Solvinden

This might be very true indeed! @something_else 1 month to Japan with my family, hike the camino frances, a few weeks Egypt/Jordan/Israel, make full use of the festival season in July/August, backpacking in China/India for ~4 months. But I am still in the brainstorming phase. To which places do you want to go and what do you want to experience?

Hey Everyone, Next year I am going to the travel the world for one year. The biggest purpose of this journey is to deeply connect and celebrate with people around the world, sth I have always found difficult. I really want to attend quite a few festivals with a hippie/psychedelics/transformative/connecting type of atmosphere. Which festivals do I really need to attend and why? (: Thanks, Solvinden

Wow these are amazing suggestions!!! Most probably, I will go to the Psy Fi and Ozora. Sexsibility sounds amazing too but it sounds like one should have a partner because otherwise it might be weird. What was your experience?

I just broke up with her. This was the most scary thing in my life so far, but I feel so much better now. Building now a vision for the adventurous life I dream to live.

Hey Everyone, my girlfriend (21) and me (29) have been dating for a little more than 3 years now and are in a committed relationship for a little bit more than one year now (she is living in another city) . Right now, I am asking myself if I shall leave the relationship or not. Why should I leave? - 2 years ago she fell in love with another guy and slept with him + confessed that she never really fell in love with me/had butterflies in her stomach. This obviously hurt me very much and I still suffer from it (Back then I was handling many things not perfectly.). - I have a strong desire to approach many girls/play the field. I feel that here is my biggest possibility of growth and I intuit a certain euphoria by mastering it. - I feel ambivalent about the relationship and am not passionate about our future together. This is mostly due to still feeling hurt and her social circle/family knowing about what happened. This makes me feel like a total loser and I avoid introducing her to my friends because they know the back story and I find it embarassing. - If single again, I never want to have a relationship again, I never want to have a family. (Nothing wrong with it. But I don't want it.) - For the last two years the main emotion that I felt with her was pain and I was constantly doubting the relationship. - When I imagine leaving, I feel like a heavy burden is lifted from my heart. Why should I stay? - I can not imagine a better girl than her on my side. She is extremely well developped and our values/life plans fit ridculously well. - I don't want to hurt her, maybe she'll never find someone like me again. And vice versa (I'm not particularly good looking). - The way I feel is generated from within. It feels a little bit stupid to try to change my internal state by breaking up with her. - I'm careful about not creating too much Runanubandha. Too many deep romantic relationships with different partners might confuse the system and make things more complicated down the line. So maybe it is wiser to stay in a relationship that is on paper "perfect". - I don't care that much if I am never ever romantically involed with another woman again (This is not a contradiction to the strong desire to approach girls) I struggled to make a decision already for the last 4 months. However, I don't seem to make much progress (Yes, I watched Leo's video and it gave me a push in the right direction). Maybe you guys can give me some valuable input to help me facilitate the decision. Thanks for reading this long post! Solvinden

Just to make things clear. She never cheated, We are in a relationship just for one year. Two years ago I told her we can not be in a relationship because I want to have a family at some point and she is not able to have children. I struggled quite some time to come to the realization that I never want to have children anyway. In the meantime she met this other guy.

She broke the contact with him 1.5 years go and she deeply loves me/writes me music/puts in the effort (Even though I suspect it is this mature kind of love and not the butterflies in your stomach kind).

Hey Everyone, long story short: The girl of my dreams (my current girlfriend) really can't imagine a better man than me to be together with. But she recently confessed that she never had that spark and excitement for me and no matter how hard she tried she can't create these feelings within her. This deeply hurt me. If not even a girl where everything is fitting together so perfectly can't love me deeply, then something must be very wrong with me. At times she said that I'm a bit dusty and a weak man. I must confess, I think she is right. So now I commit to becoming a strong, funny and deeply alive man which is deeply desired by women. I want to do everything that is humanly possible to achieve this goal. I'd like to get your advice and guidance on all the things that I can do to achieve this goal. Every kind of advice is very much welcome! What I currently do: -since 6 months I do 1-2h of yoga every day -since 1 year I play around 1h guitar every day (Once I'm happy with my skill level, I want to learn singing next) What I playn to do: -Doing Krav Maga 2x a week for one year (I would never risk a confrontation because I wouldn't know how to fight) -Building muscles (going to the gym 3x a week. I'm way too skinny right now.) -Becoming funny: Trying to become relaxed in daily life and taking things less seriously, searching for the funny in everything (not sure if some kind of ritual/routine makes sense for this purpose) -Becoming more alive: I think Yoga helps in this regard. Also I can imagine that I become much more alive by becoming a much more active person. But maybe there is more that I can do? My main problem is that I tend to think way too much. Is there anything missing for creating deep attraction in a girl? In particular, I struggle to be a strong/"alpha" male in social situation. I feel most of the time very uncomfortable and anxious and I don't know how to change the way I feel in these situations. Probably, that's my biggest problem and where I'm the most clueless on how to fix it. I really behave very weak in these situations. PS: In the first year where we were dating but not in a relationship, she was also dating other men. Men where she had these magical attraction feelings. Even though they had many problems and it didn't fit that perfectly. This makes it even more unbearably painful for me as everything fits together so perfectly. So I really have to be quite terrible right now. Not even sure if I can continue the relationship after being hurt so deeply. At the same time, I know that she always did her best and she is not to be blamed for this situation. Thanks for listening guys! Solvinden

