Formed Frontal Lobe Thoughts

[soos_mite_ah]

1 Year After Plastic Surgery

It's officially been 1 year since the surgery and I feel great. I think this was a really good decision on my part and 100% worth the $10k I spent on this. My body image is more stable. I have a better relationship with food and I'm more in tune with my body's queues since I'm focus on the looks less. I have a lot more mental space now that I'm not nearly as physically self conscious. Shopping doesn't feel like torture any more. I feel good on a day to day basis. 

I will say that I feel 7/10 in my body. I can't say that my body image is perfect. I still have days where I don't feel my best and I think much of it has to do with the return of the early 2000s skinny standards which is very unrealistic given my build. I also think that I'm more insecure about my chest. I wouldn't say that the insecurities I had around my stomach went towards my chest because I don't feel like I returned back to the same place emotionally that I was in pre-surgery. It's more of the fact that my boobs were already big and now they feel even more so because of my proportions. Shopping, while it doesn't feel like torture, is still a chore and a struggle because of my chest. I don't think my boobs are that crazy when I'm naked but whenever I try to put clothes on, that's when I'm reminded that most people are smaller than me and that my chest is disproportionately big. 

I feel like I can lose a smidge of weight in the body fat percentage sense, not because I'm insecure about my size but because I like the look of defined muscles and I like the thought of having back mucles specifically. I also have the faintest hint of abs after the surgery which is something that has me excited. I'm still a little numb towards my waist but I think I'm like 95% recovered. It's to the point where I don't really think about the surgery all that much anymore. 

Emotionally, I feel like I'm still working through some self-esteem issues that this process has uncovered. I wrote about this in a previous post: 

On 11/3/2025 at 1:01 PM, soos_mite_ah said:

But now that my insecurities around my weight are mostly gone, I feel like I have unlocked a layer of insecurities around my perceptions of my own desirability. I feel like my insecurites around desirability was always there but it wasn't in the forefront on my mind as it is right now because in the past, I had this thought that was along the lines of *hey, I'm not ugly, I just need to lose weight and get rid of my stomach.* But now, it's like.. *well maybe I am just ugly.* And I have just been trying to sit with it and process where this might be coming from and how to address it. 

I feel like I have worked through 70% of this. My confidence around my looks is still a work in progress.