Female Dating Advice

[Elliott]

53 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

Also, if you want to know if he cheated and if he thinks you're fat.

 

Do you think women have a hard time telling when a guy is lying?

[Princess Arabia]

11 minutes ago, Elliott said:

Do you think women have a hard time telling when a guy is lying?

No, he opened his mouth. Hehe.

Seriously, it depends; and one can never be absolutely sure about it unless proven; but some can have a feeling about it. It takes knowing body language, the guy himself and his known habits, the woman's intuitive abilities, so many factors but in general women can detect these things much easier than a man can detect in a woman.

[Elliott]

If a guy is the type that says one thing and does another, I'd imagine he's already sorted out of this dating pool. I think that if a guy will lie about this he will be a liar in general. Let alone, she will often be able to tell if his response is a lie.

A woman can ask specifics

What are your intentions with our relationship?

Are you interested in me for a serious relationship?

Where do you feel we're at in the dating stage?

" I want you to tell me if you don't think I'm what you're looking for for marriage, or if there's anything that concerns you about me."

Edited April 9 by Elliott

[Emerald]

4 hours ago, Elliott said:

I think you're really going to eliminate 95% of the men looking for marriage out of your dating pool. This is looking for a guy from a chick flick.

These expectations are actually really realistic for finding a regular guy who is compatible with you and who is looking for the type of relationship you want to have. And they work best if you have realistic expectations for your male partner and your relationship more generally.

And there is nothing romanticized or "pie in the sky" about this... as guys from chick flicks don't exist. And even if they did, I would personally sort them from consideration because that's not appealing to me and not what I'm looking for in a partner.

I would not be happy longterm with Mr. Perfect... nor would most women. And that's true even for women who enjoy chick flicks or who believe they would like such a guy.

But the entire point of this advice is to eliminate 99% of options that don't work for you so that you find a good match who is willing to invest in you longterm.

It's repelling and sorting 99% of the options you have so that you can find the 1% within those options that will fit in your life. 

It's like getting a whole bunch of applications and using a process of elimination to find the best candidate for you. 

Like if you know of 20 guys that you consider to have romantic partner potentials who you have chemistry with... you want to pick the 1 out of those 20 who fits best with the kind of life and relationship dynamic you would feel content with longterm by considering factors like compatibility, fatherhood potential, lifestyle, longterm happiness potential, and lack of dealbreakers.

[Emerald]

On 4/8/2025 at 0:21 PM, Princess Arabia said:

I'll share this 30min video here for the guys not understanding the investment part and how men fall in love. I agree with what he's saying here. The investment part comes in mostly in the middle of the video. 16:00+

A lot of what @Emeraldis saying on the investment part, this guy also says and explains why. Starts at the 16:00 marker.

That's exactly what I mean. A man falls in love when he invests and helps.

So, if the woman is putting in all the effort to contact the guy and set up dates and trying to woo him by giving him sex, cooking for him, cleaning for him, etc... then she is in Masculine mode.

And that will repel a guy because it gives him no space to pursue and invest.

That's why it's a bad sign if you feel those really crushy feelings towards a guy... because that's what it feels like when the Masculine lover awakes in you. And it's so hard not to over-give and chase from that emotional frame.

So, it's important that the guy invest more during the courtship phase.... and to continue giving him space to help and give and invest during the relationship as well.

Men fall in love when they put in more effort to woo you and win you over. 

[Emerald]

8 hours ago, meta_male said:

@Emerald You made a lot of great points here. Personally, I’ve noticed that when a woman invests too much in me right off the bat, it actually makes me lose attraction. I end up assuming she’s not thinking clearly, because there's no way to truly know someone that well so early on. Genuine connection takes time.

Honestly, I’m tired of running into women who want to lock things down immediately just because their emotions spike. It feels like they’re chasing the idea of a relationship more than actually getting to know me. And that's when it turns into something casual.

As someone who used to operate fully off of "only the feelings matter" assumption, I can say that it comes from putting too much meaning into feelings of chemistry because of how profound they feel and how much it opens you up to passion, creativity, and feelings of aliveness.

Like it is incredibly exhilarating, heart opening, and expansive to awaken the Masculine lover... and it can be very inspiring and softening. It's actually great to channel the Masculine Lover into creativity because you have a muse to worship.

This defaulting to Masculine Lover mode was largely the case in the past because I was previously pretty monogamous with my feelings of chemistry in the past where I would hyper-focus on one off-limits guy that I would have feelings for longterm. And there would be so much meaning attached to it and so much inspiration to impress him and woo him.