Hey Guys, do you have any tips on how to last longer in bed? Especially when I trust very hard and fast I last less than a minute. I tried deep/slow breathing, relaxing, focussing on sth different/changing the position/starting slow, etc. While these things help, they do not help enough. Are there techniques with which I can thrust very hard and fast for a long period of time? Maybe techniques that give you an orgasm without ejaculation can help? Thanks for your advice guys! Solvinden

Thanks for the advice guys! (: I'm experimenting with it right now and started reading "The Enlightened Sex Manual" by David Deida. I'll update you how these things work out.

Thanks for the answers guys! Going a little slower is what I normally do. Then I can last really really long. However, my girlfriend says she can't reach orgasm with this slower speed. Also I would enjoy it more to go harder and faster without ejaculating immediately. (: Sex while standing is a little better, the other things also make sense and help a little bit (except for the masturbation thing, I will try this, lol) My main concern is wanting to bring her to orgasm (She never had an orgasm during sex in her life, but also had not had too many partners). The sex with her is very good and I use principles from "The Sex God Method" (Dominance, Emotions, Immersion, Variance). Right now, it feels that I can improve the most by lasting longer during hard and fast sex. I feel that maybe there is some big puzzle piece that I'm still missing.

@stopwow I do. I answered the question for me completely. If I stay with her and have children or do not have children, if I leave her and have children or do not have children: It doesn't make any difference. Passing my genes on would probably lead to very happy and gifted children. However, in the end it's not important whatsoever. Have a good day!

Hey everyone, I have an extremely pressing question. My girlfriend can't have children and a few days ago I told her that I can not live with that; that it is extremely important for me to have biological children. So I kind of broke up. But, apart from that, the relationship was perfect in every way whatsoever and I would be extremely happy to stay with her forever. After a discussion with a friend (and her opinion) I have commitment issues. But it really is because of the having biological children part. It's stupid but somehow it feels important to me. Now I thought that maybe it is a solution that I just donate to a sperm bank. However, I read that most people do not get accepted. Is there a foolproof way to fulfil this wish that way? And by the way I watched Leo's video on reproduction several times, but it did not answer the question for me. However, I feel that something about my thinking is just not right. Right now, I would feel very relieved and happy if I could not have children. So I'm suffering my possibilities. That's crazy! On the other hand, I really love children, but I do not need them to feel a particular way. My attachment comes from passing something of myself on. (Leo said that the genes water down over generations but also the number of people inheriting them increases.) And the question is pressing because the more time passes, the bigger the chances are that it is too late to fix this, if I want to fix this. Love, Solvinden

Thank you so much for the very helpful comments (at least most of them are)!!! I've contemplated this question deeper the last few days and we came to an extremely satisfying conclusion. However, I still want to ponder this question deeper independently of all that because my thinking still doesn't feel quite "right". On the deepest level my desire for having children stems from a certain feeling that I really NEED to do that and that the alternative is extremely bad. But if I observe this feeling I can find no valid reason for its truth. Nevertheless, I'm just stuck in this view, and it feels dirty and not good. I guess that's survival, which is suffering, in play as mentioned in Leo's videos on survival. My goal needs to be to have absolute clarity on this topic (without mixed-feelings). I'm not quite there yet. However, I'm not fixed on a certain end result of my inquiry. Further input is much appreciated!

