lmfao

@StephenK I initially came to get theory to help with personal development. I'm at the point where I don't need more theory and I just need to do the work, so 50% of time I only come here cuz I'm bored. If I wanted to really spend my time getting proper theory, I'd be reading books. As for as my thoughts on the forum, it's obviously good for people with questions on personal development but I personally think that people waste their time trying to conceptualise the true nature of reality. I've fallen into the trap as well. There will also be occasions where I read sets of messages on a topic which seem pointless to me, and are often filled with vague word salads that you can get off http://sebpearce.com/bullshit/

@MarkusSweden Well the reason that most of here are can get into personal development is because we have the resources. Basically, it's because we have the Internet. A higher proportion of people in the West have the luxury of being able to worry about their emotional problems, rather than having to worry about how they're going to earn money and survive. If you want Africa to become more "self actualized" you gotta just let their country grow economically. A societal shift towards orange in spiral dynamics, in contrast to the blue many countries are still dominated by. From what I've heard, Western countries have been exploiting African countries for profit and African countries are in a shit ton of debt to other countries.

@Leo Gura will take that advice on board ?

@Leo Gura When you say that the belief that astrology is a mass cultural delusion is itself a mass cultural delusion, do you mean that it is delusional to think that a belief in astrology is widespread amongst the masses? Or do you think its delusional to think that astrology is delusional? If the answer to the second question is yes, why do you think astrology is of value/use/significance?

@cetus56 I think you're right to talk about mental focus training because I've noticed that my reading speed and comprehension is higher immediately after meditation. So there's something there. As far as consciousness work goes I'm just trying to maintain mindfulness states that I reach in meditation. I can see now that my addictions are holding me back a lot in this regard. I'd say I'm "good" with things like intuition and creativity. I'm very much interested in maths and physics, and I'll spend my spare time trying to figure out mathematical proofs for things for fun. I like to dissect topics I learn till they feel very natural and intuitive to me. I want to understand why things are true when I'm doing "complicated" maths, in terms fundamentals like addition,subtraction,multiplication and etc so that I'm not just a memory drone when learning. As an ideal, I want any new maths I learn to feel as intuitive as 2+2=4, although I'm far from suceeding cuz I'm no Einstein.

Idk if this topic deserves to be in the Life Purpose sub-forum but whatever. My problem is that I almost certainly have mild dylexia. In order for me to read anything, I have to focus a lot and my brain gets very tired after reading a few pages of A4. It feels very frustrating. Reading anything takes a mental toll on me. I feel as though I'm constantly exerting myself. That being said the degree to which I have dyslexia isn't very big at all when compared to some other people, but it's still very noticeable. As a young child I was only slightly poor at English whilst very good at maths so it has went undetected, but when I examine and pay attention to my many experiences of reading in the past I'm 99% sure that my brain just isn't wired for reading the same way it is for other people. This is a problem for me because I'm very interested in academia and to succeed I'm going to have to do lots of reading when I go to university. If I'm reading something I enjoy my tolerance for reading will be higher, but my dyslexic symptoms will still be there despite them being lessened. So my question is, does anyone here have dyslexia? Do you know of any ways to deal with it? The general consensus I've found online is that it's "uncurable". Does anyone here know of any natural cures/remedies for dyslexia?

@WaterfallMachine @John Iverson @Quanty cheers.

@WaterfallMachine to get rid of spiritual elitism you kill all people spiritually inferior to you so that there is no one left to whom you are spiritually superior, hence you can't be in any sort of elite.

Omg I fucking love Alan Watts, my favourite teacher. Some of the two best talks of his you can ever listen to, imo. I wouldn't care if there were 100's and 100's of subforums dedicated to this guy cuz this guy is my fucking hero.

@iluminado I'm going to be emotionally triggered from this post and wage a non-dual jihad on the disbelievers. Everyone knows "The Book of Not Knowing" is the ultimate book. All those who show even the slightest deviation from my opinion shall feel the wrath of my keyboard.

@DMM710 yeah I've edited my message now. And if materialism is true idk what would be behind the energy/matter configurations.

@Leo Gura I agree with the essence of what you're saying your video Leo (I've only seen 30mins so far) , but I don't understand why it is that you think that the universe being "infinitely intelligent" (I'm using this term as a way of indicating that I'm referencing your view on intelligence) somehow points away from materialism being true. Materialism is the view that all of reality is a massive intricate system of energy configurations through space and time (all though space and time are not absolute things in a scientific view of things). You ask us to consider how it is possible that energy moving randomly around can create intelligence, and you're referring the type of intelligence that average humans are familiar with. You're asking how is it possible for balls bouncing around in a box to produce intelligence. But do you not think it is possible for matter/energy configurations in the universe to be responsible for human intelligence? Even if intelligence is a fundamental property to reality, that doesn't mean that every day human intelligence can't be the expression of matter/energy. I mean sure, you might ask "what's behind matter/energy", but even so I think you're "wrong" to think that this conception of infinite intelligence means that materialism is irreconcible with everyday human intelligence. Even if there's something behind matter/energy which is responsible for intelligence, it doesn't mean that matter/energy are definitely not possible expressions of intelligence. In short, I just think it's strange that you think that infinite intelligence can be used as a way to point people out of a materialist paradigm. What I'm saying now probable sounds really pedantic, but I'm not hostile.

