Emerald

@Leo Gura Do you plan on doing any more videos related to psychedelics anytime soon, or are the informational videos that you already have on your channel all you plan to post for now?

Maybe you feel like your attachment to this trigger is going to benefit you in some way, so it's hard to let go of. Like you're going to be able to "figure it out" one day and everything will be miraculously better and there will be some emotional payoff or feeling of redemption. Or maybe that you'll get better of the person, or group of people, who wronged you and get to feel redemption through that scenario playing out. Or perhaps you can't accept the way that society is that enables these types of things to happen. Maybe you want reality to be so that these things can never happen, which is valid to an extent but you will never have this problem solved this way. Also, if you do all these processes in hopes of making things better or different, that part of yourself feels judged and will resist because it's not being given unconditional love and acceptance. Like if you're becoming aware of these aspects of yourself in hopes that they will change, then this is not unconditional love and acceptance. But if you're becoming aware of these aspects of yourself simply to be aware of them, then you can learn to accept them. But you have to first become aware of your desire to change yourself and to be able to even make space and accept this desire to change unconditionally.

Hmm. That's interesting. I sometimes get unpleasant urges and thoughts that come up. But never nails scratching on the chalkboard. But it sounds like it would be an annoying one.

Hello all! I am looking to join a couple more forums in hopes of passively promoting and growing my Youtube channel by reaching a wider audience, as well as informing future video topics. I have gotten quite a few viewers from my interactions on here and I have grown a lot through my interactions, so I've decided that I should branch out to a few more. But I don't know which forums to choose that would be the most beneficial. Sorting through them and deciding which ones to invest time in, is difficult. Most that I come across aren't as user-friendly of involved as this forum. So, if any of you know of forums relative to the following topics, I would really appreciate it. Thank you! Enlightenment General Spirituality and Consciousness Work (meditation, chakras, new age-ish topics, etc.) Natural Altered States of Consciousness (OBE, Lucid dreaming, etc.) Jungian Psychology/Depth Psychology/Archetypal Frameworks (i.e. Alchemy) Self-Improvement/Positive Psychology/Growth Healing from Trauma Philosophy Self-knowledge Cultivating Creativity

I would be inclined to think that most women are naturally like this as this is what I've experienced. However, some women may be naturally more masculine in this way and get attractions in a way that men generally do. So, there can be exceptions to the rule, where a woman naturally feels more detached. She could also be repressing her emotions due to negative past experiences and culturally conditioned cynicism. I used to be this way (and I still have some of these tendencies) because of the way I was treated for expressing strong emotions as a child. I had always been a highly sensitive and easy to excite child, but people took this a reason to dismiss me, call me annoying, make fun of me, see me as weak/incompetent, or keep me from things. So, many young girls decide that being "like a girl" isn't for them because of the poor treatment and people always trying to make belittle and discourage them from things that their male peers are not discouraged from. So, putting away emotions becomes a deeply ingrained habit pretty early on for many. Luckily for me, some parts of my sensitivity were impossible to hide so the facade broke apart quite a bit when I turned 20. But I would wager, that even though this problem is common, there are many women who are not afflicted by it and still in touch with their emotions is a very strong way.

Certainly cynicism is possible if a woman has had bad experiences. Maybe it is difficult to find a woman who still experiences these strong emotions due to the nature of our society. For me, however, I still get all starry eyed when I get a crush, even though I'm married and don't act on my crushes. But culture looks down upon feeling and expressing strong emotions (for both genders) as it is seen as feminine and weak. We culturally prefer stoicism and being dispassionate. So, everyone gets conditioned into reacting in a nonchalant way and adopting the IDGAF attitude. This becomes a habit of blunting out emotions and numbs us out to them. It's why our culture is so off the hinges and unconscious in many ways, because we habitually ignore emotions and consider this ignorance to be a strength. So, I would say that it's a sign of psychological health if a woman (who naturally is femininely oriented in this way- as some women naturally orient in a masculine way) can experience these intense emotions without ignoring them because of past experiences of being looked down upon for being feminine, past negative experiences with men, and social conditionings toward stoicism.

I saw the same videos and thought the same thing. He even uses the tagline "Master Your Life".

