Emerald

Yeah. definitely. I've had some degree of this age issue, since around the time I turned 21. And I've always had insecurities regarding my femininity, sexuality, and attractiveness... even when I was a child. So, it's a pretty deep issue. I've thought and theorized a lot on the subject. But these understandings, don't seem to really help me surpass the attachment. Oddly enough, (other than my ego-transcendence experiences) the biggest relief I had regarding this insecurity was right after my 17th birthday. I had gone to a three day festival concert in Central Florida, and got sun poisoning that left my face swollen and disfigured for a few days. My eyes were almost swolen shut and the bridge of my nose was three times as thick as it normally is. I looked like I had elephantitis of the face. I was a negative 5 on the attractiveness scale, and I knew it. All the pressure of having to be attractive was gone because there was just no semblance of attractiveness to my face. I didn't like it, on one hand. But it was liberating in a way.

This is great to know. I've been in phase one before. Phase two, I have been struggling through because phase one was achieved artificially.

My Enneagram type is 9 (peacemaker), with a secondary emphasis on 2 and 3 (I forget which these are). But I'm speaking specifically about getting rid of the attachment and not necessarily rationally understanding where it comes from. I think this trait likely comes from a mix of instinct, social conditionings, traumas, personal identity, and practical concerns. I've rationalized a lot about it. But I find this type of thinking unhelpful in letting go of the attachment. But I do appreciate your input.

For me, there have been several insights that have cleared a path for me. Number one, all actions are taken to move toward positive emotions and away from negative emotions. Number two, emotions are reactions to thoughts. Number three, I don't control my thoughts. Number four, I am not my thoughts. Number five, I don't choose the content of my thoughts. Number six, if it isn't a sight, sound, feeling, taste, smell, or thought (the sensation, not the content) being experienced in the present moment, it is the content of a thought and is therefore not the Truth. Number seven, beliefs reside in the content of a thought. Number eight, the past and the future are only the content of a thought.

I recommend setting a goal of sleeping with 10 women, and see how you feel afterward. When I was 20, I had a promiscuous jag that lasted only a couple months. I am a woman, so this was very easy to achieve. So, the thrill of conquest just isn't there, because (generally speaking) most men are easy and don't really have high standards for who they sleep with. There's no challenge or self-esteem boost that comes with it, like a man might have when sleeping with an attractive woman. Plus, society tends to frown more on women exploring their sexuality in that way. So, my experiences may be very different from yours. But I had just gotten out of a 4 year relationship with my very first boyfriend, so I wanted to experience what it was like to be with different partners. So, making up for lost time, I slept with six men. The first time or two it was exciting but lost meaning quickly afterward. I'm glad for the experience because I now know what it is like, and I know that I don't want it. Now that I am married, I don't have to wonder what it would be like. So, you might find yourself in the same position after having had a good handful of partners. It's really not that much fun and it becomes a shallow enjoyment... at least from my experience. But I wouldn't set a goal of sleeping with 100 women. That feels pretty neurotic, and like you'd be having sex to feel a sense of worth and to improve self-esteem. From this mindset, it's going to feel a bit depressing. If you want to do it, do it for enjoyment and experience, not for notches on your belt. So, my recommendation is to focus on your studies, but also experiment whenever the opportunity strikes. I see no reason why you shouldn't do both.

Well, Tolle speaks from a state of wisdom, that is paradoxical an ever-changing. So, it would be difficult to pin down, because he speaks from experience. But if I were to try, he talks about being in the present moment and that the only moment is now. I would say that this is the core of his personal philosophy regarding his enlightenment. He mentioned in an interview that he'd been struggling with depression and that he reached enlightenment by thinking the thought "I can't live with myself any longer." Then he thought 'Who is the I and who is the myself?' When he woke up, he had reached enlightenment.

Significance (or lack thereof) is a concept that people use to label things as important v. non-important. It helps us rationalize the world and make meaning out of things. It's a human labeling mechanism to help us keep our experiences small and understandable. I was being a bit tongue in cheek, telling Leo that becoming a Yogi isn't significant because Yogis are breaking away from ideas of significance to embrace what's true. But literally, being a Yogi doesn't have any more significance than being a grocery store clerk. That said, if positive emotion is what you seek (which it is whether you realize it or not) being a yogi and seeking enlightenment is the most effective and efficient way to get it. But it would be a trap to think becoming a Yogi is significant in the grand scheme of things or to think that being a Yogi makes a person more significant in some way. Because significance is imaginary, it would be like arguing about which of our imaginary friends drive a nicer car. It's mine... of course. But it doesn't change the fact that significance is imaginary.

