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Before you can work on developing your self, first you need to ask the question “what is my self”. That is, you need to know what is the subject that needs to be worked upon. You can not work on something you don’t know about and aren’t aware of. This is why the first act of self-development is awareness. You need to become aware of your self, who you are, what are your values, what are your personality traits, innate strengths and weaknesses, etc. This process is time consuming, but should not be skipped, as it is fundamental to create a solid foundation for personal growth. When you question yourself and your fundamental beliefs and values, you will begin to find out why you are the way you are, and why you act the way you act. The next step is to challenge these beliefs and values. Search for other values and belief systems in the world they may lead to a more fulfilling life. Most of the time your original values would have been handed down to you either from your parents or society at large. Many of these values may not be true for you, they may not lead you to a life you truly want. You need to be true to yourself, look at yourself as you are now, and accept what values you hold and wish to pursue. From here you can establish your authentic pursuits, goals that you would like to achieve, purely for the sake of achieving them, and not to impress or satisfy anyone else’s expectations. By choosing what’s important to you, you start the journey of self-acceptance. It is through this self-acceptance that you begin to put yourself first in life, not in an egotistical way, but in a passionate way that aligns with your new found values. The more you embody this in action, the stronger your sense of self-love will become. You will love yourself because you care about yourself, your goals, and make time for yourself. It is only through this framework that real self-development begins. By aligning growth with what’s truly important to you. Otherwise you will be developing in areas that are not aligned with your interests, to please others and satisfy their wants for you. This is akin to the analogy of climbing up the ladder, getting up to the top, only to find out it was leaning against the wrong wall the whole time. Hence, self-acceptance needs to come before self-improvement. If you fail to accept yourself and be aware of where you are, you will be like a ship with no compass. So, take the time to find out what is truly important in life. Are you values and goals aligned with what will bring true fulfillment? Once you know what you are doing and where you are going, you will no longer care what other people think. Through growth you will find self-confidence like you never knew before. You are now on the path of a truly fulfilling life.

I am having a problem in figuring out a product I want to sell in starting a new business. I know that selling a product is one of the biggest areas for success in creating financial independence. No longer trading time for money, and all of that. However, I am a minimalist, who spends very little on materialistic goods. I am finding it hard to sell with integrity something that the market will value, if I myself don’t value it. To me, materialistic goods are false idols, they don’t lead to any real sense of life satisfaction or long-term fulfillment. Is this a mental block that I have, to justify not doing the hard work to make money? Perhaps some inner resistance to others wealth that is perpetrating limiting beliefs surrounding money? Could it just be that my consciousness is to high to have integrity in making money off others false beliefs in what will provide them happiness?

@tsuki Thank you for your reply Do you know of any examples of minimalists that follow the path you prescribe? I am finding it hard to find others with similar interests between minimalism and profiting off selling products.

My recommendation is not to worry about it too much! You will laugh about this all looking back. Infatuation is a funny thing, a gift from life that makes it all that much more interesting. You will miss it when you get older and become too serious Just keep living your life, doing your thing, and not come across too needy. Hang out with your mates, don't forego your work/exercise/hobbies for her, and just go with wherever the relationship takes you. If she wants you, she will make time for you and get in contact with you.

First of all, I want to congratulate you on pushing yourself and gaining some great experience. Keep it up! Eventually the length of the awkward phase will start to lessen, as you gain more confidence in what to say and how to present yourself. As @darind suggests, doing things that empower how you see yourself is crucially important too. By taking care of yourself (grooming, cleaning your room, dressing smart, etc), you show to yourself that you are worth it, you are attractive, and you are a person of value. This is why something like going to the gym is so powerful, it proves to yourself that you are worth that 1hr you spent at the gym, that you are worth investing time into, and that you are becoming more and more powerful (not just physically but mentally too!) In time, you will see yourself as someone who is inherently lovable. This is the 'self-love' or 'self-acceptance' that people frequently talk about. Once you embody this stage fully, your anxiety in social situations will lessen, as there is no threat to be anxious of. No matter the circumstance or consequence, at the end of the day you are still whole. But for now, keep doing what you are doing. This is a long journey, so don't expect results to come quickly. Take your time, there is no rush. When you are 70 years old in the year 2070 or whatever, it wouldn't matter if you overcome your social anxiety in the year 2019 or the year 2020 or the year 2025! Just keep consistent, results will come.

Great video, thank you for sharing. I find a lot of our mental health problems are a combination of both psychological AND physical/environmental. That's why it is so crucial to have mentors and a strong supportive social environment to truly flourish in life. Meditation, positive psychology, or antidepressants alone won't lead you to happiness and life satisfaction.

