Miguel Oliveira

Hy people! Just had the experience that I was trying to get for a long time. I had extreme OCD and depression since 12 but over the years and with the help of some therapists that starting to not be so severe. But that was just me repressing the feelings and emotions and now my "emotional" body is full of blockages that changed the person that I was. From extroverted to a guy that has problems to talk to old ladies. But enough of that I start to search about ways to change this and things like shadow work, bioenergetics, EFT Tapping and many other came before my eyes. One thing that I struggle and I think that by itself is a blockage is that I feel that for me nothing gonna work. I start meditating a year ago but was very shallow, now with more experience I see that that thought and feeling that nothing's gonna work is just an illusion. But getting to the point. Today I decidided to do some shadow work (focusing on feelings and breathing) and the thing that I always wanted happened. I started to feel the emotions (the thing that I believed I never gonna feel cause nothing works for me) and tightness in my body (above the belly button and below the chest) started to appear and I started to vibrate and I just wanted to let it all out, screaming and that. One thing is that I live on a city and with friends at home and I feel a little self concious from doing this and they hearing. What you guys suggest from me to express and let out this when they are at home? Please share here your work on processing emotions and doing this "work" Thanks for everything

Yeah. Like I want to let it all out let's say by screaming, I'm gonna feel a little self counscious about they listening and them they gonna ask questions and all that shit. Here we don't have like forest to go there and scream alone. Is just apartments with people eheh

@aurum yeah I see it. Accepting the fuck ups and then realize that I don't want that. I keep a journal about all things. Like when I feel so bad about my situation I write that and some motivation to grow myself kicks in but after some time that just goes away and I stay the way I was. I see this this last year. I get some motivation then after few days that goes away until the next fuck up ( relationship that fails, trying to be social and feel so much anxiety, being awkward around everyone) and this keeps being my life. I have an issue with commitment. I just feel a huge heavy feeling inside. Commitment for me is pain but I know that is so important. I think that this happen due to past traumas about breaking commitments and making vows that I would never again break another commitment. Now is just a drag for me. Thanks for your comment Aurum. PS: Love your channel!

Hy guys! I'm getting out of a kind of relationship and being present with the emotions and patterns I sense that self love is extremely important. The feelings that I had towards the person were the ego getting validation, kindness, the love that I seek so much. Since my OCD and depression I transform myself from extroverted to super introverd and awkward, so much anxiety. The rush and excitment around love and relationships kinda gonna due to all the traumas that I had towards relationships and now I seek love and attention. The ego saw that the girl loved me and got to attached to her. Mentally the ego said that I loved her but with her I didn't felt that. He liked the attention and love. I told everything to her about the things I went through and I said that the best was for her to continue her life. But now I feel so bad, so sad, so lonely, isn't love but is the attachment from the ego to that girl and the feelings and heaviness in my body are so strong that I feel that I want her and I'm stuck. I just went to Tinder and she just reopen her account after she said to me that she not going to reopen the accoutn. I feel so bad due to the ego attachment but I was the guy that said to her that we break up was the best cause I don't love her and it's just the needy and ego side of me. But the feelings, the sadness are so strong. I know that is the ego and I'm trying to be the observer of the feelings and thoughts. I know that is a process and I'm gonna get it. The most important thing that I take from this experience that I'm going through is to have deep self love. I know internally that If I had self love this would be so different. I would accept that she just want to get a boyfriend. She loved me but I break up. I should be happy for her but the ego doesn't let me, the emotions, feelings don't let me. How you guys develop self love and self acceptance in this situation or another? I feel that I just gonna love really someone once I deeply love myself. Self love isn't a destination but a process. Internally I don't really love myself, I see myself as not like the other people, see myself as different. All my "friendships" are shallow, I feel alone in this world. Sorry for the english!