It strengthens its defenses.

Exactly. Only it doubles down. I had a strong ego before my experiences. Now I have a weak ego, that I'm trying to build back up mindfully in hopes of transcending it.

People who judge others for being crazy, are afraid of seeming crazy themselves. Just remember that your friend's and family's insecurity, had nothing to do with reality but an emotional response on their part. Be brave to make your life better. Insecure people judge others for deviating from the norm... which scares more people into conformity who then judge others from deviating from the norm... which scares more people into conformity... and so on and so on. It's a vicious cycle. Don't let yourself get hemmed into it. Just trust your emotions and critically thinking mind to make the right decision about what's right for you. Don't drink any Koolaid, and you should be fine.

Not so. Everything is fools gold... even being a yogi. Significance only exists in the human mind.

Ayahuasca had this effect on me, and I came out of the experience with a completely new world-view. I never tried any other psychedelic substance, but I can't imagine that it would be as profound. I went in expecting funny colors and sights, and came out with a direct experience of the truth beyond the ego. It was profound, but not permanent. But at least it got me thinking in this direction.

I would say that this would be problematic. I had two experiences where I transcended my ego as a result of trying Ayahuasca. They were amazing because I was unafraid of death and I realized that I was deeply connected with everything that is. My consciousness expanded to include everything and I had a deep feeling of enmeshment with all that was. It was amazing. The issue no is that I have a memory of those experiences, and a memory is a thought. So, my ego doubles down in some ways to prevent this experience from happening again. I also have extra biases and prejudices in relation to the concept of enlightenment that I'm having to work through. I think if the technology was permanent, this would be amazing. Humanity would become so much more humane. But if it were temporary, people would run into the same issues as I mentioned in my message to Lorenzo Engel above. I often have issues with depression/anxiety now because, through contrast with those experiences, everything is a struggle. Everything was always a struggle before then too, only now I'm acutely aware that I'm struggling. Before I could lie to myself that I was happy. So, temporary enlightenment is something that I don't recommend for most people, even though it was good in the sense that it showed me that enlightenment was worth pursuing. I was also very spiritually skeptical, atheist leaning, and closed minded about anything relating to god and not backed by science, prior to my experiences. I wouldn't have even wanted to look into enlightenment had it not been for those experiences. So, I guess you could say that I have nuanced feelings.

I've heard of these other micro-senses before. Either way, you can pare down your experience to senses and thoughts.

Mechanically, size doesn't matter that much, unless he's super tiny. A man can have a larger penis and be terrible in bed, while a man with an average sized penis can be a great lover. However, I can't deny that I have an aesthetic preference for men with larger penises. They look better to me, and it's a nice surprise because I can't help but relate it to dominance and masculinity. But if I like a guy enough to go to bed with him, I'll probably just be happy to have his attention and mutual attraction. I will never balk at an average sized man because it looks normal. Also, a smaller penis is unlikely to kill my attraction to someone, even though it isn't my preference. This is because the penis is the last thing a woman sees, and if she likes you enough to go to bed with you, your penis isn't likely to kill her attraction unless it's barely there. If he is really tiny, I wouldn't like it because some things sexually require a certain amount of leverage. So, if a guy isn't at least close to average, it would limit certain sexual possibilities. But I would probably find a way to get over it, if I really like him. So, a man with a large penis has only an ever-so-slight advantage over a man with an average sized penis. Both large and average sized guys have an advantage over men who are small. But penis size is highly unlikely to be an attraction killer. Now, if men didn't wear pants in daily life, I'm sure that penis size might mean a lot more attraction-wise because that would become a determining factor of attraction. But since that isn't the case, a woman gets attracted a long time before she ever sees it. So, unless there's some sort of abnormality, her attraction isn't likely to go away because a guy has a smaller-than-average penis.