Yes, low self-esteem can make you selfish. People with low-self esteem come from a place of neediness. Because they don't feel validated in themselves, they are needy for the attention and validation by others. This often manifests in self-judgement and self-focus, not acting with authenticity or integrity, because you are wanting others to like you and give you the approval you seek. This constriction in your actions prevents any deep connection, and hence doesn't create a good environment for others. By trying to come off 'likeable', you come off as rigid and boring, ironically making the person like you less and perhaps not want to spend time with you. Hence low self-esteem prevents you coming from a place of love and providing anything meaningful to others. That lack of agency you feel is a component of self-esteem, called self-responsibility. It may be hard for you now, but an important part of self-esteem is doing what is in your power to take control of your life in ways that are meaningful to you. If you haven't already read Nathaniel Brandens book "The 6 Pillars of Self-Esteem", then I highly recommend it. He answers many of the questions about self-esteem far better than anywhere else I have read, including this forum.

Take it slow, but be consistent. If I may, I will share with you my running experience. For the past 3 years, at the start of summer, I've been compelled to start running because the weather is so nice. I initially start slow, and run short distances. Over the weeks I start to get faster and run longer. Within 8 weeks I am back to running 5km's fairly consistently, and I gain overconfidence in my abilities. Without fail, every year, I become inpatient and try and run a 10km when my body isn't ready. Every year I achieve that goal, but in doing so compromise my running form and injure myself. This injury puts me out of running for the next few weeks, and by the time I am healthy enough to run again, all my confidence and ambition to run is gone. Don't be like me. Don't let your ego get ahead of your abilities. Take it slow and progress even slower. Progress should look like a sharp increase followed by a long plateau. You need to love the plateau and not get too far ahead of yourself. If you listen to your body, it will prompt you when its ready to take it up another level.

They are not mutually exclusive. You can work for financial independence, and still have time in the day to do enlightenment work. I agree with you though, work through the foundational levels of Maslows hierachy and slowly inch your way up the spiral to have a integrated and balance grounding before prioritising enlightenment.

Enlightenment is not a cure all pill. Self transcendence is at the top of Maslow Heirachy of needs for a reason. I recommend surpassing the lower foundational levels first.

I think its because society is at orange and hence your environment will draw you back down. When society integrates and accepts green, it will be easier to transition.

First of all, I understand that the thought of finishing study and entering the real world can be quite daunting. We have all been there before, and noone knows what they are doing. Just a perspective broadening opinion; I think this idea of 'wage slavery' is doing a great disservice for the abundance, security and connection that a 9-5 job provides. Since working a 9-5 job, my life has been substantially better. Before I was working casual jobs with weekend shifts and could never hang out with all my friends who had 9-5 jobs. Even though I had a lot more time to pursue enlightenment, I had no connection, no money and no stability. With my wage slave job, my life has been amazing. I can now hang out with my friends on weekends, I have more money than what I know what to do with, I have a fantastic exercise and meditation habit that I do every weekday, now that I have a routine. My advice is to keep studying, get yourself some work experience, try it out for a few years first before you disown it. Fully integrate 'orange'. Satisfy your lowest rungs on Maslows Hierachy. You can't expect to instil self-actualisation in a healthy way if you forego these steps. May I ask what drew you to studying finance?

Social interaction is about connection first, your subjective 'truth' second. People will only listen to your 'truth' if they are curious. That comes through connection and respect. Once they have connected with you, respect you, like you, and want to be more like you, then they will be open to hearing what you have to say. Social maturity is learning when it is appropriate to share your truths, and to do so in a loving and connecting way.

It's just a label, it can be empowering or dis-empowering. For example, lets say people call you autistic, but your not. This means that you have a 'hidden power'. You will be underestimated. People will be more likely to help you. They will be more impressed when you perform well. You will get greater praise and opportunities when you outperform all the other autistic due to your 'hidden power'. It is like competing in the para-Olympics and winning gold. Be the best, most well-functioning autist in the world. Soon you will have people doubting you were autistic all along. That is when you have transcended the label.

Reminds me when you talk to young hippies in their early 20s. They have this naive optimism and carefree nature that can be very attractive. The older hippies seem are still carefree, but are a bit less optimistic and lose some of their 'spark' it seems. Sometimes I wish I knew less, and lived off a mindset of good vibes and the LoA instead of the 'rational values' I live by now.

If it contributes to personal power (taking action on your values) towards healthy goals (fitness, better relationships, self-confidence, self-actualisation, etc) then it doesn’t matter if the underlying belief is ‘True’ or not. Discuss.

