Karla

Yesterday's reflection

Perhaps... If we were never broken-- we would never know to seek wholeness. If nobody ever died-- We'd never know there was such a thing as to be alive. Without decades of oppression maybe mom's soul food would not have oh sooo much flavor-- Perhaps. Perhaps a myth wouldn't be a decent myth without a plot twist. I do know this is my way to love the rich texture that life constantly shows me all of it's beauty-- when my heart is smashed AND when it is full. To wall off our deepest hurt is to wall out our sweetest joy-- is to hide ourselves from ourselves. As always this stuff makes me think of The Shape of Water... Lurve that movie?

81/365 Reflection.... What is going on within is going on without because they are one. There is no separation, all walls are illusion. The world can create me or I can create the world. When I reflect on what it means to take responsibility for my choices and actions I feel empowered I am always the leader in this life experience I can choose my response and not be a reactor I am always in meditation mode within... with that breath I can choose to take back the reigns in any moment and not be afraid to just be I expand my responbsibility and self expression daily even when it seems hard I need that go love yourself shirt ggahhhhh Act and take responsibility in alignment with my highest expression in crystal clarity Reflecting on what it means to take responsibility for how I deal with people Others Are myself pushed out Everything is my expression Knowing that I can love myself through other and get real too Maximizing every opportunity to be who I am and that’s it I can go deeper and that’s cool I can show love and not be scarred they can’t handle it I am not a reactor but I can act he he— i play my highest part When I bring a higher level of awareness to my social anxieties I stay open to when I am retracting Pay attention to when I want to say no and how it feels on the tip of my tongue then let it slide on out I can share like I do my ocd on that sticky floor eek I am not alonE or perfect but I am alone and perfect I accept them and accept myself as well I don’t have to hide or be judgey about them I can expand you know... infinitely like the Universe If I reflect on what I would do if I remained in ful mental focus at work today— I can stop over caring I can pull myself out of stupid conversations before brain cells start evaporating I can be nicety— nice and nasty for the most fun inside jokes I dont have to pretend to care about work politics I am nothing I am out of my mind If I were to do my job absolutely without fear I would have a fucking blast all day every day I am doing my work without fear fuck it— sans fear is authenticity If self is other, this is no big deal and the universe is me yay Wonder why I ever thought I could really live a life of fear Fear is the opposite of authentic— I just can’t do the fearful life anymore I would say what ever I wanted when ever I wanted

80/365 Sentence Completions: When I reflect on what it means to take responsibility for my choices and actions I can’t blindly do wasteful activities I choose what’s most rewarding for me me me he he I am honest and feel on purpose I don’t need to make excuses I don’t have to beat myself up later I feel productive and disciplined I don’t waste time and I eat better he he Reflecting on what it means to take responsibility for how I deal with people I see their best and not distracted by what annoys me I can respond honestly not from frustration I see myself in them I allow them to be who they are and I am also just me I share with them without thinking they don’t understand I seek to understand them When I bring a higher level of awareness to my social anxieties I do more things alone and not needing to be with others I can be a stronger speaker and communicator I sink into the moment with an exhale I am alway who I be I stop worrying about what others might not like I stop saying yes when I really wanna say hellll no My social anxieties diminish If I reflect on what I would do if I remained in ful mental focus at work today— I would get a shit ton of stuff done I would stay in the energy of my vision, freedom I would skip petty distractions I can get my closet organized I do the scary items... I need to make a list I Day dream less and can be in the moment I know sanity— beliefless-ness’ If I were to do my job absolutely without fear I could stop trying to be something acceptable I am able to say the craziest things without concern... hmm if everyone is me I can live my highest expression Unapologetic with it Have fun living my life mannnn Do the things that are the most fun all the time I get to just be in love love love Feeling a tad mechanical with these today but it’s done eeek. The Reflection for Day 80

@Zigzag Idiot oops— Soo, I love ACIM ha ha. It’s been ages since I read it and I used to get the daily lessons in my inbox. Sooo good he he. I sometimes over look sappy stuff and just soak up the deep stuff. I might need to re-visit it!!

