Nadosa

Nothing, it just felt like an overwhelming sense of "I cant exist anymore," with a lot of discord felt in the belly

In 2017, I posted here for the first time. I was 18 back then, trying to figure out what had happened to me — becoming aware, for the first time, of “myself” as consciousness rather than as some imagined identity in my head. It was terrifying. I felt an overwhelming sense of meaninglessness and loneliness, as if I were doomed to be stuck in some eternal place that no one — not even I — could understand. As if for the first time, I was the only thing in this Universe being responsible for myself and my entire worldview shifted and fell back into "me". However, I resisted it completely, and my mind felt like it cracked into pieces. It wasn’t freeing. Because I had no plan or understanding of what was happening, all I could do was resist. I felt like I couldn’t stop what was unfolding, which led to a traumatic response in my brain — it couldn’t make sense of what was happening, and a part of me simply shut down and believed that I had “died.” Even now, there’s a part of my mind that can’t fully grasp the fact that I’m still here, alive. When that part gets activated, I feel intense fear — as if I should have died — and I start to dissociate, feeling completely unsafe, trapped in that same past moment. The more time passes, the more confused that part of me feels. Still, there was faith — moments of surrender — and somehow, I kept living. In 2022, the suffering returned, this time with intense panic attacks about why and how I was still alive. After years of searching and trying to understand my pain through thought, I finally realized that it was just the same familiar voice in my head, I surrendered completely and felt a sense of there only being "me" and all arises in me — that there is no “self,” that thoughts are just thoughts, and that I never actually go anywhere. I’m simply here, living. That realization was blissful, beyond the ordinary human pain. The following years were filled with making music, working with people, and finally feeling safe again. But about a month ago, that old state came back. The part of my brain that once shut down seems to have reactivated, and it’s been horrifying. Really Im living in a hell realm where thoughts are just about that one thing: stuck in the past memory and not making sense out of who is still here. I’m in deep pain again, feeling like no one understands. I feel trapped in a loop — one part of me believing I should have died that day, and the other part simply living, being me… happy, successful with my music, and just existing. I feel so much despair, hopelessness, loneliness, I can barely sleep or eat atm, constantly overthinking about everything. I feel so separate. So so separate from Love and conciousness. It's hell. The only thing that keeps me not from freaking out is just observing the mind.

Yeah true that... Just hugged my brother in tears: he said: tell me about your thoughts. I said and told about this story. This story which feels so discordant to me. He said: "conditioning. Drop it. Now Bro you are the drummer, be it, now" Suddenly felt a little glimpse of alignment. Presence cant feel shitty...but it can feel so bad once you stuck in the loop.

And in it again

Ok right now I see its just the usual mind chatter. WTF. I just popped out.

I dont know man, I just dont know

Seems like the story is entirely imagined and there it goes, 3rd awakening on the way

They dont exist, but as thought.

Hey guys, finally, after lots of work which was actually just flawless fun, I am done filming and recording my first EP coming out soon. Now, I wanted to know if anyone here has experience in really teasing people for this project. Like promotion etc.. We have a total of 125 followers on instagram, my private acc round about 215, and my better half (the other musician) around 1000. We played some live shows and people love us although we havent been together for so long. It feels just like we attract the goodness and I live my dream, already played some shows which I've always dreamt of as a kid. Now I need some advice for teasing etc. We will actually produce some teasers for the 3 music videos we filmed. But now, I guess it is time to do some promotion on youtube ads or instagram? What about a management? Cheers

Mic dropped.?

Who is it, may I ask??

Meditation.

Im short and I talked to the hottest girl in town. Became my gf. Just be cool. Not denying that girls prefer taller men tho.

Always wondered if it's not weird to talk to a girl at a gym. I once walked to a girl there but just said Hi and made a compliment.

Not two. You + source??

Time is a thought. You can only go deeper in Love. But you never move from A to B in "time".

Consciousness and mind is also just imagination. "This awakening" too. "Whose dream"?

You should have asked him about Maharshi's quote: "there are no others" or Nisargadatta: "First know your own mind and you will find that the question of other minds does not arise at all, for there are no other people. You are the common factor, the only link between the minds, Being is consciousness; ‘I am’ applies to all." "This [helping people] is mere imagination. In truth you do not help others, because there are no others. (313) In reality there are no others, and by helping yourself you help everybody else. (383)"

Nothing makes you happy. It's really the yes saying to the moment which creates the illusion of happiness. Happiness is already there when thought isn't believed. Verified via direct experience. Takes some time tho.

Lol ready to close here.

Dude. This is getting embarassing. You are clearly projecting too much frustration. By all means. Is that what your new teachers teach you? That's not the right direction imo. Stay true to yourself and be aware of the constant narrative. You are currently so soaked up into the Story of Nahm and him "being a healer??", that you completely forgot Truth.

exactly this, Nahm was actually adressing the "issue" at its core.

The expectation of change changed to full recognition of felt guidance and being who I already and always have been. ME.

I'm telling you from direct experience and not wanting to feed any of the mind's stories about "myself", a Nahm, Leo or actualized. There isn't "Nahm" and "his" teaching. If this is understood and inspected, you would instantly stop projecting a "teaching" onto "Nahm". You dont even realize the narrative's given here projected on "Nahm". Nahm is reduced here. To a point of totally dismissing everything about what actually is the case. You blindly follow a narrative. All I can say here, stay aware of the current narrative. This isn't about Nahm man. Nahm didnt want to teach a thing LOL. He just pointed out. Man. And I laughed realizing this.

Several sessions here. Paid because he deserved it, out of my own desire..he has never ever forced paying.