How Do I Understand THIS Girl

[Nito]

I’m having trouble understanding this girl and would really appreciate all the help I can get

This post has a few questions marked with a “⁉️”. Please help me with them and provide any other insights you hav

I met her 3 days ago at work and after speaking to her for the first time I had many clear signs she likes me:

 

1. After speaking to her for 10 seconds I knew she was interested because she immediately changed her hair style to make herself more attractive when I wasn’t focused on her (she let her hair all loose when previously it was tied up, looked way better)

2. She kept sexy strong eye contact with me the whole time we talked for over 10 min

3. She was trying way harder than me in the conversation. When I allowed for silence she kept asking me questions like “how old are you? Where do you live? How long have you worked here?”

4. She made things a bit sexual by mentioning how her hair used to go down to her bum (not the biggest sign but obv counts) 

I don’t need to explain anything else, even without signs, it was obvious to me just the way she looked and and spoke to me that she clearly liked me

I asked for her number and she said she doesn’t give her number to people but can give her insta.  Idk if this was a test or something legit but either way she was defo interested 

The next day I saw her throughout the day and she was still giving me insane eye contact and sometimes we’d just walk past and give each other flirty smirks, completely flirty vibed smirks like we were saying “I want you”

I messaged her later that day asking if she is free to go out on the weekend and she said that we will talk about it next time we meet in person (no idea why she didn’t just talk about it on text, when I asked her about this in person she seemed clueless about it)

Later that day she texted me again randomly and said “have a good night” which cleary told me that she is thinking of me, and which clearly showed me she is still interested if it wasn’t clear enough 

But the next day is where things get confusing 

The next day when we meet she seems more cold and dry and like she doesn’t want to talk, and is boring compared to the previous first 2 days where she had some personality

⁉️- I’m guessing this is just sh*# tests but tbh with you I’m not sure how to handle it. I saw a video that said that when a girl is cold and dry that you should match her dryness and then she will become normal again lol, is this true?

I will mention that she did need to hurry to catch a train so we couldn’t really speak about our weekend plans

So Later that day because we couldn’t talk about the plans I decided to ask her if she is free tomorrow.

she said to me “I’m going out tonight, I will let you know how I feel in the morning…”    (She included the … too lol, why?)

I sent her a 👍🏻

Later that night she then messages me “who’s that boy you was speaking to earlier? What’s his name?”

-I’m guessing this is also a sh*t test?  A jealousy test or something?

I just showed that I don’t care if she is speaking about other boys and texted her:

“I don’t know his name, but I know he goes to X school” (I’m not lying btw)

Now it’s the next day, it’s Saturday morning 2pm UK time and she still hasn’t “let me know” how she feels about going out when she said she would. This is the first time it’s taken her more than 1 hour to respond. The only thing she messaged me about this morning was to tell me a description of the guy who I spoke to because I didn’t know which guy she meant 

⁉️I know the right move is probably to not message her asking about going out until she messages me right?

Radio silence to make her see that I’m not gonna chase?
What do you guys think?

 

Please help me out in this post, idk what to do from here on out 

I want to understand women way better and how she act and how they switch between these warm and cold phases of clear attraction and giving mixed signals and what it all means 

I really would appreciate it and it would help me so much with this girl and future girls. Thank you fellow men.

Edited Saturday at 01:29 PM by Nito

[Nito]

I should also probably mention that this girl is extremely good looking so she obviously has unlimited options for guys meaning I need to be at the top of her list

 

I know many guys who are taller then me and look better than me and none of them have ever dated such good looking girls

 

i was a bit shocked tbh when I saw that she was attracted to me since I’ve never really had a girl this good looking like me. 
I can see why tho because I made a very good first impression since everyone at work loves me there and she saw that 

[aurum]

3 hours ago, Nito said:

Radio silence to make her see that I’m not gonna chase?
What do you guys think?

Give her some space. But no, not indefinite radio silence.

These games don't always play out as well as you think. Often times it just leads to no one making any moves at all.

Don't let her Hot & Cold throw you off. You know what you want, so stay persistent and lead.

Edited Saturday at 04:15 PM by aurum

[Nito]

@aurum I just don’t understand why this happened.  I guess I can’t know can I? Or do you have any idea?

 

she still hasn’t messaged me all day, it’s messing with me lol

 

The first time I spoke to her she was super interested and now it’s completely different and I haven’t messed up or anything much lol. 
 

Why do women go hot and cold? Is it just a sh*# test or something?

how do I not get thrown off by something like that? It always gets me. 

