Finished the LP course

[Jannes]

5 minutes ago, LordFall said:

If there are 3 insights that are your main takeways from the course, what would they be?

 

What am I willing to stand up for, bleed for and die for?

Unwillingness to do great work. You will resist doing your greatest work.

Your top 10 values will tell you how to be happy in life. Different from all your friends and family.

 

There are mine 

1) I am truly not at a point in my life where I know myself or my values good enough to really know what my LP is 

( If I havent taken the course I would have thought that I just didnt think about it long enough ) 

2) But somehow there is still a clear calling which needs to be discovered

3) Its in the direction of conveying spirituality and it will include my strenghts like thinking outside the box, empathy, creativity and so on. 

[Jannes]

Chilled with my friend after impro. It was so super nice, we had a great chatter. Well actually I talked about stuff on my mind as well. But it was just so smoth and effortless, like I couldnt imagine how that could ever happen before but it did. 

I think its all thanks to blocking youtube. 

It went so well I didnt even know when to end it, like I wasnt used to talking and talking effortlessly and thought we need to stop at some point but really it wasnt nessaccary. I needed to pee at some point pretty badly so I stopped then. Interestingly I didnt really feel like hugging for a goodbye and he also BECAUSE it went so well I think. Which was really strange. 

[Jannes]

7 minutes ago, Jannes said:

Interestingly I didnt really feel like hugging for a goodbye and he also BECAUSE it went so well I think. Which was really strange. 

I think its because much of social interaction is a bit forced, in this moment there was a real vibe going on so you didnt need to force anything. 

[Jannes]

I just texted a girl from university which I like. 

Well, at the point where I had the least sexual interest she seemed like the best choice. Not because she isnt sexually interesting but when you take sexuality out of the equation she seems healthy. 

But really this confronts me with what I really want. I am telling myself that I am not interested in casual sex and emotionally I actually do feel drawn towards her but there is just this inner will to bang a lot of girls still.. 

I think I have never observed this inner conflict so closely. 

[Jannes]

My inner thighs hurt like crap. They are so sore from last training session.

Maybe thats one way to increase the size of my legs. 

[Jannes]

A lot of that gloryess vibes from yesterday are gone. 

I have only slept for 6 hours, thats probably part of the reason why. 

[Jannes]

Men, one of the very few good things humans did was create open source projects. 

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DYAT1RbgRLZ/

We need an open source amazon, or an open source marketplace at least. 

[Jannes]

When I said goodbye to someone today I kind of gave them a longing smile .. hard to put into words but definitely showing some deep romantic-ish interest. And the thing was, it was a dude. 

...

I have no idea what just happened there. I kind of looked at him a couple of times, I noticed his good style before I knew he was gay/ bi with a bias on guys, he is super chill to talk to and he looks attractive.

Soo yeah he is kind of in this exception realm but I cant tell what that reaction of mine was.. it seemed genuine on my end but I cant connect the dots really.

Am I surpressing something so deeply that I cant even make it conscious when I focus my attention on it? 

[Jannes]

I watched a gay cartoon porn a couple days ago and I am still kind of off-put by it. 

There is a component I like about it, at least in the cartoon version, but I am also put off by it. Weird. 

[Jannes]

I am not lazy, I make a conscious decision to dowhshift: https://karrierebibel.de/downshifting/

[Jannes]

I think I will take some medicinet tomorrow. 

I need a boost to work on my university stuff

[Jannes]

Couldnt get anything done right now, I just felt sleepy and a bit sorrow

[Jannes]

I am kind of connecting my new self which is comfortable with less stimulation with a natural non medicated self. And this strategy of mine does indeed help with a lot of things but it doesnt have to be the solution for everything. 

[Jannes]

It was nuts today at my social spot and I had so much more confidence then usual, even gaming wasnt really that nerve wrecking. 

I feel a bit dirty though, I flirted with so many girls today. 

[Jannes]

The one girl I wanted to ask for a number today brought her bf/ fuckboy whatever with her again. I thought it was over with them or something. 

And I was really confident I wanted to ask her for her number today, I really pictured her as a viable girlfriend.

Well if she was still with him it wouldnt have changed much, but I could have asked her for her number way earlier. IF I WAS MORE OF A CHAD THIS WOULDNT HAVE HAPPENED. 

It interesting, without youtube to escape, I take all the blame on myself. 

[Optimized Life]

On 20/07/2026 at 7:43 PM, Jannes said:

I think its all thanks to blocking youtube. 

 Its all toxic af nggl 

Stay off that shit 

I dont normally comment on journals 

But fuck social media 

Edited 6 hours ago by Optimized Life

[Jannes]

9 minutes ago, Optimized Life said:

 Its all toxic af nggl 

Stay off that shit 

I dont normally comment on journals 

But fuck social media 

Yeah for me thats super true.

I think everyone can benefit a lot from blocking social media/ youtube.

But for me the difference is very extreme because my nervous system is so sensitive.