Finished the LP course

[Jannes]

Just binged 3 episodes of the Ahsoka series. Only 3 more to go. 

Its interesting, I didnt really have that much of a binging habit before, but this was right after a 75min 1 on 1 body doubling session which was pretty sucessful, so maybe a mix of ego backlash and a bit of a habit change maybe.. 

So I decided to switch degrees for good and have to do some organizing around that.. 

[Jannes]

I love the world between worlds in Star Wars. I wonder what the source of the inspiration for creating such a place was.

"This mystical realm connects all of time and space, creating a conduit between the living and the dead. Those who control this plane would possess mastery over all of existence, but gaining access has proved an unexpected challenge."

―Darth Sidious

Edited August 15 by Jannes

[Jannes]

Watching just 3 episodes of the Ahsoka series completly fried my brain. Okay that is an overstatement, I had moments in my life where my brain was fried even more, but it still wasnt cool. I was packing my groceries in half time the speed and I couldnt do it any faster because I was so out of touch with reality. That I have to be careful with stimuli is and always was true. 

Got me thinking about the potential benefits of doing yoga courses though. Like at the moment meditation seems to though for me, but Yoga courses could really do the trick. It would be a good habit in itself but one that improves many areas of my life as well, the emotional processing is worth gold for everything I do and probably nessacary for high concentration tasks like remote viewing. 

My attention is quite something, really strong but very hard to bend. Maybe that should be one of the leading questions of how I can conduct a good life, "Does this help me in clearing my attention or not?" as my attention is the key for everything else that will follow. 

[Jannes]

I am a sucker for style and I think its just so cool how they gave Hera Syndulla great style which matched green skin. Its really flattering for the eye, good style is just such a must. It motivates me to work on my own style. 

It looks much better then Elphaba Thropp in Wicked, although in Wicked it was part of her outsider plot that she couldnt find anything stylish because of her green skin.

Edited August 15 by Jannes

[Jannes]

Goddamit Focusmate seemingly increased their prices. For unlimited sessions its 10 dollars a month for a monthly description or 7 dollars a month if you pay for the whole year. I mean thats doable but still annoying, I was counting on having this provider be a very small expense. 

[Jannes]

And again, body doubling just works.

I motivated myself to do body doubling by allowing myself to watch the end of the Ahsoka series afterwards, but the weather is like picture perfect outside, now I dont know what to do. I think its important to have an honest relationship to yourself but then I would loose this chance. Well I couldnt have expected that the weather would turn out like this, so I am not breaking my primise to myself really, rather I made a guess promise to myself with the limited information that was available to me in that time. 

Its kind of scary how much the Ahsoka series sucks me in though. Thats why I put my PC and all my consoles away. 

[Jannes]

Leaving my house felt SOOO DIFFICULT. 

I think I depleted my dopamine cells or something as this felt unreal, spent about 2-3 hours until I finally did it. During my inner fight I actually did some spiritual work, actual spiritual work. Going out must have felt really scary that I would rather do spiritual work then go out. I just had kind of a leap in consciousness. I often look in the mirror to check if I still look young and beautiful and I catched myself doing that and stopped me in my tracks as the more I do that the more suffering I create with that as beauty doesn't last. On my couch I wanted to check out what the essence of my previous fantasy about the good life was. As I consciously wanted to scan it I noticed that I couldn't fully activate that image in my mind. Any conscious attempts failed. So I realized that I could only get it when I allowed myself to slip into the fantasy again, but that would mean that I needed to sacrifice observing it consciously. So only through the lowering of consciousness was this possible to experience. And then I noticed how I, in that moment was just choosing if I wanted to indulge in that fantasy or stay conscious. So I asked myself what I really want and this echoed some sort of art, but I didn't really know. But knowing what I really want is the base for all the other decisions so what did I really have .. ?

 

That's beautiful work, you can just lay on your back and work through your mind with truth as your compass. But you really need to have your shit handled to do something like this.

[Jannes]

I want to write a play with the main role being a 'chemist'. Well he is not really mixing chemicals but moreso emotions, intentions, the main driver of people. And when he mixes this and looks for a 'chemical reaction' a short section of a theatre play is being played. This tells plenty of stories, as a lot of truths can be revealed truth that and it can have a spiritual note as well, for example when the 'chemist' is delighted to find a 'chemical reaction' he hasnt found yet. 

