Finished the LP course

[Jannes]

I wonder if all of this table tennis optimization really does me any good. Table tennis is not really survival for me, I do it for fun. Yet I turn it into a survival thing and take fun out of it I think. With my bad table tennis bat, table tennis was already pretty fun, I was just so limited in what I could do. Thats all. I have got all the materials to learn all the new shit I always wanted now. 

Planning a new bat is kind of fun but also painful in a way. I am passionate about it, "thrilled", "activated" , but also not really at peace I feel like. 

Idk

Probably a developmental thing.

Maybe I have more things to say about it later. 

Its weird, I may be in a lot of joy if I just put the cheap rubbers (with which I can learn all the new techniques) on my blade .. or maybe I am fooling myself with the next thing (camouflaged as a step back).

[Jannes]

Just now, Jannes said:

or maybe I am fooling myself with the next thing (camouflaged as a step back).

My distrust in the stories of my own mind is really something lol ..

[Jannes]

Just now, Jannes said:

My distrust in the stories of my own mind is really something lol ..

I bet I said this just to flatter myself/ feet my spiritual ego. 

[Jannes]

I was emotionally not really about what to do with my last date. 

Our first date wasnt a perfect match but somehow the onlynext date I could think of was cooking at my spot which is quite intimate and risky if it doesnt go well and I want to keep a nice connection with her afterwards. 

I dont think she asked me out to smash with me so a quick nut would be the wrong direction + its not actually what I really crave, I want connection as well. 

Just got the perfect idea, BILLIARD!!  Its fun, light and not to intimate. Well if she is interested in it ofc. But in suggesting that I give a good direction.  

[Jannes]

5 hours ago, Jannes said:

I was emotionally not really about what to do with my last date. 

Our first date wasnt a perfect match but somehow the onlynext date I could think of was cooking at my spot which is quite intimate and risky if it doesnt go well and I want to keep a nice connection with her afterwards. 

I dont think she asked me out to smash with me so a quick nut would be the wrong direction + its not actually what I really crave, I want connection as well. 

Just got the perfect idea, BILLIARD!!  Its fun, light and not to intimate. Well if she is interested in it ofc. But in suggesting that I give a good direction.  

Asked her if she likes billiard about 6 hours ago and she didnt reply yet.

Nnnghh .. thats not a good sign at all. 

STOP I am overthinking this. 

[Jannes]

I think when I am honest with myself I probably realize that we didnt vibe that well. 

When I am honest with myself that is .. 

[Jannes]

10 hours ago, Jannes said:

Asked her if she likes billiard about 6 hours ago and she didnt reply yet.

Nnnghh .. thats not a good sign at all. 

STOP I am overthinking this. 

Okay she still didnt write me back.

I cant help but not make any early assumptions, thats just how my brain is wired. 

[Jannes]

My old theatre club put 2 more events on its page. 

It aint completly dead

I feel happy about it .. huh 

Well thats my first emotional reaction at least

[Jannes]

(from inside playdead)

[Jannes]

to delete stuff from my iPad to download the next update and in such of big blocks of memory storage I found an old video of mine where I recorded team fortress 2. Completly missed that block for some reason. 

As the addict that I am I instanly watched the whole 30 mins and it was really interesting to watch. My main mistake all the time was playing way way to agressively. Chasing frags without valuing my life. Like half the kills I could have gotten simply by positioning myself well and with good good spam. 

However there was sone moment that caught my attention. It was a super critical moment where I was caught between enemy players behind their lines and my decision making was top notch even though my mechanics were a little lackluster.