Hy people!! I´m here to hear your experiences and journey with this kind of work! I'm Miguel from Portugal!! I started to follow Marti's emotional healing guide and since them we have chatted. After 12 I started to get OCD and when I was 16 all my world changed due to a little but so little stress with a girl that hit me in all manners, body, mind, subconscious, hit me without explanation. After that the intelligent, extroverted Miguel turn into a introverted, social anxiety guy that has problems even to talk to a old lady on the grocerie store. Years of pain led me where I AM today, many therapist, hipnoses etc tried to fix me. Then I start to look online for all the questions that I had on my mind. Basicly my mind never stops, never, obsessive.. I started to search about meaning of life and all that things.. Then I really wanted to be the guy that I was with women and started to search about, saw all a comunity of guys that with some "techinques" and mindset have several relationships with girls above our level. I started to research about that and when I start apllying that something in me blocks me.. All that blockages that I have in me pop up and I'm stuck in life.. I can't connect with anyone, all the relationships with my friend are shallow, not like the other people... I saw Martis guide, I'm also going trought Julien Blanc Transformation Mastery and many teachings come to me.. Don't know if you guys are busy but if you can point me out to best manners to resolve this blockages that I have.. I'm finishing college and a part of me wants so bad to connect with people, to be the extroverted guy that I was, to have stories and almost nothing.. I have nothing to talk about this college years, I really want to connect with people but when I'm at parties or even at college I don't know what to talk, my mind gets full, I started getting like things that block my body, I feel super stiffled and nothing comes out and I'm very awkward. Even in college before I had the OCD and all that things that changed me I was the guy that had the best grades of the region and now I don't feel that, I have difficulties to resolve college problems (Software Engineering) and I feel dumb, stuck.. I know that this is all the things that I repressed, all the thing that are stuck in my subconcious and I want to change myself to be more natural, not fake.. I started to enter on "pick-up" cause I was always the guy that attracted girls to is life and loved it but a problem with one girl (very small problem but she mentally manipulated me) change the guy that I was, the OCD that I had got so much worse and then I feel like I had to say sorry to everyone, I made vows that I would never made something bad to a girl and years and years, everyday saying that to myself, putting new beliefs on my subconscious and from an extroverted guy I'm now I guy that is shy to talk about with old ladies. I saw teaching about loving the shadow, not doing the breath work to let go of that emotions, just love them and they will change, other teaching say to let go of that sensations.. If you can share your wisdom with me will be amazing!! Sorry for the rant!! :-P

@Jamie Universe yeah, thanks Jamie!

@Jamie Universe yeah, it makes sense. One thing that I struggle is exactly that, going into groups of people and starting to get new friendships, seems that I can't connect with anyone. I talk to people and they don't connect, the conversation is shallow and doesn't exist that "spark". I see others making the same thing and they immediately connect with new people. I'm part of a group of guys that meet's up to discuss ideas, meeting girls and everyhting is well online, when we meet up I cannot connect, I talked with them but lacks connection, the others talked and created right away a connection.. I even with long time people that I know the relationships are not like the best friends type, they are shallow, conversations don't go deep.. I struggle with this.

@ajasatya yeah

@Shin sometimes I slack off in meditation. Weekly maybe 3-5 times. Yeah. I had just one long term relationship when I was 18 for 9 months with a girl that was always with me since 5 years old. We always had some chemistry and our families had a very good relationship, like they know and wanted for us to get on a relationship

@supremeyingyang Hy, how do you reframed it?

Hy people! I have a quick question for you.. I'm now dating this girl but a recurring thing that hold me back keep appearing.. This thing appeared in all of my relationships and it's a thing that is holding me back from having an amazing relationship. With all the girls that I think I more into to and her feeling the same way, this thought and feelling that "Is this the girl that you want?", "You gonna be stuck with her?", "You're not going to enjoy and have things with other, hotter girls?". Everytime that I see a girl that I perceive as attractive, the feeling that she is better than the girl that I'm dating pops up. This feelings start to get in me and after some time the spark of the relatioship goes away and one more girl that goes away!! This keeps happening time after time, the spark that existed, a day after goes away and I don't feel anything!! CAN YOU GUYS GIVE ME SOME WORD OF ADVICE FOR TRYING TO FIX THIS? Thanks for your time!!

@YaNanNallari yep it's true. Very good point view. I think that the major problem is deep subconscious blockages that I have from my past. I remember when I was a kid saying to myself that I never felt real love to someone (like on the TV shows that I'd watch) and I was always trying to find love in another person. Probably I felt love but the way I thought that love was wasn't the love that I felt!! (mindfuck). I'm seeing some approaches to remove those blockages!! What you think @YaNanNallari ?

Today was my first day in college after summer vacations and it was soo bad.. I started again on a degree that I have some difficult (mainly due to mental blocks), I don't have deep down connections with anyone, even my friends that live with me and are my colleagues in school since almost 10 years ago I don't have that connection that other people have with each other. Here in Portugal there is a , let's say, movement of people that are the ones that initiate the freshmans with all sort of activities, like getting on doggy position (not sexual ahah), screaming out loud, getting to do awkward things, chanting against other colleges and I, when I was a freshman, I almost did end this movement and I would turn as one of the people that initiate the freshmans but my OCD and depression make me 2 weeks before the year ends quit that and now after 3 years of that I see all guys here in that movements, so happy, they have the academic spirit and I just go to the classes and come home. This thing kills me on the inside seeing this guys everyday, everyday and I'm not a part of it. I just imagine when I graduate the regret (i have it so much right now) of not have not been in that groups, hell not had "lived" college.. College is passing by, just one year left and I already have that depression, when the others just want to finish college to earn money and work, and I am here with this war inside of me.. I see in my mind being a social, fun, extroverted, business oriented guy but right now I'm on my bed seeing my college in front of me and have that crying feeling soo rooted in me, all the people enjoying college, making new friends, making connections, learning, making retard things, and I am in my bed feeling empty, feeling that I'm not a human like them, feeling like I'm another type of being, not worthy of getting a job with successfull people, not worthy to talk to the girls that attract me, not worthy of having retard friendships.. This sense of "college is passing by, life is passing by" and one year to graduate I already sense the regret of not having stories, the regret of not had enjoyed, lived college is on me, soo freaking bad, so freaking bad.. Action seems so difficult to take and in my mind excuses like, "You gonna take action but kid, you just have few months before you gonna enter the grow up world, and your childhood that you like so much gonna vanish" appear over and over again. Feelings of the best years on my life had passed by and I didn't enjoyed anything, this kills me so bad, so fucking bad.. I see all the time Youtube videos about Personal Development, I know what I need to do to talk to girls but I can't take action, just can't. Feels like when I'm gonna start my work life after college I can't enjoy life like I can now in college, this fucks me up.. So much anxiety, so much pain..

