Karla

Ok thank you @Bazooka Jesus ☺️ I feel like I’m here within this realization right now and it’s definitely NEW AF in comparison to other times when I *thought*I was here if that makes sense. I’m sure there’s a zillion more layers to it but I also feel like *holy moly, WHY NOT play?*. Feels like that is kinda the point- to PLAY.

Thanks for posting… In your perspective can you contrast “your essence/ true nature” vs “personality” a bit. I’m currently feeling conflicted because my teacher recently shifted into this similar stance like Osho (she always quotes Mooji) and it seems like NOT playing the game at all. 🙄 I honestly think there’s a more evolved aspect, which is allowing your true nature FULLY. For me it seems people who are spiritually advanced have WAY MORE personality because they are free to play the game. How do we know who’s playing the game and who’s getting played or just stuck at a realization? I was about to post a question, then I saw your post he he. I want to open my mind about it.

120 mg MDMA -Death by Gratitude Thank you Thank you Thank you. I wrote this before bed the day of my trip and forced myself not to change anything LOL. Writing this before I forget or try to back out of writing it, he he. On 9/4 I got up, did a 20 min meditation, walked outside 30 mins., hydrated, journaled, worked out and then watched a module in a training I’m taking. I drank about 12 ounces of coconut water (fave is Vita CoCo- Pressed, SO good). I was slightly worried I’d be dehydrated because this happens often when I trip and leads to headache and nausea so, trying coconut water to help my avoid this. I did a quick paulo santo cleanse in my my room and around my body. Probably one of my favorite smells ever. I showered, wrote out my intention and ended up dosing later than I initially planned around 12:45p on an empty stomach, except for the coconut water also helps to stave off hunger pangs. Before I plugged the MDMA water, I spoke my intention into the syringe. And felt into it and said thank you. (I learned this from a bufo facilitator and absolutely love it. I’ve been practicing it with everything because it’s so powerful.) Intention from my notebook: Heart opening heart wisdom Gratitude, more me, more free & more in love with this experience. Deep, deep knowing. Deep, deep appreciation, feeling & discerning heart guidance over everything. My lessons always land. I laid down, answered an e-mail quickly that I had forgotten to send and I could feel that it was starting to take effect pretty and it felt uncomfortable to be looking at my screen. I made myself comfortable and spoke my intention aloud again. Thank you 🙏🏾 About 1:15p I could feel the come up pretty strong and I had a fear that perhaps I took too much. Full body tingles and a lot of sensation OF the body. I surrendered because there was no changing it now. Joy slowly increasing. Full body tingles and random tickles. A lot of heart tickles almost butterfly-ish. I was really enjoying the sound of my inhales and exhales— a bit “static-y and surreal” along with the music and my hearing seemed intensified. Everything sounded SO beautiful, it made me tear up. I got super cold and grabbed socks to put them on and noticed I felt quite dizzy sitting up. I felt dizzy to get up again and drink water but something kept reminding me to drink so I gave in and then laid back down. Wowww. You’re kidding me this is life. You can’t be serious?? OMG. Oh my God— this work is pure magic. All I could say was thank you, wow wow wow. Holy wow, THIS path… You’re kidding me! Are you effing serious, this feels too good to be real? Sobbing. I am heaven. Living in heaven. I felt like I would be crushed with gratitude, that I would die the feeling was so BIG. Bigger than “me”. Wow. Holy WOW. I said aloud, you can’t be serious? It’s too good, too beautiful -feels so good just to be. I felt I would be crushed again and die so, I surrendered. I said, I surrender. It felt like my heart burst and just sobbed. Saying thank you between sobs. This can’t be real… are you serious, are you SERIOUS, I get to do this work? There’s nothing to fix, so much more to see, to feel, to allow. I think 90 minutes in was the highest point around this time. Still enjoying my breathing and the music was so beautiful. Focused all my intention on my inhales and exhales —static-y and my whole body feeling like air. Around 2 hour mark I don’t have anymore water so, I ask my sister to come refill my water and bring me more and I am SO GRATEFUL she is there and can help me because it’s hard to get up. I realize I can’t say thank you enough but say thank you anyways when she brings me some. I drink and lay down. Around this time spirit told me I could leave Karla behind, if I wanted. I couldn’t stop sobbing. (Journaled more on this later because at the time I felt so torn with this). I thought if I leave her, what if she comes back? It’s okay & she can. It’s all totally fine. So, I said okay. Thank you for bringing me this far. Thank you for not stopping. Thank you. After about 3.5-4 hours I feel more normal but still very dizzy. I had a headache starting around 5p, I kept drinking water and it seemed to wear off. I wanted to have cacao with my mystery school sisters at 5:30p (on Zoom) but I wasn’t sure if I could sit up and feel okay for it. My cacao so was sooo good, he he. I could feel this sweet sadness that my trip was over and that I had a lot to integrate at this time as well but still feeling SO grateful. I did make it for the circle. They did rape but do not like rapé so I sipped cacao and shared my experience. I broke into tears but it’s so good to share in an open space— so emotional still and I shared with tears and they held space. It was amazing! Takeaways: MDMA has some bufo vibes from my last bufo experience but just much less intense. There is this immense gratitude that feels soooo healing to the body but also that there is SO much I don’t know, that all I can do is surrender to the bigness of it. That I have no choice but to surrender. The heart holds my clarity and I can tap back into this. Psychedelics expand my capacity to feel and this is a powerful intelligence we learn to suppress. All the feels have a beauty. I’ve been eating cleaner than clean— lol. No treat foods, no alcohol at all for almost 3 months and this does affect how the body receives the medicine. I was already pretty healthy with my food choices but subtle changes matter more than I ever imagined. I could do this work my whole life and there would still be oceans more and I can be grateful for this or see it as challenging, either way I keep going anyways. I feel so grateful to find Leo and find this community. I keep having these BIG gratitude bombs with trips so, I this must be what I need right now and I can totally see that.