@luqqzr So I used to work with this guy who was crazy fit and he would eat frozen pizza, crappy packaged food and snacks for all of his meals but he was ripped AND he was like 36-Ish (or close) years old. He was the fastest and strongest person I knew— as in he had both sides, which is kind of rare. However, he was a SUPER strict intermittent faster. He ate one time a day, at night and all of his 3k calories in a 2 hour or so window. That was normal to him. I say that to say— it depends on your goal. Is your goal to be healthy? Then you could eat pizza sometimes, I don’t think it’s necessarily healthy to completely elimate your favorite foods (unless they are causing you harm) in any nutrition program. Try eating a variety of nutrition rich foods (fresh veggies, plants, fruits) to enhance your taste buds. Craving certain foods many times happens because we are accustomed to eating the same few flavors over and over. It’s important to pay close attention to how certain foods make you feel after you eat them, even your emotions after you eat them. If you feel heavy or you feel very bad— perhaps you need to cut pizza out or find a viable replacement. I used to like pizza but I don’t really care about it anymore— I very rarely even crave it.

Yesterday's reflection video: Watching part 3 of Leo's Non Duality series... I feel called to dig into the "alone" concept from the vid released today-- I am having trouble fully grasping that everyone is me. I kinda get it as a concept but I don't feel it. It feels seperate from what I've experienced. Why? Unpacking this...

@fryingLotus here are the retreat notes: https://www.actualized.org/downloads/solo-retreat-notes-feb-2019.docx Perhaps instead of having a single focus, you could have one MAIN goal to focus on and then let the other things you want to do flavor your focus. If your focus is just to relax and be yourself without labels then you can perhaps just do all the things. I did a similar trip a few years ago and it flew by, I really enjoyed my time though. I had a focus but I was super distracted from my goals. No regrets, just lessons and perhaps I am projecting my lessons onto your adventure. I hope you achieve what you are desiring to experience on your break. All of us need these breaks from the hustle bustle of life. I wish you well, sounds pretty awesome!

Fasting tomorrow for clarity... Plus Sundays are easy to fast since I can sleep longer.

@d0ornokey hmmm afraid to take it on the plane huh? It's not illegal.

79/365 I think I need to do lots more scary actions. The aftermath feels a bit messy yet liberating. Just reminds me to live my vision and that is all I really need to do— looking inside and living it out into the now/ healing the split mindedness. Feels like it takes me so long to get out of the conditioning.of living safe as a priority when I know that living safe is the last thing i want. Having to choose bold actions over chilling out taking it easy and day dreaming— I am hoping this starts to feel like a part of me. Sometimes it helps if I just get up and try to do some things quickly and it actually does feel really good to be productive and think of myself as a person that naturally does all the things efficiently. Loving reading Leo’s retreat notes and Wisdom of Joseph Campbell atm. When I reflect on what it means to use everything I know Close my eyes fall in love stay there— when I come from here, everyone wins Anything is possible , mind freedom I don’t need to worry about what others think, need or want I can offer the holistic stuff, stand in my knowing and just enjoy Always think from future vision, from love, with end in mind, as if it is now and just be I can let go and just be real/ exhale Must keep doing the scary actions til they run out, i am always safe, supported When I take full responsibility for my choices and actions I can’t zone out and do nothing, I have to stay in knowing all I envision is here and go from there I make the most of my time now, now is all there is I can have my priorities checked off early then read and enjoy I write early on and get that boundlessnes in my bones and act from there Stick to my manifesto for inspiration as needed Change my surroundings when I need to refresh or get moving No more stalling— or meaningless actions just to be doing something When I take full responsibility for how I deal with people I am honest and open and inviting them to be accepted to do the same I am happy to know about others —preferably in person rather than online I can connect authentically without needing approval (must drop approval for FOTB) Know that all are me, I am not separate It is up to me to hold pure intentions Stop lying I don’t want to do that conference in Raleigh I have to be honest WHen I remain in full mental focus every moment today THis is still challenging for me I have to do more meditation why I am avoiding this? I feel free from mind I am able to do what is most important and not in busy work I can keep it real, no drama ahhhhh Peace I get to just be a vessel and let flow happen When I am creating from a place customers trust and admire my company I admire myself first then extend that opportunity to. Others I see myself as other/ the customer I am honest, no withholding or manipulating I offer what is helpful but keep in mind it has to be what I also want to offer I do what I enjoy and let the joy permeate my creations— all of them No faking the funk or following someone else’s path I don’t have to survive— I must remember this

@d0ornokey great— yea! Loving that book and Nathaniel Branden. He seems so evolved for a psychologist. I noticed you’ve been journaling again lately too ;-) I was just spying on you yesterday! How is it going with your sentence stems?