You will learn to create in the way that children do, only with the skills and talents that adulthood has helped you develop. All things that aren't genuine will drop away effortlessly. Keep in mind that all of the egoic positive feelings that you had were only relatively effective solutions to the ego's problems. The main positive emotion they ever offered was relief. Pure inspiration and joy will come in its place, as you transcend the ego. But to offer a word of caution, it's important to recognize that the belief that you're 80% enlightened is still a belief. It is the content of a thought. Thus it isn't the Truth. I recommend adopting the idea that you don't know if you're enlightened or not. Just seek Truth and practice non-resistance and unconditional acceptance of the present moment. Then see what happens, without preconceived notions. If you have to force yourself to give up your ego or any of the other perceived positives that come from the egoic perspective, it isn't enlightenment. Be as egoic as you like on the way to enlightenment, but be mindful as you go about your day. Be aware of your thoughts and how they weave and re-weave your self-concept. Don't resist ego. It is part of reality. Accept it. If you feel like you want to feel the emotions associated with having a strong ego, it still means that ego is in effect, and that's 100% okay. To feel a negative way about getting rid of the ego, means that you are resisting ego, and resistance is the opposite of enlightenment. Practice love toward the ego. When you truly transcend ego, the concerns you're sharing now will be completely irrelevant. All that will be left is pure unconditional love of what is. So, nix the idea of progress toward enlightenment and put aside your fears, and apply 'Truth-seeking' and 'unconditional acceptance of what is.'

Thoughts are real but the content of the thought is not. A thought is a sensation that carries a particular type of content. The issue with thoughts is that we get caught in the content like a fly caught in a spider web. We get too involved with it... we judge it, we identify with it, we agree/disagree with it, etc. Our human experience is comprised of six things within the field of awareness: thoughts, sights, sounds, sensations, tastes, and smells. There is also pure awareness but that awareness can't be aware of itself. So, thoughts are one of the pillars of our subjective reality. They are real, but the content is not. You are not your thoughts. You do not control your thoughts. You do no cause your thoughts. You cannot steer your thoughts in any direction. You are not responsible for thinking. You are not a thinker. Thoughts just arise within the field of awareness. You have as little control over thoughts as you have over the contents of your visual field or any other sensation. So, an important step toward enlightenment is to truly disidentify with thoughts.

I'm not a big music listener anymore, but I like a variety of different styles. I like progressive rock, grunge, mainstream music from the 70's. I also like Bossa Nova, Jazz, Trip-Hop, Burlesque-type music, although I wouldn't be able to point out any particular artists. I kind of pick through music piecemeal. The only bands I've showed extended interest in, to where I know of most of their songs is Alice in Chains and Tool. I used to be really into music though before because it really contributed to my self-concept as a teenager, so I've seen a bunch of bands. My favorites were Disturbd, Rob Zombie, and Alice in Chains (unplugged and post Layne Staley). I have a soft spot for heavy rock because it feels empowering to me.

Thanks. Nice to find a fellow lover of all that's bizarre.

Look at people like Steve Buscemi. He isn't an attractive man, but people love his appearance because it is a reflection of his interesting personality. I recommend coming to terms with your unattractiveness by learning to love the way you look. It doesn't mean you have to think you're attractive, but you have to cultivate an appreciation for how you do look. Embrace your character. Think of your unattractiveness as a positive because it is the container of your character and personality. This is easier said than done but it is possible with positive affirmations and looking for positives in your appearance. I have cross-bite and I was insecure and wanted braces when I was 11 or 12. But then I decided that it was good because it added to my character, and decided not to get braces.

You're welcome. I'm glad that it was helpful.

1. Creativity, novelty, and individuality (throwing curve balls) 2. Introspection - depth exploration - harmonizing perspectives 3. Sensuality 4. Radical self-honesty 5. Truth-seeking - wisdom 6. Excellence and Productivity 7. Authenticity through acceptance of my natural androgyny 8. Mystery and enigma 9. Iconoclasm, subtle rebellion, and subversion of the status quo 10. Altruism, unconditional love, and compassion

That's amazing.

It doesn't matter because both the enlightened person and the lightbulb are illusions of Maya.

@Natasha Thanks. It's not mine though. A reporter tried telling this to the Dalai Lama when he was interviewing him, but the joke doesn't translate well because the Dalai Lama wasn't familiar with the phrase "make me one with everything" to indicate that they want everything on a hotdog . So, it ended up being really awkward. It was funny to watch though.