Forestluv

@Pharion To me, this sounds like deep immersion within the story. Strong attachments and identification story. I'm not saying this is bad or wrong. Ime, it is just off-balance. Personal development is great, yet when my mind gets too immersed into it all sorts of stress, confusion, frustration, seeking, disappointment, regret etc. can arise. I've found a balance between personal development and post-personal being to be most healthy for my mind-body. For me, this brings the deeply conditioned sense of not being good enough. Ime, no amount of motivation or achievement will dissolve that sense. Achievement may provide temporary relief, yet it doesn't get to the root. I had to go to the source to work through it.

In the ten ox analogy, this is like seeing the tracks and there is a sense the ox is near. I often listen to teachers and there is something they say that catches me, yet I just don't get it. Then my intellect may try to figure it out, which is a distraction. It's like trying to translate what they are saying, rather than just understanding it directly. For example, I felt this way when I first listened to Rupert Spira's metaphor with the movie screen. At the time, I was grounded in what he refers to as the "observer + object" stage. Yet, now he was talking about observer and object as one. I had this sense that a door was opening, yet I couldn't see on the other side. At these times, it is really important that I am in tune whether I "get it". For me, this "getting it" is embodiment. Yet when something enters that I haven't embodied, my intellect wants to conceptualize it. This has happened with common themes such as "you were never born", "form is formless" and "nothingness". When the speaker has embodied it, there is a sense about that person. For example, there are things that people like Leo and Rupert have embodied. This contrasts with my lack of embodiment. Intellectualizing about it is very unsatisfying to me. There is a desire for the real thing. The embodiment. One thing that helps me is to ask a question and let it sit without trying to figure it out. For example, I just sat with the question "What does it really mean that I "was never born""? Then one day, I find myself in a sensory deprivation tank and it was revealed to me. The question, uncertainty and seeking energy dissolved. My sense is what you write about regarding methods and techniques for insights is gaining momentum. I'm seeing more and more people seeking deeper truth. More and more people being attracted to deeper insights. I'm seeing more methods arise for insights and awakening. I think there is a shift in social consciousness from materialism to awakening and inner truth. And I think it is beautiful.

@ajasatya I'm curious about the OP's question, yet not using the term "consciousness". Do you think it will be possible to upload memories to a computer in the future? I've noticed AI is arising to decode brain activity. For example, a person watches a movie and a computer decodes their brain activity back to the movie. This computer-generated movie is low resolution, yet one can clearly see it is a low-resolution version of the original movie. The resolution will likely keep getting better over time - similar to how photographic resolution has increased. This makes me think that someday AI may be able to download human memories, thoughts and stories. The implications of this would be enormous.

@KP_Spirituality27 You seem to be in a good place heading into the trip. I'm receiving and sending some good vibes.

One thing that helped me in this area was the realization that "I" (the thinking self) am not the author of my thoughts. This is an aspect of losing control of the mental narrative and it was uncomfortable and scary for a while. It dramatically changed my relationship with thoughts, decisions and responsibility. It became liberating and relieved a lot of self-imposed pressure. I used to put a lot of pressure on my self to make good decisions and I often rehashed previous bad decisions. At times I would I would wish I could go back and make a different decision and I would beat myself up. For a little while, I went to the opposite extreme in which there is "no doer". There is no "me" choosing or doing anything. Whatever arises arises. That is true from one perspective, yet contracting myself in that perceptive didn't turn out too well either. Lately, I've been trying to integrate it all into a more holistic state of being. To integrate the timeline and the Now. I'm trying to become aware of and integrate intellectual, emotional, intuitive and mysterious modes of being. So that they are inter-connected friends communicating together - rather than in conflict with each other. When making decisions, I still consider pragmatic factors. Yet I now add in a couple elements. First, I ask myself "Which decision will lead to greater expansion? Which will lead to contraction?". I often get an intuitive sense and move in that direction. Also, I ask myself "Is this seeking energy desiring to satisfy a self need? Or is the source of the seeking energy beyond the self?". My intellect and reasoning used to dominate my decision-making process. This created internal conflicts between intellectual, emotional and intuitive modes of being. For example at times my body was saying one thing and the intellect was trying to reason the opposite thing. This created inner turmoil. I've worked a lot on trying to balance my intellectual, emotional and intuitive modes of being. It feels much healthier for the mind-body. If regret about past decisions arise or pressure about future decisions arise, I see that as having value and I don't push it away or grasp at it. It is a message. It may be a message to move in a certain direction. Yet often it is reflective that too much energy is flowing into a desire to change the storyline.

