Knock

Thank you for sharing @flume May I ask, what got you started on this journey? How did you hear about yoga, Headspace, gratitude journals and such?

It's a maturity phase that all males have to go through to be healthily developed. Just like how teenagers need to rebel against their parents to find their own values in life, a male has to understand his masculine side to be a fully developed man. Unfortunately, society has made it difficult for a man to embrace his masculine side in healthy ways as he grows up. Hence there is now a great need for men to find outlets for such growth. This is why 'game' and pick-up artists are becoming an increasingly popular phenomena. It is heavily catered to developing masculine traits. The unfortunate side-effect of such is a disownment of the feminine. But for right now, at this stage of development for you, that's okay, you are still learning and developing. The heavy swing of the pendulum to the masculine side is what most boys need. However, overtime you will see the limitations of being overly masculine. Ideally, you will come to accept some of your feminine traits as well, such as empathy, compassion, vulnerability and acceptance. This is the healthy middle ground that empowers you to live a life of love and not deficiency.

Because most people are not as privileged as us. Most people don't have the privilege to sit around learning about personal development and spirituality, as they don't have the space to overcome their own survival and physiological needs. I live in a multicultural area in Australia. Yet, I only see privileged white people go to yoga? Why? Because they were fortunate to come from wealthy family's and obtain an education that provides them enough money and mental space to make such choices. They were born with their lower needs already halfway met on Maslow's hierarchy, which enables them to focus on personal development and giving back. If you were born into a jail, would you care about helping others, or focusing on getting yourself out? These people are deeply hurting, and don't even know how to help themselves. Instead of pointing the finger, give them a hug. Instead of anger, have compassion. Most of all, have gratitude for all the abundance in your life that has enabled your cup to be overfilled and the means to give back.

You need to strengthen your anterior muscles in your neck shoulders. Do face pulls at the gym and this at home.

@Tistepiste It's a short term solution that dissipates spiralling negative thoughts. All you have to do is move your eyes in unison to the 4 corners of your vision in any pattern you choose. Personally I like moving my eyes in a figure 8 pattern, but any pattern works. You repeat this pattern for 10-20 seconds to the tempo of a song you like, while humming. I find nursery rhymes work best. The purpose of the technique is to get out of our head and into your body. Don't forget to laugh at the end at how silly you look and sound

Ask about their dreams and goals. It helps if you share your own to open then up. E.g. Friend - "So what have you been up to lately?" Me - "A lot of things! I've been doing heaps of planning for my trip to Thailand at the end of the year! Have you ever been to Thailand or overseas in that area?" You could also tack on the end "where would you go if you had the time/money?" People get emotionally energised when they talk about the things they value. If you come from a place if curiosity and playfulness, people will respond in kind.

One don't need many, just do what works for you. For me: - exercise (lifting or sport) - eye scramble

Gratitude and selfless giving.

Be a role model. Be someone who they think they might want to be. Show, don't tell. When they are ready, they will ask.

No. The inferred mindset from asking such a question is one of passivity. That is the wrong mindset. What I am saying, is to attract girls you need to come from a place of non-neediness. When you are neurotic about girls, you are placing too much value in them, and not in yourself. Stop trying to become something for someone else, and become that something for you! When you are desperately needing to be liked by girls, you are placing your worth and value into their hands. They can tell you that you are ugly, beautiful, stupid or smart. You will not get anything from this, as it will feel hollow. Life values that are defined by others are shitty values, because of 2 things. They are uncontrollable, someone could call you a loser at a party, and if your value is in being liked or popular, well you are going to have a bad time. Secondly, they are not based on reality. You may feel attractive or some pick-up artist hotshot, but honestly you don't have a clue what people actually think of you. The solution: Stop caring about others expectations and the external results. Start caring about the things that really matter, to you. Work on your own inner pursuits, your own behaviours, on taking full responsibility for your life. This is how you become a man of value, by caring about something more than girls. It is this energy and drive that leads to girls falling into your lap. It comes from a place of action, of taking responsibility, of becoming a man of value, for yourself, and not for the girls.

@Aaron p I don't want to hijack this, but I think advising a 'little bit' of cocaine (what I classify as a hard drug) is very dangerous. Heed this warning and stay well away from hard drugs. Back to the topic at hand, I think the koan/saying is referring to 'efforting' your way to enlightenment, instead of 'letting go'. If you become very egoic in your pursuit of enlightenment, it will take you twice as long.

@AlphaAbundance You have some great self-reflection skills If you don't mind, here is some encouragement to go deeper if you wish. Here's an analogy for you: "I don't have a obsession with money, I just think that every minute I am not making money is sub-optimal and a waste of time!" The compulsion to do something that comes from a fear based mindset never leads you to contentment or fulfilment. The basement nerd who complains about females and plays the victim card, is neurotic about girls. The guy who practises pick-up everyday and is constantly sizing up every second female that walks by is just as neurotic about girls.* Ironically, its when you don't even think about girls, that you start to attract them, because they can sense you are not neurotic or needy to validate some self-belief or identity of what you should be. . This is how you be content being alone. You let go of all the should's in life, and simply do what you love. *As an aside, this is why every guy that talks about 'alpha/beta', 'redpill', or any of that other crap are losers. They are overly obsessive and neurotic about girls to the extent that it becomes a defining value in life for them. And life values that are defined in other people are crappy values to have (see Mark Manson explain it here if you are interested in this concept).

