Privet

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Everything posted by Privet

  1. Look into definition of success: Anything can be success. Becoming enlightened - success, reaching an income goal - success, starting a fulfilling relationships - success, getting a job - success, finishing a project - success, getting good friends - success, quitting addiction - success, losing weight - success, getting a good therapist when you are depressed - success, cleaning your room - success. I think you have two problems. First one is that you have vague definition of success. Second is that you suffer from learned helplessness. It's a belief that no effort of yours will produce any positive result ever or that no result will ever be good enough. Do you have low self-esteem? Do you feel unworthy? Do you feel incapable? Do you always strive for unreasonable perfection? Are you never content with what results you get? Could you be depressed? Did your parents praise you enough? Did they treat you like you deserve respect and your opinion matters? Did they stand on your way of self-expression and always told you to behave? Did you feel loved, cared and accepted? Do you know how to identify and overcome limiting unconscious patterns? I hope that by asking yourself those questions and honestly clearly answering them you will be able to come up with problems that stand on your way - success, and if you are able to identify problems you will be able to seek for solutions - success, and then solving them - success. And by the way, you've just succeeded in reading this post. At least you are capable of something, now you can shoot for a little bigger goal - getting practical results from it. Wait what? Still believe that you are incapable and it's meaningless? Bullshit!
  2. The only sign of the lack of integration of some stage of the spiral is shadow. In case of stage red it's power-hungry narcissist subpersonality. What you described is the ability to succeed in red environment rather than integration of stage red. I guess a proper way of integration of stage red is becoming aware of repressed unsatisfied need for power and the narcissistic shell that was built on top by your ego to overcompensate this unsatisfied need. Being able to succeed to some degree in stage red is just a half of the job. Integration means including and transcending, not just including. You have to learn when you are dangerous and you don't need to be as well as when you do. We should distinguish between learning how to be dangerous from when to be dangerous. Learning how to be dangerous is just a power skill, learning when to be dangerous is about shadow work and integration.
  3. Masculine: agency, action. Feminine: communion, surrender.
  4. @noselfnofun If we ignore circumstances like parents or money what would you choose? And why?
  5. To listen to what you truly authentically desire. If you desire spiritual growth way more than financial independence your job will screw you up, if vice versa - monastery. If you want both equally then do both. The fact that you posted this topic means that you are not in touch with what you truly want. Going to the monastery is not some fun side-project, it's a practical step that helps to pursue your awe and curiosity about your true nature and authentic desire for liberation. I once heard an enlightened dude telling a story how he decided to go to the monastery, he was deciding between killing himself and going there, do you think you can doubt in such a situation what option you should take? You're not going there to have some fun to tell your friends afterwards, that's like going to college for a prestigious degree that you hate.
  6. I guess I have a new theory of the causes of my health problems and depression. Lets list some interesting facts. In the beginning of winter of 2017 I once put a warmer on the bottom of my abdomine because I thought that it can help me with irritated prostate/urethra due to porn addiction. It gave me an overwhelming sense of relief. I did that one more time and one more. Since that time my body temperature started to raise time to time to 37C. Right after the last warmer use I had a hypertensive crisis and had to call the ambulance. It seemed that something inflamed inside in my reproductive system and I went to the hospital. Therapist thought it's bladder inflammation and gave me antibiotics, it helped, I thought OK, good, but high body temperature didn't go away. After a new year I relapsed my NoFap after 22 days and had an incredibly terrifying emotional release followed by 35 hours of insomnia and crippling anxiety on the edge of psychosis, I managed to fall asleep and then woke up in a state that felt almost like coma. I remember my mother calling me and I could barely keep the conversation, I was so disoriented that I didn't even feel like I'm a human, more like a rat in the sea of corpses several miles under the ground in a giant bubble of air drowning in silence so deadly deafening that I couldn't hear the voice of my mind. Couple weeks later I asked my friend to keep me