This post was soo good in the sense that I just entered this forum today to see people that have the same difficulties as me. Today was my first day in college after summer vacations and it was soo bad.. I started again on a degree that I have some difficult (mainly due to mental blocks), I don't have deep down connections with anyone, even my friends that live with me and are my colleagues in school since almost 10 years ago I don't have that connection that other people have with each other. Here in Portugal there is a , let's say, movement of people that are the ones that initiate the freshmans with all sort of activities, like getting on doggy position (not sexual ahah), screaming out loud, getting to do awkward things, chanting against other colleges and I, when I was a freshman, I almost did end this movement and I would turn as one of the people that initiate the freshmans but my OCD and depression make me 2 weeks before the year ends quit that and now after 3 years of that I see all guys here in that movements, so happy, they have the academic spirit and I just go to the classes and come home. This thing kills me on the inside seeing this guys everyday, everyday and I'm not a part of it. I just imagine when I graduate the regret (i have it so much right now) of not have not been in that groups, hell not had "lived" college.. College is passing by, just one year left and I already have that depression, when the others just want to finish college to earn money and work, and I am here with this war inside of me.. I see in my mind being a social, fun, extroverted, business oriented guy but right now I'm on my bed seeing my college in front of me and have that crying feeling soo rooted in me, all the people enjoying college, making new friends, making connections, learning, making retard things, and I am in my bed feeling empty, feeling that I'm not a human like them, feeling like I'm another type of being, not worthy of getting a job with successfull people, not worthy to talk to the girls that attract me, not worthy of having retard friendships.. This sense of "college is passing by, life is passing by" and one year to graduate I already sense the regret of not having stories, the regret of not had enjoyed, lived college is on me, soo freaking bad, so freaking bad.. Action seems so difficult to take and in my mind excuses like, "You gonna take action but kid, you just have few months before you gonna enter the grow up world, and your childhood that you like so much gonna vanish" appear over and over again. Feelings of the best years on my life had passed by and I didn't enjoyed anything, this kills me so bad, so fucking bad.. I see all the time Youtube videos about Personal Development, I know what I need to do to talk to girls but I can't take action, just can't. Feel like when I'm gonna start my work life after college I can't enjoy life like I can now in college, this fucks me up.. So much anxiety, so much pain.. I feel you!!

Hy guys! I want to share a quick thing about how my life is going with this new path of "self help". I was one of the most intellegent kids when I was younger, amazing grades, people "idolatred" me. Since 12 years old I have OCD (the biggest problem is the enormous compulsion to think). OCD started to get worse as the time went on and when I enter in college I had a super breakdown, I was so bad. I went to therapists, hipnosis therapists and nothing could solve it. That was when I started to trying to get answers to everything that I think on the Internet, Actualized.Org was one of the first channels and here I am. Since the college started I had some problems with a discipline that I've already had on high school and I was relative good at it. On college I left that discipline. It was the first discipline that I left and from there I started to feel dumber, with the help of the severe OCD. Since then I started to search the answers for my questions on the Internet about everything in life. Religion, school, relationships, animal care, everything. Right now I'm the the 3rd year in college and I still have dificulties to understand (I know that is so psychological) the concept of Software Enginneering, for now I just have one more year and I just have 1 unfinished discipline but I have to get help from others to pass the disciplines. When I try to make the things for myself I just can't, I feel so stuck, I can't think. Now this feeling is in everything on my life. I feel so much fucking dumber, I'm not the same. I know, I know that this is so psychological but now I have so many, so many layers of "my new reality" on me that I just can't get out of this "new me". Since I started to trying to get the answers from the Internet, everyday I see YouTube videos, on how to do stuff (relationships, business, spirituality) but I feel more dumber. I have the feeling that for everything in life I need others help and this is killing me. I just can't stop and make the things by myself. I feel so overwhelmed and the thought that I have to get help enters on me and I ask for help. I've try to not get help but I'm stuck, I can't do anything. When people help me I see that was so easy but I can't do by myself. I was, and I know that I am intellegent but all of this things made me dumber. I was the guy that could find a solution to a hard problem and now not even to the simple problems in college I can make a solution without asking for help!! Self help made me dumber?! How can I break this fucking, soo deep psychological blocks that I have? I feel that, with this so many layers of my "new reality" I just can't be who I was. I feel that I have to be this dumber guy that needs help for fucking everything. It seems so, so difficult to get back to the person that I was. Sorry about the rant. Not everyone gonna read this but the ones that get here if you can share your insights and ways to "help (again?)" me getting through this it would be amazing. PS: I'm portuguese, sorry about my English!!

