Charlotte

@Leo-Tzu ?

Play on the snes and go walking with the dogs in nature.

Ok, over the Christmas holidays I learnt a lot about myself via arguments with my partner. I also feel this is a grey area in my life (my emotional reactions). This is what I have learnt... What I feel are negative: I have a strong sense of ego (becoming very hurt and offended). This is what has stood out to me the most I cry (a lot) due to what feels like internal confusion and pain I dislike conflict Anxiety arrises and can stay prominent throughout the whole argument and for the rest of the day I raise my voice (not in anger but in a passion sense) It affects me emotionally and physically and I'm knackered I feel I'm totally sucked in by the disagreement and my awareness goes out the window What I feel is positive: I'm able to be open minded with regards to the other person's perspective I'm able to apologise where I feel I have done wrong I'm brutally honest with myself I genuinely want opinions and advice on how I could develop myself in these situations. I'd also like some insights on how the rest of you deal with personal relationship arguments please.

@YaNanNallari I've completely taken what you said on board, this could be (for me) a whole new perspective on arguments. Not a fight but rather a problem that requires a solution from both of us. Amazing! Thank you for taking the time to post @Angelo John Gage Thank you for your response. I love your computer metaphor! I have to be honest, although I dislike conflict I'm quite outspoken and do confront someone if I feel it needs addressed. I NEVER EVER blame anybody/anything external for my emotions. I take FULL responsibility for all my actions and for myself. This is actually something I've been talking to my partner about, he can say things such as "well I wouldn't of reacted xyz way if you hadn't of done xyz", I inform him that anything I do or say I am not responsible for, same goes for myself. When I met him he blamed external circumstances for his behaviour, he is slowly starting to change his perspective. Thank you again for your response, very valuable.

@Spiral that's my problem, I sit and stew and I hate the atmosphere it causes, I feel I NEED to resolve it asap so I do struggle to give myself space and my partner. @Shin thank you as always @Kimasxi thank you also for your input.

Had anybody ever been to Plum village? It's quite pricey but I'm contemplating the price to the benefits I could gain. https://plumvillage.org

So you start a Meditation habit. Around how long into it, with daily practice would you start seeing beneficial results? What would the results be? I have googled the benefits of meditation but I'm also interested in other people's personal opinions...

@Privet believe me I've self inquired maaaaany times. I actually had an enlightenment experience and ever since that day, the ego has been unbelievably stubborn, trying to pull me away from what I am seeking, I've persevered but it's 10x as hard. I can literally feel the resistance in my mind. Yes it does, it feels amazing. @phoenix666 your welcome

I've been on the path of PD work solidly for around 3 month's. In this time I've managed to come a hell of a long way. The one thing I cannot seem to get a grip off is my obsessive thoughts, they have turned into an OCD disorder. I've suffered with insecurities for as long as I've been conscious of my thoughts. These insecurities stem mostly around my personal relationships (boyfriend). I've had an assessment from a therapist and they have agreed I need high intensity CBT. The waiting list is a loooong wait and in the meantime I'm suffering... Suffering bad. I won't go into too much detail about the thoughts per se because I feel they are unnecessary. The fact they arise and I feel I have zero control over them is what matters. Does anybody have any self help tips or techniques I can try? I've tried most things with minimal results. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Charlotte X

Thank you @Marks199 appreciate the link and the time you've taken to help me. @ajasatya @The White Belt @Light Lover I'm on page 19 of this book, I see and feel the powerfulness of it already. Thank you for the recommendation ?

@Light Lover will do! ? Thanks for the advice with regards to the book. I think your all pointing to reading the book and having direct experience of what's being said in the book yes? Noted. Thank you so much! Hasn't arrived yet but patiently waiting for the post man. Will update shortly ?

Done , excited to read this @The White Belt

I can't thank you enough for this information @Spacious incredible advice thank you! I'll just cover a few points you mentioned. Alcohol and drugs are non present in my life whatsoever, except nicotine in an e-cigarette. I have something called degenerative disc disease which causes chronic pain 24/7 so that limits the range of exercise I do but I walk A LOT, also starting swimming in 2018. The self authoring suite sounds brilliant I'll definitely look into that, thank you. Thank you for everything you said, I'm printing off this page of the thread to pop into my journal. ❤️ Thank you @Ascend awesome advice, noted. ❤️ Thank you for this, printed this off also to go into my journal, will do this every day, build a habit (which I have also set in my 2018 goals list). Patience is, I have to admit something I'm lacking, I'm very hard on myself so I'll be kinder to myself and take any suffering I cause as a lesson to be learnt. Thank you again, love you too ? ❤️ I agree they do to. Wow, well done to you!! I'm in awe of you. I definitely have OCD. I've just been accepted (yaaaaayyyy) for high intensity CBT for OCD onto the NHS (publicly funded national healthcare) mental health services, they are great and I'm so so excited to learn more about myself. I'll be doing my mindfulness meditation whilst doing CBT also. Thank you again for your advice ❤️ Ordering it now. Thank you ❤️ Just to add, your all amazing, thank you for taking the time out of your day to try and help mine ?

