lmfao
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Everything posted by lmfao
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Before I Forget and Duality gives me the strangest deep feelings. But also like sulfur, psychosocial and three nil. That guitar at the start is amazing. Metal is weird. So sleepy, still in afterglow. But it's fine, I can put down the tech feel
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lmfao replied to lmfao's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@Thought Art No this isn't it. Well you could be right I wouldn't know. I'll just have to see where -
lmfao replied to Holygrail's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@Holygrail resistance to something happens before you realise it. Go quicker son -
Don't take psychedelics if they aren't for you. Psychedelics aren't for me, for example, I'm already unstable enough. Existence alone is literally already insanity inducing enough for me, being in ontological depths of despair since being a young teenager. I didn't choose any of this shit, it just happened. How could a kid have chosen it? I try to make myself forget the insanity, distract myself. I can access the insanity, I've just implicitly chosen to run away from it and make myself forget. But that doesn't work and just keeps causing problems. I have to uncover it Whatever guru or book or technique I read or see, it's literally a distraction perhaps. There's a big elephant just poking out in my experience. So, I must go to it? -- If I had capacity to be psychotic I would already be so, but never say never
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I think that I am able to imagine that other people have bubbles of perception and experience which are different from mine. That they don't have the same fears for example, and that we both live in different worlds. A world of differences no matter what nîgger you talk to. 1) What is the truth of my thoughts and what I'm doing with these images and thoughts? 2) What implications if any am I to draw? I do some mental imagination, there's some imagination process with "put yourself in another person's shoes" as well. For some reason, when I try to do this process of mentally creating some image of what another person's bubble or perception is, I get some sense of emptiness inside me. I get the sense that I've entered some memetic world, NPC, surface, mundane. 2. Awareness that I'm in a bubble of perception. Question is, where to go from here, what's the next move? I make zero progress, and everything I've strived for is already in the bin even if I delude myself otherwise. The inner insanity only grows. I am piss-poor DNA and physicality, deformed and contorted psyche since birth. -- What's the point of swimming against the current? Is that not what I'm doing, the unnatural?....ugh The last thing I'll do is go begging that bastard God for help. He was a myth and fantasy, vindictive liar. Fuck Allah, fuck God. How did I forget that this was my thing. I don't pray, I meditate. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Edit: Back in space now, stay with it. The distant and repressed shame of watching child porn popped up. Then after that the fear of conflict and catastrophising comes up. Stay with it and let all that comes up. Stay laser focused and concentrating, in flow. There's nothing to hide or lie about. When the feeling comes, let it fill your entire body. Look inwards for how you've resisted it before even realising it. Let it fill the room you see! The intense fear. Don't even call it anything. You can't label it anything, and just surrendering. Let the burdens on your chest be "expelled into cosmic space"
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Was it a catalyst, did you feel transformed or change from it? I've been doing ACIM recently but I ain't been consistent with it. So one thing which would end up happening is that because of my bad (sleeping) schedule and routine generally, wasting my days away, I often didn't implement the things consistently, although I did do it. What this means is that I would take 2 days for a lot of lessons, even 3 sometimes. Even more recently, I was commuting and travelling around a bit, got busy, and I haven't done anything for a week of it. I'm lesson 23 Alright, but my main concern is this. I'm not sure if this path is for me, I'll explain why in a bit. My question is, who would you say this path is for and why? Why was it the path for you? I'll explain my situation, but you could very well answer the question after having only read this far. And perhaps this far in is the only relevant information. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ I'm struggling to know what to say but I'll just say. I'll give one example situation to explain what sort of things I'm dealing with [It's not the only example or illustration in my life story]. So I was lethargic, depressed, lost in thought, lost, etc. But then, I noticed a thread/ray of feeling and had attention on it. I used it as motivation to for a run, and whilst doing so, I was just trying to focus and uncover whatever I can. Stopping resisting What I uncover or discover is an unbelievably large amount of aggression and rage. The way forward I see, is to "make this conscious" and embody it in my life. What that means is that, (I got the inspiration for this formulation from David R Hawkins), I must stop grasping at and trying to create a private inner world separate from the external world. That's the shit to let go With this aggression, I find that after uncovering it and trying to work it out, I end up being physically exhausted (probably partially because exercise is involved) but also mentally and emotionally exhausted. Whatever it is I'm taking a dive into, it's not a simple narrative "letting go". For within me there is the intense thrashing, kicking of an embryo and heartbeat which desires life. Some narrative of "letting go" in me is not letting go, it is random mental games. Let me reel back in this rambling to a point. I'm aggressive, my fuse and temper might become worse, I don't know what sort of person I'll be. I might become more egoic. If that's what's occurring or that's my state, is it geometric misalignment with a lovey-dovey and non-egoic path like ACIM?