Nowadays I recognize that I have chemistry with many men and that those feelings of chemistry don't mean very much. But when I was super monogamous with my attractions because of societal conditioning and slut-shaming... and an attachment to monogamous romanticization, all of that intensity of Masculine Lover mode was getting laser-focused towards just one man at a time.

So, it was hyper-concentrated and potent in one direction... and really opened up deeper expressions of devotion, appreciation, and gratitude towards life, as that is what awakening the Masculine Lover does. 

But although these feelings are great for creative inspiration and making love to life itself... I don't recommend choosing a partner based off of these feelings as you are only falling in love with your own Masculine side you see projected upon the object of your affections, and not the man in front of you. 

So, a lot of this crushy longing for a given man is actually a call towards deeper Masculine integration within yourself... and not an indication that this is the man that you're meant to be with.

And it misattributes the awakening of the Lover within to the person who simply triggered the Lover within.

To shift into the Feminine, it's important to realize that the joie de vivre you feel when those crushy feelings awaken towards the image of a man is your own Masculine joie de vivre and doesn't have to do with him.

Then, you can integrate the Masculine and rest in your Feminine because you realize that your inner lover only loves you... because you are your own Beloved to your Inner Masculine side.

And once you integrate the Masculine instead of seeking it in the other, you're able to bring discernment into your romantic choices and to be in the Feminine role that feels good to you in a relationship.

[Emerald]

3 hours ago, Elliott said:

If you want to know if a guy is serious about you, ask him.

After a few months, if you're unclear about his intentions, you should ask him something like "Where do you see this going?"

Number one, if you have to ask... it's already iffy because you're probably asking because he's not investing as much as you'd like him to.

But if he answers anything lukewarm or wishy washy, you should break it off and find someone else.

[Elliott]

36 minutes ago, Emerald said:

That's exactly what I mean. A man falls in love when he invests and helps.

 

On 4/6/2025 at 2:52 PM, Emerald said:

 

• The man should be more into you than you are into him in the initial phases of courtship... as this is the stable foundation male/female relationships are built on.  .........So, there needs to be a dynamic where he's squarely in the Lover mode and sees you as the Beloved whose affections he must win. And you must have chemistry with him and see him as a suitable long-term partner but not be fully sold on him yet at the outset of the relationship.

On 4/8/2025 at 10:07 AM, Emerald said:

And for men it is almost immediately that they know who they want as a serious longterm partner and who they don't.

These posts are diametrically opposed.

 

The video says it takes the man figuring out the woman. 7:30

 

4 minutes ago, Emerald said:

After a few months, if you're unclear about his intentions, you should ask him something like "Where do you see this going?"

You should probably ask before sex, and then regularly there on out until marriage or whatever.

4 minutes ago, Emerald said:

Number one, if you have to ask... it's already iffy because you're probably asking because he's not investing as much as you'd like him to.

Disagree, it should be talked about occasionally. 

4 minutes ago, Emerald said:

But if he answers anything lukewarm or wishy washy, you should break it off and find someone else.

 

[Emerald]

1 minute ago, Elliott said:

These posts are diametrically opposed.

How do you mean?

[Emerald]

2 minutes ago, Elliott said:

You should probably ask before sex, and then regularly there on out until marriage or whatever.

There can be times to communicate about that and check in to get on the same page.

But it should be really clear from his actions whether he's investing or not. It's really evident whether the effort is there or isn't.

And if you feel like unsure or like you need to ask often, it's already a bad sign because your uncertainty is likely coming from an intuition that he's not truly invested.

[Elliott]

8 minutes ago, Emerald said:

There can be times to communicate about that and check in to get on the same page.

But it should be really clear from his actions whether he's investing or not. It's really evident whether the effort is there or isn't.

And if you feel like unsure or like you need to ask often, it's already a bad sign because your uncertainty is likely coming from an intuition that he's not truly invested.

For a chick flick guy, yes. Not most guys though, most guys are not relationship savants, nor are women to even be able to distinguish what is "investing".

The really scary thing for me though about what you're saying , is that it's players that do know how to do the investing you're saying to subscribe to.

[Emerald]

15 minutes ago, Elliott said:

For a chick flick guy, yes. Not most guys though, most guys are not relationship savants, nor are women to even be able to distinguish what is "investing".

The really scary thing for me though about what you're saying , is that it's players that do know how to do the investing you're saying to subscribe to.

I think you're misunderstanding what I'm saying because there's nothing unrealistic or fantastical about this.

Men naturally want to invest his efforts in a woman he wants something serious and longterm with.

Men will want to help you, impress you, and add to your life as that is part of pursuit when a man is really interested in you as a person.

I've been with low-investment guys and it creates lots of insecurities and questions... and you have to ask "Where do we stand?" often.

