Emerald

Thank you for the advice. I do understand this logically and have even given similar advice before because this is akin to what I experienced. But it's good to hear anyway. I just think that I'm too afraid to take that leap of faith and to do what I know needs to be done. Fear really runs my life, all the time. I'm like a heroine addict with an instant heroine button in my mind that I automatically push every time I lose total and complete awareness. I get really frustrated sometimes.

Here is my dilemma. I've had experiences of ego-transcendence and felt the amazing amount of liberations and wholeness and the depth of my suffering in the egoic state by contrast. I also have always had the itch for deep introspection and Truth seeking, even prior to these experiences. So, there is a powerful drive to seek in me, ever since childhood. But I also want to live a normal adult life and to experience humanity uninterrupted. In fact, if I had to choose between living this life and being unenlightened and removing myself from life and being enlightened, I would choose the former in a heartbeat. I want both my normal human adulthood and enlightenment. But it's not so simple as just choosing not to seek for me. I can't un-know what I know. So, even if I try to quit seeking enlightenment, there will always be a knowledge there that I am suffering and that there is a peace that is available to me. Do you have any recommendations? Do you believe there is a way to quit seeking enlightenment altogether once you've had a glimpse? Or to seek enlightenment whilst being a parent who needs to be involved in life?

As a parent, I can tell you that this is terrifying. Technology is very addictive and can stunt psychological development in children if overused. It will be very difficult for children who are constantly plugged in to break the addiction to technology. Television has had a similar effect, but the internet is far more addictive.

What is the price?

This is awesome! I think this is exactly the advice I need to follow.

Great post!

This has been my biggest obstacle, by far. Glimpsing the truth, to my rational mind it meant that things that work practically in life are wrong. The Truth negates reality because it is what reality is derived from. So, trying to convert Truth into practical terms is like trying to load Microsoft Word into a toaster. I fought myself for so long trying to reconcile these things, and I still have problems.

I do this all the time. I even find myself trying to get a deeper experience of reality by thinking about it. Thanks for checking out some of my videos.

I'm glad you feel better. I go through the same ups and downs. It's just part of the process of dis-illusionment.

Beautiful work!

I understand the feeling. But be careful not to personalize her rejection (for want of a better word). In general, women tend to be very intuitive with their attractions. It isn't necessarily that she thought you were unattractive, or lame, or anything like that. It's just that the feelings weren't there. She may have come to avoid you for fear of awkwardness and hurting your feelings. So, I'm sure she cared about you as a person, but awkwardness and fears when one person has an unrequited love can create a lot of barriers.

Lots of great stuff on here everyone!

Be careful, as you're not quite out of the woods yet. Personal development is very labyrinthean and it's easy to be fooled. So, compared to where you were before you see how asleep you were. But you don't see how asleep you are now. And that immunity to hopelessness will wax and wane as you go further on the path. I've encountered lots of hopelessness in the form of existential crisis. But it's all part of the process. But for now, I'm glad that you've gotten to where you are now.

This is a great start to questioning something that we normally take for granted. I would caution you, though, to be sure not to fall on the other side of the horse. It doesn't seem like you're doing this, but it's a good thing to keep in mind. It's the point of 'completely unsure' that you want to be at and not a point of certainty that the external world doesn't exist.

I recommend trying to ground yourself. Body scan meditation could be helpful for this or spending time out in nature.

I have one written about 'concentrated awareness and diffuse awarenesss' that I hope to film tonight. I wrote it on Saturday, and haven't been able to muster up the energy to actually stay up and do a video. I have also been writing quite a bit on the integration of the feminine principle collectively and individually. I wanted to originally do my video about that, but then I ended up writing twenty pages on the subject (handwritten), when I normally only write 3 or 4 pages per video. So, I decided to choose another topic, so that I could save most of that information for a book that I may write in the future. But I still intend to cover the topic in a more pared down way in a video. Also, I try to stay away from directly sex/sexuality related topics on my channel due to the nature of my job. I work with kids, so I could be fired for having that type of information out on a YouTube video. So, I tend to keep my videos as PG as possible.

Here are a few things.

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I recommend choosing a single partner for this undertaking if you want a deeper understanding. One night stands and casual sex are rarely good for developing skill in having sex, especially if you want a really deep experience. Often times, the awkwardness of the first experience can get in the way. I've found that learning the needs of a single person in a deep way to be better than trying new things out on many partners. Think more depth than breadth. But if you just want to have the experience of many partners and you like the first impression/performance aspect of it, then that's fine. But if you're looking to develop sexual skills that extend beyond just technique, I'd go with one person.

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I'm not sure how this relates? These videos aren't about meditation directly, or concentration/lack thereof either. They are about reintegrating the ignored aspects of the self and reality through detachment, recognizing the inherent neutrality of all emotion/thoughts/traits, accepting the presence of all internal tendencies even ones that we don't like, and finding a beneficial expression for traits that were seen as negative wherever possible. Meditation and concentration play a role in this for sure, but Leo's most recent video and these videos are really apples and oranges. So, I'm confused. Can you clarify what you meant?