RawJudah

@Hansu I’m probably going to have to. Just having someone push me to approach is going to be huge for me. I’m more scared of what happens if I don’t do this stuff. I’m more scared of being that guy that never even tried and ended up in a boring marriage that he didn’t really work hard for...

If you really want to quit, get rid of all screens. Tv, computer, laptop, smartphone. Its not the masturbation, it’s the pixels and masturbating to them that’s the problem. Quit then see how you feel.

@Gili Trawangan you must have balls of steel. We’re you socially anxious before the approach though? Where did you do the approach? At night or in the day time?

Same with me! I always feel sorry for the villain, in movies, real life, whatever. I've been called 'too nice' and 'over sensitive' too. It hurts to have a big heart sometimes haha

Inspiring!

Go watch Leo's recent video about the dangers of spiritual work. He clears this up there. It's basically a video that we should all watch so we can figure out if this path is for us or not... If spiritual work isn't for you then stop watching and do something different. Spirituality isn't all sunshine and lollipops...

It’s hard but... Get rid of ALL screens. No screens - no porn.

I’ve walked away from sooooo many situations especially at work, where I’ve said something just so I don’t cause any conflict, thinking to myself afterwards ‘why did I say that, they would probably respect me more for saying something that CAUSES conflict’ This while running away type of thing is where I’m noticing myself suffering. With women too, maybe I’ve been putting them on a pedestal for too long?

Hi all, Ok, so recently I have been researching attraction and how it works. My aim is to get better with women. So many people have said that being a ‘nice guy’ repels women, and it hasn’t worked for me either. I’ve been a nice guy all my life and I do enjoy being nice to people, but it isn’t getting me laid (being honest). Like so many other guys out there, you would think that women would want you to be nice to them, but it’s only recently hit me like a train that this just isn’t the case (with attraction particularly). I know I have to work on this part of my life because to me it’s all about how to become a more confident man. I have to stop being a nice guy, I see so many guys that aren’t so nice that get so far ahead in life, and here’s me thinking ‘why isn’t being nice working for me?’ It’s like they have something about them that really makes women like them... So I’m asking, what practical steps are there to stop being a ‘nice guy’? Replies from any women and former nice guys would be incredible.

Thank you for the replies, I have read them all. I won’t be replying to them individually because I am starting to see the flaws in my original post. I should have said I’m a people pleaser, not really authentic, i fake smile a lot and fake laugh a lot. But it’s only now starting to hit me that this is stupid and it’s not attractive to ANYONE! I should have said guys too, I have lost respect from other men too just being a people pleaser and not saying how I really feel in situations. I know I need to change this and be more authentic and say how I really feel more. This is something that I’ve been trying lately and it’s really freeing to live like that. Leo’s video about Lying stood out to me too, because he says even a fake smile is you lying to yourself. Among a bunch of other things...

@Leo Gura your recent video ‘The Dangers Of Spiritual Work’ really hit the nail on the coffin for me. Watching that was a huge wake up call. Going too far ahead while not getting the basics right is a recipe for disaster.

@Leo Gura this is why it’s so important to know where you are in life. I was getting way too ahead of myself learning about all the spiritual stuff you teach, but if I’m honest I can’t even talk to hot girls. I’m pretty good looking and I’ve got plenty of friends, but I can’t talk to a hot girl without being socially awkward. What a mindfuck!

@LeoX8 Bars and clubs is a good way to start, because everyone is there for the same kind of thing - socialising. Go to places where there are big groups of people socialising, catching girls off guard can be a bit creepy and messy. Or I might be wrong!

Way too much. I work an average of 55 hours a week but I love my job. It’s hard physical work some of the time and the rest I’m either sleeping or learning. It’s good money for my age too. 70 hours a week will catch up with you, you will feel burned out by the weekend. Not a good way to live...

Every human needs either 7 or 8 hours minimum every night. Studies are done on this and books have been written. Sleeping less will effect your body and mind.

People need to save themselves, you can help them, but only when they themselves have come to the point of needing help.

@PenguinPablo wow, that’s the best post about pickup I have ever seen. You couldn’t have put it better. Thank you. This has cleared a lot of smog from the topic of pickup for me.

@Leo Gura I hope that course is the re-wiring of the subconscious mind one you've talked about in the past. Thats something we all need help with!

@NoSelfSelf well yeah he probably did do pickup to get her. But once you get the girlfriend, you won’t be doing pickup alongside being with her would you? No...

@Etherial Cat I’m pretty sure girls don’t like pickup. If your girlfriend found out you were doing pickup she would probably leave you...

@Leo Gura Can you grow yourself as a man without ever doing pickup? Or is this a stage of life where a man needs to do this stuff? What about your video on pickup? is that still relevant to you?

Russell Brand actualized.org, of course certifiedhealthnut PsychedSubstance Shogo Garcia

Well done! This is something I’m working on now, because in the past I have NEVER stood up for myself, because the pain of confrontation would kill me inside.

I think I might have had a little depersonalisation from weed. I'm definitely not the same outgoing extroverted person I used to be. Something came over me towards the end of my weed smoking days, I didn't get the same effects as I did at the start of my weed smoking journey, I was paranoid, I lied a lot, i didn't trust my close friends anymore, I found it hard to function in everyday life too. I was addicted to it for sure. Now I don't smoke it at all and I feel kind of back to normal. My best advise is to never smoke it ever again, and stay away from all mind altering substances. I have no experience with psychedelics so I can't say if they might benefit you. But stay strong and stay sober! Best way to live. Weed definitely isn't the harmless drug everyone makes it out to be, rather the opposite for some people. Some people are fine with it, others not. Its a shame it took me a long while to realise it wasn't for me. Onwards and upwards!

All my life I have struggled to talk to and approach attractive girls. Older women, not a problem at all. I find talking to older women a breeze and can even flirt with them effortlessly. (by old I mean about 35 years plus) Hot girls though, I struggle to put a sentence together and can barely look them in the eye, and they can smell the fear off of me from a mile away. I have noticed my posture shrivel up and my chest goes tight, so this is why I think it goes deeper than what I originally thought... Why is this? Is there a deeper issue going on here? Something to do with childhood? I'm really tired of it now, I know that I need to fix this myself, but I would love some answers from someone that has been through this problem, I know there are guys like this out there! Is there something I need to uncover from my past that will make my fear go away? I kind of understand the dynamics of pickup and the benefits although I still think it is kinda creepy, but what is the DEEP reason I am shit scared of talking to attractive girls around my age? Is there even a DEEP reason or am I creating problems that never existed? Many thanks to any that read this and reply.