Finished the LP course

[Jannes]

13 minutes ago, Jannes said:

Somewhere I already got tipps for hugging seminars and physical game. 

"Look up contact improv workshops in your area. That should help you become more comfortable with touching strangers "

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[Jannes]

Just listened to typical hollow male drinking music. I always feel a sense of cringe and shame/ outsiderness when I listen to it. 

But also, I kinda changed teams recently so I am more open to it. 

[Jannes]

Men I just feel flatened despite taking medication. A lot of uni stuff. I need to get used to that level of effort. 

[Jannes]

Whenever I wake up my thoughts are why I havent slept with two girls in my social circle who were open to it. They would have opened the door to the f*boy lifestyle. Now these doors are half closed. 

But idk if I would have enjoyed that even. 

[Jannes]

Just had an interesting idea. 

That women have a vagina and are physically weaker then men is kind of a bad combination, because the vagina is more prone to abuse then the dick, because the vagina is used for birth. 

So what if women we genetically engineered women to be as or stronger then men physically. Then they would have the more abusable sex organ but also the muscle to defend themselves. So rape would probably be less of a thing because it would make less sense. 

[Jannes]

 

[Jannes]

 

[Jannes]

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Jannes]

Men I feel kind of sick. Maybe it was a bit much this week. 

[Jannes]

Today at a seminar a girl looked at me for guidance. I established some of that the dates prior through adhd medication, but not today. 

Men I didnt even know that this is something I wanted, or well yes I knew but I kind of buried it. 

[Jannes]

I am wondering how adhd folk even survive. 

[Jannes]

I dont know why I dont feel like writing in my journal as much the last days. 

I was doing a presentation with a co-student the last week, maybe that helped with emotional regulation a bit. 

There are two things I really want to write about though. 

So a couple of days ago this one guy at the tennis group was pretty friendly to me. Well we fistbumped a couple of times before, he even in a way of celebration hugged me shortly after a table tennis match. I dont know what the fuck that was, especially because we are kind of competing over the same girls, although I showcased quite clearly that I wouldnt take anyones girl so maybe he thought thats because of our connection and wanted to strengthen that with it. Well he got a bit physical last time, like he kind of snuggled on me with his shoulder, not in a weird way, but maybe so that I would notice him and greet him which I forgot. That was kind of too much for me though and so I froze and kind of beat myself up for it. Maybe he is in an open relationship as well and wants to integrate me. Previously he was compedetive. I am so confused. 

[Jannes]

Oh and also I got an email from the leadership of my thursday social spot ( the most important one ) that they didnt get any information and so there is no need for a talk. And there also made an extra explicit line that I can come to the spot. ( I didnt dare to go ) 

I dont know or cant yet grasp what that means, but it smells a bit like victory.