opinions. I got so mad that the world paid attention to such trivial shit instead of talking about how to improve the human condition and what being here all means (so obviously that's what attracted me to Leo's content). It all culminated in 8th grade when we had something called community circle. We'd pass this stuffed bear around and whoever got the bear it was their turn to speak. I got the stuffed bear and just went off on the school. I said it was oppressive, boring, not inspiring, and why do we have teachers who hate what they do and announce how much they hate it to the entire class. I said a lot of things and by the end of it most students were clapping for me. I let that go to my head later in my life by chasing validation from others until I finally stopped. Although I could always feel something as a kid something wasn't right why does our culture worship narcissists and celebrities instead of honoring people like inventors, scientists, philosophers etc. (well growing up in a place like LA it was even worse). Then when graduating college around the 08 recession and having tons of trouble even getting a basic retail job I just hated society with a burning passion. Like everything I was told as a kid about getting good grades which I did get mostly As and Bs was just one big fat lie. I enrolled in this course called JumpCut Academy (later I kinda realized it was a scam) to make it big on YouTube. I met this young guy named Jeet funny enough who had a YouTube channel called SimplyJeet I told him how I think there are these big societal problems in the schooling system and the job market in general that the news media doesn't talk about and how disgusting it is that the most narcissistic people in the world are getting all the attention while people like me who have a real genuine message get neglected and overlooked. That's when he mentions your (Leo Gura's) channel on YouTube and that's how I ended up here and I haven't spoken to Jeet in over 5 years we just grew apart (this is before all of Leo's awakenings etc.) All I can remember after my parents divorce and the way my mind worked for always questioning things is being profoundly disappointed in life and always questioning why things were the way they were and why people who weren't narcissists and attention whores got all the attention while people who just wanted to help and/or discorver things about reality were ignored and not given a crap about by the mainstream.

Going back to the title of this post that's why I wonder. I wonder if the crap didn't hit the fan in my life if I would've discovered this place or been a conformist. I guess even if things didn't go as bad as they did my tendancy even before my parents divorce to hate pop culture, not enjoy school, and dislike loud music and big parties would've lead me here anyway? 

[Revolutionary Think]

I almost forgot when Leo talked about being creative I remember that at a young age I created an entire world to myself. Well anyway. I created this critique of modern society:
 

 

I also created this idea of a city I'd love to live in if I could create it myself:
 

 

[Sandroew]

My apologies i read your topic fully, but i came up only with a generalised answer, not specifically for you.

A bad childhood or any bad experience is a blessing, as long as you are able to overcome it. I feel like this is a bad answer, but i can elaborate more maybe later.

You said you graduated college in 2008, hows it been since then?

[Revolutionary Think]

The only time it got better was a few years after 2020 because of the virus. The economy and jobs opened up more and I got a job at the airport. I really enjoyed it. Don't have that job anymore would rather not get into it but, I've saved enough money to start a new life in another country if I feel like it.