Emerald

Instead of thinking "I shouldn't think this" notice that the thought didn't come from an "I". The thought just bubbled up like air bubbles coming to the surface of the sea. Thoughts aren't good or bad and they don't make you good or bad... thoughts just are, just like everything else. Even the thoughts interpreting themselves as bad is just another phenomenon in nature. Rest as awareness and observe the phenomenon without judgement to recognize that you are not your thoughts, nor do you choose them or control them. Nothing is ever truly invalid, it's all part of the vast and small cycle of nature. Eventually, with enough observation desire for illusory labels such as "hero" will naturally fall away. Until then, accept these feeling without judgement or resistance and just watch.

I believe that the results actually come quickly but in ways that we may not be aware of. Upon starting my meditation practice, I noticed subtle results within the first few days... but to the extent that it could have been wishful thinking. But I really do believe that meditation starts working quickly.

My recommendation is to 1. Don't do pick-up on women more intoxicated than you are; and 2. Read her signals. Women are used to being hit on, so unless you really overdid it, she probably was just using her basic deflection techniques to indicate to you that she's not interested. Even so, you probably didn't traumatize her. You can totally learn to flirt with women without being sleazy about it. The dynamic of the mating dance is 'she invites, you approach, she accepts and invites more, you approach more, and so on.' It's like a very subtle conversation. If you don't get an answer back, the conversation ends. So, learn indicators of attraction, and gauge for them before making any moves or advances.

I'm glad to hear that these changes have been occurring for you. Did you know that a caterpillar, when it goes into its cocoon doesn't just grow wings? It actually turns into a weird primordial goo that a completely new being is born from as a butterfly. The process of changing is often ugly and uncomfortable, so right now your in the goo stage. But I'm confident that if you continue on this path, that you'll transform into something great. Definitely start a YouTube channel, not to preach to anyone or be the voice of reason, but to share yourself and your story honestly. It's your newness and passion that will inspire people, not your expertise. Best of luck!

I'm really sorry to hear this. As a former teacher, I would be devastated if my students were killed. I wish you the best.

I'm sorry but I'm way too interested not to ask. Why would leaving your game design career in Boston result in you potentially becoming a criminal? Was it a doing illegal things for money to get by on in the interim that you were considering or was it more of a going postal thing? Either way, I can totally relate to the thought process (not actions) on both accounts. You totally don't have to answer this question, but I'm amused either way.

It's because the psyche is a self-correcting mechanism. As long as you have no resistance and allow what is, the mind (and body) already knows what to do to heal itself in most instances. So, meditation is basically getting out of the way and disentangling yourself from thoughts to allow the natural healing process to happen. Also, awareness heals.

I would explain to her exactly what your feelings are. There's a chance she worries about the sexual variety aspect as well. Say that you want to take a break and come back to the relationship another time. Then, try out the sexual variety thing. Date a little bit. If, in a year's period of time, you still want to continue the relationship, ask her out again. You don't want to have regrets. But if you really are happy and you just feel obligated to date more because someone else told you you should, then definitely stay in the relationship. You have to really be in tune with what you want.

@SaynotoKlaus Note: Probably don't do that. Can't self-actualize when you have a mob of parents after you with pitchforks and shotguns.

Ice cream trucks are the reason why Leo isn't enlightened... it's all so clear now!

I really like you. I had the urge to express this for some reason.

I didn't mean drug-wise as I'm not interested in that at this point in my life. I meant in terms of awakening and non-duality. I thought you meant that you either had a glimpse or an awakening and I was curious.

What have you experienced?

Certainly there were aspects that were just a trip. I was seeing things and feeling things that I'm pretty sure isn't experienced by someone who is enlightened. But I don't know. All I know is that my past experiences match with the descriptions I've heard of enlightenment with the letting go of the personal self, end of seeking, equanimity, oneness, heightened awareness, no fear of death, and unconditional love. But it wasn't just joy, it was every emotion. Have you had an awakening yourself? Or do you just believe the last two sentences of your message to be true based on what you've learned about enlightenment? It's an easy trap to fall in and I fall in it all the time. Don't dismiss anything, as there really is no way to enlightenment.