@ajasatya I talked about PUA as an example. Example to change myself on the deepest way. On the surface we can change for a bit but then after some time the rooted paradigms come up and control the situation. This is the research that I'm making in order to change the deep beliefs, paradigms that were put on me as the time went on.

Hy guys! I'm trying to change deeply who I am. I see RSD videos about pick-up and that things and I deeply resonate with one thing. I can appear to be cool, to be funny, to be "high-status" and get the girl but that was just a mask, deep down I don't feel deserving of that girl, I don't feel deserving to be high-status, I don't feel deserving to have a successfull business cause I see myself has different from everyone AND with this I can get sex that night, hell I can be on a relationship with her but soon she will go cause the real "me" that I projected for myself, the "me" with all the blocks on the mind, with all of the limits are still there, she just saw my mask! THIS IS THE THING THAT I WANNA CHANGE, I WANNA NOT "SEEM" SUCCESSFULL, GROUNDED, ALPHA, CALM, FEARLESS, AMBITIOUS, I WANNA "BE" SUCCESSFULL, GROUNDED, ALPHA, CALM, FEARLESS, AMBITIOUS, NOT TAKING SHIT FROM ANYONE. Now I make sense of how all the childhood beliefs that were put on me, all the vows, all that things change and keep on changing the person who I am. Right now I don't feel normal, I don't feel like I deserve to have a business, I feel dumber than when I was young (was the top student), I feel like I'm not part of this world. I changed so much from being extroverted and an happy guy to know being introverted, to have fear to even go to groceries store by myself. I see so many programs, so many things that are the "pill" for you to deeply change, to reprogram yourself to be high status, to be successfull in all areas of life BUT with so much information they don't fucking say what his the most effective, the most important and the one that absolutely changes you forever. I'm here making this post for you guys, if you don't mind, share with me the best program, the best thing to deeply change yourself to success in all areas in life and get out from you all the things that shapped you that you know that are stopping you from getting the results and life that you want. I know that I have so many blocks to get out, I see programs of Tony Robbins (NLP), Julien Blanc(shadow work) and many other but I don't know what is the best for me to change effectively what I am right now, the new "me", the "me" that was changed by time and by circuntances. People if you can share with me the best programs to take, the best things to do this I would be extremely thankful. Thanks!

Portugal

@Nahm Many thanks!!!

@Arkandeus amazing point of view!! Thanks!

@d0ornokey amazing!! Gonna read the book! Thanks :-P

Hy @Nahm!! I play basketball, right now I'm gonna start on the gym. About meditation I slack of so much. I try to get the willpower to do it but I do it for 2 days and then 1 month coming with mental excuses to not do it. I live with 5 friends with just 2 rooms and is very difficult to get on a room without getting disturbed. Diet is one thing I'm considering.

Hy people. I saw yesterday's Leo's video and the question that probably can't be answered arises again. I was born on a very christian circle and the idea of Heaven/Hell is deeply rooted in me. On yesterday episode Leo said that he don't know, there are cases of people that had NDE (near dead experiences) and some said that they felt one withe everything, others felt some pain, like going on deep waters, but not everyone said the same thing. There were similarities but not everyone get the same experience. I've made some research on this years cause with the OCD that I had I tried to be sure that when we die the punishment of our deeds doesn't happen. I've encountered many explanations like, we are all one and we are energy and we gonna float on the void, others like Alan Watts saying that just as we can't remember anything before we are born, after we die is the same thing. Then we have others like religions, Egiptians saying that we gonna be judge and you go where you deserve. I just don't want to believe in this last idea cause, what is the purpose of having a judgement? I know that if some of us were just like Hitler the most normal thing for us to think is that he deserved Hell but the idea that we have some type of "thing" following us, and then when we are dead judge us, and let us have another opportunity (reborn), or go to hell or simply go to heaven. This is a very personal topic for me. If you guys can discuss here all your ideas and researches about this would be amazing! Thanks!!

thanks!!

@PetarKa thanks!!