Paraprashing Nathaniel Branden; We stay with others who are at the same level of self-esteem as each other. Either one of 2 things will happen is there is going to be any future between the two of you: - She will have to raise her self-esteem - You will have to lower your self-esteem I don't know about you, but putting my future in someone else's hands doesn't make me fell like I am living a powerful life.

First of all, you need friends and socialization in your life to keep mentally healthy. Not having friends is like not having fruit, yeah you can get by, but you will feel like crap and may even get sick. I am at peace when I am alone because I fully accept myself, I like my own company and enjoy the benefits of being alone. I love being alone because it enables me to pursue the things I really value: like exercise, reading, and writing. It gives me space to tap into my imagination and explore my own inner world, which to me is endlessly fascinating. The biggest problem I see with people struggling with social isolation, is that they don't have any inner goals or solo pursuits. They are not intentional with their free time by themselves, so they just look to be entertained by something, until they eventually get bored, and feel lonely and unfulfilled. You must be intentional with your solo time, and use it to create something great, that you value. Something that inspires you! Maybe an online business of some sort? Maybe to write a book? Whatever works for you. This gets you excited to having solo time, and you actually delight in the opportunity to have a weekend in by yourself. Tl;dr - have a large solo goal that gets you excited to work towards, and you will never feel bored again.

Actualised update: - So it has been a week since my last update. I have gotten my priorities misaligned to do what I know is important! Need to spend more time in Quadrant 2 Weekend of 30/08/2019 to 01/09/2019 Time spent on actualised.org: - M = 4hrs - D = 2hrs - N = 0hrs Life changing ideas/topics read: - Nothing concrete comes to mind. Not sure where, but I contemplated a lot about various financial schemes, business opportunities, and ‘lifestyle design’. However researching into this, it seems like my financial ideas only will work under niche circumstances that are largely unfeasible for me currently. There is no such thing as a free-lunch/ get rich quick scheme and all that 02/09/2019 Time spent on actualised.org: - M = 30min - D = 30min - N = 0min Life changing ideas/topics read: - Nothing to report on 03/09/2019 Time spent on actualised.org: - M = 0min - D = 30min - N = 0min Life changing ideas/topics read: - Nothing to report on 04/09/2019 Time spent on actualised.org: - M = 15min - D = 30min - N = 20min Life changing ideas/topics read: - I was contemplating what manipulation is, and came to the conclusion that everything we do is a manipulation. I manipulate my body in how I move, I manipulate the weights when I am at the gym, I manipulate the car when I drive. I even manipulate people with my gestures, such as holding my hand up to stop traffic or waving to someone leaving them to wave back. I manipulate conversations by the questions I ask. - Consciously or not, we are always manipulating. But this is not a bad thing. It is merely a means to navigate yourself and your desires within the world. I can manipulate people into feeling good about themselves, by giving them compliments. I can manipulate people in feeling empowered by assisting them solves problems. - Conversely, I can manipulate others in devilish ways, to do things that benefit me to the detriment of others. E.g. I can neg a woman to undermine her confidence, so as to increase her need of approval. - Looking to explore this idea further, I raised the question on the forum. I have to say I was a little disappointed with the lack of response. Perhaps I should of given more context and examples in my answer, as it was lacking emotional charge and came off dry and purely intellectual. 05/09/2019 Time spent on actualised.org: - M = 10min - D = 25min - N = 1hr 45min Life changing ideas/topics read: - Not one topic stood out. However I have seen a number of threads popping up of people stuck in victim mentality. I think this is a very fundamental topic to address, as I recognise how much my victim mentality and limiting beliefs had held me back in the past. I will write a topic on this in time to hopefully appeal to those who may be stuck in the fixed mindset/ limiting beliefs / victim mentality, as I believe the 3 neurosis are of the same family. 3 Gratitude’s for the week: - 1. I am grateful for having a job I enjoy allowing me financial freedom - 2. I am grateful for being exposed to personal development that helped me get out of my self-victimisation mindset. - 3. I am grateful for being injury-free this year at the gym

This journal will be more of a daily log of what I have read and learnt when browsing the forum. Sorry I am not interested in having discussions here, but if you wish to input some knowledge or raise a question to what I have said, feel free to PM me ? (note, if you do post on here, I will not respond, so please don’t take offence ?). I will also be finishing my journal entries with 3 Gratitude's, as a means of cultivating contentment and perspective in my privileged life

What is manipulation? Are we always manipulating? Is manipulation evil, or can it be seen as positive? If we are going to be manipulating, how should we do it in a way to avoid being a devil?