The guy just lights me up emotionally and it's basically the highlight of my day, just to be around him. And also, he's always on my mind at most points during the day. It's unmistakable when I have a crush. I think most women are this way. That's why women are always talking about the guys they like to their friends. All other guys are just friends or acquaintances... not good or bad. Not unattractive or attractive. Not unworthy. They just aren't THAT guy that has the sparkles around him. I think men generally have a general attraction to women and if a woman they find pretty is interested in them, they can devil up deeper emotional feelings if she's interested in a relationship. For women, (if they're like I am) the deep attraction has to be there already and it comes on quite randomly like a Cupid's Arrow. The problem here is that many men believe that women are attracted to men in the same way that men are attracted to women. So, they try to improve themselves and put on a facade because they believe women are attracted to attractive traits and not whole entire people, because men are attracted to attractive traits as opposed to the whole person, at least initially. In the initial stages of attraction, to a woman a man is more than the sum of his parts. In the initial stages of attraction, to a man a woman is exactly the sum of her parts. So, when a woman is unattracted to them or rejects them the first thought is "What's wrong with me?" "For what REASON doesn't she like me?" "How do I make it so that she is attracted to me?" But there is no reason there because it's a completely emotionally based thing... and quite random. It like bubbles up from the subconscious mind at the onset of the attraction. Now women have the same problem but opposite. Women largely believe (up until reality smacks us in the face and sometimes after) that men are attracted to women in the same way women are attracted to men. So, let's say that I'm attracted to "Jimmy" (made up name :p). So, the sun rises and sets by Jimmy. It's Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy. Then, Jimmy comes onto me and we get into some sort of romantic altercation. So, I feel like a million bucks because Jimmy seems to feel the same way about me that I do about him. And it's going to be AWESOME! But no!!! Jimmy just thought I had a nice figure and felt horny. He wants nothing more to do with me the next day. And of course, the next day I'm crushed to bits and feel used. Anyway, if I'm attracted to someone, there could be a smarter, more handsome, more driven, more (fill in the blank) guy, but this guy won't steal my attention away from the one that I'm already attracted to. That said, I do have dealbreakers. There have been times when a man who has the sparkles has lost the sparkles. But there has never been a single trait that a man had to cause the sparkles in the first place.

During my second "enlightenment experience", I believe that I experienced what you're describing. I have always identified as a good person. But during that experience, I didn't care about this identification. So, I was able to allow myself to perceive many thoughts that I would normally ignore because of emotional discomfort. So, I experienced that I had these two different voices that were at war with one another. There was one voice that wanted all good things and wanted everything to end happily and sunshine an rainbows and all that. There was another voice that was the opposite. It was giving me all kinds of destructive urges and thoughts. It even gave me an image of myself pushing my thumbs into someone's eyes. But none of this bothered me and I was able to just observe them without identifying with them. It was like watching an explosion from afar. It was amazing and volatile and beautful.

I search because my "enlightenment experiences" were the only time I ever truly loved myself or anything else. It was a complete release of all suffering and I was whole again. It was like I went sane for a short time. So, I seek enlightenment primarily as an escape from the dull suffering and insanity of life under the ego-consciousness paradigm. But this mindset is probably one of the reasons that I'm not "there" yet.

Trust me. There are women out there that would be interested in someone like you. They're maybe less common to come across because your interests and values are a little less common, but they're around. Your feeling of inferiority is only a thought and emotion within your own awareness. You wouldn't feel that way about yourself if you were someone else looking from the outside. It's the identification that's the problem. I assure you that the idea that you're uninteresting and all those other things are just more ego lies. The ego traffics in self-congratulatory thoughts and self-deprecating thoughts. So, one moment it might say "Look at all these low consciousness people around. Why can't people just be more aware (like me- secretly whispered and quickly repressed and forgotten)." The next moment it might say "I'm so different from everyone else. I'm such a social disaster. I'm like a child in a grown up body." It's always creating the separation and identification and these kinds of statements strengthen the ego attachment. But I would buck the idea of alpha male altogether, as opposed to rewriting the definition of an alpha male. Whether an alpha male is the chest-thumping strong-man or the one who's in tune with the nature of his being, It's only extra baggage once an identification forms, because you want something from it. It's just another potential attachment that will become more and more difficult to let go of as time passes. Even the idea of becoming authentic could become an attachment. But the very nature of seeking enlightenment is that seeking enlightenment is an egoic thing. It comes when someone is so unhappy with how things are that they can't stand it anymore. The happy and content don't seek happiness or contentment. Those free of ego don't seek to be free of ego. So, the ego in all its discontentment searches to add value to the self through self-actualization endeavors. Then, in the inevitable failing to add value to the self (as neither self nor value are real), there is a search for truth. It's only when you let go of searching and the idea that you're inadequate that you can actually finally be where you've always been. This is enlightenment. It's only the ego and belief in its self-deceptions that clouds this from view. From this standpoint, you can see there is nothing wrong. You are not worthless or worthy. You are not significant or insignificant. You just are. And your being has un-shaking validity regardless of whether anyone else sees it or not. So much so that no concept could contain it. But in the mean time, admit to your ego. Let it do what it does without resistance or judgment. There's nothing wrong there. Just observe it like a science experiment. Try to notice as much as you can without identifying with what you notice. Imagine if you identified with a thunderstorm and were constantly judging it for the rain and the lightning and the dark clouds because you didn't want to be identified with them and you labeled them wrong or bad. You can't stop the ego any more than you can stop a thunderstorm. You have an equal amount of control over either. The only difference is that the ego is an internally based natural process and the thunderstorm is an externally based natural process. But the distinction between internal and external itself is false. So, treat the internal goings-on in a detached way, just as you would viewing a sunset or any other natural phenomenon.

