Azote

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Everything posted by Azote

  1. Hi there! I am a girl, 20 years old, an undergraduate student in chemical physics. This would be my all-topic journal. I don't speak of self-development topics in real life and meditate in a toilet for no one to see me, maybe because I project my weirdo-loser self-image on it or something like that. I hope that activity on this forum will help me get my results and will not turn out as just another "pervert club for lonely freaks" participation. I mean my subjective perception, of course. About the goals. Currently, I am pretty much not ready for advanced topics and even domains like health and relationships. The career is the main pain in the ass that blocks me from everything else. So, the general plan for the next couple of years is : build work ethics and become a results-maker find my life purpose fix career and money related neuroses get a decent job and start making money get normal living conditions and repay my debts Luckily I can afford not getting a shitty useless job for about a year or two more. I will try to use this time wisely. Still, I want to take it slow. I am fed up with loud resolutions and ambitious unrealistic goals.
  2. Turns out mirror neurons make things like depression and obesity contagious. Y'all better stay away from me lmao
  3. Heard in a lecture that depression is a karmic consequence of lack of discipline in sticking to your plans and daily practice. LOL, I feel so called out.
  4. So fed up with all this academia shit. Don't tell your kids that scientists are those just, selfless, lofty people who make the world go round. That's fucking bullshit. We're fucking parasites.
  5. Me: oh no, I can't get people to notice my value and appreciate my works Universe: hey wanna this cool marketing analytics job? Me: haha, good one. Also yes, thank you
  6. I feel an oddly strong motivation to work hard just to make all those people who were 'disappointed' in my depressed ass low-performance look like pathetic lazy fucks. Yeah, I know. Not very mature.
  7. Guys. Please try therapy and healthy lifestyle (ya know, exercise...) BEFORE woo-woo shit
  8. Am I becoming more honest? 2019: https://sdtest.ru/result/fb60852b41a4c8854609bb9b91e3cf50 2020: https://www.sdtest.ru/result/0fccf049177f76caf9c1415ae99402a6
  9. @Hello from Russia Dunno, I suspect you have some high-ass standards of what to call productive activities
  10. Guess who just tracked 45 hrs of productive activities this week! Probably for the first time in my life, since depression has been my default mode from like age 12 yay
  11. That feeling when a book about depression says that judging about the reality by your emotions (e.g. "I feel guilty therefore I really did something wrong") is a cognitive bias that fucks you up . . And you're an INFP
  12. Perception for an illustrator is like unprotected sex for a woman.
  13. Hey, childfree artists make sense from evolutionary perspective now
  14. Gravity != Compatibility . . . oh shit
  15. Fuck proactivity I'm a reactive person, and you know what? I'm okay with that. I'm here to evolve by skilfully reacting to my environment. To absorb the stimuli and then morph them into whatever the inspiration tells me to. So, I'm done feeling guilty for not being active, entertaining or enthusiastic enough. If someone has a problem with my style, they can go proactively fuck themselves :3
  16. Damn, those songs are beautiful. I mean. Woah.
  17. Suffering != Growing up Have I mentioned it already?
  18. Sounds like this is just the type of girls you would be attracted to at current stage of development
  19. @jjer94 2. Thanks, it was worth it, I guess 4. Well, if it really is prozac, then it's one sneaky bastard. Anyway, now I gotta take charge of my fat butt 6. Yeah, it feels like catching up with simple human activities after 20 years of being an alien theorizing... plant?.. Lol
  20. Updates, updates I think I should document some news and recent shifts in my mindset, for the glory of pseudo science. Cult or not, deathproof dynamics checklist is a cool tool. Really helps if you are an overthinking fucker like me. I'm a fucking bachelor of applied mathematics and physics now, Jesus Christ. Now that my concerns about homework are gone, my weakspots start to be seen practically, not just as low SAAFE scores. Particularly appearance. Like, it suddenly hit me that my value (as assessed by clients and employers) very much depends on it. I never put much effort into it, because it was about looking fuckable, and why would I need that? Oh but suddenly it as about looking reliable and respectable, and here I am, borrowing mascara and decent shoes for a job interview, lol. I even started mini-research on how to look decent and distinctly adult female, but without sex appeal. I became really really fat, + 22 lbs, and there are 3 possible reasons. Either it is a year without PE classes, or a year without learning advanced maths, or a year on prozac. Oh yeah, life purpose. I guess the best definition for my recently acquired path would be "data artist". Guys, look for your LP, knowing is relieving. I also tried socialising, and you know what? Friends are fucking important and good for ya.
  21. To become the world's dopest data-driven visual communicator
  22. Man, I can feel it right now
  23. Metaphysically I dunno, but 'something wicked this way comes'.