 

And yeah you said that games are bad. I was thinking that wouldn’t it be the most leader ish thing to do if I just sent her a message like:

”hey I don’t want to play games or waste any of our time. I’d like to go out with you. If you’re not interested that’s fine. I’d rather know straight up then be guessing”

I see a lot of advice from men who say to play the game and don’t message her for a week to make her wonder what’s going on. But I hate these stupid games. But I’m also scared of making girls unattracted because it’s not as mysterious at all if you know what I mean since I know the games are damaging but also effective at attracting someone in the short term and then you can switch to being more straight up after yknow? 

I am practically begging you to give me your best advice to all I’ve asked since I want to have a healthy relationship and want to actually date girls and have fun without the stressful nonsense because this stuff plays with my head. 🤣

I appreciate you so much 

Id also like to ask you how much radio silence you think I should give maximum before I see if she messages first?  
 

you told me to give her some space. How much do you mean? Just half a day of no texting? A full day or do you mean a few days?

 I think a little bit of silence makes sense since otherwise it seems too desperate, but I want to listen to your advice since I hate games.

After the radio silence ends, what do you think I should message her?  
I’d also like to tell you that I don’t see this girl daily. The only time I’ve speaker to her was at work and she was only doing the job for 1 week for work experience so I have no contact with her in person now, meaning it’s all text which is obviously a disadvantage. So I’m not sure how to go about all this since if I leave it too long she might feel too distant from me and it’ll feel like strangers so we’d have no date for sure lol.

Again I appreciate you so much. Thank you, it means a lot to me.

 

Edited Saturday at 09:59 PM by Nito

[integral]

@Nito woman want to avoid conflict at all cost. Her not giving you an answer is avoidance of conflict.

Conflict meaning she doesn't want to go in that direction and saying no = being mean.

Step 1) Stop messaging her.

Step 2) Talk to her like 100% normal you would talk to a friend and stop dumping your obvious neediness onto her.

Woman are super aware of people being needy + desperation.

Stop talking about dating.

Go back to having fun.

This is the mistake made, you went from: fun guy at work -> demanding stuff.

DUDE, I NEVER asked a girl out 3 days knowing her randomly like this, its so ridiculous... this is such highschool stuff, i guess it can work on young woman...

The real way to do it is create a good connection and it will happen naturally.

Sure if your a pick up genius you can get places fast with some (SOME) woman.

Step 3) Get more options. useful to avoid (all in one basket neediness problem)

Step 4) improve your escalation skills and vibe

To get a girl who says things like "ill see how I feel about it tomorrow"...

Her emotions = truth.

You didn't build enough report for her to be hooked.

Edited Saturday at 10:39 PM by integral

[Nito]

@integral

I completely agree with you that I became too serious and demanding early on. You actually hit the nail on the head. I can see how this can be quite suffocating for the girl. 

but I’ve got a problem which is stopping me now.

My problem is that she was only at the job for a week since she is doing work experience. Now she has finished it

so I only got to see her for 3 days and now I have no chances lol. Which is why I asked her out as soon as I was able to 

I’m saying that I can’t see her in person now UNLESS we went on a date

so all I’ve got is text. Which sucks

not sure what to do about this situation. 
like I’m so lost lol. 
 

I can’t build the rapport you talk about on text can I?

we built some good rapport on the first day we met but after that we had little to no chances to speak and now we have zero unless we go on a dates
 

I feel like because I don’t fully understand women yet; It’s like I’m walking in the woods in the dark and I’m banging my head on trees I’m accidentally waking into and I’m not sure where to step to not stand on any sticks. It’s like I’m just stuck not knowing what to do. 

I’ve seen so much advice from redpill and a mix of purple pill (red and blue together) and now my brain is so lost on what advice to follow with attracting women and getting the first date

I’ll appreciate any more help and advice you can give me and appreciate you already. Thank you 

I can kinda discern that from what you’ve said the only way forward would be to build rapport on text?   Build it until she trusts me more and wants to go on a  date?    You think that’s possible and even worth trying and even likely it would work? 

 

Edited Saturday at 10:43 PM by Nito

[Nito]

@integral btw. If you could read my conversation above with @aurum I would really appreciate it since I asked some really valuable questions there that would help me so much if you could answer them quickly. It would geneuinely change my world

 

youve helped me so much and gain so much clarity right now I swear. It’s like I can see more in the dark ahah (to continue the analogy I used)

 

When you read those messages you’ll see I’m very confused about how long I should stop messaging for.   And what to say to her after I message her again or if she contacts me again.  I’m very lost on this 

 

Edit: DAMN bro you really are so right about this rapport stuff. I am so grateful to you for teaching me this lol. I knew it existed but I didn’t realise how much I wasn’t using it.      My big problem is if I can build rapport on text. Which I believe I can since I swear I’ve done it in the past.      I’m just unsure whether texting her would make me a texting buddy and lower my frame if you want to call it that.      
 