I would go into the trip open to whatever lessons arise. For me, being genuine and humble are really important factors. I’ve gone into a trip with a request that my subconscious fears be revealed. And they were. Not only my fears, also the nature of all human fear and insecurity. It increased my empathy for others 100X.

That’s not my understanding of how LOA. If someone has underlying psychological dynamics with money (e.g. fear), they will attract money issues into their life. Similarly, if someone has issues with authority figures, they will attract conflict with authority figures. I see this all the time at my work. Someone will ask me “Can you believe what Paul told me to do? Well he has another think coming if he thinks I’m going to bow down on that committee and kiss his ass”. She then discribes passive agressive behavior she plans to do. I sit there beffuddled how she interpreted Paul’s request in that manner. It is her orientation, her filter on how she perceives life and she is constantly attracting conflict with authority figures. My understanding of LOA is it’s about energetic dynamics. I don’t think it is a magic genie that grants a person’s wishes. It would be hella fun if it was. I’d be rubbin’ that bottle every morning.

@Shakazulu You are always zero steps from enlightenment. It is not a destination. It can only be found Now, it cannot be found in the timeline because the timeline is a human construct that exists Now.

4D is the timeline and an important dimension. I’m hearing a lot of people these days refer to low conscious living as 3D, yet the 4D timeline is the foundation of 3D living. 4D is where The Story is created. It is where beliefs, judgements and feelings are associated with a personal character that exists through time. 5D is a more expansive domain that includes the 3D around us, the 4D timeline, The Story and the personality. Yet all of that is within 5D. When consciousness transcends 3/4D, there is an awareness that is free of the self. Then all sorts of stuff can arise. At first it can seem scary and uncomfortable. Or amazing. Or paranormal. Yet with time, it becomes normal. Or at least not an unsettling abnormal.

1.75g is a light to moderate dose. Based on what you wrote, you seem to be interested in using psychedelics for personal development (to discover and work through subconscious fears. Especially for your initial time, I would not get close to ego death. It can be very insightful, yet also very destabilizing. And the sub ego death zone can induce anxiety and distraction. I wouldn’t go higher than 1.75g and would consider a bit lower so you still feel grounded during the trip and it is a positive experience. And a light dose is much easier to integrate into sober life. I had a similiar intention when I first used psychedelics - to discover subconscious fears. Ime I would suggest a couple things. First, I would reorient the mind so it is not so self seeking oriented. I’m hearing a self that mushrooms are a tool to get what the self wants - to remove subconscious fears. I could get away with that mindset at lower doses, yet not at moderate or high doses. Here, I would reframe the intention as a humble request that subconscious fears be revealed. I would not approach ego death with any type of agenda. If one goes into that zone with a mindset that they are in control and are using shrooms as a tool, it will likely be a rough ride. When the self dissolves, nonduality doesn’t care about the self. There is no separate self to care about. Yet at 1.75 you would likely be below this zone. Second, I would plan to trip three times on this intention. The first time on a low dose then higher if needed. Trips can be very different based on dose, mindset and setting. The deep insight might not come in the first trip. You may be in bliss the whole or throwing up or staring at something for an hour. If you do three trips, the odds of having one with deep insights is pretty good. As well, the theme of each trip will likely be different. You may be shown the nature of fear from three different perspectives which may give a more complete experience and understanding.

The psychedelic "teachers" appear during the trips. They are not physical humans, yet are very much teachers. There is Mother Aya From San Pedro arises a wonderful gentle teacher From LSD usually enters a possessive tough love teacher

This is just my experience with psychedelics, but that's not what it's about for me at all. My psychedelic teachers don't give a rat's ass about what I want. I've been scolded several times for arriving to class with a list of things I want. A couple times it was absolutely brutal. My list of wants go "poof!" and the teacher begins teaching lessons. I'll never bring a list of wants in to class again. At most, I may bring in a very humble request. For me, higher doses of psychedelics is the absolute worst personal development tool I can imagine. The lessons are not about that at all. They are completely post-personal and post-human. It's like arriving with a personality that wants something for its self and the teacher kills the personality and begins teaching post-personal lessons. Later, the personality revives and asks "What's in it for me? I'm not getting what I want". Ime, that is a personality that is missing the actual lesson. For me, the lessons are in the Y axis of Now, not the X axis of the personal timeline. If I was to try and use psychedelics as a PD tool, I would only microdose or minidose so the personal timeline dimension is not dissolved.

