narcissistic apophenia

[Cheese]

I watched the fake spirituality video. Started to think about where I could find such examples. I watched a guy I believed gave out fake spirituality. He connected dots that didn't exist, It was strange and primitive, I wanted to know what this behaviour was called. I found the term apophenia. What bothered me is that the dots he connected refered to his own life. So the closest term I found was narcissistic apophenia.

 

So I re-watched this behaviour again and again until I wondered why I got so obsessed with it. Then it snapped! I mean I got that same behaviour in my head! 

 

It was always in the background. It came out sometimes to make weird connection in reference to an outside source with myself. It was never an intellectual issue, more an emotional one. I shrugged it away as soon it appeared. So not get caught in the delusion. It appeared even in a dream.  Made a connection with the creation of a bakery in real life in reference to "raising my state of consciousness". Yes, it does not make sense. That why I say it's an emotional issue. It has like weird pull into its delusive aura, if I don't shrug it of I get caught in the delusion.

 

But now that I made this unconscious as more conscious, by writing it down after I finally saw it inside. I guess I need to start exploring this more and start owning this disowned part. I feel resistant into reading about this. As the name says in the title, narcissistic. 

 

I heard about this behaviour many times, usually people refer this to a person outside themselves. I never observed it in anyone, even when people pointed it out with certainty, I did not see that type of behaviour. I guess I did not see it in anyone as, now I have difficulty in acknowledging this, I have that narcissistic behaviour in me. Maybe I can combat the denial and just conclude that I am a narcissist.

 

This is a weird road to self discovery. I think I should not make conclusion in this beginning stage, but it makes very much sense thus far.

[Sandroew]

I never heard of that before. Good luck on your journey. You are doing a good job with the self awareness and willingness to change!

[trenton]

I actually saw that kind of behavior when I was walking down the street one day, and I encountered a man who had some kind of mental health condition. It was possibly some kind of schizophrenic disorder which is common in apophenia. As he would talk to me he would point to random objects and seem to derive profound and intricate meaning from them. He would then connect all of it back to the Bible which is common in this kind of disorder because such people tend to see strong patterns that don't exist and then connect it to divine intelligence.

At the same time, I can't be really sure what this guy is experiencing. Maybe in his reality it really is like divine intelligence as if all things are connected, but from my point of view much of his profound meaning seems to derive from unrelated random objects. I'm open to the possibility that he sees something I do not, but from my point of view it looks very irrational.

[Hojo]

Don't worry literally everyone is a narcissist and schizophrenic these are made up terms to degrees on an infinite rotation. The people making anti narcissist and hateful shit toward narcissist are the higher level narcissist. You will especially hear women attack narcissits more often its projection. You have to be to survive until you find God and see all these brain types are acceptable and just survival mechanism. You get to pick and choose what you want at any given moment and you become a true narcissits.

Being a narcissits is an evolution tactic you felt you needed. These therapy definitions are just ways to label people into categorys other people don't like and by definition of the mind, the things they don't like are what they are the most. Projections of their mind against themselves.

Edited August 21 by Hojo