RawJudah

It’s hard but... Get rid of ALL screens. No screens - no porn.

I’ve walked away from sooooo many situations especially at work, where I’ve said something just so I don’t cause any conflict, thinking to myself afterwards ‘why did I say that, they would probably respect me more for saying something that CAUSES conflict’ This while running away type of thing is where I’m noticing myself suffering. With women too, maybe I’ve been putting them on a pedestal for too long?

Hi all, Ok, so recently I have been researching attraction and how it works. My aim is to get better with women. So many people have said that being a ‘nice guy’ repels women, and it hasn’t worked for me either. I’ve been a nice guy all my life and I do enjoy being nice to people, but it isn’t getting me laid (being honest). Like so many other guys out there, you would think that women would want you to be nice to them, but it’s only recently hit me like a train that this just isn’t the case (with attraction particularly). I know I have to work on this part of my life because to me it’s all about how to become a more confident man. I have to stop being a nice guy, I see so many guys that aren’t so nice that get so far ahead in life, and here’s me thinking ‘why isn’t being nice working for me?’ It’s like they have something about them that really makes women like them... So I’m asking, what practical steps are there to stop being a ‘nice guy’? Replies from any women and former nice guys would be incredible.

Thank you for the replies, I have read them all. I won’t be replying to them individually because I am starting to see the flaws in my original post. I should have said I’m a people pleaser, not really authentic, i fake smile a lot and fake laugh a lot. But it’s only now starting to hit me that this is stupid and it’s not attractive to ANYONE! I should have said guys too, I have lost respect from other men too just being a people pleaser and not saying how I really feel in situations. I know I need to change this and be more authentic and say how I really feel more. This is something that I’ve been trying lately and it’s really freeing to live like that. Leo’s video about Lying stood out to me too, because he says even a fake smile is you lying to yourself. Among a bunch of other things...

@Leo Gura your recent video ‘The Dangers Of Spiritual Work’ really hit the nail on the coffin for me. Watching that was a huge wake up call. Going too far ahead while not getting the basics right is a recipe for disaster.

@Leo Gura this is why it’s so important to know where you are in life. I was getting way too ahead of myself learning about all the spiritual stuff you teach, but if I’m honest I can’t even talk to hot girls. I’m pretty good looking and I’ve got plenty of friends, but I can’t talk to a hot girl without being socially awkward. What a mindfuck!

@LeoX8 Bars and clubs is a good way to start, because everyone is there for the same kind of thing - socialising. Go to places where there are big groups of people socialising, catching girls off guard can be a bit creepy and messy. Or I might be wrong!

Way too much. I work an average of 55 hours a week but I love my job. It’s hard physical work some of the time and the rest I’m either sleeping or learning. It’s good money for my age too. 70 hours a week will catch up with you, you will feel burned out by the weekend. Not a good way to live...

Every human needs either 7 or 8 hours minimum every night. Studies are done on this and books have been written. Sleeping less will effect your body and mind.

People need to save themselves, you can help them, but only when they themselves have come to the point of needing help.

@PenguinPablo wow, that’s the best post about pickup I have ever seen. You couldn’t have put it better. Thank you. This has cleared a lot of smog from the topic of pickup for me.

@Leo Gura I hope that course is the re-wiring of the subconscious mind one you've talked about in the past. Thats something we all need help with!

@NoSelfSelf well yeah he probably did do pickup to get her. But once you get the girlfriend, you won’t be doing pickup alongside being with her would you? No...

@Etherial Cat I’m pretty sure girls don’t like pickup. If your girlfriend found out you were doing pickup she would probably leave you...

@Leo Gura Can you grow yourself as a man without ever doing pickup? Or is this a stage of life where a man needs to do this stuff? What about your video on pickup? is that still relevant to you?

Russell Brand actualized.org, of course certifiedhealthnut PsychedSubstance Shogo Garcia

Well done! This is something I’m working on now, because in the past I have NEVER stood up for myself, because the pain of confrontation would kill me inside.