I’ve learned from others that texting should only be used for setting up dates so it would feel really weird for me to message a girl again just to talk, but maybe I can if it’s a good idea

Edited Saturday at 10:52 PM by Nito

[integral]

14 minutes ago, Nito said:

My problem is that she was only at the job for a week since she is doing work experience. Now she has finished it

Her working somewhere for a week is very stressful for a random person, they are not in their comfort zone, they're not settled into the environment.

That means she was in a stressful environment trying to get bye and then you tried to hit on her within 3 days.

So its bad timing.

 

14 minutes ago, Nito said:

so all I’ve got is text. Which sucks

LMAO i feel the pain, but if you cant see her again then you have to hope she messages you later in the future randomly.

If she's avoiding messaging you, then it's over unfortunately.

She likely has a bunch of stuff going on in her life and you didn't come in at the right time.

Timing is important and it's not within your control.

It's just bad luck.

8 minutes ago, Nito said:

When you read those messages you’ll see I’m very confused about how long I should stop messaging for.   And what to say to her after I message her again or if she contacts me again.  I’m very lost on this 

The solution here is to get other prospects and start dating a different person.

This will change your frame of mind so you'll know what the answer is.

You're confused because your frame of mind is off.

The answer is obvious to anyone who's sober.

---

You asked her out and she said " I'll see how I feel about it tomorrow", and then she didn't respond.

There's nothing you can do man.

She would not behave like this if she was interested.

But because you can't see her again there's no way for you to build more report. There's just nothing you can do now. its gg

Edited Saturday at 10:55 PM by integral

[Nito]

@integral I can see now that she was very interested for the first 2 days before I wasn’t trying as hard on those days to ask her out.  I was more just having fun. Now I guess I gotta somehow make it work on text lol. Damn bro

 

can I ask you for some texting advice if you know any. I used to be really good at making it fun but now I have no idea what I’m doing Since I overthink every single thing I text. 
 

2nd thing.

You said this “LMAO i feel the pain, but if you cant see her again then you have to hope she messages you later in the future randomly.”

do you think I should message her first at all or do I need to now wait for her to message me?  
 

before you answer this question I really suggest looking at the image I attached of mine and her most recent messages from yesterday and this morning 
 

 

[integral]

1 hour ago, Nito said:

@aurum I just don’t understand why this happened.  I guess I can’t know can I? Or do you have any idea?

This happened because the connection wasn't fully developed enough and the fantasy of you was not ingrained in her mind deep enough. lol

Women Want To Be emotionally stimulated into the relationship like a fairy tale.

Often they just stimulate themselves if you keep your distance lmao, they develop the mystery about you in their own mind and then that illusion is broken when they actually get to know you LOL

Edited Saturday at 11:05 PM by integral

[integral]

7 minutes ago, Nito said:

@integral I can see now that she was very interested for the first 2 days before I wasn’t trying as hard on those days to ask her out.  I was more just having fun. Now I guess I gotta somehow make it work on text lol. Damn bro

 

can I ask you for some texting advice if you know any. I used to be really good at making it fun but now I have no idea what I’m doing Since I overthink every single thing I text. 
 

2nd thing.

You said this “LMAO i feel the pain, but if you cant see her again then you have to hope she messages you later in the future randomly.”

do you think I should message her first at all or do I need to now wait for her to message me?  
 

before you answer this question I really suggest looking at the image I attached of mine and her most recent messages from yesterday and this morning 
 

 

Yeah man just go back to building a connection and having fun, be more laid back, Maybe point out something you noticed about her that was "questionable" for fun to get her invested into talking about herself.

The easiest way is to get them talking about themselves, make the conversation about her.

People love when their ego is stimulated in an engaging way.

Normally I talk about some aspect of their psychology, and they always love it, they want to go on and on and on about how their own mind works.

But this might not be something that fits your personality

Edited Saturday at 11:11 PM by integral

[Nito]

@integral 

11 minutes ago, integral said:

.There's nothing you can do man.

She would not behave like this if she was interested.

But because you can't see her again there's no way for you to build more report. There's just nothing you can do now. its gg

I don’t really get it since she was really interested the first 2 days. Cleary attracted. Dunno what happened to be honest apart from me trying to ask for the date a bit too much. Maybe that killed it all?