Hey everyone, after watching Leo's video concerning reproduction, I started contemplating the meaning of having children myself. Personally, the only reason why I feel I MUST have children, is indeed for spreading my genes. However, I feel that I should come to the conclusion that it is both okay to have or not have children. My current beliefs affect my life negatively. I feel that a profound realization of non-duality or reincarnation (not identified with the body anymore) will lead to the realization that it is not important whether one has children or not. However, I'm not even close to these states right now, so I'm looking for other arguments. Apart from that, Leo's argumentation wasn't very convincing in my opinion. Sure, there are many forms of reproduction. But there is this urge in me that really wants to reproduce by having children. I see the irrationality and self-bias in that, but so what? If after 200 years none of my biological information is left, then I would also agree that it is not so important to reproduce biologically. However, the amount of biological information in the following generations will stay approximately the same. Sure, in every new generation the number of genes in each human being gets halved, but the number of humans that have your genes gets doubled. And even when the sun explodes at some point, maybe humans have found ways to survive at other planets by that time. I agree that I assign meaning to biological reproduction and that there is nothing meaningful inherent to it. Nevertheless, I can't transcend these thoughts right now because on some level I'm still not fully convinced. I'd feel like a failure if I do not reproduce. Most other things in life are much more short-lived, so I'm not too attached to it and consider them not so important. But in this case it feels different, leading to neurotic thoughts of needing to have as many children as possible. I'd love to get some input from you guys. I feel that there are still some realizations to be made! Love, Solvinden

Hey everyone, I have a problem right now. I met this wonderful girl 1 year ago and I'm visiting her right now in Northern Europe (I'm 27). We've slept with each other and keep on meeting but it's not a relationship. Never ever did I feel that alive in my life. The last 4-5 years I felt pretty numb and depressed. And now I feel that I met someone that I truly love. I can tell her everything and vice versa. I'm able to access these positive emotions long believed to be lost. The problem though, as a result of being honest she starts to see my unlikable parts more prominently and it seems to change her opinions about me. Moreover, she's meeting many guys at the same time that try to get close to her. Not very comfortable. However, I feel beeing with her seems to skyrocket my development. I'm not a good looking guy. Especially last year, I was very stressed and depressed and as a result aged by 5-7 years. Many people think I'm 35. /: Also I lost quite some hair in this time and I'm not even quite 5'10. That's hurting me and I feel I fucked my life up. She's 20 and still so young, and I see her living the life that I always wanted that I never had. That's so painful. I see somehow that I need nothing external to be happy. But in terms of sexual relationships I still don't embody that. I feel that I developped myself tremendously but in social setting I'm still often anxious and awkward. She told me she can see people becoming unconfortable with me. And that I'm not a fun guy, maybe I'm just too old. Painful once again. Next week I go to a 10 day Vipassana for the second time. I'm not sure how to get the most out of it. Is it smart to use some of the breaks for contemplating questions that bother me personally? I felt that since 4 months ago the source of my big stress disappeared, I need to contemplate deeply how to proceed and become clear about what I want and visualize it. Reminds me of Leo's video about phases in life. I'm doing this with great effort. However, I feel it just takes so long and maybe I miss sth. Life is so painful right now and I just want sone relief. I meditate around 1h every day. I feel that apart from the problems mentioned above everything is perfect. Any helpful advice or kind words? Practically, it would probably be helpful for me to become somehow a guy that enjoys social sutuations and is strong and not anxious in them. More generally, it would help if I could just let myself fall into the moment all the time. But I just can't do that permanently, it's too emotionally challenging. Thanks, Solvinden

Hey everybody, I'm doing self enquiry every moment in my every day life. It feels like the only important thing in life; focussing on the I-thought and sinking it in the heart. I never thought much about attaining enlightenment, I just wanted to understand the I that suffers and thought everything else would become clearer as I grow. However, I now had several times the experience of becoming so aware of who I am, that I got drained into a very strong energy field and I knew that if I now just go a little step further, I'M GONE!!! And that just feels like way to radical for me. As long as I'm not ready to give EVERYTHING up I can never reach enlightenment. I see how the I-thought causes all my suffering but if I let it go I'M GONE! So how can I make a clear decision? By that I mean do I want to dissolve the I-thought or not? My intuition tells me strongly to just give up, but as long as I'm not absolutely certain I'll back out when it gets serious. I'm exited for your feedback! Solvinden

Hi everybody, I'd like to change my baseline state/ energy level. Right now I'm in a very stressful environment and I have to do tons of things every day. As a result, I tend to be in a very grey/ emotionless/ unfunny state which is obviously affecting each area of my life negatively. My discipline is very good right now and I take the time for other not work related projects as well, i.e. 90min Yoga/Meditation every day, going to the gym, approaching one girl every day, visualising, working on communication skills, etc., and I feel that I do the "right things". However, I feel like I'd need to change something for getting this energized/positive/funny baseline state. The obvious answer would be to reduce the stress but this will not be possible for the next six months. With good friends/ family I'm still able to get into a positive state. However, with work colleagues and strangers I tend to be tense, unfunny and awkward. This is especially problematic because this affects my success with women tremendously. Moreover, I think the underlying core issue is not the stress. Since always I've had these negative tendencies. Can you recommend me anything that I can do in this regard? Basically, it is about feeling differently for me. If I feel good, then I also know that I'll behave charismatically in social setting. Thanks in advance guys! Love, Solvinden

Thanks! I read the whole thread and yeah not really.