I want to do my first MDMA trip Monday morning-ish on an empty stomach. Probably will plug. New to MDMA but I’ve experimented with other psychedelics before (mushrooms, LSD, aya, dmt, bufo & ketamine). Wondering what a good medium-large dose would be & anything you wish you’d known before your first MDMA experience?

So, I actually did have some teeth grinding lol. I just figured it was due to the intensity… I didn’t feel depressed really but that emotional high seemed so far away that night, the next day I was good. I did two days micro dose and that may have helped though. I’ll wait to do it again.

I don’t know how people are just eating them LOL. I’ve done 2 & 3g (chocolate, tea & gummies) and I don’t have visuals or anything just emotional roller coaster because I’m forced to see how mean I am to myself alongside how loving and pure real life is. It’s cleansing/ healing. I feel like mushrooms are perfect for healing stuff you don’t even know you have like childhood traumas and stored memories. I feel like people who take massive doses have built a tolerance because mushies are really hard on your stomach. Would not recommend that.

@OBEler I did it alone and I used my plant medicine playlist, which may have contributed to the heavenly vibes. I am glad there’s no hangover. Honestly I still have a lot of peace, like a big audible exhale kinda peace. Here’s my playlist:

@Soul Flight I probably would’ve had a milder trip at 80 but glad with the 120mg. I will give it a couple or few months before I try it again.

Interesting… I haven’t noticed anything big, after every trip I worry I will have ego backlash or that I’ll completely lose the experience. Outside of that- no side effects yet. I recently read in this microdosing newsletter that MDMA was a good add on for people who typically have bad trips and more likely to experience self compassion. I feel like it may be good for anyone with a lot of baggage or trauma to take alone or with another medicine.

@Yimpa yes try but maybe make sure you’re not allergic. I think they are all so different. I also really enjoy harmless harvest brand- with pulp = really tasty. I kinda experiment and try different ones and the options are better than ever now. some coconut water is just not good. my favorite kind is actually a bit processed ha ha but still my fave flavor wise.