accountable for waking up in time, we lasted a week or so and I was sleeping only 3-4 hours a day, then at some point I tried slow breathing to calm myself down and fall asleep and had a panic attack that was so intense that I had to call an ambulance again, I had blood pressure like something/180. After that insomnia became even worse, I was constantly in a state of "jezz, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna fucking die, what the fuck is happening to me?" and started checking various theories on what the fuck can that be. I tested vitamin B12 and got injections of it, because symptoms really reminded of huge deficiency of it, but the test shown that my B12 is in normal range. Then I went to the doctor in the state hospital, he tested my blood for various stuff and we found nothing but slightly hightened lymphocytes. Then I independently tested thyroid hormones, THS, T3, T4 and antibodies for hypo/hyperthyroidism and here's a link that I ignored at that time due to my skeptical therapist, the link is that I had borderline level of my T4 which was 18/19. While I was running with all that medical shit I had an occasional pain in my left ball. I have read somewhere that NoFappers often get that and didn't make a problem out of it. Recently I felt discomfort in the ball again, tried to palp it and it seems that I have varicocele. Veins on my left ball are larger than veins on my right ball. Now lets connect the dots. Varicocele can disturb production of testosterone, disturbance in testosterone level can cause disturbance in thyroid hormones and both testosterone and thyroid hormones can cause depression and anxiety, my coma-like state was also reminding of the symptoms of thyrotoxicosis. Warmer could participate in the inflammation of the veins that lead to the ball. When I worked as a tourist guide this summer I smoked a pack of cigarettes a day and one day my colleague offered me to quit together, I lasted till the late evening on the next day, but the interesting thing was that I was quite weepy at that day, and had a very bad attention deficit. I've read somewhere that tobacco' smoke has anti-inflammatory properties which may explain why I was weepy when I stopped smoking. In September of 2017 I tried fasting for one day and all the symptoms of depression completely vanished, I remember how I was looking through the open window and enjoying rain in pure state of awe, I felt as good as I haven't felt in ages. Fasting affects testosterone levels and inflammation. Several years ago I was on a very strict diet for over a month, lost 25 pounds and had very serious increase in my mental abilities and clarity of mind, I started experimenting with meditation during this diet and my concentration was very intense. I think that at that time I reduced inflammation of my body too. It seems that cutting edge theory about depression is that from the biological point of view it's an inflammatory disease. Soooooo, after winter holidays I head towards the hospital and gonna fight with our ignorant doctors to check my balls, prostate, thyroid, hormones and gut. I have a reputation of hypochondriac there, but I hope that I will manage to convince them to do the tests, I feel like I want to jump out of my skin all the time again.
  7. @F A B If she loses attraction and interprets your caring attitude as a weakness it means that she is dysfunctional. But at the same time if you tolerate some of her behavior that is too much it means that you disrespect yourself more than you are afraid to lose her. If she does something that is too much you don't have to be an asshole, you have to talk about this with her. Being non-reactive doesn't mean that you turn into support person and always love her unconditionally like 2 year old kid, she is not a kid, she is an adult woman and she is responsible for her behavior and is able to talk and understand and negotiate, or she isn't, or she doesn't care enough to do so, or negotiations lead nowhere, or she gives shallow promises, in those cases you better terminate the relationships.
  8. Interesting, that's a good setting. One more obstacle: relativity. If you listen one piece of music after another the impression of the first one will color the impression of the latter. So for example the lower one after a higher one may sound better for most of people or vice versa. Can beat that one with long intervals between auditions I guess. I think this is really like the Jesus issue, you can't really prove he doesn't exist, but the majority of well-educated people would agree that it's a waste of time to try to prove that. Not entirely like that, it's possible to prove, but for me as someone who spent good seven years of my life studying music production and music in general it sounds like nonsense, and for those musical bloggers in videos in this thread. Perception of music is a tricky shit, there's a whole phenomenon based on placebo around sound called audiophilia. People invest shit ton of money to buy some monstrously rare stereo that they convinced themselves to sound kinda warm and soft.
