New Chapter in My Life: Habits and Disciplines

[Spiritual Warrior]

Habits and Disciplines Journey Entry #20

I have hit a point where my internal motivation has really hit a wall. I've stopped caring about sticking to these habits. This is frustrating, but I understand that it is all part of the process. Yesterday, my alarm went off at 7:30 and I stayed in bed for another hour. When I woke up, I didn't have enough time to workout or meditate. Luckily, I did find time to do the funniness affirmations so that streak is still going. When I got home, I smoked weed again with my roommate, I allowed myself to watch some of the "pro" dance routines from our last event on my phone as I'm laying there trying to go to sleep, and I didn't finish the "I have an abundance of sex" affirmation. When I get high, my mind becomes an infinite imagination loop and I find it very difficult to push the "I- thought" back down to the heart.  

Now, on the bright side, I am sticking to my no porn or ejaculation streak (20 days), which is really impressive and has a very positive impact on my life. I've also eaten 150 g of protein for 19 days straight, that is quite an accomplishment, and I can see the results in the mirror, I am noticeably more ripped and its only been 3 weeks... Imagine what I will look like by week 20... week 50... and so on. 

I am also very frustrated with how far I have to go to make my dreams come true. That is the issue with being honest about "current reality" and the "desired result," you have to become aware of how far it is that you have to go to get what you want.. that is hard.

The biggest thing that I want right now is to just be able to authentically express my appreciation and love for the feminine creatures of this Earth. This is all I want really, and it starts with putting myself out there and talking to them, telling them how beautiful they are. On a more positive note, I have successfully infiltrated a world filled with beautiful women, which is through the dance studio. There are gorgeous women everywhere I look and I get to dance them. One thing that does make me special is that I LOVE women, I really do, I absolutely adore them... Which makes it frustrating that I don't have a girl of my own that I can share vulnerabilities with. Now I KNOW that I will get out of this hole and get laid and then get a girlfriend, I just don't have it yet, but I am going to figure this out, no matter what..

Another highlights is that I am significantly more focused while at work and I am in a significantly better mood, which makes my lessons go better, I think this happens because I am more organized in my life and I feel like I am finally being honest about my life and my goals, which frees up so much gunk in my head and allows me to be fully present while I'm with my students. I really do have the most amazing job in the world. The only thing that is holding me back is this girl situation, I HAVE to start approaching women and dealing with this. There is no way around it, I have to put myself out there and move through this. Otherwise, I will ALWAYS be frustrated. The suffering will never get any easier unless I tackle this problem head on.

I am going to go to Boston on Saturday and attempt to hit on girls again. I will find a parking lot that is a lot cheaper and my plan is to ask 10 beautiful women where the Prudential Center is. Then by that time, I should feel warm enough to be able to hit on girl that I find attractive. Try to make this like a game that is fun. I also have to watch my finances and I will bring a bagged lunch so that I don't have to buy anything when I'm out there. Lets fucking go dude. You can do this! I believe in you! The farther along on the habits and disciplines journey that you go, the easier being uncomfortable will get for you. 

You know what is really frustrating... I find myself really hating my dance partner.. and you know why... its because I find her beautiful and gorgeous and funny and perfect and I want to express that to her. The issue is that I don't know how and I also don't want to complicate things, and also she used to date my co worker and friend. Lots of complicated things in terms of that. I feel like the solution to this frustration is to hit on other women because how could I express my appreciation and sexual interest towards her if I can't do it to random women on the street. It all stems from fear. I just haven't had the courage to put myself out there and risk being awkward and getting rejected. This is ALL that I want in life, I just want to reach a point where I am comfortable cold approaching women and facing rejection. And you know what... A lot of the things that I've gone through over the past 2 years has made me prepared for this right here... I have performed over 50 solos in front of an audience, I have danced 500+ "entries" in front of people, I have competed at a Dance O Rama, I had a girlfriend who I had sex with. I've hooked up with my roommate. I've asked and danced with 1,000+ women. I see myself getting more attention from women. I am much more comfortable in my own skin. I have gone on streaks with no porn and no ejaculation for 30+ days on multiple occasions, I almost pulled a REALLY hot girl back from the club, (but I was so nervous that I put the address wrong into my phone and then she said she was too tired lol.) I am being honest about my desires. Keep being honest. Keep pushing for what you want and all of your dreams will come true. Remember, the journey is the fun part. Once you get everything that you want, now what? This is what makes this part of your life exciting is that you can work on yourself from the ground up. You can create and turn yourself into whatever you choose... And NOTHING is stopping you from doing that. So be clear as to what you want. Be very fucking clear. And don't be swayed by emotional states. Continue down your path, sticking to your habits, to your beliefs. BE YOURSELF. BE YOURSELF AND KNOW THAT THATS GOOD ENOUGH. BE SECURE WITH YOURSELF. 

 

11.20.25

Morning routine goals:

• Wake up at 7:30 am streak: 0
• Brush teeth streak: 20
• Floss streak: 20
• Shower streak: 3
• Meditation streak: 0
• Push ups / pull ups streak: 0
• Funniness affirmations streak: 18

Night time routine goals:

• Sexual abundance affirmation: 0
• Brush teeth streak: 10
• Wash face streak: 10
• No electronics before bed streak: 0

"Whole day" goals:

• No porn streak: 20
• No ejaculation streak: 20
• Eat 150 g of protein streak: 19
• No alcohol streak: 18
• No weed streak: 0

Weekly Goals:

• Weight lift 3 days a week streak: 1
  • Chest: Done
  • Legs: 
  • Back: 
• Number of women "cold approached" so far: 0

 

Edited 4 hours ago by Spiritual Warrior