Hey everyone, I always had a little strange way to walk. People told me quite often. Unfortunately, I don't know how to walk "normally". Is there a way to show me what exactly I need to change? I'd even be willing to pay a little bit of money, but wouldn't want to have more than 2-3 sessions at a professional. I was talking to an Alexander-Technik practitioner on the phone and she was basically telling me that I would need like 20 sessions at least which I find ridiculous. Friends describe my gait sometimes a little bit stiff and nearly everyone says that I have a bouncing up and down movement. Any tips that could help me are highly appreciated. I'm very committed to change something, but I don't know how. Cheers, Solvinden

Hey everyone, I plan on going for two weeks to India in February. Therefore I wanted to know if you can give advice for things that I can do there that could help me spiritually. For example I think about joining the ashram of Sadhguru for a few days. Shaktipat might also be interesting. And is Goa really that bad nowadays? Love, Solvinden

Thanks for the input! @cirkussmile What is so special about Tiruvanamalai ? Wikipedia didn't tell me much. @Sahil Pandit I haven't decided yet where and when I will fly exactly. Like I said I will stay for two weeks. @kieranperez Haha, I will try my best!

Hello everyone, I can't buy the book list because I don't have a credit card. On the other hand, I have a PayPal-account with a registered bank account but nevetheless it only seems to be possible to pay with credit card. So what can I do? Is it really necessary to have a credit card? Love, Solvinden

Hello everyone, to put it simply, I need to improve my social skills in the next year quite a lot (job related). I struggle with severe social awkwardness. For example, I don't know what to say. Even if I know what the "right" thing to say is, I often feel awkward nevertheless. Moreover, I struggle with eye contact and humour quite a lot. All of these things sometimes work good at special occasions, so I think it should be a learnable skill for me. Here is what I think I could work on: 1) Increase the time of "just being" even further. Most of the time I just feel like chilling/relaxing. If I give in to this feeling, I feel afterwards more motivated to talk to people and my social skills improve. Nevertheless, it feels like that alone is not the solution. 2)Read some good books concerning the topic I now start reading "How to win friends and influence people" which I skimmed through seven years ago. Honestly, I think this book is going to be helpful but probably it won't help me much to master the very basics. Do you have any other book recommendations/other sources of helpful information? 3)Expand my comfort zone I also feel like this is going to be helpful because I always feel scared on some level in these awkward situations. On the other hand, a few years ago I was talking to hundreds of girls on the street and I wasn't really improving in social situations. But nevertheless sometimes these exercises did help I guess. I think I will need to find the right way to extend my comfort zone. Any inspirations from your side? I realized that my social skills became quite a bit better when I said something incredibly embarrassing/wrong and people judged me therefor. Then I'd get a little bit angry and wouldn't feel so scared anymore. In this state I also have more success approaching women. 4) Leo shot a video about increasing your humour. Even though I like the general method, I feel like there are more efficient ways to develop humour. Do you recommend Leo's method or do you have a better idea? 5) I think it is important to contemplate my social behaviour and create my own insights. 6) Masturbate less frequently. By doing so, energy levels tend to increase and I'm more motivated to talk to people. 7) What some friends said: -1- I tend to avoid eye contact in certain situations which is weird. But this feels awkward sometimes, especially if I have nothing to say right now. -2- I let others talk too much about themselves and it is difficult for others to find out who I am. I'm too "mysterious". But due to all the personal development I've been doing, I feel like it would be awkward to talk for example about Meditation as a field of passion as they maybe wouldn't understand. -3- I heard that I'm an empty hull with no emotions whatsoever, which is quite painful. I know that people that are very close to me think that I'm a "warm" person. On the other hand, strangers tend to think otherwise. All in all, I think working on removing my fears in these situations is the most important part. I think by doing so, most of my awkwardness would already disappear. I'm exited for your ideas and inspirational thoughts! PS: I already do 1h30min Meditation+Yoga and 2-3 times sport a week and I'm an INTP which is very introverted. Love, Solvinden

Hello everyone, I really dislike living the self-disciplined kind of life. Nevertheless, I think self-discipline is important. Basically, I'm doing 90% of the time the things that I want to do which is good. The problem is that I can't enjoy the moment in all of this doing. Most of the time, I'd rather like to crash on the couch. As a result, I'm unhappy even though I live the life that I think is best for me. Any advice on how I can fix this problem? I think I need to learn to enjoy the moment even if doing something feels unpleasant. But I feel like that awareness just doen't "work" in this case, I do 2h of spiritual work a day, do sports, approach women and put quite some effort into my work. Love, Solvinden