Nescience = not knowing by having no awareness (forgivable) Ignorance = having awareness and knowing, but chosing to ignore it (unforgivable) For example, lets say by principle you consider it unethical to buy a shirt if it comes from a sweatshop: 1. Buying a shirt, not knowing that it comes from a sweatshop = forgivable (nescience) 2. Buying a shirt, knowing it comes from a sweatshop, but buying it anyway = unforgivable (purposely ignorant)

The topics of conversation are contextual to the environment and level of comfortability. Know this rule first: The topic of conversation will always drop down to the lowest common denominator in groups of people. This is because people want to be all inclusive in their conversations, so when you find you are talking with a larger group of people, the conversations will be very 'shallow' and 'superficial' to appeal to all peoples interest. For example, if there are a 3 green people talking, and 2 orange people come and join the conversation, then the conversation will drop down to orange. If you want deep conversation, you may need to find some green or higher people, and either talk to them 1-on-1 or in small groups (and only if they are comfortable discussing these conversations, which may take some time). Also, don't be a downer in conversation. Bring the joy instead. If someone loves travelling and it inspires them, don't be like "You know, you are just running away from your insecurities and wasting your money". Instead, approach with curiosity "cool, what draws you to travel there? What did you get out of your last trip, it sounded awesome." etc. If you are not interested at all in what they are talking about, try to steer the conversation to your interests. There are always people interested in personal development of all kinds, be it career progression, hobbies, spirituality, sports, fitness & health, etc.

So after watching Leo’s latest Spiral Dynamics video (Important insights & nuances), I had some insights into myself. When I first heard of spiral dynamics, I agreed with the ‘green’ ideas. I followed similar belief systems and ways of thinking in my mind. I believed that intellectually I was at a green level. However, what I failed to see was that I am not a ‘green’ person on the spiral. I am not green financially I am not green socially I am not green emotionally I am not green physically I am not green environmentally I’m probably not even green spiritually. I haven’t integrated the previous steps in the spiral. I never transcended orange with financial/social/physical abundance. I realised that you can not disown something you never had. It’s like I’ve been trying to jump the stairs to self-actualisation, instead of walking up them. At the moment, I believe I am still trying to secure my self financially with job security and having my own house. I don’t have many friends, and feel a deep lack of connection with society and others. I am literally on the ‘Safety’ level of Maslow’s Hierarchy, trying to bypass my way to Self-Actualisation, in a desperate attempt to meet my lower needs. Now I just feel stuck. I’m addicted to passively seeking out new and novel information for a quick fix, that I have no discipline or grit to stick to any of the practises.

Actualising is akin to learning to bake a cake. Your goal is to learn how to bake a cake. Leo provides you with some baked cake. It is full of sugar and tastes so nice (‘juicy’) You know what the cake look is meant to look like You have a rough idea of what constitutes the cake. But you are no closer to being able to make the cake. Until you start baking.

Don't dismiss the beneficial structure of a 9-5 job. It gives you the foundation for many things: Contribution to society Fulfilment in working hard everyday and being productive Security to take risks Financial means to pursue your passions When I worked nights while everyone I cared about worked 9-5, I never got to spend time with them. It was boring and lonely, being out of sync with the world. Now that I work 9-5, I am in sync, and my friends and I can all hang out together because we both have that time set aside for fun things. It works really well for my social life and need for connection.

To add to this point; I like being apart of the 'wage slavery'. If I didn't work in my job in working on something meaningful, I'll feel a great lack of fulfilment and disconnection to much of society. I always thought that if I won the $10 million dollar lottery, and had the time and money to escape needing a paycheck, I would still keep working at my job. I currently have all the money and time to do all the things that make me fulfilled. Yes, I am a wage slave, I'm not 'free', but freedom is chaotic and meaningless without structure. It is like a football player in a match is a 'slave' to the football game. They have to play the game out, and there are rules and conditions they must abide by, but they enjoy it and in fact makes the game meaningful.

How do I know if my expectation is aligned with how things should be? What’s the best way to tell that you are ‘objectively right’, or close to it, if that’s even possible. I quite often doubt my mind, and the decisions I make, as I know that I’m just speaking from my subjective experience and am at times awfully wrong. This leads to a lack of confidence in making any meaningful decisions, and hesitation to assert what I think, as I don’t even know if I have the right (or in the right) to assert it. E.g. I feel I am getting too overworked at my job. How do I know if that’s true, or am I just being a bitch?

This response resonates with me. However, I am unsure of what action to take. Should I focus on self-inquiry then? I feel that what I am having to do for work is beyond what any reasonable human would expect. However, I live in an area of high unemployment, and have been unemployed myself before. I guess the questions swirling around my head are: Is my boss taking advantage of me? Should I try and move jobs? Or is this how it is, and I have to learn to stop whining and accept it? It's hard to accept I am creating a scenario where other aspects of my life are being unhealthily compromised because of work.