Trying to get back on, I'm just confused with it all again, don't know where to start ? my heads up my backside trying to deal with Christmas and personal development ?

@Leo Gura Thank you, will do. @AleksM thank you for that.

I just watched Spiral Loop video. Amazing by the way As what I thought was a direct experience of the Strange Loop, I immediately turned to my journal to note this. This is the diagram I came to draw, am I missing the point or have I got it? Apologies for the shit drawing and messy writing.

@Ascend LOL ? Yes but as it's my first day of being tonsillitis free it's going back on. I always seem to fall off my self development path when I get sick ?

Apologies for the late reply I've been sick ?... Wow so glad to hear it works for you! I'll definitely keep going with it. It really is traumatic isn't it. It's how WE handle it though. Apologies for my late reply I've not been too well. It is very important to keep pushing, your right. Thank you for your input and well wishes with regards to my issue. I'm glad to hear yours has decreased. Thank you also for sharing your routine ?

Ok, in the past 2/3 month's, I've stopped watching TV, stopped watching film's (didn't really anyway), stopped going on social media and stopped any radio in the car (just to add I haven't forced myself to do these they have just happened). Facebook and uploading pictures to Instagram was a bit of habit and I've never felt more free from the low consciousness lifestyles. Next on my little habit list is coffee. I want to break free from any lifestyle habits that I feel have a hold of me. I'm REALLY going to struggle with coffee ? ? Anybody have any tips? Or alternatives?

Still learning but I have a new sense of freedom, tested it out with small frustrations but the emotions didn't stay long enough for me to actually feel ?

@sarapr Yeah being a women definitely sucks sometimes ?. I highly recommend the Agnus castus though hun, please don't overlook it. Yeah your GP could definitely guide you in the right direction. Let me know how you get on. Sending strength ❤️

@Shin I've started this practice today Also done some journaling and realised this is something to be learnt from, not dwelled on ?

There is a scientific name for women who struggle with PMS to this degree... have you been to your GP? I'm sorry your going through this, just to add and hopefully make you feel better... I'm literally going through it now. Same as you I can handle the pain but the emotional effect is something else! Hate being a woman sometimes, men have it so easy ?

Apologies for my late reply... Testing day yesterday. For reasons I can't get to the core of them, I've traced all the way back to my first encounters with these feelings/thoughts and I can't find anything in relation to them. The only thing I may think that is the cause of this is suffering with my weight all my life, I used to be 'curvy' in high school, was bullied, I was bullied from my brother at a very early age (probably a very important and significant age when I think about it, (8/9/10+), so no matter what shape I am, I have and will always be EXTREMELY insecure with my weight. I then began to think about the insecurities leaking into my relationships from an early age, which then led me into a snowballing thought pattern of is my partner looking at other women etc. Fast forward many years, my last relationship ended awfully! We were together 5 years, engaged. Found out he was living a double life with another women and he was also a MASSIVE compulsive liar, this traumatic experience along with everything else I've mentioned, I believe has left me the way I am today. I'm sorry that turned out to be so long ? Wow, brilliant advice and tips @Shin, I know you say I'm thanking myself but still... Thank you. I'm not feeling very good at the moment, had an awful day yesterday, left me feeling quite disappointed with myself, thought I'd turned a corner with negative emotions but I became angry and stressed, mixed with tiredness, I lost control... this has left me feeling poop ? I'll definitely get started on this tomorrow, really appreciate it ❤️ I'll look into shadow work also, thanks for the suggestion. (Sorry for my late reply)

"I know your not gonna like this", wrong @Shin I absolutely love it! Any work I can do to get myself out of this shit hole I'm going to throw myself at, wether it's hard or not I don't care, I'll persist trust me. So let me get this straight... I'm going to picture and think about my worst nightmares with regards to my partner. I'm not going to focus on the thoughts but the emotions that come with the thoughts... I'm going to feel them to fuck, accept them so much that they dissolve. How often do I do this? Is it a daily practice? How long do I do it for? Also how do I accept them? Do I just say something like "Ok, your there, so what?" Embrace them? Any practice that includes me going through emotional pain will only make me stronger, I'm ready!! Your a legend shin, from the bottom of my heart... THANK YOU!!! ? @Colin Can't thank you enough for this, I'll pop this into my routine as well. Thankyou Thank you Thank you!