Enlightenment isn't knowledge or insight at all. It was drug-induced but I don't recommend trying it. I took Ayahuasca, but so did a bunch of others who didn't have the same kind of experience and it caused me a lot of issues in the aftermath. It screwed up my entire worldview and motivational system which before worked like a dream, so I don't recommend this. I had my eyes open as the experiences lasted several hours each. What I believe happened was that the drug itself took away my fear, so that I could see things clearly and with a higher degree of awareness. I had already been deconstructing pre-conceived notions and building my awareness since I was younger, so I think it allowed me to see clearly what my fears and attachments had otherwise obscured from view. I noticed (on both occasions as I did it twice) that my identity wasn't really me and I was able to truly let go of my identification with it. Basically, I didn't care that much about myself. I could have died right then and been forgotten by everyone ever and been completely okay with it, even thought I loved life and preferred to live. So, I was for the first time ever able to treat everything equally. I didn't hate myself or feel inferior nor did I feel big-headed and better than everyone else, which were poles I had always shot back and forth between ever since I can remember... and still do. But I felt love and acceptance of myself and everything else even in the absence of admiration. It felt a lot like childhood in that I was able to feel my emotions fully without stifling them as I had unconsciously and habitually done for years. I felt deep joy, sorrow, lust, and a wide array of other emotions. There was also a halt to the seeking of adding value to myself or adding new knowledge to my intellect. Deeper layers of thought became evident to me because I was no longer afraid to observe them. So, positive thoughts came up and destructive thoughts came up clashing against one another as they always had been, only I was previously unconscious to them in that I was uncomfortable acknowledging the negative and was heavily identified with the good. But during the experiences it gave me a bird's eye view of both. There was also this deep knowing that was familiar and I knew it was always there and always would be. It was giving me wisdom from a deep place that was always changing and had an intelligence and it was me also. I knew that I had access to everything that there was to know but that it would only give me what I needed to know in the moment. If I didn't need it, it wouldn't give it to me. Many of my repressed traits floated into my conscious mind because I no longer needed to lie to myself to protect myself. So, everything that I was, I was okay to be even if it painted me in a negative light in the eyes of others. Then there was this overwhelming sense of connection with everything and a sense that, that which I'm sensing is sensing me. All of my need for significance of any kind dropped away, because I recognized myself as part and whole of all that was which needed no label of significance simply because it is the thing that is and that's all that there is. I recognized this phenomenon as the thing called God. Everything was pure magic. It was Heaven on Earth and it had always been Heaven on Earth, I just never saw it before then. All of my value assignments of good/bad or good/better/best had just been obscuring it. It was the joy of childhood to the power of ten even when the negative would come up. But I think the main things that keep me from enlightenment are 1. Inability to let go of fears and attachments and 2. My preconceived notions about enlightenment because of my vivid past experiences with it.

It definitely sounds blah, for sure. If I hadn't had a glimpse, I would have dismissed it as boring at best and nonsense at worst. Luckily, the experiences that I had were the most liberating, beautiful, and fully embodied experiences of my life, so I have no other choice but to seek it if I want to ever feel that way again.

Is this all-of-a-sudden as a result of or in tandem with taking Leo's course? Or is it how it's been for a while? I didn't quite understand the connection. But congrats either way!