Thanks for pointing this out. One example in my life has to do with physical affection and intimacy. My parents tell me even as an infant and small child, I did not like being held and touched affectionately. All babies can be fussy, yet my parents tell me I always struggled to away from being held and never relaxed into it. So they would often leave me alone in a seat or crib. Yet, they weren't neglecting me. As I grew older, I still had this trait. I would date gals that I really liked and was attracted to, yet when they tried to hold my hand or snuggle I felt really uncomfortable and a desire to push away. Yet I also liked them and wanted to get closer. It's really rare for me to be comfortable and enjoy physical affection. I've probably dated over 30 women in my life that I really liked, yet was only comfortable with affection with three women. It became a real issue in many of my relationships. I've had partners in which I had to sleep in a separate bed. I really liked them and wanted to be close, yet I was so uncomfortable with the close physical contact. At times I'd say "That's just how I am". Other times, I'd try to figure out why. Do I have a fear of intimacy? Of rejection? Of abandonment? Was there a traumatic event? I just can't locate it. I did therapy and worked through my thought process. I don't think I've ever had a serious traumatic event or abuse. I have no memories of anything that might be causing this. I have no thoughts related to this. I can go on a couple dates with someone I really like and all my thoughts are about how cool she is and how much I want to be with her. I'm excited thinking about spending time with her, I have thoughts and desires of physical intimacy with her. And then we are out on a date and she puts her arm around mine and then whammo!!! A flood of repulsion flows through my body and I'm like "Noooo, wtf??!!". Perhaps there was some event I can't remember or perhaps it is something I inherited epigenetically from my parents. Yet, I can't think my way out of it. There is some sort of "memory" within me. A sort of "existential memory" perhaps. I've never tried MDMA and I'm curious about trying it. When you took MDMA, did you have the intention of resolving your issue? Or did it just arise and spontaneously work itself out? Yea. Doesn't it seem like there can be something beneath the surface of conscious thoughts that is stimulating thought impulses? Perhaps there are deep rooted "beliefs", yet they may be different forms of "beliefs" and not really thought beliefs - yet may give rise to certain feelings and thoughts. I've some people say most of our emotions, thoughts and beliefs are subconscious sources. From one perspective, this is dis-empowering because one could throw up their hands and say "See, it's just how I am - I can't do anything about it". From another perspective it is very empowering because it open up new avenues to explore one's own subconscious and raise their subconscious to being conscious. This would be a form of consciousness expansion becoming aware of one's own subconscious.

Microdosing has a very different effect than big doses. You will hardly notice a microdose of 10ug or so. For me, it gives a subtle enhancement of creativity, appreciation and connection to people and my environment. There is lots of value in that alone. You don't even need to increase the dosage. There are people that just microdose and never take larger doses.