 

You think it’s impossible to build rapport on text?

 

and third question is.
If I want to date this girl. The only thing I can do is see if she messages me right?  I shouldn’t message her again since it’s pointless?   What do you think?

 

I don’t care about making a mistake. I just want to know if there’s a chance of making this work. So please let me know since I defo do like this girl and can’t really just give up like that

 

i know it’s prob immature of me. But if I’ve lost already I might aswell try the final option if there is a chance. 

[Nito]

@integral 

6 minutes ago, integral said:

This happened because the connection wasn't fully developed enough and the fantasy of you was not ingrained in her mind deep enough. lol

Women Want To Be emotionally stimulated into the relationship like a fairy tale.

Often they just stimulate themselves if you keep your distance lmao, they develop the mystery about you in their own mind and then that illusion is broken when they actually get to know you LOL

I think this is what happened with my ex girlfriend.   I played so many games with her with just taking like 8 hours to reply to her and it really made her super obsessed with me. 
 

im assuming this would be the only way to make this current girl chase me, to completely stop messaging her until she sends me a message? 
 

I know you’ve kind of already said this but I’d like it confirmed by you. Do you agree with what I’m saying here?

 

ps. Tysm for the help. You are helping me learn so much I can use for the rest of my life. It’s life changing to me. It’s giving me hope for myself and my life lol.

[integral]

@Nito Never over invest in a girl before you sleep with them.

You should not be at this level of investment, it will only cause self-sabotage and hurt your chances.

[Nito]

8 minutes ago, integral said:

Yeah man just go back to building a connection and having fun, be more laid back, Maybe point out something you noticed about her that was "questionable" for fun to get her invested into talking about herself.

The easiest way is to get them talking about themselves, make the conversation about her.

People love when their ego is stimulated in an engaging way.

Normally I talk about some aspect of their psychology, and they always love it, they want to go on and on and on about how their own mind works.

But this might not be something that fits your skill set.

Hey this was your answer to my question where I said

”

You said this “LMAO i feel the pain, but if you cant see her again then you have to hope she messages you later in the future randomly.”

do you think I should message her first at all or do I need to now wait for her to message me? “

i won’t lie I didn’t feel my question got answered.

i appreciate the advice though.

i just wanted to know if you think I should message her first again even after she’s not messaging me or whether I MUST wait for her to message me first for any chance of me and her working out.

 

You said above that I can’t build rapport on text only right?    So I got a bit confused why you was telling me in your message to Try and talk to her again. 
 

just checking what you actually meant here

[integral]

2 minutes ago, Nito said:

I think this is what happened with my ex girlfriend.   I played so many games with her with just taking like 8 hours to reply to her and it really made her super obsessed with me. 

Girls Just Want to Have Fun, build connections, feel safe and comfortable, NO PRESSURE, be understood, laugh and fool around, talk about their life with someone without being judged. 

VIBE VIBE VIBE VIBE VIBE

If you are admitting A vibe that makes them love talking to you and they enjoy being around you then everything will come naturally.

Vibe is King. You could look like a goblin and as long as you're vibe is on point woman will hurl themselves at you.

[Nito]

6 minutes ago, integral said:

@Nito Never over invest in a girl before you sleep with them.

You should not be at this level of investment, it will only cause self-sabotage and hurt your chances.

@integral I know you’re right. I found out 2 years ago that i have an anxious attachment style and I don’t want to blame that for all of this but it defo affects me a lot and makes me very needy.

[integral]

3 minutes ago, Nito said:

do you think I should message her first at all or do I need to now wait for her to message me? “

I think you have to break the flow of the conversation and just go in a different direction.

Edited Saturday at 11:22 PM by integral

[Nito]

9 minutes ago, Nito said:

@integral 

I think this is what happened with my ex girlfriend.   I played so many games with her with just taking like 8 hours to reply to her and it really made her super obsessed with me. 
 

im assuming this would be the only way to make this current girl chase me, to completely stop messaging her until she sends me a message? 
 

I know you’ve kind of already said this but I’d like it confirmed by you. Do you agree with what I’m saying here?

 

ps. Tysm for the help. You are helping me learn so much I can use for the rest of my life. It’s life changing to me. It’s giving me hope for myself and my life lol.

Apologises if this is annoying. But do you think you could answer the question I asked here.   I think you missed it by accident 

[Nito]

2 minutes ago, integral said:

I think you have to break the flow of the conversation and just go in a different direction.

What does that mean?