Emerald

I still don't see what the disagreement is. The point of dating is to filter out most people. That's the entire point of the advice is to get really good at sorting. Sort the 99% that doesn't work and isn't compatible to find the 1% that is. And the rest of it is just exactly what I'm saying... or even if not explicitly said, doesn't contradict in any way with what I'm saying.

I think the main thing you're trying to say is that my advice will filter out "marriage guys". But it absolutely won't. That is part of the sorting process for the woman to vet guys based off of longterm compatibility on more than just crushy feelings... and to say no to men who are wishy washy and not that into her. And when you prioritize WHAT you want as the priority, you will naturally pull your energy off of him and back onto yourself and your own boundaries and standards... which gives him space to pursue you and invest in you to earn your appreciation, which is what helps the seeds of love grow for him. That's why I see, "Is he putting in over half of the effort in the courtship process?" as a good litmus test for if he's invested. The things that a lot of women end up doing (and before I learned these things, I did this a TON), is to feel really intense emotions toward a particular guy and begin investing in him and trying to win him over... and sacrificing her boundaries in order to make the relationship work with him. It's really easy for a woman to choose one specific guy who she sees as THE guy for her... and then starting to chase him and pursue him based on potential... and putting him on a pedestal. And that gives him no space to invest or pursue. And that kills it with a guy who does have the seeds of love. And it keeps around low investment situationship guys who just want to hang around and get easy sex.

Yes, if men have the seeds of love for you... those seeds will grow over time. And you can help them grow with the advice in Princess Arabia's video about allowing him to invest and allowing space for his inner child. But if a man does not have the seeds of love for you... there is simply nothing there to grow. The reality is that a man knows quite quickly who he sees as a serious prospect for a longterm romantic relationship and who he will never see in that light... even if she is attractive to him and he likes her as a friend. And a lot of guys look for easygoing low-investment female companionship but will never want to put labels on things or go deeper. And that is what my advice helps women avoid.

It's all observation and experience. My advice is about avoiding low investment situationships... and knowing your boundaries. And through knowing your boundaries you create more space for the man to invest and pursue. There's nothing crazy about this advice. It's pretty straightforward and it works because the greatest power a woman has in finding a good partner is the power of no... and learning to say no to what isn't good for her. Perhaps (if I'm understanding you correctly) you originally felt wishy washy about your partner and didn't feel like you were that into her and saw her as a situationship that you didn't take seriously as a longterm relationship prospect... but over time you grew to fall in love with her? Did I get that right? If not, there's ZERO reason to be arguing with my advice... as it is specifically about weeding out guys that aren't that into you and who don't actually see you as a real relationship prospect. If a guy's not that into you in the beginning... he's going to continue to not be that into you in the future. And you don't want to wast 10 years of your life in an anxiety-producing and unsatisfying situationship where you only ever get breadcrumbs.

I recommend checking out Feminine energy-based dating coaches like Adrienne Everheart, Helena Hart, Rori Raye, Matthew Hussey, Mike Rosenbaum, and the guy whose video you sent me earlier. While every individual has their requirements and deal-breakers, it's not very effective for women to do this kind of calculus as it shifts her mindset out of the Feminine selector role... and has her questioning her value, feeling more insecure, and scarce because "Oh no. What if I get percentages deducted?" This calculus is ultimately counterproductive as the woman must stay in her Feminine frame as the Beloved and ask "Does he fit with me?" instead of being concerned about "Oh no. My score is low. Will he have me?" As a woman, you get what you're willing to tolerate. And if you feel like you're a low value partner, you will tolerate a lot out of desperation... and you'll be unlikely to pair with a man who does value you in particular. But men DO NOT grow to fall in love with you. They're into you or they aren't. They are not persuadable.

Most men aren't consciously looking for marriage as marriage curtails sexual freedom which doesn't appeal to the average man... but will want to marry his partner if he falls in love with her. So, the majority of men aren't interested in marriage until they feel like they've actually found their Beloved. What I would ask you is... are you more motivated by a desire for marriage itself because you just want to get married and you're vetting for someone who pragmatically fits as a lifetime partner? Or are you more motivated by your feelings of love for your specific partner and a desire to spend your life with her in particular? I recommend that women select for the latter as it makes for a more secure and intimate relationship.