And I've been with and I am currently with a guy who invests a lot in me. And there's a sense of security and ease because he shows me often that he values me and invests time, money, and energy into being with me and helping me and making my life better. 

So, I already have this. It's not unrealistic at all.

You're imagining something fantastical and overly romantic when this is something that's very common in healthy man/woman relationships. And men who really want to be with you will put in lots of effort to make the relationship happen and to add to your life.

Edited April 9 by Emerald

[BlessedLion]

I found this pretty cool & balanced:
 

 

[Elliott]

Disney pilled, the player's favorite date rape drug.

 

 

Edited April 10 by Elliott

[Emerald]

1 hour ago, Elliott said:

Disney pilled, the player's favorite date rape drug.

If you think this is Disney stuff or Rom com stuff, you're fundamentally misunderstanding the dynamic that I'm talking about. And you have an idea in your mind that's totally different from what I'm talking about.

The investment that I speak of is a very common dynamic that arises in couples when a man really wants to make things work with a woman for a serious longterm relationship... where he will put in consistent effort to make things work.

And it's not something that is easily faked because it is consistent subtle action taken over the course of months. 

So, it's not lovebombing or overtly romantic or applying player-like tricks to get something from a woman... which is what I think that you think I'm talking about.

It's just consistent effort being put in over time... like showing up, texting, calling, setting up dates, trying to contribute to the woman's life and wellbeing, etc. 

It's all very steady and doesn't require anything particularly extravagant. And the average man will naturally do this when he's seriously interested in a woman.

[Emerald]

3 hours ago, BlessedLion said:

I found this pretty cool & balanced:
 

 

I actually watched that one yesterday. I really think that Men's Lib and healing around these dynamics in this video is the next phase of collective healing relative to Masculine and Feminine dynamics.

[Elliott]

7 minutes ago, Emerald said:

If you think this is Disney stuff or Rom com stuff, you're fundamentally misunderstanding the dynamic that I'm talking about. And you have an idea in your mind that's totally different from what I'm talking about.

The investment that I speak of is a very common dynamic that arises in couples when a man really wants to make things work with a woman for a serious longterm relationship... where he will put in consistent effort to make things work.

And it's not something that is easily faked because it is consistent subtle action taken over the course of months. 

So, it's not lovebombing or overtly romantic or applying player-like tricks to get something from a woman... which is what I think that you think I'm talking about.

It's just consistent effort being put in over time... like showing up, texting, calling, setting up dates, trying to contribute to the woman's life and wellbeing, etc. 

It's all very steady and doesn't require anything particularly extravagant. And the average man will naturally do this when he's seriously interested in a woman.

You're completely changing the conversation, we're not talking about a guy not puting in effort, we're talking about how you say the guy must be puting in more effort than the woman, and how you say a guy knows if the woman is serious relationship material or not super quick. You haven't tried to understand a word I've said.

 

 

Edited April 10 by Elliott

[Emerald]

Just now, Elliott said:

You're completely changing the conversation, we're not talking about a guy not puting in effort, we're talking about how you say the guy must be puting in more effort than the woman, and how you say a guy knows if the woman is marriage material or not on the outset of courting. You haven't tried to understand a word I've said.

Yes, it's important to be the one doing less in the courtship process because it gives him more space to pursue and give... which will help the deeper bonding process.

So, if the woman leans back and this gives men space to invest, give, and pursue, this enables two things....

• It enables men to feel more deeply bonded to the woman, as investing is how men grow more connected to a woman and to realize his love for her. It enables the seeds of love to grow in his heart.
• The men who are interested will try to fill in the space with pursuit and investment... and low-investment men who don't have the seeds of love for a woman... and who aren't interested in pursuing anything serious will not make efforts. And this enables women to sort out men who are NOT interested in something deep and serious.

 

[Elliott]

4 minutes ago, Emerald said:

Yes, it's important to be the one doing less in the courtship process because it gives him more space to pursue and give... which will help the deeper bonding process.

So, if the woman leans back and this gives men space to invest, give, and pursue, this enables two things....

• It enables men to feel more deeply bonded to the woman, as investing is how men grow more connected to a woman and to realize his love for her. It enables the seeds of love to grow in his heart.
• The men who are interested will try to fill in the space with pursuit and investment... and low-investment men who don't have the seeds of love for a woman... and who aren't interested in pursuing anything serious will not make efforts. And this enables women to sort out men who are NOT interested in something deep and serious.

 

This is just being a player as a woman, trying to hook a man, funny thing, you're mainly going to catch players.

Marriage guys are practical, do you pass the requirements, see princess arabias video.

[Elliott]

@Emerald 

What were the low investment guys types of responses when you asked them if they were serious?

 

 

 

 

Edited April 10 by Elliott