If you're trying to attract a lot of women and have a lot of sex, you'll need to be self-confident and fit the stereotype of the alpha. You can pick up a lot of women looking primarily for attention and a sense of worth through use of their attractiveness and sexuality. The sexual interactions between men trying to fit into the masculine ideal and women trying to fit into the feminine ideal, are primarily based on the confirmation of value and worth. Both sides are trying to mitigate the effects of a deep feeling of baseline inferiority and using the attraction of a person that resembles the opposite ideal to convince themselves that they are indeed worthwhile. If you go down this path, you must become the mirror for a woman's desirability and she must become a mirror for your power. But this is not the game to play for those seeking self-realization. Plus, it becomes as boring and redundant as masturbation after a handful of experiences. If you're looking for a woman, you just need to be yourself and at that point it's a gamble. As a woman, it's quite uncommon that I find myself genuinely attracted to a man. But when I do get attracted to a man, I'm completely over the moon for him. But it's never because of any particular quality he has. It's simply because he is who he is. I like the whole person because that person makes me feel a certain way. Certainly, there are traits that are deal-breakers. But there are NO traits for me that are deal-makers. So, if no women are interested in you, it's because women tend to orient themselves in a platonic way to every other man but the one that they really really like. And they also tend to put on a platonic facade to the man that they do like. For her, if she's like me, rejection from the man she likes is a big blow, because she probably only likes that one guy and she likes him a lot. It's not as though she could just approach another one that was just as good. So, hiding attraction is very common for women.

That's fair enough to say. Certainly the polarities of Yin and Yang can be noticed in all living and non-living systems, including individuals. And it can be noticed that women as a group tend to be more Yin in nature, despite there being many individual exceptions. It just sounded like you (or someone else as I didn't go back and read the posts I was reacting to) were saying that a woman's enlightenment comes from loving a man who is enlightened... like enlightenment through osmosis. Which honestly seems a bit silly to think it would work that way. Also, there was a strong paternalistic and simultaneous patronizing/sacralizing tone to the post about a woman becoming a mistress and not a master. Like it was saying something positive and uplifting about women but in a way that disenfranchises women and clips their wings through the use of identification with the feminine principle itself. This sacralization/denigration is a social pattern that I've experienced all throughout my life since childhood, and it has always irked me. It's not a wonder that so many women (and men alike) are actively repressing their feminine side. No one wants to be pinioned by it. But one thing that I read regarding the feminine principle has stuck with me as a good piece of wisdom: Never identify directly with the Goddess. To identify with Yin itself at the expense of Yang is incredibly dangerous and crazy-making as identifying with the feminine principle is self-negating. But not self-negating in terms of self-transcendence... but moreso a repression of the ego and all aspects of the particular self. When this happens life becomes like a chess game with no king. There is no direction, no understanding, and even everyday tasks become impossible. Life becomes like a prison. Since the Yang is the particular and the changing and the Yin is the general and the unchanging, everyday life necessitates Yang to function well. So, the masculine principle is like a really efficient vehicle for survival and all the goings on of the world. The feminine principle is being and existing. So, both are needed for proper functioning. But of course these principles even ebb and flow back and forth between the physical and non-physical. The masculine is the spiritual and the feminine is the material. But the feminine is being and the masculine is the particularities of the content within being. But all this is an understanding that springs from the vantage point of duality. Enlightenment is perception beyond the illusions and false dichotomies of duality. This includes the dichotomy of masculine/feminine, male/female, or yin/yang. If we look at our first-hand awareness of reality, there is nothing particularly masculine or feminine about what we're perceiving beyond our interpretations of and thoughts about our emotions. Our visual field is not masculine or feminine, neither are our other sensory fields. The content of our thoughts might reflect ideas of masculinity or femininity or identifications with these principles but thoughts themselves are not masculine or feminine. Now, when I had my experiences of ego transcendence (for want of a better term), this state felt unmistakably feminine. And I had always since wondered if that transcendent state was inherently feminine or if it was repressed femininity coming to the surface. But if I look at the experience I had just become more aware and allowing of the sensations of the body. So, perhaps the content of my emotions were feminine by my interpretation. It's difficult to say.

