Jannes

Finished the LP course

368 posts in this topic

38 minutes ago, Jannes said:

Anyway for spirituality I have got a few approaches but I dont think I really nailed it yet. I also dont know if its allowed to write my thoughts about it here. 

:ph34r:

.krow ssenssuoicsnoc tuoba ylsuoivbo stI

 

.ssenssuoicsnoc dna thguoht neewteb noitcennoc eht gnivresbo ylsuocsoc tuoba stI

 

.ssenssuoicsnoc dna lavivrus neewteb noitcennoc eht gnivresbo ylsuocsnoc tuoba stI

 

.si ti sa ssenssuoicsnoc gnivresbo ylsuocsnoc tuoba stI

 

.taeskcab a ekat ot evah sthguoht ,gnik si ssenssuoicsnoc ,sdohte m rehto swollfnu ro ,dohtem niatrec a swollof osla tI

 

.gnihtseretni stah t tub ,huH

 

.ti ecuder nac yeht tub ,ssenssuoicsnoc hctac tnod sthguoht ,sgniht rehtO

 

.deecneirepxe ssenssuoicsnoc fo etats rehgih eht htiw erefretni tnow hcihw era sthguoht eht ylno taht yaw a ni neppah dluow gniredro taht dna sthguoht redro nac ssenssuoicsnoc taht ,dnuora yaw rehto eht seog ti taht dnuora yaw rehto eht seog ti taht elbissop eb osla thgim ti oS

 

.kcab ti gnignirb dna ,serutcip elohw a ot ti kcab gnignirb dna sliated eht lla tuoba esnes gnikam tuoba osla s’ti ,setats rehgih tuoba ylno ton s’ti neht tuB

 

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3 hours ago, Jannes said:

I still have emotional fuzz today. This is often the case in acting that from bullshitting in acting there is a lot processing going on afterwards but you dont really know where the emotions are coming from as they were made up. 

You also sacrifice certain healthy instincts to make acting work, you deliberetly unground yourself. In nomal non-acting interaction and conflict people often act from a place of groundedness, they unconsciously feel into what authentic to them or what they want to show off and that act from that place. For people who are into acting its a little different, they sacrificed this grounded base and turned it into a clay of bullshit which can be formed accordingly. It gives new options, but its also a bluff. 

I feel emotional again and this time I dont really know where its coming from, like if there is an actual reason for it or still just what acting stirred up.  Acting augh. 

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On 4.8.2025 at 3:57 PM, Jannes said:

Just cut my own hair. 🥳🥳🥳

Kinda messed up, as I didnt get what my hairstyle was. On my right side I didnt have a fade really, it was something else and I cut right over that with 9mm. The transition between top hair and sides isnt really a transition as well, its more of a cutoff. 

BUT!!! my sides look a lot better, I personally feel I look much more attractive. And that was pretty easy. Its only the first time, I am going to master this. If I do it 100% on my own, it saves me about 30 Euros a month and I dont think my haircut is that complicated. 

Added a sizor for cutting hair and cut a little. I didnt really get the pony right and I look just a little retarded. I am gonna master that as well!

Edited by Jannes

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I cant decide if this is a piece of shit in his face or the coolest beard ever. I gues thats what competition can be on a high level, winning or loosing big.

I dont have the fullness of the beard below the mustache but I will give it a try as well. 

beardstache-with-light-stubble-4176701633.jpg

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I notice that whenever I don't do something social, I am falling out of social state. 

 

A 1 on 1 body doubling session is perfect just for that as I do meet a complete stranger in a positive environement which is quite a lot more demanding then many other social tasks. But it's clear that it is only about being productive so there is basically no need to maintain that connection or anything like which is perfect.  

 

Emerald on the forum said shared some insight about this matter.

And I do notice the same thing. When I am comforted in a social state I can let go of socializing from a higher state. Not from below but from above. I could socialize, I am in that state but I choose not to instead but feeling all weird from not socializing enough and then not being able to tell the difference between fear of socializing and not wanting to socialize. 

 

Being in a social state gives you such comfort. It's a big fear eradicated from your mind as long as you are in a social state. 

 

I wonder why people loose their social state at all. I think socializing just isn't really how we are authentically so when we are on our own our authenticity deconstructs the social state. So the social state is also painful in a way as it undermines our authentic self. 

 

So there is a tradeoff. However a balance that fits oneself better can be achieved. In my case I get in touch with socializing through this while keeping much of my authenticity. 

 

____

 

Visited my parents for two days. Talked a bit about feelings about the club I left and all that. 

 

Got me thinking about how fair I was with giving the leader of the club all the load of shit I went through at once.

 

He was very supportive in some ways but also irresponsible in other ways. 

 

But he really tried. 

 

And the other shit wasn't his fault per se , but where else could I ever let go of steam. 

 

Got me thinking if I was fair to the other people in the club. 

 

It was such a subtle form of collective corruption most of the time that my response does make sense I feel. 

 

I do have problems to go in conflict so when I do there was likely a good reason for it. 

 

And my feelings are were evident of something being wrong. 

 

But maybe I overdid it also. 

 

I took so much inner conflict for all this time, I wanted it to come off as a fuck-off a bit, even though I might not really admit that to myself. 

 

But that this element is also baked into it makes me think that maybe there was some kind of trauma response in me, which doesnt have to do with the club itself. 

Thats why I would like to the leader of the club or someone but its very difficult.

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On 5.8.2025 at 7:34 PM, Jannes said:

I cant decide if this is a piece of shit in his face or the coolest beard ever. I gues thats what competition can be on a high level, winning or loosing big.

I dont have the fullness of the beard below the mustache but I will give it a try as well. 

beardstache-with-light-stubble-4176701633.jpg

Tried the mustache. It seemed like an epic fail at first... let it be for some hours, now it only seems like a medium fail. It probably works for this guy because of certain proportions and stuff. 

 

Here is what I know. I benefit a lot from at least 3mm at the jaw. My mustache looks better at 3mm or more. The itself beard on my chin looks bad when it is longer then 2mm BUT it gives my face a better shape. Below the chin 1mm looks best. It looks a bit better better when the beard of my jaw has the same length or is shorter then my chin beard. 

 

Maybe I can find a way to make my chin beard look  clean at 3mm+ , that would be ideal -- I just looked at chin beards at the internet for inapiration and they all look like shit, meaning they don't look clean. 

 

I don't think it's possible to get everything done at once. You have to know what your priorities are basically. 

 

Just looked at my beard again. It actually looks clean and good but trimming my jaw so much is a big opportunity cost, as it looks way more shapely with a few mm. I need it just so much to be visible. I think thats my priority and I can go from there. Its a bit unfortunate because most artistic beards seem to work with shaved jaw. 

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Packed everything, tomorrow I drive to the festival in the morning. 

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