Before running, my whole body and mind is sluggish. Like there is some stagnant cells that need to be flushed out. After running, I feel like a well oiled machine. Everything running smoothly, low chance of break down. I feel strong, energetic, lighter, healthy. I like the person who I become after running. To me this is worth a lot.

Do not do this! I sunbaked nude for only 30minutes once in the summer. Once. Worst sunburn ever. I had excruciating pain for the next 3 days, I legit thought something seriously bad had happened, actually checked myself to the hospital, and got an ultrasound test on my balls because I thought I had testicular torsion. Nope. Just badly sunburned balls. Once the skin peeled they were so raw and sensitive, I couldn't even move without pain. Took about 3 days to heal. Worst pain in my life. 0/10 would not recommend.

If the post is about asking a question: - state the question clearly in the heading - provide context to your situation - provide context why you asked the question - provide examples of resourcefulness in trying to solve the question already (don't ask a question that can be solved by a 5 minute Google, you are just being lazy and wasting people's time.) - sincerely ask the question, don't try and sneakily try to push some preconceived agenda.

Time spent on actualised.org: - M = 30 min - D = 30 min - N = 40 min Life changing ideas/topics read: - Starting a business is like taking care of a baby. It takes a long time before you will see results and it can start to walk on its own 2 feet. Don't expect quick results early on. Keep putting out value and trust the universe will reward you in time. Running a business is more about who you become through the process, than the money that you will eventually receive. 3 Gratitude’s for the day: - 1. I am grateful for having a great boss that is willing to invest the time in me to learn and grow in my development. - 2. I am grateful for my brother opening up recently and being able to have deeper connection in our conversations. - 3. I am grateful for the modern invention of the internet and all the abundance and opportunity it brings.

Update 29/08/19 Unfortunately, this journal has fallen down the priority list. When I was thinking about this earlier today, I realised that writing long form journals is simply too time consuming and just doesn’t seem important in comparison to other things I use my time for. Hence, I have decided to re-form this journal into a shorter form, in a effort to make it consistent, but easy. New form: Time spent on actualised.org: - Morning = x minutes - Day = x minutes - Night = x minutes Life changing ideas/topics read: - Insert idea here/ or / Nothing to report on 3 Gratitude’s for the day: - 1. - 2. - 3.

I think I finally understand what ‘being’ is. I used to always think of the word ‘being’ in English as a descriptor, such as “acting like” or “existing as”. For example, when playing with a game of Animals with kids, I was being a dog. I was “acting like” a dog. In this imagination game, I was “existing as” a dog. But that is not what being is. Let me side track a little bit. In a recent podcast I listened to, I was introduced to the term ‘instrumentalization’. What I understood of the term, is that it represents something was used as an instrument towards something else. E.g. I caught the bus, to get to work. Here, the bus is the instrument. The bus was the means towards an end. The end here was getting to work. I didn’t catch the bus because I wanted to, but because I had to. The bus was a requirement for me to get to work, hence using it was a conditional transaction. If the bus didn’t get me to work, I wouldn’t use it. Sounds simple enough, right? But what happens, if you get rid of the means of something, and instead it is an end in itself. Story time: I like to play the piano. I am okay at it, but not great, nowhere near good enough to make any sort of fame or financial gain from it. If you ask me what do I gain from playing the piano, I couldn’t tell you. Why? Because I don’t play the piano to gain anything. For me, playing piano simply validates itself. There is nothing to get from it. It is an ends, not a means towards something. Me playing piano is not conditional on some further reward. The only way I could explain it, is I play piano for the love of it. But that explanation does not give it justice! Because you will misinterpret what love is, and it turns playing piano into a means of something else, namely, to experience love. So you might say, “Ohh, if you do it for love, you should do ‘x’ instead, I heard it gives way more love than playing piano’, which completely misses the point. Any reason I used to describe why I play the piano, turns playing the piano into a means. Playing piano has now become instrumentalised. Any act to try and describe why I play piano, is not it. In the same way, ‘being’ is a word to describe the absence of instrumentalization. If you were to attach any descriptors onto ‘being’, then it is like adding a layer of means onto something which has no means. Being - is an ends in itself. To illustrate this, I am using ‘being’ as analogous to ‘pure awareness’. Trying to add a descriptor to pure awareness, only takes you further away from pure awareness. Just like adding a reason for playing piano, instrumentalises it. To describe pure awareness you could say that it is like: Being calm. -> doesn’t describe it. You are acting in a way to feel calm. Being still. -> doesn’t describe it. You are acting in a way to feel still. Being accepting. -> Still doesn’t describe it. You are acting in a way to feel acceptance. Being… -> …now that is the only way to describe it. To add any word unto the end of being would be instrumentalise it into something else. I now understand when the yoga instructor wants to illustrate a letting go of all attachments, she says to “fall into being”. What are your thoughts? Is this a correct analysis? Am I missing something here?

@Leo Gura I'm a bit confused. It seems like I was talking about something, yet what you are talking about something completely different. Could you elaborate? Or can anyone else help connect the dots between the what I said and what Leo is saying about it in simpler language?