Feminism is more in the range of philosophy than anything else. Or even a study on social systems and why they gain popularity when they do. But I see this as a bit out of Leo's main idea of self-actualization. In my opinion, Feminism comes up now because new discussions are opening up about gender and society due to the widespread acceptance of the LGBT community. So, we need to take a new look at what femininity, masculinity, manhood, and womanhood means in a society where these definitions have become more fluid. In Second Wave Feminism, it was more about creating laws that enabled women the same rights in the workplace as men. So, the idea was "Women can do everything men can do, because women can be powerful like men too through work and worldly success." But now, we're ideally looking at what actually defines empowerment to the individual beyond the idea of what "should" be empowering. But many times it just gets like a broken record with everyone clinging to their viewpoints as gospel and no fruitful dialogue can happen.

When I was 20, I tried Ayahuasca twice, both of which resulted in what the video calls Satori except for the fact that it was anything but exhausting and would live every day of my life from that paradigm if I could. But it was not a permanent awakening, so after the Ayahuasca wore off I was back down to my normal level of consciousness and in a state dominated by fear. The only difference was that I had memories of the insights I experienced during the Satori experience. But the thing about wisdom, that I didn't realize until years later, is that wisdom is only wisdom when experienced in the present moment with the current circumstance. It's like Heraclitus said "You can't step in the same river twice." So, something that's wise one moment may be foolish the next. So, I ended up less conscious after my experiences and not more. But it did show me that there was something there. Prior to that experience I was agnostic leaning heavily atheist with an extreme allergy to anything spiritually related. So, I never would have sought enlightenment had I not experienced firsthand that there was something there to seek. I would have dismissed it as hogwash. But if you're already on board with seeking enlightenment, you don't need psychedelics and they can cause a lot of problems. It completely destroyed my value system and sent my life off course. Things are better now, but I really could have crashed and burned. Everything fell apart. So, I recommend not trying psychedelics because if you don't get a Satori experience, fine. But if you do, it's a lot like opening up Pandora's Box.

Perhaps. It's why I said to take what I say with a grain of salt. I only see him in the context of his videos.

Take what I say with a grain of salt because I don't know him and I'm not him. But if I had to guess from only watching his videos, I believe it's that Leo has subtle dogma that he's not yet conscious of, so he hasn't been able yet to fully let go. I believe that, deep down Leo holds an attachment to making his life significant as to not regret things on his death bed. He wants to avoid that and sees it as negative, so there's an attachment to what's good and bad in relation to his fear of regret.

You're welcome!

Yes. I've been there too. I try to stack too many things on my plate and I can't sustain it very well. But be careful approaching enlightenment in the same way that you would approach other goals (career and personal development) as enlightenment is not a goal, even if it's your desired outcome. It works differently. Willpower and determination can be your enemy in some senses because it has a lot to do with resistance and bringing yourself somewhere. Enlightenment is all about removing illusions, letting go of attachments, and being what you are. Now, you have to have enough willpower to do the inquiry and meditation work. But willpower can get in the way of surrender and letting go. I relate it to a paper printing out and willpower trying to pull the paper out as it's printing and the message becoming smeared. Or a flower that you want to grow faster so you pull on it but your results are just an uprooting and not a growing. So, you have to paradoxically will yourself to seek enlightenment while also letting go of will and seeking of enlightenment. My recommendation is just to take time to observe your perceptions (including thoughts) as they are without any preconceived notions superimposed over top of them. Best of luck!

You're welcome! As long as you are mindful, these things should melt away naturally.

This is great. It's exactly what I needed to read. I'm always trying to escape all the time using contemplation and personal development, and there's this constant fear. I find it very difficult to just be still and be with myself without distracting myself with thought. This will help me release resistance to my meditation practice and take it at my own pace. I have a difficult time finding time (or that's what I tell myself- I think I'm actually afraid) so I haven't been very consistent with my meditation practice, missing days all the time. Then I beat myself up because of Leo's 'never skip a day' idea and I feel guilty because I don't feel like I can do this yet as I've had a habit of disassociation since childhood... and I think it makes my resistance worse even though on the conscious level I take this very good advice with a grain of salt, as missing one day won't magically undo progress. I understand it to be more about keeping any practice consistent.