My advice is 100% aligned with all the advice in this video... especially the parts about avoiding putting him up on a pedestal, avoiding emasculating behavior, and avoiding the instant relationship scenario. When you lean back as a woman and rest in the Feminine Beloved mode and give him space to pursue and to invest... instead of putting him up on a pedestal and trying to woo him and chase him and give to him like he's the Feminine Beloved, like women frequently make the mistake of doing... he is able to feel appreciated for the efforts he's putting in. And allowing him to invest more in you in the courtship process is about avoiding over-giving and keeping yourself in the receiver role... and then expressing gratitude and appreciating the investments he makes in you so that he gets to feel like a man and that he can play a positive role in your life. That is why I recommend a slight imbalance during courtship where he's putting in over half of the effort. Not only does it help you avoid putting too much energy into a guy who will never be that into you. It also gives the man the ability to step into the Masculine Lover role. Like in the part of the video where he was talking about the woman who tells the guy "You're perfect"... that is a woman who is over-investing her energy in a guy and trying to give to him like SHE would like to be given to. And it's a subtle way to try to control and to have that behavior reciprocated. And when a woman does this, it's just like the example of the woman stepping in and fixing the thing because she knows she can do it better than the guy... only with regard to the courtship itself. When there are subtle attempts to control and manipulate a reciprocal response (even if she is unaware she is doing that), it will send the message "You're doing the courtship wrong. I can do it better than you." This is also true when women nag a man to invest more. It's emasculating and gives him a sense that there is no space for him to invest as he is and be appreciated for what he can bring to your life.

I've watched plenty of this guy's content. He's got great advice. Is there anything in this video in particular you're trying to draw my attention to?

I have a few questions... How old are you? Have you ever felt like you wanted to marry a woman? Have you ever been in love with a woman? How appealing do you find the idea of marriage in general? And how much of a priority is finding a serious relationship and getting married at this juncture in your life? Now, I'm going to make some assumptions about you... which is always dangerous because I could be assuming incorrectly. My assumption is that you're a young guy under the age of 26 who has never been in a serious relationship with a woman nor felt the desire to commit deeply to a specific woman over the longterm. And I also assume that that isn't a high priority for you right now because of your age... and that your focus in more invested in getting better at meeting women and attracting women, rather than finding a longterm partner. If my assumptions are correct, then everything that I've said will probably feel unrelatable to you. And that makes sense from your perspective as you're focusing on a totally different type of dynamic that's more based in the attraction phase of relationships. This advice around investment I'm giving is more for the range of a couple months into dating.

Usually, when a man is low investment he will say things like "I don't want to put labels on anything". But overall, they just show a lack of effort to be present and connect because of their lukewarm feelings for the woman. You clearly don't understand what I'm saying because perhaps you haven't fallen in love with a woman before. First off, like 80% of men are marriage guys (probably more tbh). They just don't think about themselves that way until they meet a woman that they feel strongly enough about. Most guys find the idea of marriage kind of meh. But if he falls in love with a woman, he will want to commit himself to her. But neither male nor female players have anything to do with this dynamic. Players are low investment guys who will not invest in you beyond getting sex or breadcrumbing you with intermittent reinforcement tricks to keep you strung along on the hook and excited/anxious to ensure continued access to sex. And it isn't about playing a man. It's quite the opposite. It's about securing a compatible longterm partner that you have chemistry with that you can be happy with longterm... who also reciprocates your level of investment in the relationship. But men DO NOT decide on marriage partners practically... unless they are super attached to the idea of getting married because of social pressures or external factors. And I recommend steering clear of guys who are approaching a relationship from that vantage point, because they don't really want the relationship with you from an intrinsic Lover-based frame of mind. If a man wants to spend his life with a particular woman it's 100% about how he feels about her. And if he feels strongly he will invest. And if he doesn't feel strongly, he won't put in much effort and he won't want to put labels on things or go deeper. He will just enjoy the sex and female companionship without the deeper feelings. And if a woman doesn't sort him, she will waste years of her life trying to anxiously get him to invest more and care more... while getting bare-minimum treatment.

Yes, it's important to be the one doing less in the courtship process because it gives him more space to pursue and give... which will help the deeper bonding process. So, if the woman leans back and this gives men space to invest, give, and pursue, this enables two things.... It enables men to feel more deeply bonded to the woman, as investing is how men grow more connected to a woman and to realize his love for her. It enables the seeds of love to grow in his heart. The men who are interested will try to fill in the space with pursuit and investment... and low-investment men who don't have the seeds of love for a woman... and who aren't interested in pursuing anything serious will not make efforts. And this enables women to sort out men who are NOT interested in something deep and serious.

I actually watched that one yesterday. I really think that Men's Lib and healing around these dynamics in this video is the next phase of collective healing relative to Masculine and Feminine dynamics.

