Azote

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Everything posted by Azote

  1. @Hardkill Can I see you too? Girly interest)
  2. How about letting it be for the time being? I have a kinda similar situation (20 y.o., never had a single kiss). What I accomplished, however, is reduce of suffering level on this matter. I once asked myself, why is that happening. Well, obviously, that's because even I wouldn't date myself since I have unhandled issues like not having a purpose in life, or even a job, independence or decent appearance. So the best thing that can be done is working on this things to build up some confidence, self-love, and self-respect. Well, there is no room for suffering then.
  3. @BjarkeT Didn't get the elon mask part, sorry) What I meant was that there is no universal law telling one can only have 1 life purpose. So maybe it is the issue of having the guts to risk and do what you ("you" in general) really are. I can't really tell why quitting 9-to-5 should be encouraged while going after more than 1 purpose shouldn't.
  4. @BjarkeT Chances might also be better if you stick to 9-to-5, because business is so risky
  5. Physicists and lyricists I've been reading a new essay by V.A. Ouspensky ( the title is "Математическое и гуманитарное. Бреодоление барьера", not translated yet) about the mental barrier between "mathematicians" and "humanitarians". He tells how this two styles of thinking can merge into something new and beautiful. He had some examples of great people like Kolmogorov, and he himself is also linguist and mathematician. It almost made me cry, guys. I guess I want to do the same thing with my life. May I? Please? Fuck, this would be so damn awesome.
  6. week report #7 Didn't have many insights lately So, the main thing is after the previous fucked-up week, I remembered about BSFF. I used it once to heal strong hatred, but it didn't heal immediately, so I dismissed this technique. But this time it felt just right. Because it is kinda the moment when I must do something to my limiting beliefs and emotions. I've worked through all the "draft clusters" already. When I get more experience and results, I'll write a detailed report. Meditation - breath and do-nothing, 20-10-30-20-10-20 mins, and I am yet to do it today. Lab - didn't do my technique at all, but at least I had some networking done. Studying. Scored 38 hours, yay. Best result yet. Sports - ditched any exercise, oh-oh. Money - keep filling my financial journal. Weight is 68.5 kg (+0.5). Didn't count calories at all. Skin is kinda alright.
  7. @Richard Alpert Well, he has some point. Considering enlightenment to be like always tripping, it would be wrong to constantly use psychedelics to maintain such state. However, @doronshadmi , nobody encourages anybody to do this shit. They are after short glimpses of it, like, to have a reference. (Anticipating your questions: I don't do drugs yet.)
  8. Okay, here comes the new week. I guess I should articulate some stuff from the previous one so I can spend my time better. So why "sweet" panic? Because I personally didn't feel much fear. There were a couple of moments of anxiety like "I'm not gonna make it all in time. Again. Shit". And that happened because I was pleasantly distracted almost all the time. Here is the list of those distractions: eating constantly spontaneously waking up 10 minutes earlier with an urge to do Surya Namaskar watching youtube solving jigsaw puzzles reading Ouspensky's books instead of planned studying losing focus every 5 minutes when studying drinking tea and chatting with a groupmate for an hour choosing and ordering self-help books drawing singing more than planned Internet, including this forum getting inspired by the post on cold showers and... taking a cold shower waking up with an urge to play some Bach (I used to play the piano) watching movies ending up reading some math article, when I should have stuck to quantum mechanics You see, a lot of this activities are generally good, so I felt good. I'm like a dying girl with cancer in Disneyland. It's her parents who are panicking, not she. Now the trick is to see what the "parents" are hiding.
  9. Sweet panic - week report #6 Well, this week is a fail. My mind is in desperate distaction mode this whole week. I'm writing this from phone sitting at the train station, because I missed my station since I am a little drunk. Meditation - concentration on breath 6x20 minutes and I am yet to do it today. Lab - can't do anything properly. The technique failed. Studying. Couldn't focus and work in blocks, so no relevant track. Sports - exercised at home, but my home made ptogram is kinda too heavy. Money - keep filling my financial journal. Purchased Leo's booklist and bought couple of books this week. Now I have no entertainment and candy budget for next month. Weight is 68 kg (+1.2). 1800 kcal limit seems to be bullshit Recovering after peeling.
  10. Um, no? It is like raising awareness and integrity and stuff. Answers to these questions are crystal clear as compared to "What is evil?" and "Who am I existentially?", for instance.
