youngshinzen

@Igor82 To me it feels like emotional purging. I get in tune with the emotional need and try to follow it without resistance and judgement. I also want to understand what it symbolizes for me. Same process as connecting to my inner child. You could say it‘s connecting to the inner wiener. As long as there is still an emotional desire, there will be a cognitive dissonance and a shadow. For example, I don‘t feel the desire to think about stuff with refined sugar anymore. I was able to see the direct connection between the consumption and lack of feelings the next day. But for now, I don‘t -fully- see a direct negative effect of fantasizing. You seem to have experienced it already.

@Vitamine Water Yes, but during meditation I force myself to sit down and not move. Also with thoughts it‘s not as intense as watching vids. If I think about it on purpose, there‘s not this kick I get when doing it in a forbidden context. And those thoughts will come either way.

Day5: 6/10, 255 words woke up, but kept on sleeping, because that's the only thing I allow myself to do before writing adding a rule for studying for an exam: have to study before meditating. meditating daily is a MUST, so I can lock studying between the thesis and meditation

@Vitamine Water What helps me is to take out a certain amount of time in my meditation to consciously think about the dirtiest stuff possible until the emotional desire and attachment to these visual thoughts is lessened. After that I'm much more able to focus on something I want. Like boobs for example.

Day24: 5/10 body feels soft

Day4: 4/10, 230 words writing process was fluent

Day23: 5/10

@non_nothing Yeah, I‘m starting to get used to less intense workouts. But the amount of effort is proportional to the problematic symptoms. @rabbitat I’ve already seen a cardiologist, but he didn’t find anything significant. But I‘ll have a closer look at that issue and maybe check in with him a second time. Thank you! @Gabriel Antonio Mh, don‘t think so. Just doing what the person on the screen tells me to? It‘s those quick cyberobic workouts.

Day3: 7/10, 345 words I was able to do 1/2 page, but then I hit an obstacle. My mind was blocked, body even more tense and I couldn‘t understand a thing I read Started to have a conversation with my inner child. It felt helpless and I asked what it doesn‘t understand. I slowly explained it and was able to keep going

I want to unlearn procrastination and use rewards as positive reinforcement for getting stuff done. It will be documented here: Besides my personal interests, what are healthy ways to reward myself for small and big goals?

Day22: 6/10

Day2: 3/10, 210 Words

A few days ago, I met with a girl and we mostly talked, but also hugged for quite a long time inbetween, which felt nice. When I left I tried to observe what I feel and it was this nice, respectful, friendly and loving emotion, but nothing deep. While on the train a few minutes later I recognized an emotion that told me, I‘m already afraid of losing her. The next few days she was increasingly on my mind and I started thinking about a future with her. This lead to intense pressure and self-doubt. Before and while I met with her I was really content with being single, I didn‘t aim for anything more than that. So where do these thoughts of needing her in my life come from? Why is she such a strong mirror? And how can I use this mirror effectively without it destroying me?

Day21: 1/10

Day1: 4/10, 313 words

@Emerald Ok, so the simplest example would be to realize that everytime I sit down and finish one task, I‘m strenthening the muscle/neural pathway and am more in control of my mind, like focusing on the breath during meditation - which is the skill I probably find most important. Quantification: How hard was it to focus and execute 1-10? The higher the points the more “weights I have moved“. Something like that?

Day20: 8/10

@Sahil Pandit

Day19: 1/10

Day18: 8/10

Day17: 7/10

@Michael569 Ok thanks @Martin123 You‘re probably right, thank you

Day16: 5/10

@Michael569 How can the coffee unsuitability be tested? And how can I boost the nervous system? A few years ago I had a psychosis and since then my stress tolerance is lower. I saw the nephrologist and he said that the kidneys seem to be fine (ultrasound and urine test for protein). I have all the symptoms you mentioned to varying degrees, except spontaneous movements. Regarding addisons desease, I‘m not aware of close relatives that have had this problem.

@Michael569 Physically, there‘s a lot of pressure in my body, mostly in the chest and upper back. It feels like screaming and punching would help. I had the same feeling when I used to drink coffee or coke until a few months ago, which I don‘t anymore because of this effect. Blood pressure is alright though. On a mental level I get triggered easily and fall out of balance instead of being relaxed or grounded.