Day 77 Reflection And 78/365 reflection

@Nivsch I just want to say you're already always in relationship with others and everything around you, unless you are the only person on ?. Kinda like Will Smith in that movie when he REALLY is alone except for those zombies he he. We put titles on relationships and add the extra dramas to it which is fine but when you are ALL good/ happy with yourself alone, your relationship with all others (including your mail man) will transform. You can be happy with OR without them.

Leo's book list is solid for that @kindayellow which has sub-topics where you can focus.

Ok this is how I would look at it if I were you-- This is A LOT, too much going on. Focus on ONE thing because 4 months will fly by, especially packed with stuff. 4 months is a semester of school... A season. 4 months from now, what is it that you want to say you accomplished? Choose one thing that is worth it and go all in for it. Then pour all efforts there and ditch the rest for later. If you don't have a decent plan for money, that may steel your attention and taint your efforts/ actions--> If you're not worried about money then disregard this last part but if you are, just have a plan in place (your needs/ real budget/ job you KNOW you can easily hop back into later/ etc.). You don't want to be worrying about that. Definitely journal and document your experience. I have been reading Leo's retreat notes-- they are crazy good (zomg). If you read those you might make that 5 meo a priority instead of a maybe but pls decide from your gut. Good Luck!!

78/365 Reading "The wisdom of Joseph Campbell" and resonating. Love? him. All the feels. How cool is it that he is dead but straight speaking to me, giving me liiife with words he left behind in his genius af legacy. Today I am a bit blown that its so easy to be distracted from the magic that is life. How we learn to shit on everything beautiful and sacred and wonder why we are straight fucked in health, True wealth, relationship and in connection. Then try really fake, plastic solutions to fix the things. Kinda just band aid/ blindfold "solutions" that keep us lost. Today I helped pack snacks and make artful bags for the snacks-- for low income kids who might not otherwise eat if they have a snow day.:-( The snacks were pseudo- healthy and processed. I felt a bit sad/ conflicted that this is all they get and how it would to some extent reinforce their delusions of inferiority. I felt myself trying NOT to think about this because I wanted to just enjoy making the bags look nice and pretty. I even included a Joseph Campbell quote on one of my bags. Everything is a clue when we pay attention. I know the best thing we can do is BE the example... To live our myth.

Here was my vid I was scared about... I checked after 24 hours— and just like the monster in the closet... Once I just look and see— I wonder what the fuss was about. I sometimes get annoyed that I always do this boogie man thing. Deep down I was kinda wanting my audience to be okay with the changes. “Don’t sacrifice everything for nothing”— is something I used to say to my clients but it also applies to me. I thought of this, this morning as I dreaded checking my channel lol. In fact whenever I give advice, I always find that it is actually for me. Perhaps a different application but typically some way shape or form it is really what I need to hear. This is how helping others ALWAYS helps us. How crazy is that? And so yum amazingggg. This morning I was talking to one of my yoga regulars and he told me that he didn’t get a job he wanted. He is super smart and I am always asking him what he really wants because he always applies for jobs for money but he doesn’t really want it— when it doesn’t work out he is bummed but I asked him today “whyyyyy, you don’t want that— you should be happy you didn’t get it, YOU MUST FIND OUT WHAT YOU REALLY WANT.” “The only way to feel certain is to do what you want and not settle for what others want you to do.” Then I was like fu** —that was me talking to myself ugh.... this always happens. I feel like he will settle in the end but it’s okay. I do believe we each have to choose for ourselves. There is no other way even if we make the wrong choice we still will learn what we need to learn and I believe that. I think I am at a point where I cannot keep making stupid choices. It feels waaaay too crappy to make inauthentic choices. Alsooooo reading Leo’s solo retreat insights... blowing my mind. I love that high-minded stuff always makes me feel a bit detached from all the things. Day 77/365 Sentence completion from earlier: When I reflect on what it means to use everything I know I am blown by the notes I just read by Leo’s solo retreat Lol I live and “be” from a place of wholeness within and without I can live without being so careful of everything and everyone I can hang on to that feeling I get when I exhale in every moment just being I use intuition without second guessing I act and communicate straight from soul— I get ideas and don’t wait on them because this kills my vibe and confidence When I take full responsibility for my choices and actions I keep a big picture perspective from my vision I can be productive and out of my overthinking mode I be who I need to be and have fun with it he he I know ultimately I have to live internally with the choices and make them from that place I realize this is it, no dress rehearsals I stay real with my daily habit structures so hard I get to lead this life experience. When I take full responsibility for how I deal with people I see them as self and treat them in the highest I have fun I keep it real and honest and try my best not to be shady or manipulative I have the greater good in mind I respect all parties I won’t have low quality conversations I always elevate or depart interactions WHen I remain in full mental focus every moment today This is hard I can use more practice here because when I am aware I am blown away WHen I remain in full mental focus I am sometimes overwhelmed I am nothing/ nobody I have to work to stay there and concentrate on each action I take I am free to be in the moment When I am creating from a place customers trust and admire my company I am 100% honest always I treat the company as a thriving creative project I get to contribute to I listen to what customers need and elevate a service I think into the future I act in the now based on 10 years from now I create something I CAN TRUST AND ADMIRE duh I can’t do what everyone else is doing I do what’s right for me and in my heart