I thought the main plot could involve someone looking for this chemist. Plenty of 'chemical experiments' could be before that to give the audience an idea how this idea works. So when he maybe experiments a little himself, which could create some hilarious dull plays, then maybe finds a rather complex chemical reaction that the chemist finds beautiful and then they maybe really want to push it and want to find the most complex chemical reaction ever or so. I dont know maybe you could play a little with awakening there. 

Obviously the professional chemist is god and the guy wanting to be entertained by him is a psychonaut and spiritual seeker. I dont know how I would literally make the connection between the chemist and the play he creates happen. I want the chemist to be a down to earth guy and not some depiction of god and I want the play to be down to earth. But that doesnt really work. I could kind of give the people in the play chemist outfits or something.. yeak I need another solution for that. 

[Jannes]

Now I dont even really want to watch the series what the hell. 

Edited August 16 by Jannes

[Jannes]

Nature is king when it comes to creating colors that match. 

Edited August 16 by Jannes

[Jannes]

I noticed I have a hard time feeling emotions towards women. That used to be different. 

[Jannes]

Okay now I want to watch the end of the Ahsoka series. 

[Jannes]

Its uncomfortable coming down from binging two hours, its a sudden breakoff from strong stimulation. Music helps. 

Liked the show, I thought it was only one season though but it definitely didnt have a final ending, it ended with a interium status where all the cards of the current players were layed out.

[Jannes]

Thats how you combine blue.

[Jannes]

Thinking about the remote viewing courses right now. 

From the provider I have right now they range in price from 650 to 1450 Euros which is much cheaper then all other providers. There are basically two options I can add or leave out, 1) a space where I can measure and train my remote viewing abilities, 2) 92 video instructions (there is an instruction book which covers everything as well, but the video instruction might make it easier). I can leave both out, take both or only take one of them and that will result in prices in that range. 

If that shit actually works, OF COURSE I would take the most expensive course. All I want is to find out if this works or not first though. These additions however make learning the skill easier, so being like I first proof to myself that this works and when I see that it works I buy these extras afterwards doesnt really work. Also reaching 75% accuracy and getting paid for it afterwards is maybe the best proof and at this point I dont really need any of the instructions. 

I think its appropriate to do some more research first, if I am not able to do that, I wouldnt have the stamina to learn remote viewing anyway. 

[Jannes]

Also if I get student loans again which is unlikely but if they see a giant money transfer, I dont know what to tell them haha. 

[Jannes]

There is a big reddit RV community and I read through all the instruction and also made a quick session myself. 

I also joined a RV discord server, which apperently allows for people to find training partners, get free weekly targets and so on.. 

This is relevant for two reasons: 1) I may not need some of the instruction material if I can find it on the Discord server, 2) It gives me more confidence that remote viewing works. 

And of course the learning process I make will shorten my formal training where I get my contracts from. If I learn this gansta style though, maybe I wont ever learn it the 'correct way'. I thought myself how to play table tennis, but actually its pretty good, its no problem that the technique isnt perfect and I can stand up to quite talented players so no worries from this analogy. 

Edited August 17 by Jannes

[Jannes]

On 11.8.2025 at 6:18 PM, Jannes said:

I was noticing a bit of a pattern. This one very honest observation is a good suspension point. 

Whenever people try to built a connection with me I feel like I am fainting. Its like I never really learned to make space for that or something. It feels so uncomfortable, I want to jump out of my skin, GET AWAY FROM ME!!

Like I want it desperately but I cant take it in at all. Why not? Is it trauma?

[Jannes]

This was a painfully honest observation, but this is exactly what I came back to again and again. I want to be more and more honest with myself. 

[Jannes]

9 minutes ago, Jannes said:

I was noticing a bit of a pattern. This one very honest observation is a good suspension point. 

Whenever people try to built a connection with me I feel like I am fainting. Its like I never really learned to make space for that or something. It feels so uncomfortable, I want to jump out of my skin, GET AWAY FROM ME!!

Like I want it desperately but I cant take it in at all. Why not? Is it trauma?

Its not always the case though. At least in my theatre club genuine connection was possible at some points, I just stopped because of my moral inner compass.