Finished the LP course

[Jannes]

Just now, Jannes said:

Wow, a girl I had a crush on in my old theatre club just blocked me on WhatsApp or turned off her profile picture and text. She changed her profile pic on my birthday drinking from a fancy glass. Its too much to explain in short here but I interpretate it as flirting ..

That will trigger me much more in the coming days then I can admit right now. It always has. 

Ending it completly is perhaps better. 

[Jannes]

My current gaming experience. 

Well I do need experience in all 3 aspects, but I can chat up girls and also have sex, the problem is the escalation itself. I have very little in my actual toolbox. Body contact in socially appropriate situations like laughter or hugs, escalation ladder, complimenting someones lips ...

But men I do feel dirty every time I am invested in game and let my psyche be corrupted by sex. 

[Jannes]

I took my sex toy out again and its very nice. Puts less pressure on me to find someone for better or for worse. 

[Jannes]

I just found out that I cant do my internship at a startup coaching place (probably). Thats to bad as that was actually something that interested me. 

I have to come to terms that I am actually not that interested in the whole social worker thing. Well maybe a bit. I am definitely interested in peoples psychology, but many human stories bore me to shit. But also that takes some pressure off me, I just need to try something out and when it sticks it sticks, if it doesnt, well I didnt plan for it. 

I have to be honest, I really secretly hoped that by this time my RV practice would turn out more fruitful. 

...

What makes me feel some relief though is that with housing money and a few hours of a job I could almost survive. Thats not nothing. That means my existance is saved for a while (and I could do free shit on my own).