I think we are getting into word semantics here. Suppose a body is experiencing extreme anxiety and there are no thoughts defining it as "anxiety". You would say that the body is experiencing "beingness" of anxiety, but that isn't real because the person isn't validating it as real by thinking "this is real anxiety". To me, that is just semantics. My body has experienced panic and doesn't need thoughts to chime in to say "This is panic the body is experiencing". The body is well aware of that and doesn't need thoughts to confirm it. Also, contracting only within thought separates the intellect mode from other modes. This can contribute to all sorts of neurosis. The body may be communicating anxiety through it's language and the mind may over-ride that and say "No, this is good I am not anxious" or "I'm only anxious because I'm nervous about this being good". Or the intuitive mode may communicate "Do not do this" in it's own language and the intellect may rationalize it away and think "No, I want to do this because blah blah blah". This creates separation between internal modes of communication and internal conflict. This contributes to many forms of neuroses. These mode languages are not separate they are integrated. By saying the intellect determines what is "real" and other modes are "being" creates separation and gives the intellect higher standing than it actually has. It is essentially saying that thoughts are judges and determine what is real. Yet perhaps the judge is an integrated system that includes the intellect, yet is not limited to the intellect. Plus, brain scanning can now identify a person's thought before they think it. How can thoughts be the judge of what is real if that decision occurred before the thought? . . . Imagine a play in which all the characters act out a story on stage. The play is over and the stage is empty. Then some guy from the audience steps on stage and takes a bow and takes all the credit for the play? Wouldn't that seem odd? To understand the nature of the play, why focus on the guy from the audience who took a bow? I would go to the actual factors of the play: The actors, the producers, the lighting crew, the directors, the costume designers. The guy from the audience taking a bow is a huge distraction. It what comes prior to that which is important in determining the play. I'm not saying thinking is irrelevant. I think it's super important. I'd say what you describe is a really important key. Awareness of thoughts is a major step forward. For many, that may be all that is needed for release and healing. Being able to tap into awareness and simply observe the thinking mind is incredibly powerful. Many people have elaborate intellectual defense mechanisms. Revealing those defenses/blocks can release and open up a person. It can free a person. Yet for some, it's insufficient. One could gain this detached awareness of thoughts, yet various impulses from energetic, empathetic, intellectual and intuitive centers may still arise. For example, in my own experience I had some childhood issues that affected my relationships in life. For example, I often attracted hyper-critical girlfriends and bosses, which created conflict that I internalized. I went through years of therapy, support groups, readings, meditations, retreats. I knew the theory. I was aware of the thoughts. I completely understood the thoughts were irrational and I spent a lot of time letting go of thoughts and trying to introduce new positive thoughts. It helped somewhat, yet I continued to attract the same people and get involved in the same form of abusive relationships. I understood intellectually why, yet it still happened. I would seek more and more intellectual answers. More theory, more observing my thoughts, more trying to let go of thoughts and create new thoughts. Trying to figure it out intellectually. It wasn't until I realized that the intellect is only one component and it was dominating. There were other modes trying to communicate with me. These are different languages. Then I became open to nonverbal, nonthinking modalities, such as yoga and shamanic breathing. One of my biggest breakthroughs was with shamanic breathing. No thinking was involved. I went into nonverbal, non-thinking areas with powerful lessons and release. For example years of body memory, connections to dimensions I never new existed. This lasted about 20 minutes without a thought, yet lots of nonverbal information and knowledge was present. Afterwards, the thought guy didn't jump in and say "OK, here is the deal. Here is just what happened and what it means. Now I'm going to tell you what was real and what was unreal". Compared to the power of these other modes, that thought guy is a punk, he is a wimp. The thinking mind is a tool, yet just one tool and it isn't even a powerful tool. Imagine having 10 magic wands. The thought wand can do some magic, yet it often screws things up and causes problems. There are nine other magic wands with so much power. One property of the thought wand is it wants the user to think it is the only wand. That it is the strongest wand. That is the wand that determines what is real. It wants the user to only use the thought wand. If a being only uses the thought wand, of course the user will think what is real is determined by the thought wand, because that is the only wand the user is using! Once the user realizes other wands exist and starts using them, the thought wand will have a hissy fit. I was immersed in intellectualism as a scientist for about 24 years. I would have glimpses of other realms through meditation, travel etc. Yet every non-intellectual realm / experience got contextualized by my intellect. My intellect wanted to decide what it meant. I always brought everything back into the intellectual realm to decide what it meant. This limited me. I was aware of thoughts, yet unaware of how my attachment to the intellectual realm was limiting me. I just didn't know what else was out there. I'd say one of my big breakthroughs was a conversation I had on this fourm with Leo when I first joined the forum 1.5 years ago. I was debating Leo about what is intelligence. To me, intelligence was thoughts, it was intellect. Other stuff like emotions was just feelings - states of being, yet not intelligence. I was very good with intellectual debates and I would crush people that had irrational thinking or "woo woo" beliefs. I out-intellectualized religious people and airy-fairy paranormal people. I was very good at keeping the conversation in the intellectual domain. Yet, there was something different about Leo. He went into post-intellectual zones that I was unfamiliar with. He was quite grounded and wouldn't let me pull him into a logical debate. In particular, I was very attached to the thought that intelligence is thought. I am intelligent because of how I think. The one thing I remember Leo pushing me on was "And where do those intelligent thoughts arise from? What is the source of those thoughts?". I tried to dismiss those questions as irrelevant, yet I sensed Leo had something I didn't have. He didn't need to convince me or himself of anything. He just had this sense of knowing. Then, I couldn't get that damn question out of my mind. It kept arising "Where do my thoughts arise from?". While I was driving. In the shower, as I tried to sleep, while meditating. I kept trying to let it go and couldn't. It was like some other mode of being was trying to call me. So I became determine to find the source of thoughts. I would sit and meditate for that first thought to appear. I was like a cat waiting for the mouse to exit the cupboard and then I would pounce on it. So there would be a moment of silence and I paid intense attention. I was determined to see where that next thought came from. Then a funny thing happened. No thought appeared. For years I tried to quiet and stop thoughts, now I wanted to think and no thought would arise. After a minute or so of no thoughts, I would start thinking "What's going on? How come I am not thinking? Maybe I am doing something wrong.". Then I realized "Those are thoughts!!!! Crap!!! I missed it!!! How could I have missed it? Maybe I was expecting another type of thought". So I returned to wait for the next thought. This time I was ready. I was twice as determined to watch the first thought appear. I became even more focused. Bring it on!!!! This time 2-3 minutes passed without a thought. It was intense. Then my mind was getting tired. It's like my mind ran out of gas and a thought sneaked through. That damn mouse running around and I missed where it came from again. I fell asleep on the job and was too tired to go into watchguard mode again. I never did find the source of those thoughts, yet I did realize that I am not the author of my thoughts. They appear from a mysterious place. From the ether. The other big revelation for me was that I experienced several minutes without a thought. I had never gone more than a second or two after years of trying. Then, when I actually want to think - I couldn't. . .

