Brandon Nankivell

The Wisdom of the Enneagram

This one I listened to multiple times and shared with friends (be careful if they are apt to delusion or in a vulnerable state). Had a minor breakthrough listening to this one with eyes closed under the influence of Mary Jane.

God Speaks by Meher Baba Was highly satisfied to come across this gem. I feel I would have struggled to soak anything in if it weren't for first watching hours of Leo's content. Having direct experience with an Avatar along with glimpses has also helped greatly in assessing its value. Still lots to understand. Enjoy

I think you would enjoy Nisargadatta and Robert Adam's responses to these types of questions from their devotees. I Am That by Nisargadatta and Silence of The Heart by Robert Adams.

Age 19 onwards: 1.5 years university studied IT & marketing, then dropped out 6 years YouTube 1.5 years as a wine cellar hand and vineyard hand

What are the first things that come to mind when you ask yourself?

A short YouTube video would be sufficient. Then just observe people in real-time or on TV shows like Hell's Kitchen. Observe body language when people are angry, nervous, confident, happy.

#1 The Book of Not Knowing Followed by Pursuit of Consciousness. These 2 are enough.

@Davino Yup, this is called candy-flipping. Checkout Icarus480 for wicked stories on YT for entertainment purposes. But if you're looking to use for spiritual growth, generally would suggest doing it properly with intention, correct dosage, and not mixing substances as Leo has suggested. In my experience, it was beautiful. It feels like LSD really helped smooth out the chaos of shrooms. It was the first time on shrooms (thanks to the LSD) that I entered a DMT-like space that resembled the visuals depicted by Alex Grey. I also began having ego dissolution which normally doesn't happen on either pure shrooms or LSD, at least for me.

James Fadiman or MAPS newsletter / resources

Cross the border into Colombia Medellin and hit up Lawayra retreat for Aya.

Actually found taking by myself has been incredible. With that said, the traditional shaman music was dope when I tried in Colombia.

In my experience, Aya has never been for going 'right, i'm gonna sit down and deconstruct my mind', but rather letting Aya take you where it wants. When I've drunken Aya, a 'divine mother' has always made itself known, invisible but felt as a feminine loving energy spirit guide that simply leads the whole experience. Sounds like LSD/Weed is more for your intent.

Let go of all fear, anger, and attachments.

Are you seeking assistance to overcome the shame?

It's possible to repair.

Sure sounds like it, I feel you already know the answer. You'd be the ideal candidate to answer this. We don't know all the details of your life, you do! You have to want to break it, and be sincere. The past is the past. Speaking negatively about yourself is a choice. It may be a habitual pattern now, but it can be broken with understanding. Continue self-inquiry until its crystal clear to you why you talk negatively about yourself, and the benefit it brings you.

Really understand why you care what others think of you. What are you fearful of them finding out about you? What aren't you accepting? I wouldn't be concerned too much with the day-to-day, but to sit down and really understand the root of your self-image. Consider writing down every aspect of what you want others to think of you, and what you don't want others to think of you. Once you've fleshed it out, ask yourself if you're willing to remain fearful if others find out that something about you. If not, accept it, or change it. Psychedelics could help with the right intention (+ setting, dosage, type of psychedelic) but its definitely not necessary.

Depends who it is. My father rarely projects his anger on to me but the last time it happened, I quickly confronted him by walking up to him, looked him directly in the eyes, and asked him what the issue was in an attempt to understand him. A few back-and-forths later and we came to a place of understanding and the anger died off. He apologized. He had made an assumption that I locked him out of the house on purpose, which is what my Mother used to do to him when they had an argument. An ex-co-worker on the other-hand, I didn't anticipate anger coming from him at me and I decided to handle it like a coward. Went into fear, didn't say much back, tried to get the job done, then suppressed the anger then quit my job instead of working things out. I'm learning that there's no need to ensure they cease projecting emotions, that is outside of my control, but I still will attempt to encourage them (directly or indirectly) to calm down, so a productive encounter can ensue.

Yes, intuition. Just be honest with yourself like Leo has said.

My understanding: Conceptually speaking: To give X importance by investing attention into it more than other things. Practically speaking: To improve X.

Yes, because I want to. For example, I recently suffered when I was out on a grape harvest and I didn't do my job correctly. I potentially left thousands of dollars worth of grapes on the vine. All that was required of me was to look at the vine to ensure the grapes were falling in to the machine, and tell the operator to adjust the machine to catch them. But I was day-dreaming. Simple job but I messed up. And I suffered, because I feared my supervisor's response. It was really fear of my perfectionist self-image being tarnished. "I'm perfect and I want everybody to know, I can't be seen to make such a foolish mistake!" I suffered because I wanted to hold on to the image, more than being free of the image and therefore the suffering. I continue to catch myself suffering because of this deeply-embedded and many-tentacled perfectionist self-image that I developed in my Youth as a response to some personal experienced I had. Work in progress to let all aspects of it go for good.

They are conditioned to that response by others around them. Conditioning starts in the womb. Parents, teachers, movies. Psychological fear is made of thought (expectation) and time (of the future). "If this body stops, freak out!!!" There is instinctual fear as a self-preservation mechanism. God's design that makes humans humans. If we didn't have this, we'd most likely die very early, thus negating what it means to be human! The typical individual doesn't recognize there are truly no individuals that exist. To recognize it (not intellectually), they'd have to experience the Truth.

Why do you want to exit your comfort zone?

What makes a life purpose selfish is whether it's about your self-image, or others. In the ultimate sense, its both selfish and selfless because God is serving his own life purpose for himself, through himself, as himself - but concerning yourself with this will likely just lead you down mental masturbation lane!