@Arthogaan love all of these and especially the last one. SO good 🙏🏾

Here’s my playlist I used btw. If you have some similar music vibes, pls share yours thx:

@OBEler No hangover effects but I didn’t sleep that great Monday night but slept good lat night. No headache the next day or low feelings- perhaps it’s too soon to crash? I also didn’t have an appetite for about 24 hours but I ate anyways. I prepped noodles for dinner but ended up eating oatmeal instead with yogurt at about 7ish pm. I just did a report! Ha ha, it’s so healing to share for some reason and I could do this more. This first MDMA trip was a BIG gratitude bomb and somewhat uncomfortable physically but I think it was what I needed. I actually micro dose a bit after a macro trip to help me integrate. IMO that’s the best use of micro dosing— for integration. I went to heaven on MDMA. so feels more manageable to micro dose (mushrooms) to help me sprinkle it lightly into everyday life. So, I will microdose mushies for two or three days this week. Journal heavily in these days and spend time outside and in meditation… maybe some breathwork and listening to my heart for guidance. Feels like I have to give myself a chance to bring the lessons/ heaven into daily experience. THANK YOU 🙏🏾 so much, ha ha.

I’m just reading this and had my first experience with MDMA Monday, it was awesome. I will share some notes but I didn’t know it was bad for the body. Based on my experience, I’d definitely do it again (and will lol) and I’d recommend it.

Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you. LOL, could be still the MDMA high but I am SO grateful that I can ask an important question and get the perfect answer here. I had a perfecto experience at 120mg. However, I think 110mg is probably SPOT on. ♥️

Hmmmm. I may try redoes 3-4 hours later next time! I did 120mg and had a SUPER intense experience so could have maybe done the 100mg or 110mg.

How is lsd-p1 different than just LSD?

Great thanks! Gonna shoot for 100. Couldn’t find anything clear for plugged so this is helpful.

Interesting… hearing with your eyes 🤔 cool. He did say it was his first trip, maybe he keeps going & some day he makes a similar “hearing with his eyes” type discovery.

Yes, based on my experience. And intention is really powerful! 5Meo is probably the most INTENSE psychedelic experience I’ve ever had and can’t wait to do it again, he he.

Interesting. I probably would avoid leaving house on a macro dose. Definitely good that your scooter didn’t work properly. Perhaps a trip sitter is in order when I experiment with MDMA. I resonate with guilt coming up and being resolved yet feeling so normal and light. Also interesting that you were so thirsty. I’ve heard similar from someone after ayahuasca and for him it ended up being a huge wake up call around being super grateful for water ha ha ha.

LSD micro is probably my favorite micro dose so far. Leo has an episode on nootropics that is pretty good —you might want to check it out and test some things. I’ve tried most of them, my favorite is lion’s mane, bacopa and sulbutiamine. Sulbutiamine is supposed to help you with learning languages and speaking better. I am not trying to learn a language atm so not sure about that part exactly, however I feel SO sharp on it and words definitely flow freely. I feel like it makes my eyes seem brighter too lol! You can’t take it everyday though because much like micro dosing mushies, you’ll build a tolerance. So I space it out and only have it maybe twice a week tops then take breaks here and there. Can’t wait to see what others say on this topic.

♥️! I lost my dad in a car accident really young and I’m fine now but it literally took years to integrate some of what unfolded for me right afterwards— it’s an awakening experience but nobody treats it as such. Life changing experiences have the power to evolve us, I dare say that the most painful and shocking ones are the most potent. Psychedelic experiences are not excluded. Something as simple as seeing life in a new way is MASSIVE short-term and ESPECIALLY long-term. Change isn’t always fast but sometimes it is, like yours.

I think psychedelics are illegal because they are so powerful (dangerous for some) and legalizing them would totally change the pharmaceutical industry. Too much work to really understand how to profit from them AND control access to them. I don’t feel like they’ll be illegal forever but it’s going to take decades for the states to see significant progress.

People may feel as though they're healed, for they're coming in contact with the immaculate source of reality -- that which is whole and never needed healing to begin with. That's a temporary experience that can't permanently heal people. The fragmented psyche will come back. It always comes back. I don't think you need psychedelics for that. What you need is life itself. Interesting— I agree with that part about the contrast! 😱 However, this is what integration is all about. And the contrast IS the catalyst that helps people after a life changing event, for example: a car accident or loss of a loved one. Seeing the Truth in contrast to what you previously thought is SO painful and sobering. What makes you think psychedelics aren’t just another part of “life itself” in this way? I feel that my psychedelic experiences freed me a lot more to experience “life itself” in a way I never would have without them. Yea you still have to clean up your mind but with a much more truthful perspective. It seems like you are saying psychedelics can’t permanently heal you because how would you know about anyone else’s experience? More medicine and/or integration could be helpful ♥️