Ahhh, therein lies the difference. For most of my life I was a highly intellectual person that was dominated by the thinking mode of being. I thought reality was determined by my thoughts. I spent a lot of time exploring thoughts and quieting the mind to a still state. I found that the psycholigical self is highly oriented toward controlling the narrative and would absolutely love the statement “nothing is real without a thought”. For me, surrendering that belief was a very difficult process, yet it opened up new post-thinking realms and allowed integration between various modes of being, including thought, into a holistic system. For me, thoughts do not define what is real, rather thoughts appear in what is real and is one of many modes that shape what is real. My belief that nothing is real without a thought kept my mind in a thought-dominated mode in which the intellect was running the show and prevented deep development of other modes. One problem I found with the thinking mode trying to define what is real is that various modes of being become unbalanced and misaligned. For example, the intuitive, body or empathetic modes of being may be trying to communicate what is real - yet the intellect dominates and says "No, this is real. This is how it is". This can create all sorts of inbalances, neurosis and mind-body illnesses. I've found it much healthier to have all systems in balance and communicating together. Yet, the thinking mind was a bully and needed to be put in it's place. Once I realized this and surrendered to it, it was a turning point and thoughts slowed down. I started to go a minute without a thought, then 10 minutes, then an hour. These are very different essences of being and they are real. I’d say I needed to have have 20min. stretches without a thought to start getting grounded in these thoughtless modes of being. I can now walk through nature and experience nature thoughtless in a real state of being. I can communicate and connect with trees in a thoughtless mode. Sometimes my gf and I communicate through thoughtless being. It’s very real communication. And thoughts are not necessary to confirm or define the experience as real. Thoughts are merely one mode of being, yet the generally dominate in most humans. It is the self’s #1 control tool to define what is real. One practice that helped me breakthrough into trans-thought realms was highly intense concentration meditations.

@Wisebaxter I bet you will like a minidose around 20ug Did you take a second trip?

What us the tolerance profile on Modafinil? Could someone take 200 mg twice a week without any tolerance buildup? I’m thinking of two days Modafinil, two days LSD microdose and three days off each week.

@JohnnyBravo I had similar experience. Adderall is powerful and effective, yet like you said it comes with a price. The pricetag on modafinil is much lower. If you like the warmth of modafinil, you might want to tey microdosing LSD. Microdoses have a very different effect. There is warmth without the edge.