If you think this is Disney stuff or Rom com stuff, you're fundamentally misunderstanding the dynamic that I'm talking about. And you have an idea in your mind that's totally different from what I'm talking about. The investment that I speak of is a very common dynamic that arises in couples when a man really wants to make things work with a woman for a serious longterm relationship... where he will put in consistent effort to make things work. And it's not something that is easily faked because it is consistent subtle action taken over the course of months. So, it's not lovebombing or overtly romantic or applying player-like tricks to get something from a woman... which is what I think that you think I'm talking about. It's just consistent effort being put in over time... like showing up, texting, calling, setting up dates, trying to contribute to the woman's life and wellbeing, etc. It's all very steady and doesn't require anything particularly extravagant. And the average man will naturally do this when he's seriously interested in a woman.

I think you're misunderstanding what I'm saying because there's nothing unrealistic or fantastical about this. Men naturally want to invest his efforts in a woman he wants something serious and longterm with. Men will want to help you, impress you, and add to your life as that is part of pursuit when a man is really interested in you as a person. I've been with low-investment guys and it creates lots of insecurities and questions... and you have to ask "Where do we stand?" often. And I've been with and I am currently with a guy who invests a lot in me. And there's a sense of security and ease because he shows me often that he values me and invests time, money, and energy into being with me and helping me and making my life better. So, I already have this. It's not unrealistic at all. You're imagining something fantastical and overly romantic when this is something that's very common in healthy man/woman relationships. And men who really want to be with you will put in lots of effort to make the relationship happen and to add to your life.

There can be times to communicate about that and check in to get on the same page. But it should be really clear from his actions whether he's investing or not. It's really evident whether the effort is there or isn't. And if you feel like unsure or like you need to ask often, it's already a bad sign because your uncertainty is likely coming from an intuition that he's not truly invested.

How do you mean?

After a few months, if you're unclear about his intentions, you should ask him something like "Where do you see this going?" Number one, if you have to ask... it's already iffy because you're probably asking because he's not investing as much as you'd like him to. But if he answers anything lukewarm or wishy washy, you should break it off and find someone else.

As someone who used to operate fully off of "only the feelings matter" assumption, I can say that it comes from putting too much meaning into feelings of chemistry because of how profound they feel and how much it opens you up to passion, creativity, and feelings of aliveness. Like it is incredibly exhilarating, heart opening, and expansive to awaken the Masculine lover... and it can be very inspiring and softening. It's actually great to channel the Masculine Lover into creativity because you have a muse to worship. This defaulting to Masculine Lover mode was largely the case in the past because I was previously pretty monogamous with my feelings of chemistry in the past where I would hyper-focus on one off-limits guy that I would have feelings for longterm. And there would be so much meaning attached to it and so much inspiration to impress him and woo him. Nowadays I recognize that I have chemistry with many men and that those feelings of chemistry don't mean very much. But when I was super monogamous with my attractions because of societal conditioning and slut-shaming... and an attachment to monogamous romanticization, all of that intensity of Masculine Lover mode was getting laser-focused towards just one man at a time. So, it was hyper-concentrated and potent in one direction... and really opened up deeper expressions of devotion, appreciation, and gratitude towards life, as that is what awakening the Masculine Lover does. But although these feelings are great for creative inspiration and making love to life itself... I don't recommend choosing a partner based off of these feelings as you are only falling in love with your own Masculine side you see projected upon the object of your affections, and not the man in front of you. So, a lot of this crushy longing for a given man is actually a call towards deeper Masculine integration within yourself... and not an indication that this is the man that you're meant to be with. And it misattributes the awakening of the Lover within to the person who simply triggered the Lover within. To shift into the Feminine, it's important to realize that the joie de vivre you feel when those crushy feelings awaken towards the image of a man is your own Masculine joie de vivre and doesn't have to do with him. Then, you can integrate the Masculine and rest in your Feminine because you realize that your inner lover only loves you... because you are your own Beloved to your Inner Masculine side. And once you integrate the Masculine instead of seeking it in the other, you're able to bring discernment into your romantic choices and to be in the Feminine role that feels good to you in a relationship.

That's exactly what I mean. A man falls in love when he invests and helps. So, if the woman is putting in all the effort to contact the guy and set up dates and trying to woo him by giving him sex, cooking for him, cleaning for him, etc... then she is in Masculine mode. And that will repel a guy because it gives him no space to pursue and invest. That's why it's a bad sign if you feel those really crushy feelings towards a guy... because that's what it feels like when the Masculine lover awakes in you. And it's so hard not to over-give and chase from that emotional frame. So, it's important that the guy invest more during the courtship phase.... and to continue giving him space to help and give and invest during the relationship as well. Men fall in love when they put in more effort to woo you and win you over.