  11. If I had to spend some years in the army in any case like you do, I would try to get that position in the military research. Well, yeah, both options suck, but it's a choice between just dull job and a dull job with thinking and learning stuff about the world. It's hard. I've been through such desperate urge to quit school and then university (I'm a student in physics) and would always fantasize on how I will quit and go for any viable job and then open my business etc. I guess vision, hobbies, meditation, good sleep and sports is what helped me to go through that state. Especially sports(jogging) and good sleep. (!however, unlike you, I consider physics as possible life purpose path) Hope this was helpful
  12. Suddenly I realized what I was doing — choosing between Socrates and a cheeseburger. (c) Joke. I didn't realize shit. Keep eating junk, yay. upd. Well, yesterday I kinda negotiated with myself that if I exceed my 1800 kcal limit again today, I will return to 1600 kcal limit. Because apparently I just can not believe that one can lose weight without hunger and suffering. Sort of homeostasis of suffering level.
  13. Watched this today. Doesn't seem to me that the villagers experienced any real growth in the end. Thay didn't even understand what happened but got cocky anyways. Bwt how do you think, why Kambei concludes the events with "we lost again"?
  14. Week report #5 Meditation - concentration on breath 7x20 minutes. Lab - quite ok. So my technique for being productive is to search and read scientific articles and books for an hour every evening except Saturday. Let's give it a try, huh? Studying. Scored 33 (-1.5) hours. Skipped 5 classes. Next week should be better because I gathered myself together today and completed all the "sabbath" duties. Sports - exercised at home little bit. I am going to skip classes until I pass my state exam in physics (around 23.01.2018). I have a plan for home practice for the next week. Let's see how it goes. Money - keep filling my financial journal. Weight is 66.8 kg (-0.4). I'm keeping 1800 kcal limit for 1 week more, at least. Had no desire to make some big cheat day on weekend. Acne is getting better. Second peeling is tomorrow, yay.
  15. It began! I feel pain. I want to go binge on smth, go to the bathroom, to daydream, to go surf internet. Anything to avoid doing what I should do. Yeah, I love physics. Now back to growth)
  16. When the perspective of not doing something is more unpleasant than the perspective of doing something - you go do it. Works for me. The trick is to become aware of both perspectives.
  17. My neck and spine often start to spin or swing from side to side during meditation, but I have no idea wtf is this so I stop these moves deliberately. Also curious whether it means something or not.
  18. Week report #4 Now that was quite a weird week. I kept procrastinating and overeating until Tuesday, then there was an unpleasant accident which forced me to rearrange my plans. Not sure if I percept it right, but by now I am grateful for this accident (although at first, I got upset and self-reproaching). All in all, my weekly results came out surprisingly good. I really like this airplane metaphor - there is always turbulence when you take-off Let's go to the report now. Meditation - concentration on breath 20-20-20-30-20-20-20 minutes. The lab - was actually good. I even didn't feel sleepy and resisting. Almost decided about new habit for effective work. Studying. Let's focus on quantity for the time being. Scored 34.5 hours in spite of procrastinating all Sunday and resting all Saturday. Ditched only 1 lecture. Sports - 1 class out of 2. I am going to change my training plan soon. Money - keep filling my financial journal. I still wait for that month when I actually spend all the money just as I planned Weight is 67.2 kg (-0.4). Changed my strategy a bit. Now I consider calory consumption as an order-parameter (it used to be the weight for me). So, if my homeostasis point is 1950 kcals per day, I will begin with eating 1800, until it shifts. I still fail to consistently keep myself within 1600 limit anyway. Acne is getting better.
  19. @Time Traveler It was really a surprise to read you actually went through all this. I'm glad you are still alive after this shit Seems to me you really needed to resolve your issues with beer and that gave your so much willpower. Maybe now your mind will finally let you apply this willpower to a healthier tangible way of dieting. Hope to hear about your progress soon!)
  20. @Source_Mystic Uhm, I believe writing illiteral hysterical huge posts is really not the best way to convince someone. @Time Traveler What are you going to do with your diet now?
  21. Are you troubled with concepts (like sets' equality or something) or theorems or with calculations in exercises? Or maybe you don't understand Euler diagrams because you are not a visual type of guy. Different cases demand different solutions. What's your approach to learning other subjects like physics? How is your computer science?
  22. @Pernani Maybe you should seriously think about why do you believe that your relationship is such an obstacle to your personal growth.
  23. Okay. What have you already tried to do to grasp these? Watch out for overestimating your efforts)
  24. Just for the record shit-shit-shit, I'm backsliding already. Some serious negotiations are coming.