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lmfao replied to lmfao's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
ACIM contemplates "the fear of being attacked". Being attacked does happen. "Fear" and "Fear of being attacked" almost sound like the same thing. There are probably examples or fears you can have where these aren't the same thing, just that it isn't on my mind rn. In my case, the fear can manifest as a social aspect where there's worry of a negative reaction or attack for being or doing a particular thing. But there are more images than that though, and this particular train of thought about fear isn't what's actually on my mind as a focus rn, but it's what came to mind as something which could be written. I will continue with ACIM, I feel something from it, and some of the unusual exercises are kind of "therapeutic"(?) or reveal things. Body automatically twitching, squirming, tensing, etc as well Thread bump One thing I've found is that it's important to go into the negative emotion. feeling and reaction of a response rather than dwelling on the initial formulation of the perturbance. Right now I'm doing that with a thought that is controversial and currently bothering me (in relation to murder and morality not mattering, "distressing" thought which just lingers), but I can give a recent past example more people can relate to. Although I know this example lacks any bite, due to the example itself not quite striking the valence I want, as well as cliche topics usually being filtered out of attention. "As usual" (lol), I was depressed about how life makes no sense whatsoever. How if time, past and future and "none of these things exist", then me trying to find direction is pointless or plan for things and achieve goals means nothing. Simultaneous to depress feeling. A very very difficult question then becomes to ask becomes "Why am I depressed about that?", which I still don't have the answer to, but asking the question provided enough of an "escape rope" to move on. When such unfamiliar questions are asked, it's an interesting thing -
Amazing isn't it. Had a cheeky little 3 day suspension as well
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lmfao replied to RoerAmit's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@RoerAmit if the shoe fits wear it -
Why is the literal atheist insulting anyone's IQ again? haha
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GOOD SHIT. You're a good man. I forget what moment you mean with the cameras. And yeah, liar game is pretty good as well. I like both, and I think one outs had the better ending though. But that doesn't mean liar game wasn't amazing in generallllll
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@ToaTokuchi Holy shit, I love Tokuchi Toua, he's one of my profile pictures. Idk if you've read the manga which comes after the anime, but it ends the series perfectly
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Ofc you "̶"̶ ̶f̶e̶e̶l̶"̶"̶ feel provoked
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Yesterday when you for a run, you hardcore went into delving into your emotions. A "forceful" uncovering them. The intention and strain to uncover feeling, but also "stop resisting". No logic to it, its just whatever you do and what happens To motivate yourself, you generated(?,no) or noticed the feeling of being a log in your experience. Unconscious feeling of being a log made conscious, that frustration was fuel for you to run <longer>. So much anger and passion came out. It was a catharsis or uncovering I can't really describe. By the end of it, I was physically exhausted, but the negative thinking and emotions weren't exhausted, despite the uncovering and catharsis. However, you were less aggressive afterwards, temporarily so maybe. That's due to exhaustion. Today you have "secretly resisted feelings". But you didn't find the energy to pull it out and endeavour with your body and mind. I think it's just that voluminous. Do it again When you feel the rage and emotion, you grit your teeth. Don't know if that's why though
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@Gennadiy1981 Bro if you put more breaks and paragraphs into that it can be read easier But yeah I feel you. I hate Leo's approach to politics or whatever thing, but that doesn't mean I don't like his self development or consciousness work. No contradiction You don't have to like everything about a guru/gura. Leo himself has said about other teachers that you see what's good and what isn't. It seems Leo aims for some sort of holistic approach where he talks about all these different domains, including politics. He takes a stance on politics whereas other gurus don't. I prefer the don't, but I'm not Leo.