Currently a little scurred to check my channel since I posted that vid yesterday... I realized I am actually avoiding it. I am excited to do some vids this weekend, which I haven't felt all that excited about in awhile.?

After doing my reflection video I had a couple more thoughts: 1-men are more proactive when they see other guys catering to you... is the same as when you see someone else doing your purpose work. Similarly puts a little fire under your a$$ he he. 2-healing that separation/ split mindedness/ schizophrenia (we learn through conditioning) in everyday life by living your vision in real life IS self love, is a huge part of self actualization. Trumps the "oh, I can't do thatttt because _____" --whatever reason we make up is the illusion and dragon yo be slayed. I think soo switch to Youtube live in case I forget... Seems easier than recording then uploading for non-workouts.

Oh ma gosh I also LOVE that quote lol!! I like the Bozo=satva idea and it is more my style. That’s why I liked the wiki-how description because it seemed pretty chill. I have noticed that taking things too seriously has “ill” effects and it never feels natural for me to stay “serious” for too long anyways. Alan Watts had a good little tid bit about “sincere” being the upgrade for “serious”. @Zigzag Idiot you are ALWAYS full of resources lol. I want to start collecting as much as possible on being a love Buddha so I will check that out.

76/365 I didn’t do anything scary yet today because... I dragged my video from yesterday (for FOTB) into today and just posted it. It started to not feel like a big deal but I honestly think I have put that off for months— perhaps longer. I been wanted to change things up on my other channel AND offer workout calendars. Why I make myself keep doing stuff that no longer fits sometimes? I know I could be literally RUNNING in the direction that feels jussssst right but I don’t. Here is my sentence completion from today. When I reflect on what it means to use everything I know I stand up for what I believe in or fall for anything he he I am just playing my full hand There are no mistakes I follow my intuition and live every day I live the life I have in my imagination be that’s what it’s there for I say what I mean, I speak my truth like my heart beats, as I breathe and blink my eyes When I take full responsibility for my choices and actions I choose to live into my highest expression Full responsibility means that I can’t back down on play defense I play offense or nose bleed seats I follow my inner guidance system and plan but don’t become a slave to my plan I don’t stay in my thinking- I move on and keep moving on I know I get to close my eyes and know that I am the person I am happy to go to bed with every night When I take full responsibility for how I deal with people I see their best I self love through other I listen in and hear what they are really saying I have fun and affirm them deeply I am happy to be in relationship I seek to understand then to be understood I choose to speak freely WHen I remain in full mental focus every moment today Focus is my flow state —easier than focus when I am bored I can get everything done on my list and then some I am way more productive I love that this is increasing because I am way more aware of my non-helpful thinking I can come full circle on those small level thoughts and use them for good I express more authentically I am more me I feel like a bamf When I am creating from a place customers trust and admire my company I create mutually enjoyable products/ service I have fun interacting with my peeps I show who I am, act in integrity and let the rest do what it do I don’t hide I invite everyone into seeing and being who they really are I deliver way more than I ever ask for I make sure I would be happy to leave anything I do as a legacy

75/365 This morning before my strength class I felt super lost lol. Like kinda bad and my mind was stuck on the whole "naturalness of being" from that Wayne Dyer video-- there is something to this combination: Being "wholly" the person you want to be Being present in the now with that energy/ let go anddd Knowing that every though we have is externally manifested Anyways I can't always get to the bottom of these lost feelings like this morning. I feel completely different now-- I have one more class then a walk by the canal. It's super nice out. I am making progress with my one scary action per day yay. This is the only way to balance theory and practice for me-- otherwise I am slipping. The reflection video is hereeee:

74/365 Sentence Completions ✔ Reflection video...