It's important to keep in mind that Leo's target audience is predominantly male. There are plenty of women interested in spirituality and enlightenment as well. It's odd to me that a couple of the people on this thread think women are so different than men, and there is this simultaneous tone of denigration and sacralization to the whole thing. Like women are these sacrificing angels far higher than any man and who abide in love and reach enlightenment in a completely different way... but are also incapable because they are not men. It makes me roll my eyes because being a woman who is a whole person, it feels silly to have such a stereotype placed over top of me. I see the human animal as primarily the same. We eat the same way. We sleep the same way. We shit the same way. And we probably get enlightened the same way. Certainly, there are general differences that can be noticed. But if we look really honestly at real men and women and not at polar sexual ideals, we find that men and women are 98% the same even if we like to focus on and exaggerate our very subtle differences.

If you consider that every desire roots from a deeper desire to feel positive emotions or avoid negative emotions, ask yourself which emotion you are after that keeps you attached to this other girl. Do you feel like it would say something about your personal worth? Or do you feel like you'll be able to feel some novel way from achieving the desired relationship to this girl. Then, as you become aware of what you want, you can start to see how external circumstances can't bring you the emotional fulfillment that you're seeking from this girl. No external circumstance has an inherent emotional value and emotions are internally created. So, you can allow yourself to feel that way without the aid of external circumstances going the way you want them to.

Existential crises are bound to come up multiple times for spiritual seekers. I've had a bunch of them in the past myself starting from when I first learned that death was permanent when I was three. My father is a mechanic, and when I was a small child his shop was right next to a small pond. During the March of every year, the baby frogs would be all over the place inside of and outside of his shop. I liked to catch them when I was little. One time, I was watching this baby frog who was on the floor. I had seen in movies and shows how people were resuscitated after almost drowning and I gathered from that that death could be reversed if done shortly after the death happened. I believed in resurrection back then. So, I squished the baby frog and I wanted to see how it would be to resurrect the baby frog. So, I ran to my mom in a panic saying "Call the frog hospital!" telling her what happened and that we had to bring the frog back to life. She told me, (paraphrased) that she's was sorry but that he's dead and that death is permanent. I was devastated. Not only had I just killed a poor little baby frog, me and everyone I knew would one day die as well. There was no longer the innocence to see death as avoidable. So, since then dealing with the inevitability and permanence of death has been an up and down struggle with many existential crises. But I think this is the very struggle that has helped me grow more and more aware as I've grown older. I've not yet made friends with the grim reaper but it's one of my biggest goals in life.

I wasn't talking about the 5-MEO specifically. I was just reading through @Natura Sonoris's comment and I had had a similar experience to what he described. The reason why I don't think it was a seizure is because I wasn't incapacitated physically: no seizing, no automatic movements, and I was able to speak about how I was feeling in a relatively articulate (albeit panicked) manner. But I had wondered if I was overdosing, running through panicked thoughts about what I just smoked, having a seizure, having a heart attack, and a host of other things. But there was a clear distance between myself and my senses that made me feel incredibly uncomfortable. So, perhaps it was something seizure-related. After this experience, I would have occasional panic attacks while smoking because I would be triggered back to that experience of being out of control. It's one of the reasons that I quit when I was 20.