@Wisebaxter I’d like to explore more nontoxic enhancers. As far as I know, modafinil is nontoxic and may have healthy nootropic effects. I’d say it’s the best nontoxic enhancer I’ve tried. Hopefully it isn’t addictive. I’d say the effects are mild yet noticeable. I’d say the strength of the effects are equivalent to about a 15ug microdose of LSD (the effects are different, I’m just referring to boost strength). Based off of today, I’d say Modafinil is better for solo activities. For example, I did Yoga solo and my mind was quiet and engaged. Also reading. It wasn’t so great for interpersonal stuff. I taught a class today and felt a bit spacey and impatient. During solo activities it was easier for me to get engaged, yet it felt like I had to put in extra effort to stay engaged with other people. LSD micro dosing has a different effect in me - connection and flowing with others becomes effortless. So overall, better for introspective activities than extrospective, Yet this was just my first day. There was no edge coming down off it.

Today was my first day trying 200mg modafinil. It was an interesting cognitive boost. It was chill and warm. It reduced distracting thoughts and allowed me to be more engaged in the present moment. It doesn’t have the edge or jitters of caffeine. I’ve also tried low doses of adderall. I need to try modafinil more for a good comparison, yet based on today, adderall is a stronger overall mind-body energy stimulant - especially for the body. As well, adderall has a stronger hyper-focus attention aspect. Yet the downsides of adderall are feeling like a machine and a bit buzzy. The advantages of Modafinil to me are that it’s not toxic, it has a warm feeling and the brain booster allows more engagement with what I’m doing, without feeling like something is forcing me to pay attention. I think modafinil could be a safer alternative than adderall for thise with ADD symptoms.

@Highest There have been a few times that someone posted right after me and the post could apply to the OP or me. If it doesn’t include an @Serotoninluv, I just assume it’s directed at the OP.

@Hugo Ferraro I used to force my body to endure painful meditation postures, yet no more. I find it counter-productive. Yet, I avoid adjusting a lot to get comfortable. I’m now ok being still in moderate discomfort. Concentration practice was ineffective for me until I reached gaps between thoughts that lasted several seconds. Then a few thoughts might enter and let go of. Then several seconds without thought and so on. It took me a long time to reach that point and when I did, concentration practice clicked and I began going several minutes of focused thoughtless beingness in the moment. Even thoughts aren’t really thoughts anymore. They are like a creaky floor sound that gets tuned out and has no power. For me, complete detachment and disidentification from stray thoughts is essential for concentration practice. We are concentrating all awareness into one single point and all other points are distractions - wether it is a dog barking, thunder, an aching back or thoughts. For concentration, I try to have a quiet space without being obsessive. Light background noise like birds and cars are fine. One of my practices is setting up a certain type of candle. There is hardly any flicker to it. I position it a certain distance and height from my meditation cushion so that my breathing causes slight motions in the candle. I sit and breath normally and draw my attention on the inter-relationship between the candle and my breath. The two become one and this settles my mind. Without thought, my breathe depth and pace may change slightly as the candle pattern changes. They become synchronized in a way and I go deeper and deeper. Awareness of the breath dissolves and I may stop breathing at times. I don’t know. Awareness of my body, the room and surroundings dissolve. Awareness of thoughts dissolve. Awareness becomes concentrated into the candle flame. There is only one thing that exists - that flame. There is no other awareness. The internal and external Universe is that candle flame. Then things get interesting. . .

No way. The boxer is one-dimensional. Even an average UFC fighter would defeat the best boxers 90% of the time. The UFC fighter can focus his training on improving his striking defense against his upper body. A skill he already has. The boxer needs to develop a dozen NEW skills that take years to develop. His only chance is a big knockout punch, yet the UFC fighter can devote his entire defense against that punch. Once they are grappling or on the mat, the boxer is toast. And the boxer has no takedown defense. The only boxer with a decent shot would be Mike Tyson in his prime. The guy was an animal with no fear and came right at you swinging with tons of power. The UFC fighter would likely avoid grappling Tyson because of his devastating upper-cut. If Tyson could defend against one or two take-downs he’d have a good shot. But a guy like Floyd Mayweather? Please. Even a low- level UFC fighter would kick his ass. And a boxer with 30 years of experience would be in his 40s, waaay past his prime.

Yep. I think that’s very common, including my own experience. I’ve noticed my self take ownership of awakening experiences and identifying with them. And line you say, even when I detach from the insight, it takes a lit of skill and maturity to offer it to another. It’s something I’m still working on and probably will for the rest of my life.