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Question of good or bad policy, I don't care for, nothing learnt from that. I judge most people as retarded, concerned with shit that doesn't matter, spreading propaganda, blah blah blah I give myself a headache even saying that lmao Covid vaccines are one thing. What I ask is what else you get coerced into. What is coercion to begin with? What does it mean to be "co-operative"/"agreeable" , how/why should it be valued? I got my second shot of the vaccine today. I went because someone booked it for me, I didn't have much else to do. If I did have something else more important to do, and I was actually anti-vax, I just wouldn't go. I'm not anti-vax, I just don't care, although I think it's a bonus to be vaxed, probably Zombie transformation complete. But at least I'll get permission papers to travel where I want
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For some time, I've been in depression, and more recently in my life this past year or so and a bit a haze of dissociation. I'm very much unable to recall the past much or use my memory much, due to repressed feeling or however you phrase it generally. My sense of time, continuity in identity, memory, reality of the world, are in a haze and not in a good way. It hit me today for the first time in a while, that I am disconnected from emotion and feeling. I've been so disconnected from feeling that I forgot I even was disconnected. I've been barely able to or unable to cry anymore for example. But in this moment I am able to Your current emotional state, it colours your memory, awareness and knowledge. For whatever reason or in whatever way, my emotional state meant that I quite literally forgot or have no frame of reference for another state, even if they did happen in the past. I LITERALLY FORGOT that I was in this state, literally forgot what it is like to be or feel differently. Read those words and that sentence seriously, because they are very heavy and 100% literal. I can hardly believe I've only been in this extremely bad state for probably only 1-2 years, it honestly feels like forever. But I visited my old student accommodation recently, listened to old pieces of music on my playlist, and by luck/grace I saw a glimpse of my emotion again. My grasp over memory, time, continuity of identity and perception in this state of mine is so hazy that I really couldn't tell you how long exactly I've been in what place or state. The first thing that's came up for me was sadness, tiny amount of tears, but it felt good. That's when I remembered words I heard before, or a pattern I had seen before. I remember David R Hawkins saying once that the step above apathy was grief. Grief as in regret and sadness over what you have lost, sadness over realising the cost of what you have lost out on. Below that level, you're not even conscious of what you're missing out on, you're not even aware. And that description, it perfectly makes sense to me now and I randomly remembered. I feel as though I've just seen a tiny drop of my grief, not even an atom's worth, not even scratching the surface. And this glimpse, its but a glimpse which is already fading and doesn't hold power over my current state. Even though it's a tiny glimpse, perhaps that small ray of self-awareness can wake me up again somewhat. -- I'm not sure how much of my dissociated state is due to one of my high school best friends committing suicide almost a year ago now. Before he even committed suicide, I was already disconnected and dissociated from my past and from my high school years. And that was perhaps the cherry on the cake. I don't know why it happened, it came out the blue, and I had seen no reason to suspect such a thing would happen. I think what happened was that I felt guilty and panicked when the bad news came as well. I was/am disconnected from my past, so I felt even more unprepared emotionally or conceptually for it. I could hardly feel sad when the news came. The sadness came bursting forth around one of the days it happened. But after that I can't really remember, and the disconnection remains. NB: Okay I just remembered, my dissociations issues have been going on for at least 2-3 years in some form at least. But even when I go back that far, the issues weren't that bad, and I felt emotion more. When it comes to this scale of consciousness...Seems I'm dealing with stuff at the level of apathy and even further below. All in all, I'm grateful for this single ray of light I've seen, even if small
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@Cubbage I've heard that one reason people vote for Tory is because they want brexit to be done quickly
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@sara373 Don't desire for such a thing or trade off, it isn't worth it or any good at all, trust me. Emotional mastery might be one thing, but "shutting off" emotions like you're implying here is another. What you're essentially asking to do is place trauma/limiters on yourself. Now I'm aware that I'm slightly straw-manning you, but what I'm saying there is the main point. -- Perhaps for some of the people who find themselves in hell, they have to summon the will to keep moving forward in spite of their negative thoughts and emotions. You feel like shit, but you have a good sense of some action to take. Pushing your own back through the hardship, rather than having something else push it. Voluntarily step beyond the walls, to quote AOT. Even in this case I don't wish to "shut off emotion" or the such. Probably want the opposite rather
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Friday 18:23 30/07/2021 I have enough LSD for 1 normal/good trip, but it's not enough for 2 small trips. Knowing me, I'll probably just blow it on one trip even if it's my first time. Reddit: "If you are a noob to lsd this dose is simply too high for you", yeah shut the fuck up I'm fine please. I have enough confidence/faith in myself, and I know psychedelics and consciousness is no joke. Prepared for whatever hallucination or phenomena happen. I'll try to be accepting of outcome, from the absolute worst to the best. In fact, my expectations or guard might be so high that I get disappointed by the trip! Lol. Just find enjoyment and fun in this, being an apathetic grouch isn't the way. I'm in no rush to use it now. I see it as a cool goodie I have, no reliance on it. There's a chance I'll use it tomorrow, but there's also a chance I'll instead wait 2 months. The waiting option is more likely, although it seems quite tempting to use when it's in front of you! Letting my mind just be, it is moving in direction of "wait". But who knows what will happen -- I think that even though you have work to do, you should go out today and socialise again, since you so rarely do it. You have the capacity to be in the zone no matter where you are and what you're doing, and even if you run out of energy or concentration to stay present, that's fine. Either way, I have faith. -- So I got back from going out. I'm a bit unfocused and tired to do anything. I need to sleep soon anyway. But before that, I have to wait an hour or so for food to digest. I mean I could meditate a little bit.