There's no such thing as right or wrong. But I think there's a fine line between creating to add to the ego and creating from a place of authentic desire to create. Most people, the urge to create comes from a desire to get somewhere with their creation or add value in some way to their self-concept. They wouldn't create unless it has something of benefit to the self-concept. But a person who creates simply from the desire to create, this is not an inherently ego-sustaining practice. Realistically, however, a person's actions will always match their state of consciousness. So, a person who's identified with ego, cannot extricate the ego from creation. So, the best thing to do is to accept where you are. Continue to create, because it's likely a mixed bag of genuine inspiration and egoic ambition. But try to expand your awareness so that you can see exactly where the ego begins and ends in your creative endeavors. But don't suppress your drives for creativity... this will spin the illusion of ego in a much more profound way because you'd be in resistance to what comes most naturally... ego driven or not.

I had a similar experience to this. I don't have epilepsy nor have I ever had a seizure. But when I was 14 years old, I accidentally smoked a joint laced with something... at least this is my theory as to why this happened. I never got confirmation on that. But it was way too much for me, and I thought I was dying. It was my first panic attack. I immediately started feeling like I was big and small at the same time. Like parts of my body in space were non-relative sizes. Like my arms could be smaller than my toes. I started feeling really small too. Then I experienced the sensation of my tongue as only a bunch of vibrations. Like I was swishing my tongue around my mouth behind my teeth and there were spots of my tongue that didn't register with my brain. If you could imagine that my tongue was a huge collection of dots of vibration, and about 3/4 of those vibrations were missing. I felt very disconnected with reality. Scary stuff. Was this similar to what you experienced?

My thoughts on him, exactly. Plus, he clearly exaggerates his previous lack of wealth. He's always saying that he was sleeping on a couch in a mobile home with $47 in his bank account. That means that he never overdraft. He never had less than $47. So, in my book, he was never as hard-up as he claims to have been. Plus, living in a mobile home isn't necessarily indicative of poverty... it's working class.

I would probably feel the same way if I hadn't had a couple of enlightenment experiences to know that there's something there. I don't know how someone would keep up their resolve without having had a glimpse. That said, it may be a good thing to suspend belief in enlightenment, and instead simply seek truth for the sake of seeking truth. This will probably yield you better results in the long run because one of my big attachments is attachment to enlightenment. I don't have the luxury of suspending belief in it as easily though because I have memories of my experiences. But because you're presumably a tabula rasa, suspending belief in enlightenment may be good as long as you don't abdicate the search for truth. There really is no way back from where you are now. There is only the option to remain where you are or go forward.

I'm sorry to hear that you're dealing with this. Would you say that it's accurate that you have a resistance to feeling positive emotions? Also, you seem to have an idea that you have to get somewhere, be a certain way, or achieve something to be valid as a person. This, of course, is not true. But it can be hard to see when dealing with a feeling of baseline inferiority. For this, I recommend looking into the idea of significance, meaning, worthiness/worthlessness, purpose, deserving/undeserving, and good/bad. It's my impression that you believe, on some level (perhaps unconsciously), that these concepts are real things so when you go looking for proof of your own worth and significance, you find none and start to feel worthless. But worth/significance/meaning/etc. are only imaginary concepts. They don't exist. But neither do worthlessness, meaninglessness, insignificance. These are just the measuring tools of the human lens and have nothing to do with reality. Beyond these value-based (value also doesn't exist) understandings of yourself, is something that is always valid no matter what that could never be invalid. If you can see past the labels of the human lens, you will find that everything is perfect and that you are part of that perfection. You don't need to do anything or improve yourself in any way. You are valid, no matter what you do.

This video explores 10 common false dichotomies that are part of the ego-consciousness paradigm. So, big/small, up/down, creation/destruction, life/death, natural/unnatural, significance/insignificance and several others. There are really thousands upon thousands of false dichotomies in reality, so I may do other videos on the topic in the future since they're great for inquiry into the nature of reality and self.

I mean to listen to a song and learn to play it without a tab or sheet music.

I would imagine that any field that helps you separate the experience of something from your conception/symbolic understanding of that something would be helpful. So, learning to play music by ear could be one. Also, wine tasting is another. Then, if you've ever seen the movie "Le Parfum" the main characters olfactory abilities reminded me of the same type of thing. Basically, anything that immerses you into the sensory experience of reality that requires you to leave your pre-conceived notions out of it.