I think I might have had a little depersonalisation from weed. I'm definitely not the same outgoing extroverted person I used to be. Something came over me towards the end of my weed smoking days, I didn't get the same effects as I did at the start of my weed smoking journey, I was paranoid, I lied a lot, i didn't trust my close friends anymore, I found it hard to function in everyday life too. I was addicted to it for sure. Now I don't smoke it at all and I feel kind of back to normal. My best advise is to never smoke it ever again, and stay away from all mind altering substances. I have no experience with psychedelics so I can't say if they might benefit you. But stay strong and stay sober! Best way to live. Weed definitely isn't the harmless drug everyone makes it out to be, rather the opposite for some people. Some people are fine with it, others not. Its a shame it took me a long while to realise it wasn't for me. Onwards and upwards!

All my life I have struggled to talk to and approach attractive girls. Older women, not a problem at all. I find talking to older women a breeze and can even flirt with them effortlessly. (by old I mean about 35 years plus) Hot girls though, I struggle to put a sentence together and can barely look them in the eye, and they can smell the fear off of me from a mile away. I have noticed my posture shrivel up and my chest goes tight, so this is why I think it goes deeper than what I originally thought... Why is this? Is there a deeper issue going on here? Something to do with childhood? I'm really tired of it now, I know that I need to fix this myself, but I would love some answers from someone that has been through this problem, I know there are guys like this out there! Is there something I need to uncover from my past that will make my fear go away? I kind of understand the dynamics of pickup and the benefits although I still think it is kinda creepy, but what is the DEEP reason I am shit scared of talking to attractive girls around my age? Is there even a DEEP reason or am I creating problems that never existed? Many thanks to any that read this and reply.

@Anna1 Good points, something to think about. I have been shy all my life, especially when it comes to girls. So there is low self esteem there that hasn’t gone away and I know I need to improve it. I’m looking around for good therapists as we speak, whether that will actually help or not I don’t really know. I’m also doing shamanic breathing every Saturday too, hoping that heals emotions and trauma that are stuck in me. I’ve thought about doing pickup too, I’m drawn to it because it takes massive action, and it really boosts confidence. The fear of rejection will be eliminated after many attempts. From a girls point of view - what do you think of pickup? Bit of a silly question but I thought I’d ask...

@Anna1 All I was really asking is what is the deep fear of approaching the most attractive girls, when approaching lesser attractive girls isn’t much of a problem. It’s not that I really want the attractive girl, I just wanna be able to talk to anyone without the fear of talking to them beforehand. Which some guys seem to be perfectly ok with, others - like myself - not so. I wondered if there was a deep issue maybe going back to childhood or something like that. I try to see the person for who they really are, to me that’s a better trait. Although looks are important! They have to be. Didn't mean to complicate it, and thank you for the replies. It’s even better when a female replies too, so an extra thank you.

It’s always going to be 1 step forward and 2 steps back. That’s what it feels like to me. Your probably having an ego backlash. Your mind will tell you your not really growing but in fact you probably are. This is slow work too, it takes years... if you can accept that fact then you should feel more relaxed.

He's definitely in stage orange, that's for sure, maybe some green and some yellow too. He seems to have an open mind and wants to know about life, which is great. But like Joe Rogan, he's making money from people coming on their show and spreading ideologies... Enjoy it, but be aware of what's really going on.

Driving is naturally stressful, especially with so many cars on the road now and all the traffic... But you’ve gotta keep your cool and be patient, it takes a few months before you get the proper feel for driving. Being able to drive means freedom! That should make you get more excited about it! Do breathing exercises while you are driving, that might help you to calm down. Or do breathing exercises before you even step in the car.

I have this problem too, being a people pleaser sucks. It really doesn't work. It's great to be nice to people, but if there is something that needs to be said even though it may hurt someone, say it. The problem is that over time people have known me as a 'nice guy' which to me means non-assertive, non-confrontational, emotional, and weak. Well not anymore. I've been assertive for a while with some people and I feel great, it clears the air with everyone and makes you look like you have nothing to hide.