@KimmyG The only reason I'm doing Nofap is because I've noticed the negative effects it has on me. After watching porn for 6 years, my sexual response from masturbation has become extremely numb from what it used to be due to desensitisation. I escalate the extremity and novelty of my porn constantly to try and get the "same hit" that I used to. Unless you've noticed some negative effects from porn/masturbation, my guess would be that Nofap probably has little utility for you.

@Shakazulu You're saying that the true nature of a human (or even a cat) is not something which can be captured with language and concepts. If that is the case, then how am I to use concepts to tell you what the true nature of a human is? If you wanna go ultra deep as to what "anything" is, the only thing you can do is just do meditation/yoga, and realise that your entire experience is just a happening.

@Slade well if it wasn't for personal development I would still have severe depression/anxiety and would have maybe commit suicide. I retain all of my addictions though, but I know my ego is starting to die from meditating 50 mins plus daily now. Starting to feel more grounded in the present moment. From meditation, I feel I've learnt that self improvement can paradoxically be hindered by your desire to improve yourself. I'll be meditating, and I'll think "why isn't my meditation making me feel better? Why can't I detach from my thoughts? ". But if I let go of my want to feel better and let go of my want to "get something" out of meditation, I feel better and I'm detached from my thoughts. By getting out of your own way, your mind and body will automatically take the correct actions you need to improve yourself. We are always in a state of anxiety because our egos are under the illusion that our external circumstances (job performance,sexual relationships, family, friendships and etc) are inherently important, when they are not. Once you let go of clinging to external circumstances, your external circumstances improve. And I feel I'm starting to learn that.

@Ether As funny as this thread is. on a serious note, Kanye West seems to have a massive ego lol. But pretty much all American celebrities do, from what I can tell. @Rilles "YOU AINT GOT THE ANSWERS SWAY. I'VE BEEN DOING THIS MORE THAN YOU......What's the name of yo' clothing line we don't know". I love that meme.

@Charlotte After I'm done reading anything, and I want to make sure that I've understood and remembered it, I'll talk out loud to myself to test my knowledge and understanding. For me this is a very efficient way of learning, and I've been doing this because I'm right in the middle of a massive set of exams. I only study math and science subjects (last year of high school right now), so much of what I have to learn is conceptual. If I'm ever in the position where I just have to "memorize facts", I always try to find a way to tie down these facts to some sort of underlying visual concept or to some sort of underlying logic. This gives me the motivation to study things. I think I'm mildly dyslexic, but I have still found ways to slog through 70 pages in a textbook to do last minute revision the day before a big exam.

Involuntary isn't necessarily the right word to use in the previous sentence, but I'll describe what I'm going through. You know those muscles in our head which we can voluntary contract? They are the muscles which you might contract by gritting your teeth really hard, and your head shakes when straining them. Weight lifters when they are pushing themselves really really hard will grit their teeth and contract these muscles. You dont need to grit your teeth to contract them though. But whenever you do contract them, your head will shake. Basically, during my meditation sessions I'll involuntarily/subconsciously contract my head muscles really hard, sometimes alongside my arms. It simultaneously happen with a wave of irratibility, but the irritability will dissappear after a short time. During my 55 minute meditation today for instance, this happened to me about 5 times or more. I'm guessing that my mind is just getting agitated from the pain and boredom during meditation. Even when I'm in a very peaceful state during meditation sometimes, a wave of agitation will suddenly arrive and my face will make bizzare expressions. Is all of this just my subconscious reacting to the "cleansing" that happens when you meditate? Does anyone here have very similar things happening to them?

@sarapr you those muscles can be used to move the ears a bit, but straining those muscles doesn't always move your ears. Lol if you want to use them, just make a conscious decision to contract all muscles in your head, and you'll know what I mean. I like the reply @Outer you've given lol. @AleksM Yeah that link was good, thanks.

