Aquarius

aaaaaaaaaa holy shit i made so many mistakes i never learn aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa let me just make a drawing of it until i feel better or maybe write a poem or just throw out my laptop outa the window lalala

Walking my wae. Idk where it leads? Story of my life.

that feeling when too smart for books and have no job so you just preach your bullshit that you heard from here and there

All the love from my avantgarde heart you won't understand me I just exist I think I hope goa trance in the background psychosomatic shoulder pain i am no jesus christ moshi moshii Aquarius desuu my memories haunt me like ghosts i am calm i feel well but at night idk insomnia hacked my cell phone

Writing this right now Nothing to give no one to blame My stomach is burning I wonder why I think I ate not sure I'm not hungry Forgetting things Remembering others For example Forgetting how I remembered the creation of the universe what is youniverse blah. i have no idea what I just wrote I just shat on this thread. Moooooo. Thought tornado.

Chameleon. No one's victim. Lots of love that I have to give, blaming no one. Just being myself. I'm so eclectic, whom'st'ever'd'n't've't doesn't enjoy don't get too close, u get burned. Didn't mean to be this way.

This forum drives me crazy. (:

I'm not replying to this thread.

No such thing as new year because time doesn't exist.

Cynical? Yes. Arrogant? Absolutely. Nihilistic? Eh. Wounded? Pretty much.

@Elysian Ok, understandable.

@theking00 Let love guide you when you're in a labyrinth. Why are you saying this?

@Zigzag Idiot I'll be honest, first time I heard about this term (yod), but I seen it before in a chart so I think I can help interpret it.

Feel free to misinterpret.

I got what was wrong. I don't like people touching my "objects", and by "objects"/"tools" I mean friends because semi-precious stones are alive too. I don't use semi-precious stones as a tool, I think they are friends and I am collaborating with them, talking to them. I don't like wearing crystals as a mere jewellery, unless I have a deep connection with them, and this old lady kept giving me semi-precious stones that I didn't ask for when I wasn't ready to use them, sort of like trying to force something I didn't want. That is fine, I have forgiven her, and helped her by saying a prayer together with her that releases unwanted subconscious programming. Then I also removed unwanted inherited and uninherited programming. Sometimes I am not aware of my own self either. I'm not an object either that's why I don't like when people disturb my stillness. I am at peeeeeace. ^^ haha. It's weird talking 4 languages, words get mixed up. I understand you guys on a much deeper level than I speak English because I am intuitive, but not all knowing. Was just trying to love myself. I feel good in solitude, I feel good with people, I feel good doing nothing, I feel good doing anything. I am not my thoughts and I don't identify with my thoughts anymore. Thank you for all the help that I got from every person that crossed my road. Enlightenment isn't the end destination. Just a tool to remind us who we are. I feel like I went full circle and now I'm just trying to enjoy my life. I went full circle accidentally, but with the help of many people. I also went full circle very fast ayyy. Especially when watching Kaypacha. I can only talk from my perspective and give my own interpretations of the world. Because I am unique like all of you. And that is good! I don't like being called a dog or a puppy because that is insulting but many people treat my like a dog. I wanted to drive myself, not a car. I wanted to lead myself, not a dog. I am leading other people to Truth, and I am a very direct soul, but that's not being arrogant or selfish or "egoic". I've always been fine. People who tell you only they can speak to God are pretty shady. God is literally love. Speak love when you open your mouth. I know whom I healed, and then I healed myself too. I don't have any personality disorder, it's the medication that fucked up my belly and it hurts like a knife. People tell me: smile all the time! That's they trying to control me. I'm actually smiling but I'm smiling inside not always outside. It just hurt that I was intimidating to my loved ones but all is well.

That time when the gay man opened up to me and let me listen to him and I calmed down because I knew he doesn't hate me. (March 2018) It started. You're talking to me like I am your closest friend, while we never even met. I feel the connection, but I'm still cold and distant. I'm scared, too. I think of you as a fragile little thing that I hold in my hand (you remind me of my quartz ball), able to fall apart in any millisecond. You're a storm of many thunders, hurricane and heavy rain. All that under human flesh. Your words hit me like hail. I want you to be well again. I offer you my loving words, please be okay. (Rhymes unintended.) The storm subsides. You're a sunray, always ready to create something beautiful. I'll carefully observe. You are sweet. My heart is warm. Melting in your rays.

That time when I tried to express my feelings for the gay man without hurting him, because once I had a sexual dream about him and I felt it is killing me inside because of the shame/guilt. (March 2018) I remember gazing into your mandala eyes. It was a photograph of you smiling. I still see it in front of me sometimes, But I only think of it when I'm well and happy Because I avoid spoiling the memory with Unclear feelings, that's how I care of you - I mean, the thought of you, Because the real you awaits deciphering Of course, and I patiently get closer, and Give clues, little hints, here, there... If you only knew how many erotic dreams Did that photograph trigger in me... Well, you'd just puke cause I'm disgusting, I don't deserve your love, but it's not like I would ever get it any way, because You're not into people like me... (we know why). I'm almost guilty for Having these thoughts and feelings for you. Almost. Please forgive me. But always know that what I say and do, will say and do it unconditionally. ALWAYS.

That time when I fell in love with a wonderful gay man that was a furry and he seemed distant. (March 2018) Beautiful Stranger... My heart is hard and cold When you smile And every move of yours Awaits my decifering. How can a creature So noble and gracious - Like the majestic wolf, Be so different than Anything else perceived So far by my eyes and ears!? Noble Soul, Explain me your ways, Show me your deepest And most cherished feelings! Don't leave me unknowing, Let me into your World of dreams and Prove me you too, My dearest, are an Innocent one, Please let me Connect with you...

It's called discipline my selfishness about myself.

No man steps in the same river twice, as he isn't the same man and it's not the same river.

I did. Self deception is weird.

Fortunately human. *sigh* ^^

I'm hard working like a little bee. I may not be a queen but I feel like in heaven because I found peace within. Much love to everyone.

I'm fine. I just love praying to God and I was always judged for it. I was never allowed to cry, I was never allowed to ask for help. I try to listen to more music, it's the only thing that makes me happy... I never smoked cigarettes, never drunk alcohol, never did drugs. And don't even want to. I was sexually abused and misled. But don't worry I am not angry. I accidentally became very nihilistic and only felt good when I could pray to God, Source, call it whatever. I would not call myself dogmatic, I'm just spiritual af. I don't consider myself God either. I just wanted to open up a bit. I might not see you people but I feel your intentions. I literally am a shaman. I am purple not blue. I came here to the forum when I was beige.