  9. There's an endless amount of flaws in the design of this study. Here's just a few correlates that will distort the result: Room's acoustic Frequency response of the speakers Distortions of the digitization, diffirently tuned instruments will produce different kinds of artifacts after digitization Even if we would use acoustic instruments we would stumble upon another endless amount of obstacles like performance variation, various stuff with instrument's resonanses, different characteristics of the strings in different tunings and so on and so forth The real problem though is that Stage Green is where some people partially regress to prerationality instead of including and transcending rationality. It's like explaining to blue folks that Jesus doesn't live in the sky because he died around 2000 years ago. BUT HE DOES! I ASSURE YOU! I JUST FEEL IT!
  10. I like more radical idea: even if the possibility for happiness doesn't exist one should remain alive for the sake of curiosity. Horror movie is better than no movie. It's like the plane is about to inevitably crush against the mountain, go to the tale to last a bit longer and enjoy the damn show. Disintegration and pain is the inevitable part of life, that's the First Noble Truth that Buddha discovered, why make it a problem? For anyone suffering there - suffer well.
  11. New age nonsense. There is nothing special about this frequency. What really makes music more aligned with nature is the tuning of individual notes in the scale. Some time ago mathematicians and musicians decided to use equal temperament scale in which they slightly detuned some notes so that it matches with a formula: each next note's frequency is derived from the previous note's frequency multiplied by 12th root of 2. It allowed to transpose music without much dissonance. While the natural temperament doesn't follow that formula and the relationships of the notes are not equal, thus you can't play music in different keys because it will be very dissonant. And natural scale is more natural because frequencies of the notes come from integer relationships between them (as far as I remember), it's perfectly consonant. Here's the pic, equal in the bottom lines and natural in the upper: Also, here's the proof that natural sounds better:
  12. "Have you ever manipulated someone?" "Have you ever hurt someone?" "Have you ever lied?" If there's at least one "no" - you're done. Noone is that saint. Good luck with your search!
  13. Not very chill, but give it a shot.
  14. Thick cushion on your stool so that you feel like you're on the horse. When I go above 2 hours butt hurts, use this pain with the thought that if you concentrate at it the resistance will drop after the peak. It goes in waves, every 15-20 minutes there's a sense of relief after a peak of suffering.
  15. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e9AHh9MvgyQ
  16. @winterknight Previously we discussed how the lack of desires can point towards being, I'm wondering how do we distinguish this kind of lack of desires from depression or burnout, or might it be the same thing? It seems to me this is where the inner guru has to decide whether you should bear down with your life or ease up, but I'd like to hear your opinion on that.
  17. From my experience it's hell of a show, so funny you can't get enough air.
  18. I find do-nothing the most effective technique when my mind goes OCDish. You just let all the obsessive thoughts happen and don't interfere. OCD is about being a control freak, you just can't help it but obsessively try to set everything right and you are never content with your meditation. Do-nothing is the opposite of that.
  19. What do you mean by social skills? There's a lot in this word: Intimate relationships Friendships Teaching Dating Teamwork Small-talk Storytelling Corporate environment etc. You can decide what domains are important for you, it can't be the case that you don't need all of them.
  20. The most important thing is to stop being afraid of insults and understand that they are inevitable and there's a risk to be insulted always. Each time you get insulted notice how much you resist it and believe that you shouldn't be insulted, that this is unfair. When you accept that truth, that you can't eliminate it you are more capable of responding in an appropriate manner that benefits everyone. If it's someone who you value you should tell them that they hurt you by these words and ask to stop. If it's an ignorant asshole that merely wants to put you down it depends, sometimes you cut them off and ignore, sometimes threaten with measures, sometimes apply measures. It's often difficult to understand when they are an asshole or you just overreact, takes practice. Also it's helpful to not suppress emotions and play it cool, if you're angry - that's for a reason, that's a call that you need to either learn that you overrect or respond appropriately.