Struggling with an important life decision

[Nito]

Hey guys I’m struggling with an important life decision and need help. Im basically deciding which college to go to, and my own spiritual development depends on it. I can either go to a college which is closer to me, (which does not have many people there because it is a small college) or the larger college which has lots of people

(to give some quick context: I’am 19 and the last few years have done YouTube, which i no longer do because i realised that it was not authentic to me.
 

I do not have any qualifications past GCSE (which you get at 15-16 in the UK). And so now I’am heading to college at 19 because my parents quite understandably want me to.

I also want to be a professional author, but there isn’t any writing courses and so I’am doing humanities and social sciences instead, just to let u know… my plan after college would probably be to work a normal job anyway, but for now I’am just going to college because i have those type of parents who i kind of have to “please”….

(I do want to go to college anyway tbh since it will be a nice experience also and give me more time to work on writing stories, than if i instead worked a job 5-6 days a week).

The larger college is further away however and takes more time to get to. Iam someone that’s current purpose layer (from “The way of the superior man”) is definitely to be sociaizing more etc. I’am only 19 and have spent a few years barely socialising due to work et cetera (just like Leo has said was similar to himself in the past: he used to focus on work rather than socialising for years even - so he is similar to me in that respect).
 

However i do have something which impacts the decision i make: its the fact that ive been taking SSRI’s for 6 months (because previously i was dealing with a lot of anxiety and sadness in my life).

This is no longer the case btw. I was struggling a lot and got on them (not by choice)… this is because if i had not, then with the state that i was in, i would have been kicked out of the house.

The reason this fact is significant is because I do not believe they are heathy whatsoever for us. I think they are not good for us to be honest (theres stuff online about if but i wont share here incase im not allowed). And so in summary i want to optimize and focus on my heath (especially rn in this “acute” phase where im Taking antidepressants), so as a way for my body to “fight against it” so that for the rest of my life i may live healthier and function better overall. This is where the decision with which college to go to becomes trickier.

I feel like if i don’t go to the further college (and get the social experiences, parties et cetera) there, that i would be missing out on something that i would never get again. if i did go, i would be sabotaging my health longterm for it, due to the fact that i would have a lot less time to put into improving health. And so in the end, I’m wondering: “will I be able to live with that regret of not going”…

more importantly… Im wondering if anyone can tell me: if i do not go to this college, however, is there any chance that if i really did regret it, that i would regret it forever (and that my psychology would be unable to “complete the purpose layer” of socialising etc/living life). Im not sure

would so appreciate everyones advice. Thanks so much ❤️

[Human Mint]

19 minutes ago, Nito said:

but there isn’t any writing courses

What? Are you sure about that? There are full careers for becoming a writer. What you say is like saying "there isn't any music making courses". If anything you should go with whatever you resonate more, and if that's writing then investigate more because there's absolutely a way. I personally know people who went to study writing after school.

Also, you can work part time in an ordinary job while you study so you take it out of your system if you need to

[Ishanga]

@Nito There are no large issues or decisions to make in life, things like who to get married too, what career to have, where to go to school and such, these are not large decisions.

The large decisions are all about the Quality of Your Life Experience, how do You want it too be, Joyful or Miserable, take care of that, then everything else will fall into place as it should be.

First make Yourself Peaceful and Healthy inside and out, then make a decision and stick to it. Never make a decision when in destress or Suffering experience, then you will shift and change Your decisions and zig zag in life! We want to go straight not zig zag, so take of the basics, first BE, then go out and DO then HAVE, don't DO Then HAVE to BE that's backwards!

Good video here on this topic..

 

[Nito]

@Human Mint what careers or courses are you talking about with writing (fiction) though since im not sure what you mean to be honest or where to find them. I cant find any. Could you help me out with this 

[Nito]

@Ishanga i agree but disagree bro. Im asking about if i would regret it and if my “psychology” would be able to get over it 

[Ishanga]

14 minutes ago, Nito said:

@Ishanga i agree but disagree bro. Im asking about if i would regret it and if my “psychology” would be able to get over it 

It sounds to Me from what You wrote that Your Under Stress, which is a form of Suffering right? Enough so that your taking meds which are not good for You in the end!

So my advice as I said before, is to get Yourself into a place of Balance, Harmony or Peace, there's lots of intellectual and physical practices that can help with this.. In Your OP you say the word "Regret" allot, this is living in the future and past, future is imagination since it does not exist yet, past is memory and it doesn't exist as well, only NOW actually exists, but we are all mind identified to a heavy degree, Mind is all about Past and Future, Mind cannot realize NOW, so we have to have space from it, then reality is Perceived, then One is at Peace, so Living NOW absolutely is essential, use the past to become wise from, not wounded, and imagine a future but don't live there emotionally..

Work on basic things like this, as well learn how to Breath correctly, Sit Correctly, Eat Correctly, this will all help with stopping the Stress Response, bringing harmony and Peace into Your Natural Experience, then make the decision...That's all I was sayin!

[Sugarcoat]

I think you’re over emphasizing the importance of the difference between those two colleges. 
 

Even a smaller college has well enough people to be able to socialize a lot. I bet even the most social people have not talked to every single person in their smaller college.  Think about it, even being in one single class you could develop an entire social group.

Your socialization depends mostly on you then the environment becomes secondary. 

One person could go to smaller college and socialize way more with more people than someone going to big college.
 

It’s you who has to make that step to take opportunity to socialize when you see people, and it’s gonna be equally hard regardless. Hey, in the smaller college, you might stumble across the same people more often, which breeds similarity, which may make it feel more natural to socialize. 

Regarding the increased travelling to the larger college making your schedule tighter, you can make up stuff to do on the travel from and to it… like read a book or write… you said you were into writing..

 

 

[Human Mint]

On 9/7/2025 at 1:44 PM, Nito said:

@Human Mint what careers or courses are you talking about with writing (fiction) though since im not sure what you mean to be honest or where to find them. I cant find any. Could you help me out with this 

I have a book by Asimov where he talks about how he became a good science fiction writer. He essentially read a lot of the genre and started writing his own stuff, he sucked at first. My thoughts are that you should go study formal education on writing so you learn a lot of different genres. But if anything you should read what Asimov says about writing . (book)