These expectations are actually really realistic for finding a regular guy who is compatible with you and who is looking for the type of relationship you want to have. And they work best if you have realistic expectations for your male partner and your relationship more generally. And there is nothing romanticized or "pie in the sky" about this... as guys from chick flicks don't exist. And even if they did, I would personally sort them from consideration because that's not appealing to me and not what I'm looking for in a partner. I would not be happy longterm with Mr. Perfect... nor would most women. And that's true even for women who enjoy chick flicks or who believe they would like such a guy. But the entire point of this advice is to eliminate 99% of options that don't work for you so that you find a good match who is willing to invest in you longterm. It's repelling and sorting 99% of the options you have so that you can find the 1% within those options that will fit in your life. It's like getting a whole bunch of applications and using a process of elimination to find the best candidate for you. Like if you know of 20 guys that you consider to have romantic partner potentials who you have chemistry with... you want to pick the 1 out of those 20 who fits best with the kind of life and relationship dynamic you would feel content with longterm by considering factors like compatibility, fatherhood potential, lifestyle, longterm happiness potential, and lack of dealbreakers.

You're welcome!

When a man is serious about a woman, he will invest in the courtship process and want to lock the woman down. It will be a high priority for him to do the legwork necessary to orchestrate things. And if a man is serious about marriage in general, he's going to be very specific about who he chooses for that... and he will invest in that woman he can see himself spending the rest of his life with. But if a man who's interested in marriage doesn't see the woman he's dating as his Beloved, he will just move on to find his Beloved. So, it isn't about players versus marriage guys (though it's important to sort out players too). It's about sorting out guys that are attracted to you enough to sleep with you and get into a situationship with you... but who will never truly awaken his lover for you and invest in or see you as his Beloved. The problem that women run into is that they get attached to low investment situationship guys from a misconception of thinking "I will win him over" or "He will grow to reciprocate my feelings in time". And then they try to woo him and nag him to get him to invest in her. But men know very quickly whether a woman is someone they really want to pursue something serious with or whether she is just an attractive girl that he'd like to spend some time with and have sex with. And if you're in the latter category, you'd be wise to recognize it as quickly and possible and break things off. And the first tell you can pick up on is by asking yourself the question, "How much effort is he putting in to connect with me relative to how much effort I'm putting in to connect with him?" And if he isn't putting in at least 51% of that effort... it's a sign that he's not very serious about you. Here are some funny skits that lampoon this very common dynamic that women can end up in with low-investment partners who feel lukewarm about them...

You're welcome!

Thank you!

What I was talking about is the competition that many men feel with the Masculinity of the societal structure itself... and the desire to erode social orders and tear down societal progress in order to re-establish a more rudimentary society that has less Masculine development and therefore more of a need for men to feel burdened to match up to Godlike roles because of the romanticization of those roles. So, there is an unconscious jealousy many men feel towards Masculine systems (like governments and institutions) and a tendency to want to erode away the Masculine progress we've collectively made over the past several thousand years. But I did not say that Masculinity is about men investing in women and being a paternal provider. Masculinity is far beyond its function within man/woman relationships... as is Femininity. Masculinity is systems, algorithms, technology, forward movement, expansion, growth, intellect, abstraction, geometry, initiation, etc. My advice in the other thread is specifically geared towards help women secure a good partner. So, I recommended asking the questions "Would I be able to be happy with him longterm?" and "Would he make a good father?" But that doesn't necessarily mean that he has to specifically want to be a father... nor does it mean that the woman necessarily wants to be a mother. It's just a really important question to ask if you're going to consider inviting a man into your life. But most women do tend to prefer their male partners to take the lead in some ways. But the expectation is typically subtle and reasonable, as most women also want a partner who is her equal. She may want a guy who's a little taller than her, a little stronger than her, a little older than her, and who makes a little bit more money than her. But unless she comes from a poor background, most women do not desire a super intense imbalance... just a more subtle deferential. So, women generally do not have Godlike expectations of men. Most women's expectations are pretty realistic. But there are tons of arbitrary Masculine expectations that tend to be enforced in popular culture and more juvenile Masculine circles where it's like "NEVER SHOW A WEAKNESS EVER OR YOU'RE A WORTHLESS PUSSY BITCH THAT WOMEN WILL NEVER FUCK!" And that is an intonation of the type of thing that used to be adaptive where men would police the Feminine out of men... but is now arbitrary and maladaptive. It's just needless stress and shame towards basic human vulnerability.