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Touché, you right lil' nigga It is my thought that this thing called "turquoise" is able to be experienced more after doing consciousness/spiritual work of some sort. Them the Alan Watts speeches seem to resonate more, if I am to believe my past memory
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Seems with turquoise you don't have meme or caricature like you can do with orange or green Turquoise or not turquoise humans will have the same challenges and problems. Don't take the model too far You're taking SD too seriously, orange ass motherfucker -- I'm convinced there's some[thing] /[orange] with the excessive comparative thinking I perceive from your posts. It reminds me of children in school who are competing against each other to see who gets higher marks in their tests, etc. I won't claim to be much or any better ofc, but since I think I see it I say it Pardon me if that's a tangent lol.
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@hyruga hmm interesting stuff. Chinese history/aesthetic looks "glamorous", don't know anything about it. Glamorous unless I visit China and it's as dirty as people say -- Also @Ya know makes good point even if I don't have same thoughts. @Husseinisdoingfine made a thread about same topic some weeks ago where people also left good thoughts on this A current conceptualisation I have of this topic of being "machiavellian" and etc.... For me I see the important takeaway to be this. Looking at the different sorts of roles or modes of expression we have. Seeing the different roles or modes of expression we limit ourselves to
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@asifarahim Oh I don't know much about Robert Greene books. I've only read snippets of 48 Laws of Power and I didn't like it. I know he has more books than that one though So with Thick Face Black Heart, that's more of a self-help, philosophy book. "Thick Face" means that you have a psychological shield from the opinions and perceptions of others. "Black Heart" means willingness to act and take action regardless of consequences to others. Its ruthlessness, but not inherently evil. An example the book gives are surgeons who have had to work without anaesthetic. In order to be effective in their duty/goal, they have to be willing to accept the patient screaming, and act to the best of their ability in spite of this. To be able to accept/ignore the screaming and focus on the task (funny how accept and ignore almost mean the same thing here) Black-hearted is about being above short sighted compassion to achieve your goals. The book goes on to describe what it sees as the different phase of thick face, black heart. It also elaborates on the fact that thick-face black-heart is about effective action and getting what you want, and isn't inherently good or evil. Although in the early phases/development it may look more evil to an onlooker. So anyway yeah the book is like that
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Alright first of all, no way in hell was Vaush shoving anyone into lockers. I don't know what kind of fucking deluded narrative you're rambling about. But whatever, doesn't matter. Idk and idc about destiny. I dislike Vaush because I perceive him as being a sanctimonious moral fagger. That's all. It's fine if you love Vaush. I've loved some of his videos, he's made great arguments. It's all cool either way. It's irrelevant to anything whether I love or hate vaush, I just say my opinion because I wanted to I really didn't write my post with the intention of condemning Vaush for whatever sex scandal that may or may not have happened, I don't know / I don't care about the details . Honestly speaking, it doesn't make much a difference to how I perceive him Meanie ;-; This would be more hurtful if the image of this with a burning trash compactor wasn't so creative and funny Don't punish him, mods