@pluto +1

@CreamCat A real psychopath is someone who through no fault of their own was born with an irregular brain which doesn't develop in the same way as a neurotypical brain. https://www.quora.com/What-is-a-psychopath-in-simple-terms "Psychopathy is a condition that is present in the brain at the time of birth. Psychopaths have marked brain differences from a neurotypical brain. Our amygdala alone is around eighteen percent smaller, as well the same showing/damage to the orbital cortex, the frontal lobe, and also the insula which is located deep in the cerebral cortex. Psychopathy being characterized by low fear is consistent with abnormalities in the amygdala, since detriments in aversive conditioning and instrumental learning are thought to result from amygdala dysfunction, potentially compounded by orbital frontal cortex dysfunction, although the specific reasons are unknown. The orbital cortex regulates impulsivity, and the frontal lobe is the damage to the ethics and morality section of the brain. All of these areas will show a pattern that is present and distinctive for a psychopathic brain." If a psychopath meditates and does consciousness work,the way they grow and express their true selves is going to differ from someone who is neurotypical. Psychopaths manipulate people a lot because they simply lack empathy, and I don't know if this will change for them after spiritual growth. The spiritual growth of a psychopath would express itself differently to the spiritual grown of a neurotypical, and so it is possible that behaviours which cause misery and unhappiness for a neurotypical will not have the same effect for a psychopath. What I'm hypothesising is that its possible for a psychopath to be healthy and awakened whilst being "evil" being neurotypical standards. But the existence of "evil" is ultimately an illusion that can be seen through by consciousness work.

@Laymen Well, to make any truth claim about reality we must operate on our own unprovable/groundless assumptions about the nature of reality. If we are to make the typical assumptions of someone who believes in the "scientific method" https://undsci.berkeley.edu/article/basic_assumptions , then you would arrive at the conclusion that consciousness is indeed "created" by the brain. As far as I'm concerned, I don't really know if consciousness is created by the brain. I'd say the brain does create consciousness because I like to operate on scientific/materialistic assumptions about the world. Even if we look at consciousness through a materialistic lens, there's still a shit-ton of stuff we don't understand about consciousness.

Recently I had my last day of high school, and so my mind naturally became sentimental in thinking about the past. I want know what the best ways are to understand the unconscious motivations driving me. Skip to the end if you can't be bothered to read. Im gonna write a lot. Why I'm asking this question and a bit about me I've realised that I understand very little about why my experiences happened the way they did, and I can't figure out what I was chasing after back then and what I'm chasing after now. Whilst the details of my memories aren't incredibly sharp in terms of precise mundane details, I have a very detailed and rich memory of important phases of my life during high school and the underlying emotions I felt at the time. Although I say that I understand very little about my past it's probably the case that I understand a lot about my experiences, it's just that I don't want to accept and confront the fact that I've always felt like an alien/outsider in my interactions with people. The feeling of being misunderstood and lonely, subtly yet strongly, permeates all of my experiences in school from when I was 4 years old to now when I am 17. It might be worth noting that I'm an INTP who suffers from anxiety/depression, and I've got a parent was/is abusive to me (to only describe the relationship with the word "abusive" wouldn't accurately convey the nuanced situation however). This parent of mine is very paranoid and holds delusional suspicions (which are not targeted at me), and I have a strong history of mental illness from one of my parent's side of the family. I some autistic traits which I have inhereted from one of my parents, but I would probably be what you call "high functioning". My past experiences There is far too much I can say here, so my explanation will likely be cut short and incoherent since there's a lot in my mind (emotions, particular memories) which I can't articulate well. I'll talk a bit about my experiences, by first starting with primary school [ which I was in when aged 4-11 years old]. For a reason unbeknownst to me, I was a very shy kid by the time I was 4. Apparently I was very late to speak as a baby, which is maybe a consequence of autism. From the very start of primary school, I was mildly bullied and was socially excluded. Although I can't pinpoint a reason for this, I think this happened because of the fact I behaved strangely as a child. Although I behaved strangely, it was far from being malicious or violent. By the age of 6-7, the bullying stopped and as I mildly gained the respect of people around me. Around the age of 7 I naturally developed a very strong interest in maths, and this has stuck with me for life. It was something I was constantly praised for by adults. Thankfully I wasn't bullied for this at all in primary school. Even after I stopped being bullied, I was at the bottom of the "social hierarchy". I was often peoples last choice for playing games with, and it felt as though I had to always make an effort to fit in and get people to play with me. I finished high school at age 11. I didn't stay in touch with anyone from primary school. At age 11 I then entered a private high school. When my first year started, I found that I was being popular for reasons I didn't understand. It might be because I was blunt and would tell offensive but funny jokes, and represented a paradox of maturity and immaturity. I was really good at tackling people in rugby even though I was short, and so the sporty kids loved me for that. I was friends with the "jocks" and "the nerds" at the same time. I was tired of being nerd earlier in my life, so I tried to fit in with the cool kids. However, they weren't really on my wavelength at all. I found them to be superficial and shallow beyond belief. They shared different hobbies from me for the most part. They were allowed to have girlfriends whilst I have had the opposite sex demonised to me because of my upbringing. The "cool kids" detected that I wasn't on their wavelength as well, but I maintained a casual relationship with them for two years. Although I interacted with the cool kids, it was the "nerds" who were my real homes. I just went to the "cool kids" temporarily if they were doing some fun activity like playing football or rugby. During my second year of high school I developed a major crush for someone, but I couldn't pursue anything because of my religion. She was really good looking and gave me signals (e.g. She was touching my leg repeatedly with her foot under the table) , but I never did anything. This led to me having great frustration. I ended up question religion as a whole during my adolescence, a became an atheist at age 14. Something at the centre of my being rejected everything about the way the "jocks" acted. They were arrogant, genuinely malicious at times, and wanted to put whoever they could down around them. And for the first two years of school, I had two close friends. These two guys happened to be the two highest academic achievers in all subjects, whilst I only "shined" in maths and science. Despite this, we had many similar interests and fun playing games with each other. They were on my wavelength. After two years, I had drifted away from the cool kids. After two years my loneliness started to grow. When interacting with the vast vast majority of people I felt like an outsider. During my third year of high school, I fell down the dominance hierarchy, quickly spiralling down towards the bottom. During my third year of school, people were put into different classes of "ability". I was separated from my friends for science classes because I never bothered to study. One of the two close friends I had started drifting away to hang out with the girls, and I didn't follow him. I was too awkward and my religion hindered me. Plus the girls he choose to hang out with were unpleasant, gossipy people. I had just one friend left, and I didn't end up seeing him too often. This friend that I had left was Asian and Muslim like me, (unsurprisingly?). My interests were in discussing philisophy, religion, science, psychology, politics and etc but nobody elses were. Whether it was sitting in classes, eating lunch, and walking to classes, I was lonely. Rooms would be full with multiple cliques (nerds, normals, jocks, etc) of people talking loudly, I would be awkwardly at the side. I watched from the sidelines everyone enjoy their life. Hung out with nerds, but didn't really feel connected to them. As high school went on, my loneliness grew and grew. During my 6-7th years of high school my classes became small and I was mostly interacting with nerds all the time. I took only science subjects and maths, and I had my friends in these classes. My curiosity for maths and science really bloomed during these, and people were shocked at how "intelligent" I was because my grades aren't usually good. I went to a private school filled with people who were very competitive and hardworking academically. I have a circle of 10 "friends" and some of them were envious of me and put me down for my interest in maths. Most of the teachers were unable to answer the questions I asked them, and whenever I tried discussing something I find really interesting in maths/physics with my friends I would get cut off, because they perceived my interest and enthusiasm for the abstract as a form of showing off. If I ever go full loose in showing my train of thought to people, they are sometimes spiteful and look at me as weird. And so I naturally became more and more lonely, as I felt rejected by everyone around me. On a side note, I hate the way information is taught in school, and that demotivated me from learning and growing as much as I could. I'll hopefully be studying physics at university later this year. My question How can I understand the forces which drive my behaviour? Practicing mindfulness is something very very very important, and I plan to develop myself as a whole. Our mind can react to sensations and feelings in our consciousness in automated ways which we don't consciously register. But I want to know what I can do outside of (meditation) /(consciousness training) to understand myself. What books are best? What theory do I need? What ways of thinking should I use in dissecting my past experiences? I want to know why it is I don't fit in. It because of my mbti type? (I'm an INTP). Is it because of my score on the big five scale? Agreeableness: 1st percentile Compassion: 4th percentile Politeness: 1st percentile Conscientiousness: 0th percentile Industriousness: 0th percentile Orderliness: 2nd percentile Extraversion: 22nd percentile Enthusiasm: 13th percentile Assertiveness: 41st percentile Neuroticism: 92nd percentile Withdrawal: 98th percentile Volatility: 63rd percentile Openness to Experience: 97th percentile Intellect: 94th percentile Openness: 95th percentile

Thanks for the replies. @aurum The books you mentioned seemed good. I'm generally not good with feelings. If I'm ever in a higher consciousness state and I'm in tune with my feelings to a large degree, I'll still express them in a different way to most people. and I just need to accept that that is who I am. I think I just need to align myself with the present moment to "get over" the problems that I myself am creating. Looking back across all my life, I think it's just the case that I'm "wired differently" and I need to be at peace with this and I need to accept the fact that I won't find satisfaction by imitating the behavior and ways of thought of people who are wired differently from me. I have to become truly comfortable with solitude, whilst also being an emotionally mature person who is socially apt. I do want to "psychoanalyse" myself, but I think it's something I want to do in the future for fun since reading theory isn't really gonna solve my problems when I know what my problems are deep down and I just need to do the personal development work. The neuroses I have are all to be found with meditation, and I've come to really feel that recently after 4 months of regular-ish mediation.